Standard Warning and Disclaimer applies.

Date Started: 290803

-----

Confessions
by
Jennifier D.









-----

To love, is to show the greatest courage of all.

-----


09:


If Fuji didn't know better, he would swear that Ryoma was trying to date him.

That was his conclusion to the 'date' Ryoma asked for. They were wandering about in the neighbourhood near Seigaku Junior High and Fuji wasn't sure if there was somewhere Ryoma would like to be seen alone with him. It was near boy wonder's school and as innocent as things had seemed... one never knew what gossip one might find round the corner.

"Ne Fuji-senpai... do you want to watch a movie?"

He agreed only because Ryoma seemed rather keen about going into the cinema (and buying popcorn, for some unknown reason.) It wasn't even a particularly interesting movie; they were watching one of those trademark Japanese thriller movies that made most of the girls squeal or scream every fifteen minutes or so. The nonplussed look on Ryoma face made Fuji wonder what made the younger boy want to watch the movie.

An hour into the movie later, Fuji found out why.

He recalled that Tezuka seemed to watch movies with Ryoma pretty frequently too. Was this one of the reasons why the both of them liked movies that much? Sharing the popcorn had been fun (to a certain extent,) but the discreet kisses were really what took the cake. And yet, despite being amused by what they were doing, Fuji found himself wondering if Ryoma had done the same with Tezuka.

"Fuji-senpai?"

Fuji's voice was strangely quiet. "Have you done this with Tezuka before?"

There was a pause, then Ryoma replied almost thoughtfully. "Does it matter?"

"Hn."

"It's not important."

"Saa..."

A hand took hold of Fuji's wrist firmly, yanking him over. "You're with me now, Fuji-senpai. Please stop thinking about Tezuka-buchou."

"Ahh..."

"Echizen is right."

For the next few seconds, there was nothing but the shrieks of people on screen and off surrounding the three boys.

He had been careless. Very careless. How could he possibly not notice that this was actually a setup? Fuji almost wanted to laugh at himself for being such a huge, gullible fool.

"Stop accusing yourself, Fuji."

While Ryoma was sitting at his left, Tezuka was at his right. He didn't recall hearing Tezuka join them in the cinema. He didn't want to know, actually. It was humiliating enough to be caught unaware by the former captain.

"I'm so sorry, Tezuka. I don't know what you're talking about." There was a pause before Fuji started getting up from his seat. "Please excuse me for a moment, I need to make a visit to the gents."

There was a slightly bewildered look on Ryoma's face. Apparently, he hadn't been aware of Tezuka's presence either.

"Wait, Fuji-senpai- Buchou! When did you-"

As Fuji turned to leave, he found Ryoma's hand clamped around his wrist stubbornly. He turned to stare at the younger boy, eyes opened and frightening in their intensity. But the theatre was too dark then, and the look slipped by boy wonder without his notice.

The tensai smiled. "Let go of my wrist, Echizen."

"Yada."

"Sit down, Fuji."

When Fuji spoke again, his voice was low and dangerous despite the persistent smile on his face. "I said, let go of me."

"Yada!"

The fair-haired boy thinned his lips, eyes narrowing dangerously. He forcefully freed his hand from Ryoma's grasp, earning himself a sullen look from the younger boy. He nodded at Tezuka in an amicable manner. "Excuse me."

"Fuji."

The fair-haired boy paused, then turned to stare at Tezuka. "Yes?"

The bespectacled boy barely flinched. "Do you think you're doing the right thing?"

Silence.

"You're the one who's on a date with Echizen now, aren't you? So why are you abandoning him in the middle of a movie? If I'm your rival in love, my presence shouldn't affect you in this manner, Fuji. I would make you want to stay beside him more, now that I'm here to be an unwelcomed intrusion."

Fuji sat down almost angrily. "I'm not abandoning him, Tezuka. I merely want to make a trip to the gents. But ahh... it appears that there isn't such a need anymore."

Ryoma's hand snaked on top of Fuji's hand again, interlacing and curling fingers with the latter's, holding on tight.

Tezuka was correct.

In the darkness, while sitting among flickering reflections caused by the moving lights on the screen, Fuji felt his anger slowly build. He was angry- no, he was furious. Extremely furious. Fuji Syuusuke was not to be messed around with like a toy meant for amusement.

Tezuka had not only been condescending. His impartial behaviour... granted, the bespectacled boy was never partial, but who was he to tell Fuji what to do and what not to do? The tensai could almost feel his smooth mask cracking, barely able to keep his brewing temper in check.

The real Fuji was clamouring to get out. The one who swore and made promises to kill. The one who glared daggers at opponents and aimed to destroy. The one wouldn't give a rat's ass about Tezuka and his sneaky ways of cornering him. The side he had been trying so hard to conceal from the world.

The prodigy.

