(AN: I'm pushing the rating because of two bad words. Be warned.)
"Come on." Ms. Tuyen begged me. We'd been sitting in silence for the last half-hour. Evidently, her resolve, not to talk until I did, had finally cracked. I was impressed; I was better than I had thought. I had, honestly, given her three meetings (I refused to call them sessions) of absolute silence before she started talking first; this was our second meeting. Our first meeting had been a quiet one after our formalities and her explaining the rules. (i.e. No one could leave until the meeting was done. I must be honest. I could walk around if I wanted as long as she could too. She wouldn't start talking until I did. Etc.) This meeting had included the usually formalities and here she was, half an hour later, talking to me.
I looked at her from my swivel chair in front of her desk. She was sitting in an identical chair behind her desk, except that hers was a light gray and mine was black leather.
//I must remember to buy one of these chairs for my office. // I told myself.
"You've got to talk about it." She insisted.
"Talk?" I laughed. "I don't have to talk about a damn thing."
"Then why do you come?" She asked, getting aggravated.
"A couple reasons. I've got...I've got nothing better to do and I always wonder what new mixed messages your going to feed me."
"Mixed messages?"
"Oh yes. My favorite is that you tell me to 'Talk about it', but I shouldn't 'Dwell on the past'. Why don't you make up your mind?"
"Seto..."
"Don't call me that!" I hissed, glaring at her. I clenched the armrests and leaned forward. I don't think I'd ever been that angry, but I couldn't help it. //How dare she?!// "You have no right! Call me Kaiba if you must address me!"
"Alright." She shrugged. "Kaiba. Why won't you talk about it?"
"You're my shrink. Aren't you supposed to tell me that?"
"I can't tell you anything unless you talk to me." She pointed out. "Why don't you tell me what happened."
"I...I can't. It still hurts." I admitted, getting up and walking over to the windows that made up the left wall. I looked down at the street and felt my hands clench behind my back.
"Alright." She nodded. "Why don't we start with something easier?"
"Like?" I shrugged. //Why am I so talkative today? Why the hell DO I come to these stupid things? I suppose if I was to be perfectly honest, I would say that I come because it gets me out of the house. //
"Kaiba?" She asked.
"Huh?" I jumped.
"We're you listening?" She asked. I shook my head.
"Could you repeat it?" I asked, quietly.
"What do you do when you get home?" She sighed.
"Eat. Sleep." I shrugged.
"Alright." She sighed. "Do you talk to any of your friends?"
"I don't have any." I sighed, looking down. "I don't need any."
"Kaiba..." Ms. Tuyen began.
"I. Don't. Need. Any." I repeated.
"Fine. What else do you do?" She asked.
"I work."
"All day?" She asked. "What about school?"
"I graduated last month." I sighed.
"Oh, yes. Of course." She laughed. "How stupid of me."
//I will, MUST, not comment. Oh, fine, I will. I could have told her that. //
"Seto." She sighed, trying to get my attention. I felt my blood boil.
//She's done it again. // I snarled. //If she does that one more time, I'm going to pop! //
"Seto," She tried again. I balled my hands into fists and spun to face her.
"DON'T. YOU. EVER. CALL. ME. THAT. AGAIN!" I roared. Ms. Tuyen started at me in shock. I think my sudden burst of emotions scared her, and usually I would have stopped to regain my cold control of them, but she had hit a nerve. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! ONLY MOKUBA CALLS ME THAT! NOT YOU! NOT ANYONE ELSE!!"
"Don't you mean, called?" Ms. Tuyen whispered.
"SHUT UP!" I screamed. I felt like a little child, denying that the sky was blue, but I wouldn't let myself accept it. "HE IS NOT DEAD!"
"Kaiba." She soothed. "You have to accept it. Mokuba died."
"Shut up." I tried to tell her, but my voice wouldn't work. I felt the tears run down the checks and I sank into my chair. "He shouldn't be dead. It was just a storm! A storm!"
"Come on, Kaiba." Ms. Tuyen nodded. "What happened?"
"It was a Friday. It had been nice all week so Mokuba asked me if he could walk home. I, like a fool, agreed. Then, in the afternoon, it began to rain. I tried to call him on his cell phone to tell him I was coming to pick him up, but he didn't answer. I drove to the school anyway and when I got there, he...he...he was already dead. He ran out into the parking lot. The driver saw him but couldn't stop because of the rain."
"What happened then?" she prompted me.
"I jumped out and ran towards him. It was starting to rain harder now and I couldn't see anything but Mokuba. I remember running and slipping a couple times, then reaching him. He wouldn't talk to me, but I told him that help was coming and he was going to be alright. I tried yelling for help, but no one was coming. I don't remember anything else until I was sitting in the waiting room and a doctor was telling me that he had died upon impact. They said I should be happy he never knew what hit him. I told them all to fuck off. How could I be happy if he was dead? It couldn't be true. I couldn't believe it. Hell, I wouldn't believe it. Then I saw him laying there, so quiet and still, I was just waiting for him to sit up and give me one of his hugs. But he wouldn't."
