Chapter Two: THE RESERECTION
TWO DAYS LATER
Murphy stood behind her couch with her cell phone against her ear and shoulder. She had been on hold for so long that her ear felt numb. The numbness in her ear only made the same feeling decrease from her mood at every turn. Rain fell down hard from the dark night sky. The sound of it reverberated off the large glass window in Murphy's living room; the same large picture window behind her that for over twenty years could be a large metaphor for Murphy's life. This was because for the length of Murphy's stay in her Georgetown brownstone, she had never put up curtains. If not for the large wall in her backyard, her business would be everyone else's. This was either for her lack of enthusiasm on the suspect, her busy schedule, her laziness, or just the inability to fathom where she could find such a thing. But like the hump on Richard the Third's back, it was more than just an eyesore.
"Yes!" She attacked the woman on the other end of the phone like "Murphy" on wheels. "I have been on hold for..." The woman interrupted her with many apologies, giving what Murphy heard only as false promises. "No, don't," Murphy yelled into the phone. When it was apparent that she was in fact being put on hold for the umpteenth time, Murphy picked up the phone with both and hands and yelled onto it like a megaphone, "DON"T PUT ME ON HOLD AGAIN! AGHH!"
"And you wonder why telemarketers have it out for you?" Eldin's almighty voice bellowed above her. He stood perched over the railing.
"We're the most powerful country in the world. You'd think the American Embassy in Germany would know something more than the cheese production rate on the Rhine."
"Yes, much like the decline of the Roman Empire, it all has to start somewhere," he said dryly. Eldin made his way down the stairs and placed a small suitcase next to the door.
Avery emerged at the top of the stairs and ran them like a bullet. "Eldin! Have you seen my Gameboy?" He jumped the last step with the exuberance of a young boy his age.
"I think you left it in the kitchen."
When Avery hit the stairs, the boy threw his backpack, from his left arm, and ran past his mother into the kitchen. A moment later, he ran out. "Got it," he said, and ran over to his backpack.
Murphy followed him slowly into the foyer. "Why do you want to bring your Gameboy with you to camp? Camp is for the outdoors. Taking in the fresh air. Going fishing. Horseback riding."
"Ah, Mom." Murphy's son looked up at her in the exact same way she had once looked at her own parents.
Murphy hated when he did that. She looked at him crossly. She then put the phone to her ear, for a moment, to see if she still could hear the hold music and then removed the phone from her ear in disgust. "You have everything you need?"
"Yes. I have my toothbrush and everything..." Before he could finish the sentence, Avery felt was fruitless; he was interrupted by the sound of a load bus horn.
"That's my bus. Got to go, Mom!" He ran for the door.
"Wait, no hug goodbye?" Murphy opened her arms
"Sorry." Avery ran over to his mother and she leaned down to give him a hug.
She hugged him tightly and gave him a big kiss. "You're sure you don't want Eldin or me to drive you in the morning?"
"No, Mom, I want to take the bus with all the other kids."
"I don't see why you have to leave under the cover of darkness like this. What are they, children or bats?"
"But it's the only way I can take horseback riding lessons in the morning. They start at eight a.m."
"I still say it sounds like a cover for some kind of child Nazi work camp. One moment you're horseback riding and the next you're digging tunnels and repeating phrases like, "Please, sir, can I have some more?" I'm telling you I don't like it. Kathie Lee isn't involved in this somehow, is she?"
"Mom, I'll be fine. I'll only be gone for a month. I'll be home soon." The bus horn sounded again. "Mom, I got to go!"
It was the first time Avery had been away from home for such an extended period of time and Murphy felt uneasy about it. She let go of her son. As she did, she noticed a blue beaded bracelet on his left hand.
"What's this?" Murphy had never seen it before
"It's a gift from my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend?"
"She gave me this. And I gave her my Rugrats watch I got with the proof of purchase."
"Girlfriend?" Murphy was taken aback by the idea of her little boy "dating". "Aren't you a bit young to have a girlfriend?"
"Mom. It's Christy Rosenberg!" Avery whined and Murphy looked puzzled by the comment. The bus honked a third time. "I have to go, Mom."
"I want to still discuss this girlfriend thing!"
Avery grabbed his backpack
"But it's Christy Rosenberg!" Eldin spoke as if he knew who the girl was.
Murphy stood up and looked at Eldin funny.
Eldin smiled and grabbed Avery's suitcase by the door. "There's food in the fridge. The take-out menus are in the drawer near the oven. And the number for the camp is on the calendar on the inside of the third cabinet."
"We have a calendar in the kitchen?"
Eldin swiped up his umbrella and opened the door. Avery grabbed his own umbrella and ran out yelling good bye to his mother,
"And my number in Vermont is written on the refrigerator."
"What? Eldin, where are you going?"
"Vermont. We discussed this." Eldin looked at her for a brief moment and then gestured with his index finger. "Did the alcohol all those years ago ferment the part of your brain that retains information, or is this just a game you continue to play with me?"
"For how long?" Murphy was exhausted by Eldin's comment
"About four weeks."
"Four weeks! Why so long? It's Vermont!"
"Once a year I need a place to reflect." Eldin looked up towards the sky, as if he said something he felt was profound. "Find my inner muses. The colors within. Make sure the juices still have a reason to flow." Eldin stopped and looked directly into Murphy's eyes. "Plus, I got a girl up there." And with that he popped opened his Jackson Pollack like covered umbrella and was gone.
And so, unexpectedly, for the first time in a long time, Murphy was alone. Frank was still on his honeymoon, Jim and Doris were on a cruise, and Corky was in New York negotiating her contract with ABC News.
Murphy thought about it for a moment. Her son had a sweetheart. Even Eldin had someone. Since when did almost everyone in her life have a loved one but her?
"Hello, Hello." Murphy heard a faint sound coming from the phone. She fumbled with the phone and stuck it up against her ear only to discover a dial tone. They hung up on her. "Goddamit!" Murphy took the phone and flung it as far as she could. It reached all the way to the doorway of her kitchen where it hit the bookcase and fell to the ground. On its landing to the floor, it broke into two pieces, sending a few books down with it. Murphy let out a yell and plopped herself down on the step leading from the foyer to the living room. Since this was not the first time Murphy had done this to her phone, she knew the phone was unfixable.
In a state of frustration, she ran her fingers over her head and through her short pixie haircut. She let out a nice, somewhat relaxing breath of air, and leaned on her face with her hand. Murphy turned her head towards her purse. Her hand moved, along with her face, landing on her mouth and eye. She stared at her purse for a moment and then let out a second breath, blowing her blonde bangs into the air and then back on to her forehead. She then reached over and grabbed her purse, placing it on her lap. Murphy rummaged through it until she located a brand-new cell phone, her business blackberry, and then threw her purse to the side and began dialing.
