Lord Knows I Can't Change

Chapter Thirteen

"So you're dead?"

"You killed me."

"And you don't feel pain?"

"You have numbed me."

Bootstrap vaguely wondered if Will had seen his eyes.

            They had apologized. They had held the apology that his voice could not; that his touch could not. That he could not muster up enough strength to show or to say.

His eyes had held it and his eyes had said it.

            Every being of Bootstrap's existence had physically trembled from the wave of emotion that had crashed over him with Will's agonizingly true words. He did not even know where to begin naming all of the emotions that had hit him… guilt, anger, sorrow, pain, remorse… and the list went on… and on… and on… and on. He had had to fight the urge to raise his head to the sky and scream livid words at a God that had long ago turned against him, a God that had turned his back on him twelve years ago when he had let Barbossa murder his wife. A God that, not once, had given a damn about him, had been there. Not once.

Bootstrap's frown deepened as he realized that he must have been Will's God. Never there, never cared…-

            Bootstrap had apologized and, judging from how the twenty-year-old had crumbled into his arms, Will had forgiven him.

Right?

"Appearances can be deceiving. You of all people should know this."

            "… -give Jack the coin?"

Had Will seen his eyes?

            "Later tonight as we…-"

Had Will forgiven him?

            "… -Barbossa finds out? Is there any chance that he already…-"

Appearances had been deceiving so many bloody times in the last twelve years… -Was Bootstrap to add this to the list as well?

            "… -doubt it. How could he have found out?...-"

"Appearances can be deceiving. You of all people should know this."

Was he to add this to the list?! To that bloody God damned list?!

            "Voices…-"

Was that what Will had meant?! That Bootstrap should know that his son didn't forgive him, could never forgive him?!

            "… -seem to forget that."

Fucking list...

            "William?...-"

…that damned bloody never ending...-

            Bootstrap jumped out of his thoughts with a start and looked over at Jack with a frown. "What, Jack?" The pirate captain let his eyes roam over his best friends' and he let out a low sigh as he saw that the older man was trying to appear as though his little incident with Will hadn't hurt him, hadn't affected him in any way, shape or form. Judging from how Elizabeth had been somewhat annoyed with Will, the blacksmith had to have been doing the same exact act.  Jack didn't voice it.

            "Our plan," he answered a few seconds later, "do you like our plan?"

            Bootstrap smiled apologetically and both Elizabeth and Jack frowned. Though Will and Bootstrap had talked, things still weren't alright. "My apologies, Jack, would you mind repeating it?" The pirate captain rose an eyebrow but didn't protest.

            "We'll be at the island in about a day, if that." He shrugged. "This time tomorrow we should about be there and so Will is going to give me the coin sometime very early tomorrow morning. I'll have said coin when we reach the island. You and your son over here," he motioned to Will with his right hand, "will take on Barbossa as me and his rum burner," he motioned to Elizabeth with his left hand, "hold off the monkey. You two kill him either on the Pearl or on the island and make him bleed into the chest and whatever else and we'll go about killing the monkey from there. Elizabeth and I will be able to hold Jack off long enough for you and Will to kill the dead guy and to block the entrance to the cave, savvy?"

            "Not like you to miss out on the big battle, Jack." Jack carefully rose his right arm and pointed out the crimson-stained cloth that was bound tightly around his shoulder. Lowering the arm, and wincing faintly as he jostled the wound, he held his right hand up to show the stained cloth that was there as well.

            "I'm not a fool." He smirked and Bootstrap rose an eyebrow.

            "You can always fight switch."

            Jack shrugged. "Yeah, but I don't like fighting switch. Me left hand and I aren't as good as friends as me right." Bootstrap shook his head with a sigh and Jack laughed softly before returning his attention back to the matter at hand. "So, like our plan, or ye don't like our plan?"

            "I like it," the older man answered. "Sounds good enough, anyway. Besides, even if it isn't and we die, it'll be your fault." Jack frowned.

            "Glad to hear support, mate." The pirate's tone was dripping with sarcasm and the other three people in the small cabin couldn't help but chuckle. "Honestly, Bootstrap, I wouldn't use the plan if I thought that we would die. If I wanted any of you to die, I'd do it myself." He grinned.