"What else do you remember?" She asked, but I just shook my head. "You've got to talk!"
"You know, sometimes I have nightmares about it. They're always the same. Well, until the ending. There are different endings. There's always the rain, the car, Mokuba, and then the ending. Occasionally, I can't move and Mokuba sees me. He just stands there waving at me and the car's coming towards him. Then he's hit and it's just memories of that day. Sometimes, I managed to jump in front of him but the car passes through me and hits him. Then, once, I had a dream where it did hit me and I was dying." I shook my head, not wanting to remember that particular dream. "Why did it have to be him?"
"No one knows." My shrink shrugged.
"Mokuba." I whispered. "Why couldn't it have been me? Why him? I never did tell him how much he meant to me. Some days, most days, he was the only reason I didn't blow myself away. I even considered buying a gun once, then I saw his picture and went back home."
"Kaiba, Mokuba knew how much you cared about him." Ms. Tuyen reassured me.
"Yes, I know. But I never did tell him exactly how much." I sniffed. "GOD! Why can't this just be a dream? Why is it that I can't walk out this door and see him? Why is he dead?"
"Kaiba." A voice whispered.
"Go away!" I sobbed. "Go away!"
"Seto?!" A new voice asked. I tried to pull in my tears, but they just began to fall more freely. I felt a hand on my shoulder but I didn't try to shake it off. "Seto, Wake up!"
//Oh, yes! How I wish I could. // I sighed. I wiped away my tears and opened my eyes. Mokuba was sitting next to me.
"WHAT?!" I screamed, pulling away. I looked around and saw that I was in my room, wearing only my PJ's. "Go away! You're dead!"
"Seto? Were you having a bad dream?" Mokuba asked me, his voice showing his worry. I looked down at my arm and pinched myself. It hurt. I looked back at Mokuba and held out my arms to hug him. He squeezed me and I hugged him back.
"Do you know how much I care about you?" I asked Mokuba.
"A lot?" He asked. I smiled.
"More than that. I care about you more than anything else in the world, you know that, right?"
"I know." Mokuba nodded. I smiled.
"You'd better go back to your room." I sighed after a while. "You need your sleep. I promise I'm okay."
"If you're sure." Mokuba nodded, closing the door behind him. I closed my eyes and lay back down on my bed.
//Thank you.// I sighed, in a silent prayer. //Thank you for my second chance. From now on I'll remember what you taught me. You never know what you have, until you lose it.//
(Author: And YES! I know the ending sucks! *Kicks self for writing such an AWFUL ending)
"Come on." Ms. Tuyen begged me. We'd been sitting in silence for the last half-hour. Evidently, her resolve, not to talk until I did, had finally cracked. I was impressed; I was better than I had thought. I had, honestly, given her three meetings (I refused to call them sessions) of absolute silence before she started talking first; this was our second meeting. Our first meeting had been a quiet one after our formalities and her explaining the rules. (i.e. No one could leave until the meeting was done. I must be honest. I could walk around if I wanted as long as she could too. She wouldn't start talking until I did. Etc.) This meeting had included the usually formalities and here she was, half an hour later, talking to me.
I looked at her from my swivel chair in front of her desk. She was sitting in an identical chair behind her desk, except that hers was a light gray and mine was black leather.
//I must remember to buy one of these chairs for my office. // I told myself.
"You've got to talk about it." She insisted.
"Talk?" I laughed. "I don't have to talk about a damn thing."
"Then why do you come?" She asked, getting aggravated.
"A couple reasons. I've got...I've got nothing better to do and I always wonder what new mixed messages your going to feed me."
"Mixed messages?"
"Oh yes. My favorite is that you tell me to 'Talk about it', but I shouldn't 'Dwell on the past'. Why don't you make up your mind?"
"Seto..."
"Don't call me that!" I hissed, glaring at her. I clenched the armrests and leaned forward. I don't think I'd ever been that angry, but I couldn't help it. //How dare she?!// "You have no right! Call me Kaiba if you must address me!"
"Alright." She shrugged. "Kaiba. Why won't you talk about it?"
"You're my shrink. Aren't you supposed to tell me that?"
"I can't tell you anything unless you talk to me." She pointed out. "Why don't you tell me what happened."
"I...I can't. It still hurts." I admitted, getting up and walking over to the windows that made up the left wall. I looked down at the street and felt my hands clench behind my back.
"Alright." She nodded. "Why don't we start with something easier?"
"Like?" I shrugged. //Why am I so talkative today? Why the hell DO I come to these stupid things? I suppose if I was to be perfectly honest, I would say that I come because it gets me out of the house. //
"Kaiba?" She asked.
"Huh?" I jumped.
"We're you listening?" She asked. I shook my head.
"Could you repeat it?" I asked, quietly.
"What do you do when you get home?" She sighed.
"Eat. Sleep." I shrugged.
"Alright." She sighed. "Do you talk to any of your friends?"
"I don't have any." I sighed, looking down. "I don't need any."
"Kaiba..." Ms. Tuyen began.