"Hi, Kay. It's me." It was Kay's answering machine. Murphy placed her hands on her knees and pushed herself off the step. Just then, the doorbell rang. Figuring it was her pizza; Murphy took her purse again and snatched a ten-dollar bill out of her wallet. "I know you're probably busy, but I was hoping you could do me a favor." Looking at the bill, she realized it was not enough and walked over to the desk next to the stairs. She began rummaging through the desk as she had previously done with her purse. The doorbell rang again. Murphy grunted in disapproval. "I can't get anything from the German Embassy about Jerry." She found three dollars in her organizer and walked towards the door. "And since you know German and all..." She opened the door and slid the phone away from her mouth while she counted the money at the same time. "How much do I owe you?" She slipped the phone off the corner of her ear and looked at the door.
There, standing in front of her, a man dressed in a wet raincoat and hat that fell over his face leaned his arms against each side of the doorframe. The water dripped off his hat and ran onto the marble floor.
"It's raining out here! You think you could have come any slower!"
Murphy let out a blood-curdling scream and dropped the phone as the man, who had just lifted his head, revealed his face to her. Standing in her doorway, looking like a soaking Walter Winchell was non-other than Jerry Gold, in the flesh.
"Brown, Brown!" Jerry tried to calm her down by lifting up his hands.
Murphy began to walk away from him. Jerry picked up a heavy suitcase from beside him and walked into the foyer. The door slammed behind Jerry.
"You're alive!"
"No, I'm dead!" He slipped his overnight bag off his shoulder and it hit the floor with a light bang. Murphy began screaming again. "Will you stop with the screaming! It was a joke!"
"I'm sorry, this is the second time I have seen someone come back from the dead and I'm not use to it yet!" Her pace was quick, fast, and loud.
"The second?"
"Long story!" she yelled again.
There was a short pause, as Jerry took off his hat and squeezed the water from it onto the floor.
Murphy just stared at him not sure what to make out of it all. "You know a phone call would be nice!"
"Since when do I ever call before I show up?" He threw his hat on the foyer table
"But people think you're dead? You're O-fficially missing? A carrier pigeon or a small note would do at this point!"
Jerry took off his coat and shook it out to make the excess beads of water fall to the floor. Under the trench coat he wore an equally wet grey suit. "Can I put this on the banister to dry?"
"It will dry better if you hang it in the closet..."
"The closet? How novel, Brown. The way you always throw things around this place I didn't think you knew where it was?" He grinned and walked over to the closet next to the stairs.
"How can you be like this?
"Like what?" Jerry took a hanger from the closet and placed his coat on it.
"Like this! Didn't you hear me? PEOPLE. THINK. YOU'RE. DEAD!"
"Ah, that." He closed the closet door. "Yeah. Imagine my chagrin when I get off the plane and see my death splashed all over the pages of the National Tattler. I mean not only was it a bad picture, but I had hoped for at least something in The Washington Post. I mean I did work for them at one point."
"They had a small article on your disappearance."
"That's nice." He smiled and put his hands in his pockets. "I called my agent about two hours ago." He walked over to Murphy. "He said he would alert the press as soon as possible."
"Well, I'm the press and I sure as hell wasn't alerted!"
Jerry rolled his hands over Murphy's arms. "My agent's a bit slow. So… I hope part of this shock in seeing me is gladness as well."
"Of course." She smiled at him, but her voice was still in shock.
"How about a hug for the resurrected?" He pulled back his head and spread out his arms, grinning at her the entire time.
"Ahh... Maybe you should dry off first." She pointed to the wetness dripping off of Jerry. This was not hard because it was everywhere.
He laughed and kissed her on the cheek. "Bathroom still over here?" He pointed towards the hallway leading to her den. She nodded and he disappeared in the direction of the bathroom. "You'd think being presumed dead would be the worst part of someone's day. My rental car broke down and I had to walk here, in the rain, and halfway my umbrella blew away. I have decided it's a metaphor for my life."
Murphy stood silent and didn't move a muscle. She was still shaken. She shook her head in amazement at the entire situation and the resilience of one Jerry Gold. Murphy's moment of thought was fleeting, only because not a half a second later she was interrupted by a loud and heavy banging against her door. A repeated banging that included the yelling of her name. It sounded like someone was trying to knock the door down.
As Murphy got closer to the door, she thought she recognized the muffled voice. "Kay?" she yelled, but the person couldn't hear her. She made her way to the door, in Murphy's normal Groucho Marx way, and peered into the lookout hole. It was Kay. "What the hell is she doing here?" she thought, and opened the door.
"Murphy, thank god! Are you ok?" She stumbled into the doorframe out of breath, and grabbed Murphy's arms.
"Yes, Kay. Why?"
"I was checking my messages…" Kay wiped the sweat from her brow. "And in the middle of your message, you started screaming and it cut out. I was on my motorcycle at the time. I ran right through a hedge." She pointed her arm, in a straight line, to show the speed of her accident. "So you're fine?" Kay took a deep breath and regained her composure. "I'm lucky I wasn't on the highway – I could have hit an abutment."
"I'm fine, Kay."
"Good." She paused for a moment. "I heard something wonderful on the radio on my way over... Have you heard?"
"You have a radio on your motorcycle, Kay?"
"It's in the helmet with the phone." With the addition of the word "phone" Kay answered Murphy's next inquiry before she could ask it. Murphy shook her head and mouthed the words "ah". "Anyway…" Kay was still out of breath. "They found Jerry Gold." Kay's eyes lit up. "He just stepped off an airplane in Washington. He didn't even know people were looking for him." Out of the corner of her eye Kay noticed Jerry's hat lying on the foyer table.
"Yes, Kay, I kn..."
"Murphy?" Kay looked at her.
"Yesss?"
Kay stared at Murphy and nodded her head up and down. She had that look on her face she always got when she was figuring something out. Usually it was something scary. "So, you're ok, right?"
"Yes." Murphy was lost to what Kay was getting at.
"So, there is no one here say..." She sped up her speech, "Holding you hostage with a big gun."
"Well, actually... What!"
"So, since..." Kay rolled her eyes like it was a signal. "There is no one here." She did the eye thing a second time. "Say, hiding in the closet." She did the eye thing a third time. "I'll just go home...and...NOT call the police." Kay did the eye thing a third time, hitting on Murphy's last nerve.
"Kay, what are you doing!"
"Hey, Brown?" Jerry's voice came from the bathroom
"I know that voice," Kay questioned.
Murphy gave one of her "for god sakes" looks and Jerry appeared
"I used all the guest towels. Do you..." He looked up to notice Murphy was not alone.
"Well!" Kay smiled from ear to ear and folded her hands. "I see you do know." She looked at Murphy slyly.
"Jerry, you remember Kay. You met her the last time you were here." Murphy had hesitation behind her words. Kay knew more about her and Jerry than she ever wanted anyone to know. Things were very different now that Jerry was alive. She began to regret the entire conversation she had with Kay at Frank's wedding.
