By the Almighty SporkGoddess
That's all in the past,
This world has waited long enough
I've come home at last.
And this time will be bigger,
And brighter than we knew it
So watch me fly,
We all know I can do it.
Could I stop my hand from shaking?
Has there ever been a moment
With so much to live for?
The whispered conversations
In overcrowded hallways
So much to say
Not just today but always
We'll have early morning madness
We'll have magic in the making
Yes, everything's as if
We never said
Goodbye" - As If We Never Said Goodbye - Sunset Boulevard
I was running at such a fast pace that I was almost certain that people were pausing for a moment, making sure that I wasn't being pursued by a rapist or burglar. My shoes hit the ground painfully with each stride, and my breathing became shallow. Tears were in my eyes, but I wasn't sure how much of them were caused by the wind stinging my eyes. At any rate, it became hard to see, and the next thing I felt was my shoe catching on something, me sliding a bit, and then landing smack dab right on the pavement.
Now this was just too much.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cried, gingerly sitting up on my bruised butt to examine my stinging and scraped palms, and grimacing as I noticed several large and already incredibly painful scrapes on my knees. You'd think that as a Gundam fighter I'd be used to it; but it requires incredible grace and I'm used to large-scale injuries, not the kind that your mommy could kiss and make better. Not that I'd know that either, seeing as how my mother was dead. Oh, God, was there anything in my life that was right!? Fresh tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over at the slightest mishap. But the threat had been a lie too, they poured forth anyway.
I sat there for a while in front of my assailant, a now-crumped flyer that seemed to mock me with its advertisement for 50% off of Neo Thai food at the local Bangkok Buffet, crying, wanting to kick the people who looked at me strangely. In fact, now that I think about it that's what I should have been doing. At home, beating the stuffing out of my punching bag. Not sitting on the street, sniffling over a wound found most often on elementary school playgrounds and even stupider stuff than that, like boys.
With that thought, I forced myself to get up and began to trudge back home. You'd think that my physical pain would have taken away from the emotional, but no. Ever see one of those films where a person walks down the street and everything that they see reminds them of their ex, even something as stupid as a lamppost? And it plays like a montage, with his or her voice whispering things like "You're the only one for me," and "Don't you ever leave me… Allenby…"
Yes… I kept hearing him say my name. Over and over and over. In the ways that he used to, that I'd heard so often: happy, sad, warm, cold, teeming with rage or frosted with sorrow as he would spill out how the only girl for him had left him. But then he'd said the name Rain, not Allenby. And now that I thought about it, I realized how crazy that had driven me. And that led to me wonder if he had felt the same stabs as I rattled on about Domon. Or if he had felt the same fear, not the comfort that I thought that love was. The comfort that I had felt with Domon, that I thought that I wanted.
But did I really want that comfort, after all? Or did I want the emotional tidal waves with which Seitt had constantly drowned me, but also at times had lifted me up so high that I felt that I would splash the clouds or electrocute myself upon contact with the sun? And yes, there had been tons of that too—electricity, that is.
No, I decided; comfort wasn't right for me. I was young, I was alive; I wanted to feel alive, the spark that he put in me. Domon had lit and tended the flame, but Seitt had turned up the heat, so much that other parts of me had caught on fire. And as much as it may have hurt, it was very warm. Very, very, warm.
I stopped in mid-tracks as soon as I realized something. I was making way too many stupid metaphors. So, what else could it be, but love?
And then another thing hit me: the airport wasn't even five minutes away from my place. If I hurried, I could make it on time.
So I began to head that way, fervently hoping that this time there wouldn't be any stray ads for bargain Asian cuisine.
************************************************************************ Seitt's POV
************************************************************************
I left the hotel room with my luggage in tow, deciding to go back to Neo Turkey and accept that engineering job I'd been offered, but had been too busy sorting out my personal life to even consider. Unfortunately, the cab right to the airport, and the fact that I had to wait for the next flight (since it was such short notice), left me with lots of time to myself. Which lead to my wondering what the hell had just happened; and more importantly, why it hadn't worked out. And when I realized that I would never know, I went onto the next question: why was it bothering me so much?
Blame the fact that I had been an Engineering major, and I was used to logical problems. Whenever I had a bad breakout, I would try to solve it like a word problem. I had done the same with Rain, or tried to, anyway. And now I had to do the same with Allenby. Logic stated that since the relationship was so short, and rather shallow now that I thought about it, I shouldn't be feeling this sad. So, I had to take it deeper. Solve the equation; figure out the formula of what had lead to such a disaster.
I put together factors, variables of what had been similar and different in my other relationships, possible personality clashes. One may picture me sitting a desk in front of neatly-done notes, scratching a pencil on a photocopied sheet that featured relevant clipart, such as a little broken heart or possibly a frownie face. Well, I didn't quite do it that way. It was more internal than anything.
