A/N: Ee-hee! I love you guys! Your reviews are awesome, thanks so much!
Hopefully fanfiction.net will cooperate, it seems to be pretty
temperamental lately :P Bon appetit!
*** Nick sat on a chair in front of Grissom's desk, motionless; his forearms on his thighs, hands laced together, just staring at the floor. He had been there since Grissom had led him from the morgue he wasn't sure how long ago. His mind and body felt numb, with the exception of a deep dull ache in his heart that radiated out across his chest. The image of his sister lying cold and lifeless under the harsh light in the autopsy room had been permanently seared onto his vision; whether his eyes were open or closed he couldn't escape it and wondered now if he ever would.
Rachel was three years older than he was, fifth born in the family. She and her husband Jonathan had lived in Colorado for the past six years, quite happily to his knowledge. Rachel had been a teacher, but only worked because she loved the kids. John worked for a large computer company and made plenty of money. Nick thought that the couple had been trying for the past year or so to start a family of their own but wasn't sure. Because of his move to Las Vegas and his full work schedule he hadn't seen her in nearly two years. But what had she been doing here? Was she coming to see him? Why?
Also, he had had the unenviable task of phoning his parents to tell them the bad news. They had been asleep of course, only to be woken by the worst news a parent could hear. One of their children was dead.
"Oh, Nick," his mother's sweet sleepy voice had said. "Baby, is that you?"
"Yeah Mom, it's me." His voice was rough.
"What is it honey? How are you?"
"Um, not so. not so good Mom," he said tightly, his throat constricting painfully and the muscles in his jaw flexing. "I have some. some pretty bad news."
Her sorrowful wail of grief still echoed in her ears. She had been inconsolable and denied every word he said.
"Mama," he said his face crumpling as she continued to cry hysterically. He sat down heavily, his legs weak. "Mama, I'm sorry." He pressed his hand over his eyes, choking back a sob. "I'm so sorry."
"Nicholas?" His father's voice came on the line. Normally strong and authoritive his tone was now grief-stricken and empty. But it was enough to help Nick pull himself together and he sat up a little straighter wiping his tears with the back of his hand.
"Dad, Dad I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"I am too son," he replied hoarsely, sounding almost zombie-like. There was a long pause, his mother's muffled sobs the only sound on the line. Finally his father spoke again shakily. "You find him Nick. You find whoever did this, you hear?"
Nick nodded, eyes closed. "Yes sir," he promised both his father and himself. "I will. I swear to God I will."
"That's my boy. I love you son."
"I love you too." He hung up the phone. "Oh, Rache," he sighed, rubbing his eyes harshly with his palms then running his hands into his hair.
He was sitting there holding his head when Sara knocked softly and let herself into the office, closing the door behind her to ensure their privacy. She was unsure as to what to do. All the things she had planned to say sounded stupid and meaningless now that she was confronted by the situation so she just stood and stared worriedly waiting for him to speak first. He looked up slowly and met her eyes and seeing her concern felt another wave of emotions hit him hard. Taking a deep shaky breath, he rubbed his hands on his thighs then stood.
"Hey Sara," he said quietly, his tongue briefly darting out to his upper lip. His chin started to tremble and his eyes flooded immediately but he tried to hold it back. He didn't want her to see him cry.
"Oh Nick," Sara said, quickly closing the distance between them and wrapping him in her arms protectively, feeling him shiver and wishing she could say or do something, anything to make his pain go away. "I'm so, so sorry," she whispered emotionally, seeing the anguish and sadness on his normally cheery handsome face.
Nick was hesitant to respond to her at first just standing with his arms at his sides. He didn't want to be like this in front of her with his heart on his sleeve, he wanted to be strong. But her arms felt so good around him; he couldn't help but put his arms around her waist and hold her tightly, nearly crushing her against him. Sobs started to wrack his body as all the emotion he had been trying to hold in since making his awful discovery burst through. He buried his face in her neck, her sweet scent surrounding him and for some reason making him cry even harder and he tried to take what comfort he could from her warm embrace. Sara rubbed his back and stroked his hair soothingly as he clung to her, whispering comforting nonsense and planting kisses on his hair and face.
"Why? W-why did this happen to her?" he demanded stammering and sobbing. "Who would-who could do it? Sh-she was s-such a good person and I don't even know why she was here I mean what-what if she was coming to see m-me an-and and now she's dead." He trailed off, unable to speak anymore as his grief overcame him. She hushed him gently and held him tighter realizing what he was thinking.
"This isn't your fault. We'll figure it out Nick," she told him firmly, her own voice wavering as he continued to cry, clinging on to her. "We'll figure it all out, but god, sweetheart it is not your fault," she whispered and held the back of his head, kissing his temple.