"Sure." He switched the towel in his right hand to his left and extended his hand to Kay. She walked towards him and shook it. "I remember that grip," he joked
"Well, Jerry, it's so nice to see you up and alive." She held an upward inflection on the word "alive".
"Yes, well, my death was grossly exaggerated."
"Yes, I seeee." She looked at Murphy again and smiled.
Murphy tried to look away and not catch Kay's glare. Jerry may have noticed this, because he looked at Murphy with a tilted head.
"Well, if you'll excuse me." He walked over to his overnight bag. "I need to change." He picked up the bag and looked at Murphy.
"There are extra towels under the sink."
Jerry bit his lower lip with his upper teeth and nodded. Then he nodded at Kay and walked back into the bathroom.
"Well!" Kay smiled at Murphy
"Will you stop that!"
"He comes here first!" Kay's phone rang
"Don't read into that, Kay."
Kay nodded, humoring Murphy, and flipped open the phone. She placed it next to her ear. Murphy began to whisper, "I'm the only one he knows in Washington..." She seemed to be justifying it more for herself than for Kay.
"Yello. Kay Carter Shep... Stan, Hi! Yes... Well, of course, Stan." There was a small pause. "Too true, Stan. Too true." Kay smiled from ear to ear and laughed a fake laugh. "Now? Well...I...sure, Stan...yes, Stan...I'll see you soon." Kay gave another smile with a fake laugh and closed the phone.
"What was that about?"
Kay placed her phone back into her pocket. "Stan wants to see me." Her smile turned instantly into a frown. "Now. Right away. The head of the network calls out of nowhere and wants to see me! "By this time, Kay's voice had heightened to hysteria. She grabbed Murphy's shirt and pulled her close to her. "He's going to fire me! I know it. He blames me for FYI going off the air!"
"Kay!" Murphy pushed Kay off her. "It was Stan's idea to take FYI off the air!"
"Yes, but due, in part, to the fact that the ratings had declined since I took over." Kay's head shook from side to side.
"That's not true. They may have dropped a little. But the main problem was when they put us up against that game show. He knew we would fail."
Kay's leg began to shake. "Oh, god! Look! My leg is doing it again." Kay began to flare her leg around to try and control it.
"We all know Stan's real reason. He talked about it enough." Murphy followed Kay around while she shook her leg and stared at it. "It's all about youth. Sex sells, and he wanted something fresh and young. I bet he replaces us with blonde sperm in little blue swimsuits." Murphy made gestures with her fingers to show how small they would be. None of this seemed to stifle Kay's nerves.
"Thank you so much, Murphy. I feel so much better," she said this with as much sarcasm as she could muster. All of a sudden, Kay's left arm began to tremor, as opposed to her leg. "Ahh! Now it's in my arm!" She began to shake the limb and stare at it with disapproval. "I'm not exactly young myself, Murphy."
"Well, neither am I. But we both have contracts. Which means we both can move on to great new projects, which is probably why Stan is calling you into his office, or we get a hell of a lot of money?"
"Contracts?" The tension was now in Kay's right hand.
"Right," Murphy said this with confidence.
"That means they could send me back to doing my old job! I can't go back to game shows again. I'll kill myself." Kay's head shook side to side again.
"Or you could buy out your contract."
"… I'll kill others…"
"Or you could buy out your contract."
"Noooo. Big people like you, Murphy, get to buy out their contracts. In order to get me out of this one, I'll be trading barbs with Leona Helmsley and I missed Tai Bo for the last two months so I don't think I can take her!" Kay was crazed and continued her "dance" around the room.
"Kay, will you stop it!" Murphy tried to get Kay's attention. "Kay!" she tried again. "Kay!" She tried a third time. "Kay, will you look at me!"
Kay turned her head towards Murphy. "Kay, you're good at your job. When you first were hired, believe me, I never thought I'd be saying this, but you are. You should be proud of that. And if he is not proud to have you, then he's not proud to have me, because I'll walk.
"You really think that?" Kay's arm stopped shaking and she stood still.
"And don't give up the chance to tell that to Stan. Tell him first-hand what a great thing he has in you." The two smiled at each other. "And you stopped shaking. So, you must believe it, too."
"Actually, the tension is now in my mouth."
"You better go, Kay. Stan doesn't like it when people are late."
"You were always late for your meetings with Stan?"
'Yes." Murphy smiled. "But I'm Murphy Brown."
"I should go and leave you and Jerry alone." Kay walked towards the door.
"You don't have to leave for that reason, Kay." Murphy walked up to her.
"Murphy, you're just as bad as a school girl who won't admit she likes the boy next door."
Murphy opened her front door. "I think you should leave now, Kay!"
"Of course, if you don't want him, I wouldn't mind taking a crack at 'em myself. I always thought he was a hunka, hunka, of burning love." *
"A Hunk, a Hunk of burning love?"
"Let's just say, if we went out for Chinese food, he could roll my dim-sum any day.*" Murphy looked at Kay strangely who grinned from ear to ear. "I like rascals. I think Jerry seems like a rascal. Don't you think so, Murphy?" Kay grinned, knowing full well that she was getting on Murphy's last nerve.
Murphy took Kay's purse and threw it out the door. "Oh, look, your purse!" Kay watched the purse fly past her, but did nothing about it. This irritated Murphy more. "Go, Kay! Now! Get out of here! Run! Do not walk to the nearest exit!" Kay gave Murphy her "all right look" and dipped her head to the side.
Kay walked through the doorway, as Murphy presented her hand through it, for Kay to leave. Then Kay stopped, looked out, and noticed it had stopped raining. "Just don't forget what you just told me about "letting chances" slip by." She peered back at Murphy. "Don't let this one slip away." Murphy slammed the door in Kay's face.
Jerry walked into the living room in mid-sentence. Murphy turned around to look for him.
"Brown, is it alright if I stay here for a couple of days until I find a new apartment? You know how I hate hotels." Jerry walked into the foyer and dropped his overnight bag next to the stairs. He wore a grey sweater and jeans. He was dry, but his hair was still wet.
"You know what George Bernard Shaw said about hotels..."
"No. What did he say?"
"I don't know..." she cracked. "But it was something about hotels, but yes, you can stay here."
"Great." They smiled at each other awkwardly.
"I was hoping for that hug now, because I really need it." Jerry walked towards Murphy with a sly look on his face.
"I'm sorry." Murphy smiled at him with her little-girl look.
Jerry took her hand, and they wrapped their arms around each other. He smelled like nicotine and aftershave. He always smelled like nicotine and aftershave. In all the years since Murphy had stopped smoking, it was the only time she could really stand the smell. On Jerry, mixed with the soft aroma, it was nice. It was more than nice, it was comforting. It reminded her of their times together. She took a whiff in as they laid their chins on each other's shoulders. They held on to each other for probably one second more than they had planned. They broke apart, but still held hands.
"How are you doing, Gold? Or I guess what I should be asking is… WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU FOR A WEEK and two days? And how did your car end up on FIRE?"