As a result of neglect ion by the world, the prodigy was a cold and selfish person. He was too intelligent, and he grew up too fast to have any sympathy for the foolish and the stupid. The prodigy would never hesitate to seek revenge, never forget an offence and never let his opponents leave without tearing their egos into pieces.

But the prodigy also had a tender side, and that tender side eventually became Fuji Syuusuke, the smiling tensai. He was the one Yuuta understood when he was younger, until the younger boy chose to tear himself away.

That was the part of Fuji which hurt constantly.

And as he heaped on mask after mask to cover his real self, he almost forgot the existence of the other. He could almost smile and annoy people without remembering what the deepest and darkest corners of his mind swore to do. To destroy. Utterly and totally. All those who stood in his way had to go.

But people still felt it. Felt him. The dangerous personality lurking beneath the surface of a smiling and harmless-looking boy. That was why people always stayed away. There was fear, mixed with confusion and the inability to understand. The smiling face and the instinct to run didn't tally at all.

For most of the movie, Ryoma kept his hand planted on top of Fuji's rather resolutely. The tensai wasn't sure if the gesture was meant to comfort, or to reassure him that nothing between them was a matter of make-belief. Nothing was done so as to make his life simpler. He hadn't expected to see Ryoma so firm about something non-tennis related, but he did know that the younger boy had an ability to reach great heights the moment he set his heart to it.

Fuji turned his hand in Ryoma's grasp and interlaced their fingers again, curling his own hand around Ryoma's smaller one tight.

Boy wonder glanced over, curious.

Fuji gave his usual smile in return, completely aware of Tezuka watching them.

He then leaned over and kissed Ryoma.


-----


"You shouldn't have done that." There was something mildly reproachful in the tone Ryoma used when he finally spoke to Tezuka later.

"He has to face his demons sooner or later."

"You're hurting him."

"He needs to be hurt before he can wake up."

At this, Ryoma stared at Tezuka in confusion. "Wake up?"

"The Fuji we see isn't real." The older boy's answer was calm. "He has been hiding behind a mask and an amicable personality all along. I don't want to see him continuing in this manner."

Unable to comprehend what Tezuka just said, Ryoma shrugged. When he spoke, there was something almost petulant about the way he gazed at the bespectacled boy. "Mada mada dane."

"Maybe." Pause. "I need your help, Echizen."

"Heh..."

Tezuka paused in his walk, turning to stare at the younger boy almost piercingly.

"A while back, you asked me to share with Fuji. Now, I'm asking you to share with me."

"Ehh?"

"Please share Fuji with me." Tezuka seemed to be contemplating his words carefully. "I like you a lot, Ryoma and so does Fuji. I can accept the issues that come with sharing but Fuji... He will not take to this well. He has always been a very possessive person, and he will either fight me to the end or give up without attempting at all."

"Huh?" Ryoma suddenly felt as if he had fallen into twilight zone. The two older boys were beginning to act weirder and weirder. He had the strangest feeling that Nanjirou was going to burst out of nowhere in a few moments time and declare Ryoma as the biggest idiot in the world for taking this crazy ride from hell.

Maybe he was.

"Nn."

Tension, which was making Tezuka's features tight, melted away rapidly. "Thank you."


-----


"I've decided to pursue a degree in America."

The announcement came as a shock for most people. Although many of them knew about Fuji's choice in photography over tennis when he came to high school, none of them were expecting him to suddenly want to pursue a degree overseas. He had made arrangements to leave the country after his third school term ends. He would be going for a one year preparatory course before doing four years of full time studying for a bachelor degree in photography.

Tezuka had expected Fuji to try that.

Ryoma didn't, and was faintly traumatised by the sudden turn of events. He had been looking forward to the match he scheduled with Fuji that weekend, too.

Maybe that was why Tezuka turned up that weekend.

"I want to pursue a career in photography."

The accusing stare Ryoma gave Fuji would have cowed anyone, but the tensai was long used to the younger boy's looks.

"Yada."

"Yada?" At this, Fuji gave a soft laugh. He opened his eyes to glance at Tezuka briefly. "You'll do fine without me, Echizen."

"Fuji-senpai is Fuji-senpai. Tezuka-buchou is Tezuka-buchou. Why do you keep confusing yourself with him, Fuji-senpai?"

There was no reply from the tensai.

"Maa," Fuji spoke up again after the uneasy silence has passed. "I think we should all make a move... it's getting dark."

"Fuji-senpai-"

"Fuji." Tezuka finally spoke. "You can't run away from yourself. You should know that."

The smile on Fuji's face was beginning to get strained around the corners. "I'm not running away from anyone."

"Why are you giving up now, then?"

"I'm not-"

Ryoma cut into their conversation flatly, an annoyed look on his face. "You are."

When the tensai spoke again, his voice was almost a whisper.

"You don't understand."