            "Oh, and so trading me in for the return of the Pearl two years ago is doing it yourself?" Jack's eyes snapped to Will and the blacksmith laughed at the pirate's shocked expression.

            "You were going to do what!?" Jack winced at Bootstrap's tone and lowered his eyes with a small sigh. He rose them a few seconds later and grinned sheepishly; golden teeth shimmering as he shrugged and cocked his head to the side. "Jack Sparrow! Honestly, a man's life for a ship?! A ship?!"

            "In my defense, it was more like a life for a life sort of thing, being that the Pearl is my life." He watched as Bootstrap crossed his arms. "Well, he hit me across the bloody head with an oar!" Bootstrap's eyes roamed over to Will and he rose an eyebrow.

            "You hit Jack with an oar?"

            "Only because he was going to trade me for his bloody ship! I had to do something! –That and he wouldn't let me rescue Elizabeth, he was just walking around funnily and mumbling about how he had never given me reason not to trust him." Will shrugged. "I didn't hit him that hard."

            "You knocked me out, whelp."

            "Only because you were going to trade me, pirate."

            "So? I damn well had right to after you and your little, 'I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it!' speech."

            "One sentence is in no way a speech, Jack."

            "'You threatened Miss. Swann', 'I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates,'" Jack grinned toothily at Will's annoyed face. "They all tie together to form a speech, lad."

            "Three sentences is not a speech either."

            "Shut it, eunuch."

            "Eunuch?" Bootstrap's voice broke their bickering and he looked back and forth between the pirate and the blacksmith. He laughed quietly and shook his head. "Jack, Will, please refrain from killing each other until later, alright? There are bigger issues to deal with right now." He rested his gaze on Jack. "I'll make it a point to ask you why the hell you were going to trade my son for your ship later on, Jack, don't think I won't." Jack crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

            "Sure, and don't even get mad at Will for bonking me with an oar."

            "Jack, I think yours was a little bit worse."

            "He knocked me out and left me on that bloody island with Barbossa! His is most definitely not worse." Bootstrap covered Jack's mouth with his hand and turned back around to peer at his son and Elizabeth, who were both clearly amused.

            "It's getting late; we should sleep while we can. As soon as you wake up tomorrow, Will," he looked at the blacksmith, "be sure to give Jack the coin." The blacksmith nodded and briefly looked out of the window.

            "The sea seems a bit rough tonight," he slowly rested his eyes back on his father, "strange." Bootstrap shrugged and removed his hand from Jack's mouth. The pirate glared at him as he pushed himself up from the wall and started to walk over towards the chair that he had been using for a bed since he had given his to Will and Elizabeth.

            "Eunuch," he spat as he sat down. Bootstrap just laughed. Jack's eyes wandered over to Will. "Eunuch Jr." Will rose an eyebrow at the pirate as Jack let his eyes roam to Elizabeth. "Rum burner." He turned his head away from his three friends and sank down into the chair. Bootstrap shook his head. Childish as their actions had been, and even as confused as it had left him, he was grateful that his son and his best friend had acted as they had. For just one second, he was not driving himself insane with whether or not Will had seen his eyes, with whether or not his son forgave him.

Maybe, since their journey would end tomorrow evening and Barbossa would finally hopefully die, Bootstrap would allow himself to think that Will had for just one night as he had allowed himself to for one second.

To Be Continued…

AN: This chapter was a pain in the ass. I rewrote the beginning about twelve dozen times. Literally. Chapter 14 will be the beginning of the big final fight scene, which, more than likely, will be about 2-3 chapters long. After the fight scene is over, there will be two more chapters and that's it. Well, err, possibly three, but most likely not. I'm still guessing that 18 will be the last chapter, though.

I will try to update ASAP but, being that 14 will be longer than 12 and 13 and it will be a lot more involved, it might be a while. Start looking for it around Wednesday; it'll possibly be up then. But if not, it will be next Sunday or Saturday.

Please review on your way out!