"You'd never believe it." Jerry let go of her hand and walked into the living room.
"So, where were you?" Murphy followed him like the great reporter that she was.
"Does this thing work?" Jerry started to fiddle with the fireplace.
"No. It's only for show. Jerry, what happened to you?"
"I need to sit down." He sat on the couch.
Murphy sat down on the couch next to him. "It's ok, Jer." She took his hand. "If you don't want to talk about it…"
"No, I do. I do." He turned his body towards Murphy. "It's just that… I'm a bit... embarrassed." He looked away from her.
"About your wife?"
"You heard…" Jerry wasn't happy.
"You don't have to be embarrassed with me, Jerry."
"I know." Jerry looked up at Murphy. "If there's anyone in the world that I..." Jerry seemed lost in Murphy's eyes for a moment. "You changed your hair, didn't you?" He tried to cover himself
"The last time you saw me, I was wearing a wig. If that's a stab at being thoughtful, it doesn't count."
"Well, I like it. Your hair… It's very... feminine." It was uncanny how Jerry Gold could even make a compliment sound like an insult sometimes.
"Jerry, you're avoiding again." She started to get up, but Jerry stopped her.
"Wait, Brown!" He grabbed her wrist. "No, I want to talk to you about it. No one's closer to me than you. That's why I came here."
Murphy smiled and sat back down to make herself comfortable. She waited while Jerry gave himself a moment.
"Well, you heard about...Elka?" Murphy nodded. "Well, I had no idea really." Jerry digressed for a moment and then returned to his current state of over-dramatic interpretation. "What a shmuck I was." He laughed it off angrily. "She was spending all her time with this guy. A friend, she says. Then about two weeks ago she comes to me. Starts talkin'... 'I can't live this lie anymore, Jerry. I love you, Jerry, but...'" Jerry let go of Murphy's hand and began pacing about the fireplace. "'It's this other guy's baby, Jerry, and I can't lie to you anymore about it...and I love him. And. And. I'm leaving you. Next thing I know, it's all over the papers. He's some anchorman, some LOCAL celebrity. It's alllll over the media. I'm a laughing stock. I got the number one talk show and I'm the laughing stock. While the blond hair, blue-eyed NAZI..." Jerry stopped and regained himself. "So I left. I just packed my bags and left. I needed some air, some space..."
"So, how'd you crash your car?"
"Ah, I was driving for three days straight. I...I got distracted by...something." Jerry turned and looked at Murphy. "I got distracted by something. Hit a telephone poll. I ended up wandering around some remote farm town for two days. There must not have been any television sets, because no one recognized me." Murphy grinned sideways at him. "And I couldn't find one person who spoke English..."
"Jerry, you're trying to tell me you lived in Germany for eight years, were married to a German woman, and you never learned a single word of German? Not even, "HELP ME, I MAY HAVE A CONCUSSION"!"
"I'm American. That's what we do!" Jerry was truly puzzled by Murphy's remark. He was not kidding
"So, that's it? That's the tale of Jerry Gold's wild ride!"
Jerry sat down next to Murphy on the couch. "In a nutshell. I took my time in the countryside until I got to the airport. I came here, saw the paper, called my agent and you know the rest."
"You have to admit...well I guess you did. It does sound very unbelievable."
"Yeah. I feel like I'm in some Spanish soap opera. Only instead of an Antonio Banderas... you get ME." Jerry looked toward Murphy and leaned his head against the back of the couch. Murphy noticed a small mark on his forehead. She followed the folds above the skin with her left index finger, as she rested her arm over the back of the couch. "Glass. It's from glass." They sat in silence for a moment.
"Well, I'm glad you're safe." There was another silence. Murphy laid her head against the back of the couch. "I am sorry about your marriage, Jerry."
"It was inevitable, really. Getting married was Elka's idea of making things better. There's something about me that alienates women."
"That's part of your charm, Jer." She smirked.
"Enough about me. It's all too depressing. What's new with you, Brown?" He looked at her endearingly. "How are you doing? Really?"
"Health-wise I'm great. As for what's new... Well... FYI was cancelled this year..." Murphy's face tried not to look despondent over the fact.
"I'm sorry, Brown." He scratched the side of his temple. "How long was that thing on the air?"
"Twenty-four years."
"Wow, Brown. That's a LONG time."
"It was tough. But we had a few weeks to get used to it, I'm still not used to it, but time goes on. I guess like your marriage it was inevitable to end. I just never tried to think about it."
"Sounds like all of our many relationships, Brown." They smiled at each other again. "So, what's next, Brown? What ya got on the burner?"
"Who says I do?" she said with a sly inflection
"Come on, Brown. Seeing you without a job is like seeing a fish out 'a water."
"Or a fish riding a bicycle." Murphy joked
"What?"
"Never mind." Jerry didn't get the Gloria Steinem reference, so she chose not go into detail. "I'll be doing a set of one-hour specials for the network of my own choosing."
"Wow, Brown! A whole hour on your soapbox. Sounds like your idea of a good time."
"It won't be a soapbox, Jer. My stories will always be, and have always been very well-balanced."
"If being top-heavy is considered well balanced then ..."
"Top-heavy in many aspects is something I have never been accused of."
"I never minded. But then again, I'm a primarily a leg man." Jerry smirked and raised his eyebrows. Murphy smiled and Jerry laughed
"It's so good to see you again..." Murphy stopped herself. "It's always good to see you." She smiled warmly at Jerry and he did the same back.
"Well, as wonderful as this is... Do you mind if we continue this in the morning? I can't remember the last time I got more than two hours sleep and..."
"Of course… I should have thought..." Murphy sat up from the couch with a grunt. With age, such things required more force. "I'll get you some linens for the couch."
"Yes, of course, the... the couch."
Murphy turned towards Jerry. "It's just that Avery's room is the old guest room and Eldin has all his supplies set up in the den..."
"No, no, the couch will be fine." Jerry stood up and tried to calm her apparent anxiety.
"Well…." Murphy started to walk backward towards the door. "If you want to talk some more." She pointed in the direction of her bedroom. "I'll be upstairs." She turned towards the staircase and then turned around one more time. "And I'll be right down with a pillow and... stuff." Murphy couldn't seem to hide your awkwardness.
"Thank you, Murphy." It was the first time he called her Murphy the entire night and it was duly noted. "I love you... for doing this."
"Any time." Murphy smiled awkwardly and made her way up the stairs.
That night, Murphy couldn't sleep. She stayed up late reading a very uninteresting novel. She cleaned her room, organized her closet, and watched a bad movie on cable. All of which was done with not a wink of sleepiness in sight. Most of the night, she just lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling, staring out the window or lying on her side. She tried to ignore the real reason she was losing sleep by trying to figure out what the hell that George Bernard Shaw quote was. Then, at about three a.m., her lids started to drift, but she seemed to stay in a daydreaming type state. Not awake, but still not asleep. She started to remember the last time, and the only time, she and Jerry had spent together in a hotel. It was a blip in the many times they were together as a couple, but for some reason it hit her consciousness like a fly in a flytrap - it just laid there.