She could feel his tears on her skin as his body hitched and shook against hers and his agonized cries and whimpers tore her heart. Finally he started to calm down, his sobs turning to small hiccups and shudders but still for a little while he kept his head on her shoulder, reveling in being held for the first time in a long while. She said nothing, just rocked him gently and let her fingertips play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Nick slowly lifted his head but didn't let her go or look her in the eye, somewhat ashamed for his behavior but unwilling to part with her comforting warmth just yet.
"I'm sorry Sara," he mumbled hoarsely. Feeling embarrassed, he was avoiding her inquiring eyes by staring at the tearstains he had left on her blue shirt. He roughly knuckled his eyes and sniffed.
"Nick, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for," she scolded lightly, taking his hand away from his face and gently wiping his tears, leaving her hand on his smooth cheek a moment before letting it trail down his neck and settle on his chest. "I'm here for you okay? Look at me."
He finally shifted his gaze and was surprised to see tears of her own trailing down her face.
"Okay?" she asked again, big brown eyes searching his. He blinked and nodded almost imperceptibly. His brow furrowed and he brought up a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear and caress the side of her face. His thumb wiped away the wetness on her soft skin.
"You're crying" he stated in wonder, momentarily distracted from his own grief, only concerned with comforting her. Seeing her cry bothered him more than he liked.
"What?" Sara asked her brow furrowed in disbelief. "Of course I'm crying. You're so upset Nick and you're hurting. I'd do anything to take that hurt away."
He looked at her inquisitively. Typically Sara was not an easy person to get to open up but now, perhaps because Nick's own emotions were so visible he could see her sincerity in every word she just said. And he realized he loved her for it. His thumb moved to her mouth, lightly tracing.
Leaning in and brushing his lips against hers he let out a sigh. An odd calm had set over him, perhaps because he was so emotionally drained, but perhaps not entirely. His life had fallen to pieces around him but one thing remained constantly clear. He needed her and that was all that mattered to him right now.
Sara was taken by surprise at first but quickly relaxed in his arms and returned his gentle kiss. She slid the hand on his chest up to the back of his neck and tilted her head up to his. There was no nervousness in their actions as there had been earlier that evening in the locker room. They both knew exactly what they wanted now. Briefly her dazed brain debated whether this was appropriate. He was so emotionally wrought, maybe they weren't thinking straight. What if they both regretted this later? But, on the other hand, what if they didn't? It just felt so right.
She ran her fingers through his hair, fingernails lightly scratching his scalp, as their kiss became more urgent. He groaned deeply and pulled her completely against him, big strong hands roaming over her testing the firmness of her body. Her mouth opened invitingly under his and his tongue darted out immediately to explore her lips, teeth and the roof of her mouth before he greedily sucked her tongue into his mouth, swallowing her soft moan.
Their passion mounting, her hands slid under his shirt feeling his warm smooth skin and firm muscles for a moment then gripped fistfuls of the shirt, pulling it over his head. His mouth found hers again and he gripped her against him with one arm, the other sweeping all the objects and papers on Grissom's desk to the floor. Nick picked Sara up easily and she wrapped her long legs around his waist, letting him lay her down on their boss's desk. She whispered his name as he kissed her neck and the trail of newly exposed skin he revealed as he undid the buttons on her shirt impatiently.
He gasped and trembled, his body screaming when he felt her fingers trail down his chest and abs, onto his belt and she started kissing him again. She giggled a little when his shaky fingers had trouble with the button on her khakis but was silenced immediately when his wandering lips found a particularly good spot behind her ear, creating warmth that pooled in her tummy. She decided to get him back by tasting the tender skin under his jaw and was not disappointed by the results.
"Mmm, Sara," he grunted pulling back slightly to rest his forehead against hers, breathing hard. Jolts of electricity seemed to be shooting through him and he had to fight to keep control of himself.
"Sensitive, huh?" she asked with a warm smile, running her hands up and down the strong planes of his back. He nodded and kissed her again.
"I'm sorry," he said frowning. "You know, for the circumstances of all this." He combed his fingers through the silky strands of her hair. "It's not exactly how I pictured our first time."
Sara shook her head. "I'm not sorry," she said sincerely. "I'm glad I can be here with you like this." She smiled widely, shocked when she realized what he had just admitted to her. "You've thought about our first time?"
Nick gave her a small sheepish smile and nodded and her heart melted. He kissed a tender trail from the corner of her mouth up her jaw, across her forehead and down the other side of her face, finding her mouth again. This kiss was slow and deep and wet and driving them both wild. She bit down gently on his lower lip, nibbling and sucking it then pulling it into her mouth and soothing it with her tongue. He groaned again and she could feel the vibrations in his chest.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered pulling away for a moment to study her face.