The tension stringing out between the three of them was tremendous. It was so thick, Ryoma could almost reach out and feel it, hovering restlessly in the air before him. Whatever Fuji had wanted to run away from... Ryoma wasn't going to let him. The three of them didn't move so far only to have Fuji pull out in this manner. Maybe the tensai might not like to share... but in this relationship, something which the three of them were entangled in so intimately... it was either share, or end up with nothing.

"Ne Fuji-senpai..." Ryoma began again, his voice calm. "A while ago, you couldn't answer my question when I asked if you like Tezuka-buchou or not."

The younger boy reached into his pocket to pull out a tennis ball, bouncing it with his racket almost impatiently. The two older boys watched him, quietly waiting for him to say something, anything.

"When I asked Tezuka-buchou the same question..." Ryoma paused, then lifted his head to stare at Fuji. The casual smile slowly faded away from Fuji's lips. "He said yes."

Fuji barely managed to smile again. "I wonder why."

"Ahh, it must be strange ne, buchou saying that... I'm supposed to be the one he's interested in, right?"

There was the barely visible sign of Fuji clenching his jaws, and the smile seemed to widen almost impossibly.

"Saa... for that, you'll have to ask Tezuka. I really don't know the reason why."

Before the fair-haired boy could move away, Ryoma spoke up again. "Are you willing to share, Fuji-senpai?"

Silence.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Echizen."

"I think you do."

"Maa, I really don't. I'm sorry, I have to make my way home now. Maybe I'll see you next week?"

Just as Fuji sought to escape from the tennis court, Tezuka reached out and caught hold of his arm in a less than gentle grip, the serious look in his eyes overwhelming.

"Tezuka?" The tensai tilted his head to one side and gave the taller boy a vaguely curious look.

"What are you afraid of, Fuji?"

The perplexed look on Fuji's face seemed to freeze over. The fair-haired boy finally broke into one of his casual smiles again moments later, and tried to shrug his arm out of Tezuka's grip. The bespectacled boy held on fast.

"Ii yo, Tezuka. I'm fine."

"What are you afraid of, Fuji?"

The same question which he refused to answer.

"Let go of me, Tezuka."

The taller boy was resolute. "Tell me your answer."

Tezuka could feel Fuji's arm trembling faintly underneath his insistent grip. Ryoma watched the both of in a half-curious, half-confused manner, unable to comprehend exactly what was going on there. There were some really big secrets between Tezuka and Fuji. Secrets which he had not right to know, or pry in now. So he waited. He wanted to see what else the both of them would reveal.

"You don't want to know, Tezuka."

"Try me."

Fuji's voice had traces of strained cheerfulness in it. "It's okay. You don't have to know. You don't have to share my burdens, even if you do like me. So... don't make me say things I don't want to say."

"You don't have to pretend to be strong before me."

"I'm not pretending."

Tezuka's voice was nonplussed. "One of these days, you will fail yourself if you continue to push forward in this manner."

"Then let me destroy myself, Tezuka. That is my choice, isn't it?" The calm way Fuji replied make Ryoma want to reach forward and smack the tennis ball in his hand against the tensai's head.

'Stop it!'

He was beyond annoyed. Fuji was intent on turning away, even when the both of them had bared their hearts. They wanted him to stay, but they were not the kind to be all mushy over something as simple as that. Taking the direct approach was the simplest way. And yet, neither Tezuka nor he was willing to do that, mainly because they were unable to understand what Fuji wanted essentially.

The slightest mistake could make the tensai turn away from them for good.

But if they never try, how would they ever know?

"Saa, I really have to-"

"Don't go, Fuji-senpai." Ryoma's simple statement was clear and loud in the abandoned courts. "Why can't we try?"

Tezuka observed Fuji staring at Ryoma, eyes opened. There was a lot of confusion raging in those sharp blue irises, and Fuji hesitated, for the briefest of moments before closing his eyes and shaking his head with a faint smile.

"We'll never be happy, Echizen."

"We won't know until we try."

Fuji felt like a cornered animal then, with Tezuka holding onto him and Ryoma closing in on him with frustration written all over his face. Things were not supposed to turn out like this. He wasn't supposed to be held back against his wishes. He wasn't supposed to be here, wishing he was elsewhere. Wishing that he had anything except Tezuka and Ryoma's stares boring into his soul.

The tensai finally spoke.

"I'm greedy."

Ryoma's reply was nonchalant. "Then be greedy."

"I want-"

"I don't mind, Fuji-senpai."

Tezuka watched on in silence, feeling Fuji's tightly clenched muscles finally relax beneath his grasp.

Fuji finally smiled, beatific. "Forgive me, Echizen."

The tensai then turned decisively and pulled Tezuka close for a kiss that was long overdue.


end

Date Completed: 300803
Date Revised: 181003

EXTRA NOTE!:
There's going to be a (very) short epilogue following this, so stay tuned ne! :)