DECEMBER: NEW YORK CITY * 1989
(Timeline: The time leading up to the events referenced in Old Flames (Season 8)
"The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life."
-George Bernard Shaw
It was Christmas Eve, and Murphy was stuck in New York City alone. She didn't mind. It wasn't the first time she had spent Christmas alone or on assignment. Lights hung on the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, people looking like miniatures on a train set ice-skated in the park, and the windows on Fifth Avenue were aglow with the images of the season. Instead of spending a very uncomfortable time in an airport while she waited for the snow to lift, Murphy opted to stay in New York. Being Christmas Eve, the crew decided to take advantage of the latter option in order to get home to their families.
This left Murphy alone at the Plaza Hotel. At least, that was where the network had put her up. She really had no idea where the crew had been staying. And besides, she had to be back in New York on the thirtieth anyway to interview John McMillian, the newly-crowned king of the brand new savings and loan scandal. The day before, she had interviewed his partner, and interviewing McMillian would finish the report with plenty of time to scoop 20/20. Therefore, going home seemed fruitless to Murphy and definitely not worth the aggravation.
For most of the day, Murphy had been cooped up in her hotel room feeling much like Eloise, the little blonde girl from the children's book she read as a child. The little blonde girl who lived and played in a suite located in the Plaza Hotel.
Murphy devoured everything in the mini refrigerator, ate all the free mints on her pillow, and watched more Dukes of Hazzard reruns than one should ever watch in one's lifetime. Murphy decided that playing Eloise gave her a headache. And most importantly, for the first time in a long time, it made her feel lonely. Therefore, she decided to take it easy outside the hotel, and not inside the hotel. She would treat herself. This was Murphy's plan. She was going to have a wonderful meal at her favorite New York Bistro and then take in a movie across the street. Maybe even do a little shopping on Fifth Avenue. The great thing about staying at the Plaza was the fact that she only needed to walk in a radius of three blocks to accomplish it all. She even had Central Park on the left-hand side if she felt the fancy to commune with nature. But it was too cold for that.
Murphy buttoned her coat as she walked out of the elevator. She walked through the lobby and then stopped next to the sign-in desk to check her pockets for her gloves. As she did this, she heard load voices coming from the counter. One of the voices was familiar to her. It was Jerry Gold.
Murphy turned towards the direction of the voices to see Jerry arguing with the man behind the counter. Murphy thought for a moment. Should she say hello or should she just walk away? Jerry and Murphy had broken up on good terms. They joked about never telling anyone about their short affair. It had only lasted for a week, a month earlier. This was the first time she had seen him since. Just because they weren't in a romantic relationship anymore didn't mean they had to go back to the way things had been before, which was at each other's throats. But before she could make her final decision on the subject, she noticed Jerry had spotted her. He turned his head and waved to her with a look of surprise on his face. Murphy waved at Jerry in her best fake surprise. They walked towards each other until they met in front of the lobby Christmas tree.
"Murphy." He looked happy to see her.
"Jerry." Murphy returned the reaction, but there was still tension between them.
"How have you been?" They both let out the words at the same time. They laughed and stood there uncomfortably.
"Good." Jerry remarked "And you?"
"Very well. Very well."
"You staying here?"
"Yes."
"So am I, if I ever get checked into this place."
"Here for the show?"
"Ahh... the show. Yes. And you?"
"Same. Same."
"Well."
"Well." Murphy pushed her hair off her face and Jerry coughed.
"I need to get going. I have an appointment." Murphy had the urge to bolt
"Me too. I need to finish this..." He pointed to the desk.
"Perhaps, we'll see each other around the hotel?"
"Perhaps." Murphy smiled and began to walk away.
Jerry stood still and called after her.
"It was good seeing you again, Brown."
She stopped and turned around. "You too, Jer." It was the only thing the two had meant in their entire polite conversation. She walked toward the door and whispered to herself, "Well, that wasn't so bad."
By the time Murphy got back from her New York excursion, it was ten p.m. She looked like the usual New York socialite with Tiffany's, Henri Bendel, and Barney bags draped on her arms. She felt tired and ready for bed, even though she had slept the day away until one in the afternoon. Murphy walked over to the desk and asked for her messages. She reflected on how the day had left her in a melancholy spirit she still could not explain. Perhaps, it was the cold, the holiday, or being without friends - she couldn't decide.
"No," the man answered her. "But there is a man waiting for you." He pointed to a small waiting area next to the elevators. The Christmas tree was in the way and Murphy could not see a thing. She walked towards where the desk clerk had pointed, with a curious look on her face. She peered around the tree and found Jerry sitting in one of the large chairs. He had his head between his legs and his hands on his head.
"Jerry?" He looked up at Murphy. She could see he was visibly shaken. His shirt had two buttons undone and his tie was open around his neck "Are you alright?"
"Hi." His voice was soft.
"Jerry?"
"I wanted to leave you a message, but," He got up and walked toward Murphy. "That GUY at the desk wouldn't give me your room number and without a room number, he wouldn't let me leave a message."
"How long have you been waiting here?"
"Not long. I was hoping we could have dinner."
"I already ate."
"Drinks, I mean…" He looked flustered.
"Jerry, what's wrong?"
"I need someone to talk to." He rubbed the back of his head with his right hand
"Me?" Murphy understood Jerry's state, but wasn't sure she was the right person to talk to. But there was always something in Jerry's eyes when he was being his true self. It was something not open to the normal person. It was just those who knew him. Murphy had not gotten to that stage, at the time, where she knew what it was. She only had a feeling he was in real need. And against her better judgment she wasn't going to walk away from that face. "Ok. Let me put these away. I'll meet you in the bar."
Murphy walked into the Plaza bar. She had changed into a pair of beige slacks, a sleeveless cream-colored silk blouse and held a small beige sweater in her arms in case she got cold. The place was pretty empty, except for two men at the bar, the bartender, and a piano player in the corner singing old standards. Jerry was sitting at a far-off table by the small dance floor. Cradling his scotch with his hands, he curved his thumb around the frost of the glass. He looked up as Murphy as she put her sweater on the back of a chair and sat down. He looked back at the glass.
"What's wrong, Gold?"
"I've done a horrible thing, Brown." He took a swig of his drink. A waitress walked by and placed a Perrier in front of Murphy. "I ordered for you. I hope you don't mind."
"No."
"I'll have another." He placed the empty glass on the waitress's tray and she walked away.
"You're saying something you did is terrible. THIS I have to hear." There was a pause for a moment and Jerry looked up at Murphy. She realized her joke was not appropriate.
"I told you I have a daughter, right?"
"Yes, you mentioned it once. You said she lived with your parents."
"Yes."
"Did you come to see her while you were in New York?" Murphy was fishing.
The waitress came back and set Jerry's drink on the table and walked away.