"So are you," she said softly, tracing her fingers over his eyebrow and down his cheek, smiling when he turned his face to kiss her palm. Sara raised her head for another deep kiss.
"Are you sure about this?" he murmured, his lips not leaving hers.
Ah, Nick. Always the gentleman.
She nodded, kissing his face, making a trail to his ear. "Let me take your pain away," she whispered.
He tensed and looked at her, pulling away slightly. "Is that all this is to you?" His kind eyes clouded, his eyebrows coming together in anger.
"What?" she asked confused. "What are you talking about? Nick!" He pulled away completely, his face shuttered. Ignoring her he did up his belt and grabbed his shirt off the floor and yanked it back on.
"I can't believe this." he muttered under his breath not hearing her pleas as he moved past her to the door.
"Wait! Nick! Please- " She jumped up and grabbed his arm, hurt and shocked when he jerked away from her as if repulsed.
"I don't need a pity fuck Sara!" he shouted, his index finger jabbing the air in front of her. He stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him. Sara was left standing stunned, as though slapped, unable to move or even say another word in her defense.
How could he think that?
Slowly she re-buttoned her shirt and started to pick up all the items that had been on Grissom's desk, tears streaming down her face.
*** A/N: Oh I know, I'm so mean. Mwahahahaa! This personally is one of my favorite chapters, so angsty. But not to worry, all things N/S will be resolved. eventually!
*** Nick sat on a chair in front of Grissom's desk, motionless; his forearms on his thighs, hands laced together, just staring at the floor. He had been there since Grissom had led him from the morgue he wasn't sure how long ago. His mind and body felt numb, with the exception of a deep dull ache in his heart that radiated out across his chest. The image of his sister lying cold and lifeless under the harsh light in the autopsy room had been permanently seared onto his vision; whether his eyes were open or closed he couldn't escape it and wondered now if he ever would.
Rachel was three years older than he was, fifth born in the family. She and her husband Jonathan had lived in Colorado for the past six years, quite happily to his knowledge. Rachel had been a teacher, but only worked because she loved the kids. John worked for a large computer company and made plenty of money. Nick thought that the couple had been trying for the past year or so to start a family of their own but wasn't sure. Because of his move to Las Vegas and his full work schedule he hadn't seen her in nearly two years. But what had she been doing here? Was she coming to see him? Why?
Also, he had had the unenviable task of phoning his parents to tell them the bad news. They had been asleep of course, only to be woken by the worst news a parent could hear. One of their children was dead.
"Oh, Nick," his mother's sweet sleepy voice had said. "Baby, is that you?"
"Yeah Mom, it's me." His voice was rough.
"What is it honey? How are you?"
"Um, not so. not so good Mom," he said tightly, his throat constricting painfully and the muscles in his jaw flexing. "I have some. some pretty bad news."
Her sorrowful wail of grief still echoed in her ears. She had been inconsolable and denied every word he said.
"Mama," he said his face crumpling as she continued to cry hysterically. He sat down heavily, his legs weak. "Mama, I'm sorry." He pressed his hand over his eyes, choking back a sob. "I'm so sorry."
"Nicholas?" His father's voice came on the line. Normally strong and authoritive his tone was now grief-stricken and empty. But it was enough to help Nick pull himself together and he sat up a little straighter wiping his tears with the back of his hand.
"Dad, Dad I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"I am too son," he replied hoarsely, sounding almost zombie-like. There was a long pause, his mother's muffled sobs the only sound on the line. Finally his father spoke again shakily. "You find him Nick. You find whoever did this, you hear?"
Nick nodded, eyes closed. "Yes sir," he promised both his father and himself. "I will. I swear to God I will."
"That's my boy. I love you son."
"I love you too." He hung up the phone. "Oh, Rache," he sighed, rubbing his eyes harshly with his palms then running his hands into his hair.
He was sitting there holding his head when Sara knocked softly and let herself into the office, closing the door behind her to ensure their privacy. She was unsure as to what to do. All the things she had planned to say sounded stupid and meaningless now that she was confronted by the situation so she just stood and stared worriedly waiting for him to speak first. He looked up slowly and met her eyes and seeing her concern felt another wave of emotions hit him hard. Taking a deep shaky breath, he rubbed his hands on his thighs then stood.
"Hey Sara," he said quietly, his tongue briefly darting out to his upper lip. His chin started to tremble and his eyes flooded immediately but he tried to hold it back. He didn't want her to see him cry.