"I. Don't. Need. Any." I repeated.
"Fine. What else do you do?" She asked.
"I work."
"All day?" She asked. "What about school?"
"I graduated last month." I sighed.
"Oh, yes. Of course." She laughed. "How stupid of me."
//I will, MUST, not comment. Oh, fine, I will. I could have told her that. //
"Seto." She sighed, trying to get my attention. I felt my blood boil.
//She's done it again. // I snarled. //If she does that one more time, I'm going to pop! //
"Seto," She tried again. I balled my hands into fists and spun to face her.
"DON'T. YOU. EVER. CALL. ME. THAT. AGAIN!" I roared. Ms. Tuyen started at me in shock. I think my sudden burst of emotions scared her, and usually I would have stopped to regain my cold control of them, but she had hit a nerve. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! ONLY MOKUBA CALLS ME THAT! NOT YOU! NOT ANYONE ELSE!!"
"Don't you mean, called?" Ms. Tuyen whispered.
"SHUT UP!" I screamed. I felt like a little child, denying that the sky was blue, but I wouldn't let myself accept it. "HE IS NOT DEAD!"
"Kaiba." She soothed. "You have to accept it. Mokuba died."
"Shut up." I tried to tell her, but my voice wouldn't work. I felt the tears run down the checks and I sank into my chair. "He shouldn't be dead. It was just a storm! A storm!"
"Come on, Kaiba." Ms. Tuyen nodded. "What happened?"
"It was a Friday. It had been nice all week so Mokuba asked me if he could walk home. I, like a fool, agreed. Then, in the afternoon, it began to rain. I tried to call him on his cell phone to tell him I was coming to pick him up, but he didn't answer. I drove to the school anyway and when I got there, he...he...he was already dead. He ran out into the parking lot. The driver saw him but couldn't stop because of the rain."
"What happened then?" she prompted me.
"I jumped out and ran towards him. It was starting to rain harder now and I couldn't see anything but Mokuba. I remember running and slipping a couple times, then reaching him. He wouldn't talk to me, but I told him that help was coming and he was going to be alright. I tried yelling for help, but no one was coming. I don't remember anything else until I was sitting in the waiting room and a doctor was telling me that he had died upon impact. They said I should be happy he never knew what hit him. I told them all to fuck off. How could I be happy if he was dead? It couldn't be true. I couldn't believe it. Hell, I wouldn't believe it. Then I saw him laying there, so quiet and still, I was just waiting for him to sit up and give me one of his hugs. But he wouldn't."
"What else do you remember?" She asked, but I just shook my head. "You've got to talk!"
"You know, sometimes I have nightmares about it. They're always the same. Well, until the ending. There are different endings. There's always the rain, the car, Mokuba, and then the ending. Occasionally, I can't move and Mokuba sees me. He just stands there waving at me and the car's coming towards him. Then he's hit and it's just memories of that day. Sometimes, I managed to jump in front of him but the car passes through me and hits him. Then, once, I had a dream where it did hit me and I was dying." I shook my head, not wanting to remember that particular dream. "Why did it have to be him?"
"No one knows." My shrink shrugged.
"Mokuba." I whispered. "Why couldn't it have been me? Why him? I never did tell him how much he meant to me. Some days, most days, he was the only reason I didn't blow myself away. I even considered buying a gun once, then I saw his picture and went back home."
"Kaiba, Mokuba knew how much you cared about him." Ms. Tuyen reassured me.
"Yes, I know. But I never did tell him exactly how much." I sniffed. "GOD! Why can't this just be a dream? Why is it that I can't walk out this door and see him? Why is he dead?"
"Kaiba." A voice whispered.
"Go away!" I sobbed. "Go away!"
"Seto?!" A new voice asked. I tried to pull in my tears, but they just began to fall more freely. I felt a hand on my shoulder but I didn't try to shake it off. "Seto, Wake up!"
//Oh, yes! How I wish I could. // I sighed. I wiped away my tears and opened my eyes. Mokuba was sitting next to me.
"WHAT?!" I screamed, pulling away. I looked around and saw that I was in my room, wearing only my PJ's. "Go away! You're dead!"
"Seto? Were you having a bad dream?" Mokuba asked me, his voice showing his worry. I looked down at my arm and pinched myself. It hurt. I looked back at Mokuba and held out my arms to hug him. He squeezed me and I hugged him back.
"Do you know how much I care about you?" I asked Mokuba.
"A lot?" He asked. I smiled.
"More than that. I care about you more than anything else in the world, you know that, right?"
"I know." Mokuba nodded. I smiled.
"You'd better go back to your room." I sighed after a while. "You need your sleep. I promise I'm okay."
"If you're sure." Mokuba nodded, closing the door behind him. I closed my eyes and lay back down on my bed.
//Thank you.// I sighed, in a silent prayer. //Thank you for my second chance. From now on I'll remember what you taught me. You never know what you have, until you lose it.//
(Author: And YES! I know the ending sucks! *Kicks self for writing such an AWFUL ending)