"Not really." Jerry took a drink. "About two weeks ago - I get called into my lawyer's office. He tells me my parents are suing me for custody. It seems if it would be easier if they were her official guardians."
"They didn't talk to you first?"
"I'm not on the best terms with my parents. Or at least my father and his girlfriend. I never got along with her. Not since I was fifteen. Even farther back with the old man." Jerry took another drink. "At first I was livid! But then I started to think. Was it really that bad? I was never one who blossomed around kids. I never knew what to do with her. And after I moved to Washington, I saw her maybe once a year, if at all."
"You know some people just aren't born to be parents. Like me for instance. I feel the same way about kids. I personally think children should go right from birth to forty. People like us don't have kids. You did nothing wrong, Jerry." She sipped her water.
"Then why do I feel so horrible?"
"Because, you obviously love her. You showed it by signing those papers. You gave her a better life then you could give her."
"That's what Maggie said."
"Maggie?"
"My father's girlfriend. She was there today. In the office. This whole idea was hers and my mother's. The only time they've been able to sit in a room together and not kill each other...ha...I never thought it would be so hard. I got there... and I couldn't sign it. I balked. She reassured me I was a horrible father, and doing this was the best for her. I just didn't think I was going to react this way. I guess, in a way, signing those papers made it so final. That I was giving up. I was giving up on my daughter. I always wanted to try. I just didn't know how. And now…"
"We can't always have the answers. Believe me, I've tried. I think I've come pretty close. But I can admit I don't have them all. Especially, things like this."
"It is best. You're right. You're both right. Having me as a father would only come to no good." Jerry lifted the glass like a toast and took a drink. The waitress started to make her way to the table again, and Murphy waved her away.
Murphy didn't know what to say next and so her next line came out pretty much with that action behind it. "You can always still see her, Jerry. If you want?"
"No." Jerry put down the drink and let out a sigh. "It's for the best. Plus, Maggie would never let me see her after this. No, this is good-bye." Murphy took Jerry's hands and squeezed them. He squeezed back.
They spent the rest of the night keeping the subject off the past day and just enjoying each other's company. They joked and yelled at each other like they had in October. They argued over everything under the sun they disagreed on, which ended up being everything under the sun. They had forgotten how much fun it was to do those things with each other.
They watched each other's familiar gestures as if seeing them for the first time. The way Murphy laughed and rolled her hand under her chin or moved her hair beside her ear. The way Jerry would lean back and clap his hands when Murphy made a great joke. They were the two most self-absorbed people in the world, but when they were together, the self-absorption turned from them on to the other. They did this until almost one a.m., when they were informed the bar would be closing soon.
"I guess we should go." Jerry stood up and walked over to Murphy. He looked down at her. Murphy stood up and Jerry pushed her chair in.
A cold draft blew in from the lobby and Murphy rubbed her arms for warmth. Jerry took Murphy's sweater off the back of her chair and opened it for her. She slid her arms in and Jerry lifted the sweater over her shoulders, grazing his fingers over her bare skin. Murphy turned her head towards Jerry as he did this. He lowered his head near the nape of her neck, making their faces just about graze one another. She could smell his familiar sent and he could smell the faint smell of Chanel Number Five on her neck. It was a scent he always found desirable on a woman.
"… Just want to let you all know," a voice piped in through a microphone on the dance floor. "That it's been a pleasure playing for ya all this evening." It was the woman at the piano. "I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We are about to lock up for the night, and this will be my last song." Murphy and Jerry looked at each other as the woman started to play Heart and Soul.
"I know this song." Jerry remarked. "It's an old Etta James song... I haven't heard this in such a long..." He looked at Murphy and stopped his thought. He walked out from behind her. "Dance with me, Murphy?" He extended his hand.
"Dance?"
"Come on, Brown, live a little."
Murphy thought for a moment and gave Jerry her hand. He led her over to the dance floor. When they reached the floor, he spun her onto it, surprising Murphy completely. Jerry Gold could dance.
They danced slow and close. At times, it seemed like they weren't even moving. Their reflections hit the floor of the darkly lit room like shadows. They looked into each other's eyes and forgot all about the outside world and each really saw each other. They kissed.
When they parted Murphy took a deep breath, looking confused and anguished. She lowered her head, and Jerry leaned in and kissed her forehead. She laid her head against his head and they continued to dance.
Murphy opened her eyes and remembered she had only been dreaming. She lay in her own bed, alone, in 2001.
What Murphy failed to recall, because she woke up before she could, was what happened after she and Jerry left the dance floor, and after they left the hotel. For the next two days, the couple stayed locked up in the hotel, as happy as they had been before. On the twenty-eighth, Jerry had to go back to Washington and Murphy stayed on in New York. The two had tried to coordinate their schedules, but the earliest the two could make plans together was almost a month away. Therefore, Jerry, under much coaxing, decided to go with Murphy to Henry Kissinger's New Year's party so they could see each other sooner. Since Murphy had already accepted his invitation, it was the only way they could spend the evening together. They also agreed to have dinner beforehand.
By the time New Year's rolled around, Murphy was still busy wrapping up work on her savings and loan story. Dinner with Jerry turned into Jerry picking Murphy up and going directly to the party together. Jerry picking Murphy up turned into Jerry meeting Murphy at the party, which turned into Murphy being late, as usual. The tension of it all, along with Murphy's stress from work, manifested itself in the two getting into one of their usual heated fighting matches, ending with Murphy landing a punch intended for Jerry on Kissinger. They didn't speak for a year. The rest is history.
Murphy walked quietly down the staircase. She followed the moonlight so as not to fall and hurt herself. She walked through the foyer and stopped at the entrance to the living room. She stared for a moment at Jerry sleeping on the couch. She walked over to the edge, took her robe off, and threw it against the armrest. Jerry opened his eyes and Murphy walked over to the couch. By the time, she sat down and Jerry had sat up from under his blanket. When Murphy sat down next to him, they were at the same level. Still in the stages of sleep, he said nothing. His only form of communication was the look of sleepy confusion on his face. Unaware, whether he was awake or in a dream, he tried to speak. Murphy leaned in and kissed Jerry lightly, stopping all sound. This awoke something in him, and he quickly wrapped his arms around Murphy and kissed her passionately. They parted for a moment and kissed again. Jerry pulled away from Murphy for a moment with a look of deep thought on his face. Murphy began to unbutton the buttons of her top, but Jerry stopped her. He laid his hand gently on her hand. Murphy looked up at him strangely. Neither of them knew what to say. Jerry opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but no words came out. He leaped from the couch and walked over to the window. He looked out for a moment as Murphy, feeling stunned and rejected, started to button up her top. Jerry turned and looked at Murphy again, trying to find the words. He couldn't, and so he disappeared into the kitchen. Murphy sat there in a perplexed state. It was the first time in her life that Jerry Gold had refused her.