In that short time sitting in the airport café, listlessly twirling the painfully thin red straw around my cup of piping coffee, I came up with a few clues, possibly even answers. The main one was that my relationship with Allenby had had great potential that had not been explored to its fullest; in other words, I regretted not only what I had lost,, but what I could have had but never bothered to obtain. We quite possibly could have been happy together, if only I had been able to put aside my issues with Rain, and she whatever the hell she had with that Domon guy.
That was the other reason: I had a few happy memories, but for the most part our relationship had been filled with bitterness, constant arguing, and raging jealousy. Jealousy had led us to each other and even given us a bond, now that I think about it, but it had also torn us apart.
Figuring this out cleared up a lot of headaches, but it left me with heartache. To put it metaphorically, once the fog was gone I realized that the night was dismal and black. Fate had torn Rain away from me, but the only thing that had turned Allenby from me was myself. And that could be what hurt the most, the fact that the only ones to blame were ourselves.
But these reasons, complicated as they were, all lead to a simple truth, one that I had said many times but never really considered the deeper meaning of until it flashed in my head, like the neon sign outside that was visible from the terminal's window and glaring at me to stop at "The Paradise Club" for their new mixed drink special and karaoke night.
The pleasant-sounding woman on the loudspeaker interrupted my thoughts, announcing that the 6:30 flight to Neo Turkey had been delayed for an hour and a half and actually tempting me to go over to The Paradise Club more than the sign had. Finally, the old-fashioned urge to drown my sorrows in whiskey beat out the possibility that I could get smashed and missed my flight, and I stood up. The airport unfortunately was crowded, so I stealthily and not-so-politely pushed my way through the crowds.
The odyssey to the entrance of the airport was almost complete when I saw her walk through the door. The blue hair made her stand out, of course, but it was the eyes that gave her away. They were brighter than I remembered them. I locked my own upon them, wondering if she'd seen me; willing not to lose grip as I finally made it through the endless sea of people.
"Allenby?" I asked, wanting to throw her into my arms but wisely resisting.
"No, you don't know me. And I don't know you." She said. I blinked. I didn't know a whole lot about her past, but a twin was rather farfetched…
"Are you saying that we're strangers because of what happened now?" I asked.
"What happened? I don't know anyone who looks like you. Although I've always found Neo Turkish men to be very attractive." She giggled, which gave me a feeling reminiscent of hearing your favorite nursery rhyme from when you were a child, that you hadn't heard in ages. Oh, how I'd missed that sound.
"Huh?" And then, I kind of realized where she was going with this. "Well, I'm leaving for there in a little while. You could come with and see all of the, er, handsome Turkish men in the colony."
She frowned. "I dunno why I should… I mean, there's a perfectly good one standing right in front of me."
I found myself grinning. "An astute observation, miss; I'm assuming it's miss?"
"Well, it is miss, but it might be Mrs., someday. I received a nice prospect today from a handsome Turkish man not unlike yourself."
"You shouldn't be his silver medal," I said. "Why not ditch the guy and go with me?"
"Certainly an attractive male such as yourself has a girlfriend." She said, in mock surprise.
"Haven't had one since college, I'm afraid. It didn't work out, but that's okay. It's all in the past now; this is the present, and all I see is a pretty Neo Swedish girl who's flirting rather shamelessly with me."
"But, sir, I do believe that you are the one who accosted me."
"True enough, but you didn't seem to mind."
"No, I don't," she said with a smile. "But would you mind missing your flight?"
"I have some bad memories in this country… so why don't you come with me? You'd love it there, there's a lot to see, like… um…"
"You. In that case, of course I'll go." She suggested, leaning forward and putting her arms around my neck.
Our little charade was shattered momentarily with that movement, and pleadingly I said "Allenby…"
"Shh… would you stop acting like you know my name? It's creeping me out."
"Oh, my apologies. What is your name, then?"
"Allenby is fine," She purred softly.
Wondering, although in truth not really caring, exactly how women make that sound, I said "It's nice to meet you, Allenby. I'm Seitt."
"Seitt, I have a friend who knew someone by that name. But that doesn't matter, now does it?"
"No, it doesn't." I agreed as she extricated herself from my arms, but grabbed my hand and began to pull me towards the desk to see when we could book a flight for the two of us.
Author's Note: Oh wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that. It just kind of spit itself out (love the phrasing there.) I felt the urge to work on this fic as it was different, which is hard to find in this section nowadays.
Anyway, I would like to thank those of you who kept pressing me to finish it. Normally that doesn't work, but this time it did! Also, thanks to all of those whose opinions helped me out, whether it be an important plot point or something as stupid as what Allenby tripped over. I would also like to thank my mp3s, especially the song Hairspray – Without Love, which reaaaaally got me into the mood for this chapter.
I hope that you guys enjoyed it, and find the ending satisfactory. And may it go to show that sometimes it takes a long time for us to realize what love really is.
- SporkGoddess
Disclaimer: This chapter title came from Your Eyes, a song from RENT and written by Jonathon Larson.