Murphy walked into the kitchen, pulling tightly on her robe to fasten it. She stopped in the doorway, feeling still quite embarrassed. She dug her hands in her pockets. Jerry sat on a stool and leaned his elbows against the tile counter in the middle of Murphy's kitchen.
"I'll be out before you walk up in the morning, Brown. Don't worry."
"You don't have to leave, Jerry," her voice was soft
"Thanks, Brown, but I should go."
"I'm sorry, Jerry." Murphy looked at her feet.
"Don't be sorry, Brown." Jerry stared straight ahead. He wouldn't look at her; trying to find new reasons to look at his hands rather than looking into Murphy's eyes.
"No, I should have realized..."
"Brown, stop apologizing!" Jerry stood up and opened the refrigerator.
"No, I should have considered the feelings involved in what you're going through." Murphy looked at her feet.
"Do you have anything in here that was not once a carcass of any kind?" Murphy looked up and tried to answer him, but Jerry spoke before she could. "Here we go." He emerged from the refrigerator with an arm of tin foiled cheese and a hunk of lettuce. "You know, they say your parents' relationship affects your own ideas about relationships for the rest of your life? I used to think it was all Oprah crap, but sometimes, really late at night, I think she may be onto something. Especially, at times like this, when I can feel my blood sugar dropping." Jerry spread the contents of his arms on the center counter and walked over to the back counter
"What are you talking about, Gold? You're rambling." Jerry took two pieces of bread out of the breadbox and sat down at the center counter again. Murphy walked toward the refrigerator. "I think you need some fruit with that, Gold," she said sharply. Murphy opened the door and rummaged through the fruit bin at the base of the fridge. "I think your blood sugar levels are lower than you think!" She walked over to Jerry and handed him an orange.
"I don't want it." Jerry continued to make his sandwich.
"Take the orange, Jerry!" Murphy leaned against the edge of the counter
"I don't want it!"
"Take the goddamn orange, Gold, before I hit you with it!" Murphy lifted the orange above her head.
"Ok! Ok! Give me the orange!" Jerry put up his hands in defense and Murphy lobbed the orange to him. It hit the edge of Jerry's hand, so when he reached for it, he had to grab at it a second time in order not to drop it.
Murphy looked down and got serious again "You obviously cared for Elka. It was rude of me to think otherwise."
Jerry dug into the orange with his thumb and began peeling it. "I did. I do. I still care for her! But it feels different now, only I don't think it's changed."
"You're rambling again, Jerry. Eat the orange!" Murphy jumped up on the counter next to Jerry. Jerry peeled the remaining rind of the orange and tossed the first slice into his mouth. Murphy looked at the ground again, and then at Jerry. Her face looked sad and concerned. "If you don't find me attractive anymore, Jerry, I understand that." Murphy began to peel off the counter. Jerry stopped her with his hand on her thigh.
"Murphy," He looked into her eyes and put his hand on her leg. "How could anyone not find you attractive?" There was a short moment between the two as they smiled at each other. Jerry popped another slice in his mouth. There was a heavy pause between them again. Each was waiting for the other to speak. Jerry took his hand off Murphy's thigh and played with the orange peel for a moment. "So, I'm driving across Germany, in my car, and I start thinking...I mean, at first I was so upset when she told me. That's why I packed my stuff, well most of it, and starting driving. I just started driving, although I had no idea where I was going. I just went - because once I was in the car - and I could feel the wind on my face, I was fine. I wasn't hurt, or mad at Elka, or myself. You know, I figured out the whole thing. I was the most upset about was the fact that the kid wasn't mine." Jerry reflected for a moment. "I started to care about that kid...and... When Elka first told me she was pregnant, I didn't know how to react. I figured maybe it was my second chance. Ahh, I don't know...a make-up for lost time. This time, I was going to make it right. I mean if you could learn how to be a parent," Jerry laughed. "Why couldn't I? I wasn't mad that she had left me, or that I had to move out of my house, or that she had humiliated me in front the entire country. Well, ok, that really hurt! But it's not like it's the first time I'm the laughing stock of a nation, just this time it was gonna go global." Jerry ate another slice. "I didn't think about her. Just about the child a lot of the time..." Jerry slid another slice in his mouth.
"I'm so sorry, Jerry." She squeezed his hand and there was another pause. "But I have a question, Jer. If you still find me attractive and if it's not Elka, then what else could it be?"
"God, Murphy, do you ever think of anyone else but yourself!" Jerry snapped at her.
"Fine!" Murphy jumped off the counter. "I don't need to be insulted twice in one evening, thank you very much. And let me just say..." Murphy couldn't think of a way to express her thoughts and so the first awkward thing just flew out of her month. "If that ain't calling the kettle black!" Murphy made her way towards the door. "I think I know where I'm not wanted!"
Jerry slammed his fist on the counter and jumped up from his stool. "Murphy, wait!"
"What?" Murphy stopped and looked at him crossly. She folded her arms. And for the umpteenth time that night, Jerry looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Murphy looked like she was prepared to bolt and then he spoke. "I'm riding in my car across Germany." The pace of Jerry's speech became fevered. Murphy gave him a sour face. "And I'm thinking to myself..."
"The story!" Murphy looked up at the heavens. "It's back to that story!" And then back at Jerry, "Why are you re-hashing this, if it has nothing to do with what happened out there! Stop lying to me, Jerry! I can handle the truth, whatever it is!"
Jerry sat on the center counter. "It goes toward something, Murphy! Let me tell it this way, ok! It's the only way I can get it out."
"Fine! I'm waiting." Murphy shot her eyes to the top of their sockets.
Jerry gave her a cross look and then continued. "So, I'm driving and I start thinking how I'm not really that upset. I'm happy in a way. Contented. Giddy in fact." Murphy tried to say something, but Jerry just continued to talk. "You know me, Brown, giddy is not exactly what you'd call a natural state for me. I don't even think I can spell the word, let alone be IT."
"We covered this, Jer!" Murphy walked over to the counter and took a slice of the orange.
"Well, sit tight, because you're going to hear it again!" Jerry jumped off the counter and pushed himself in Murphy's face. "You said you wanted to hear the truth." He gestured with his arms heavily. "So here it is!" Jerry began to pace. "So, I'm driving." Murphy rolled her eyes and began to fidget with the food. Jerry rubbed his thumb and index finger against his forehead. "And I start thinking of why I'm so happy. My wife left me, I've lost a child, and I'm the laughing stock of the country, probably soon the world. And yet I'm happy? And I start thinking of you, Murphy. Your face just...comes up inside my head." Murphy stopped fidgeting and found herself halfway sitting on the counter. "And MUCH like the real you, wouldn't leave me alone!" Jerry took in a breath. "I realized I was so happy because it meant I could come home to you. To you, Murphy. And that is why I hit that telephone pole. Not because I got distracted by something. Because, I got distracted by you!" Jerry stopped and looked into Murphy's eyes. His voice became soft, "I couldn't keep my mind off you." Jerry took a deep breath and began to yell again. "So, yes, Murphy, to answer your question, I do want you. I want you more now than I think I ever have wanted you before! And that is why I can't sleep with you, Murphy!"
"Well, Jerry." Murphy was stunned. She paused and then regained her composure. "That is the... stupidest reason for not sleeping with someone I have ever heard!" Her head shook.
"Fine, Brown, fine! I'm out of here." Jerry raised his hands and bolted for the door. Murphy jumped off the counter and shook her head, realizing she had said the wrong thing as usual. She blocked Jerry at the doorway. "Get out of the way, Murphy!"
"I'm not moving, Jerry, because I have to tell you something." Jerry averted Murphy's glare. Murphy tried to get his attention by moving her head, when he did, until Jerry took her stare. "If you think I don't feel the same way about you, you're wrong!" Jerry blew out a big sigh and walked the opposite length of the room. He leaned his hands on the counter next to the refrigerator and leaned back like he was thinking. Then this came out:
"It's not enough anymore!" Jerry yelled it out like it had been locked up inside him, as if he had been trying to keep it from breaking out. Only this time he was unable to. He turned toward Murphy for a reaction. He looked at her, timidly afraid of what it would be. She stood at the doorway with a half-loving, half-stunned look on her face. She didn't know what to say, which led Jerry to realize what he needed to say next. He became serious and began to speak. "You and I have similar ideas about relationships. We don't want to be like our parents. We don't want to get hurt. That was why we went so well together." He walked toward her. "And that was fine. But then something happened. I…" He stopped himself, unsure that his thoughts were welcome.
"Go on." Murphy was soft-spoken.
Jerry looked at her sweetly. "I fell in love with you. And then things just interceded, like life. And being with you only half the time wasn't good enough." Jerry looked out the window over the sink. "I mean, that's WHY I WENT TO GERMANY!" He looked down and played with his pinky ring. "I needed to get over you. And it was always too hard to do it in a place where, on every Wednesday night, there you were. So, I ran." He took a deep breath and jumped up on the counter next to the sink. He sat there for a moment and played again with his ring. "And we both know how that turned out." Murphy walked over to Jerry.
"What if I said I wanted more, too?" She cradled his face in her hands and lifted it up to her level.
He looked at her with his puppy dog eyes. "I'd say we were incapable of more."
"I've had a long time to think this last week. About us. My feelings towards you." She laid her fingers on his shoulders.
"Don't say it, Murphy." Jerry pushed past Murphy
"Say what?"
"The "R" word. It's like the word of death with us. Every time we discuss it, the bottom falls out from under us."
"Then what do you want, Gold!"
"I don't know! I just know what I don't want!"
"What's that!"
"To be this close to you and not be able to touch you."
"Then touch me!"
"I don't want to be hurt anymore!" The word seemed to lie in the air in front of them like fog "There I said it. Things... always... fail and I'm tired of feeling it! UGG." Jerry buried his face in his hands and then threw them up. "I hate this, Brown. I hate being like this. I used to be able to take it. Hell, I dish it out better than the rest, but I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of this crash and burn scenario to everything in my life! I'm so tired of all this pain. I just want to shut down. I don't want what's at the end of that tunnel anymore. I've created this wall of fear I can't get rid of."
"I think fear has always been an aspect in all of our relationships, Jerry."
"It's our M.O., Brown." His voice again was low and monotone. He walked over to the center counter and hopped up on it. He buried his face in his hands.
"We just never wanted to admit it." Murphy also had the same sound of matter-of-factness in her voice.
Murphy sat on the counter next to Jerry. He looked up at her. She noticed his eyes were wet. Murphy began to get choked up herself.
"That's the whole reason I married Elka."
"You married Elka out of fear?"
"Her father was a big man." Jerry smashed the edges of his palms into his eyes and then pulled them away.
"What if we didn't call it the "R" word?"
"What?" He looked at Murphy
"What if we just called it something else?"
"Now, I think you're the one who needs the orange."
Murphy gave Jerry one of her famous eyeball looks and then faced him straight on. "What if we just called it...two people who have an affinity to each other's company... Who have decided to spend time with each other, and what happens, happens?"
"It could work?" Jerry only seemed partly confident
"And in this agreement." Murphy took Jerry's hand. "These two people decide that they... love each other, and no matter what others say, or they say, or what gets in their way - they will always remember that. They will try to be..." Murphy took in a breath of confidence and searched to find the right word. So unsure of the word she finally found, it came out like a question as opposed to the statement it was meant to be. "Fearless?"
"Fearless?" He paused. "How does one do that?" Jerry began to sound optimistic.
"They don't think about the future, I suppose."
"Together?"
"Together."
"Only in the present." Jerry leaned in toward Murphy. Their voices became low.
"Never in the past." Murphy leaned in toward Jerry until their noses were almost touching. Jerry and Murphy looked into each other's eyes. He swallowed deeply and grazed his hand over the side of Murphy's face. Her eyes began to well with tears. "Jerry, when I thought you were dead, I just..."
"Shhh…" Jerry quieted her and kissed her softly. "The present, Murphy. Remember, only the present."
"The present," she repeated. She kissed him and rushed her fingers through his hair, as gravity pulled Jerry toward her. He cradled her back with his arms as they fell slowly to the counter top. Jerry began to kiss Murphy's neck and she continued to rush her fingers through his hair. But just as they were about to hit the countertop, reality hit Murphy. "Jerry, we can't do this."
"What?" He looked up at her, still cradling her body only fragments away from the top of the counter
"We're too old for this, Jerry!"
"Excuse me?"
"For the counter top, Jer!"
Jerry looked at her strangely. "If memory serves me here, Brown, we once did it on this very floor."
"That was ten years ago, Jerry!"
"Ten years ago?"
"Yeah."
"It couldn't have been that long ago?"
"Yes, it was the..." Murphy though for a moment. "The third time we started dating."
"Really? I thought it was the first time we were together, but it wasn't that long ago...was it?"
"Believe me; I would have never done that with you the first time."
"Really?"
"No. And not today, either. Even ten years ago, it hurt my back."
Murphy looked towards the window and noticed the sun was starting to rise. "Ahh, I have to be up in a four hours!" Jerry buried his face in Murphy's neck and they both laughed. This caused Murphy to fall backward and her back to flex uncomfortably.
"Ahh." Murphy screamed in pain. "Ok... in pain here."
Jerry made an "I'm sorry" face, and quietly grasped her hand, pulling her up toward him. He pulled her up with so much force that they smashed heads. They both let out a groan and rubbed their foreheads.
"Shall we call it a night?" Jerry groaned, still in some pain.
"Ok." Jerry started to pull away, but Murphy stopped him. "But could we just stay here just for a moment? Just like this. Just for a moment? Not long?"
"Sure." Jerry smiled and took Murphy's left hand in his right. She laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his left arm around her as they sat in silence and watched the sunrise, something they had never done before.