"Oh Nick," Sara said, quickly closing the distance between them and wrapping him in her arms protectively, feeling him shiver and wishing she could say or do something, anything to make his pain go away. "I'm so, so sorry," she whispered emotionally, seeing the anguish and sadness on his normally cheery handsome face.
Nick was hesitant to respond to her at first just standing with his arms at his sides. He didn't want to be like this in front of her with his heart on his sleeve, he wanted to be strong. But her arms felt so good around him; he couldn't help but put his arms around her waist and hold her tightly, nearly crushing her against him. Sobs started to wrack his body as all the emotion he had been trying to hold in since making his awful discovery burst through. He buried his face in her neck, her sweet scent surrounding him and for some reason making him cry even harder and he tried to take what comfort he could from her warm embrace. Sara rubbed his back and stroked his hair soothingly as he clung to her, whispering comforting nonsense and planting kisses on his hair and face.
"Why? W-why did this happen to her?" he demanded stammering and sobbing. "Who would-who could do it? Sh-she was s-such a good person and I don't even know why she was here I mean what-what if she was coming to see m-me an-and and now she's dead." He trailed off, unable to speak anymore as his grief overcame him. She hushed him gently and held him tighter realizing what he was thinking.
"This isn't your fault. We'll figure it out Nick," she told him firmly, her own voice wavering as he continued to cry, clinging on to her. "We'll figure it all out, but god, sweetheart it is not your fault," she whispered and held the back of his head, kissing his temple.
She could feel his tears on her skin as his body hitched and shook against hers and his agonized cries and whimpers tore her heart. Finally he started to calm down, his sobs turning to small hiccups and shudders but still for a little while he kept his head on her shoulder, reveling in being held for the first time in a long while. She said nothing, just rocked him gently and let her fingertips play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Nick slowly lifted his head but didn't let her go or look her in the eye, somewhat ashamed for his behavior but unwilling to part with her comforting warmth just yet.
"I'm sorry Sara," he mumbled hoarsely. Feeling embarrassed, he was avoiding her inquiring eyes by staring at the tearstains he had left on her blue shirt. He roughly knuckled his eyes and sniffed.
"Nick, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for," she scolded lightly, taking his hand away from his face and gently wiping his tears, leaving her hand on his smooth cheek a moment before letting it trail down his neck and settle on his chest. "I'm here for you okay? Look at me."
He finally shifted his gaze and was surprised to see tears of her own trailing down her face.
"Okay?" she asked again, big brown eyes searching his. He blinked and nodded almost imperceptibly. His brow furrowed and he brought up a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear and caress the side of her face. His thumb wiped away the wetness on her soft skin.
"You're crying" he stated in wonder, momentarily distracted from his own grief, only concerned with comforting her. Seeing her cry bothered him more than he liked.
"What?" Sara asked her brow furrowed in disbelief. "Of course I'm crying. You're so upset Nick and you're hurting. I'd do anything to take that hurt away."
He looked at her inquisitively. Typically Sara was not an easy person to get to open up but now, perhaps because Nick's own emotions were so visible he could see her sincerity in every word she just said. And he realized he loved her for it. His thumb moved to her mouth, lightly tracing.
Leaning in and brushing his lips against hers he let out a sigh. An odd calm had set over him, perhaps because he was so emotionally drained, but perhaps not entirely. His life had fallen to pieces around him but one thing remained constantly clear. He needed her and that was all that mattered to him right now.
Sara was taken by surprise at first but quickly relaxed in his arms and returned his gentle kiss. She slid the hand on his chest up to the back of his neck and tilted her head up to his. There was no nervousness in their actions as there had been earlier that evening in the locker room. They both knew exactly what they wanted now. Briefly her dazed brain debated whether this was appropriate. He was so emotionally wrought, maybe they weren't thinking straight. What if they both regretted this later? But, on the other hand, what if they didn't? It just felt so right.
She ran her fingers through his hair, fingernails lightly scratching his scalp, as their kiss became more urgent. He groaned deeply and pulled her completely against him, big strong hands roaming over her testing the firmness of her body. Her mouth opened invitingly under his and his tongue darted out immediately to explore her lips, teeth and the roof of her mouth before he greedily sucked her tongue into his mouth, swallowing her soft moan.
Their passion mounting, her hands slid under his shirt feeling his warm smooth skin and firm muscles for a moment then gripped fistfuls of the shirt, pulling it over his head. His mouth found hers again and he gripped her against him with one arm, the other sweeping all the objects and papers on Grissom's desk to the floor. Nick picked Sara up easily and she wrapped her long legs around his waist, letting him lay her down on their boss's desk. She whispered his name as he kissed her neck and the trail of newly exposed skin he revealed as he undid the buttons on her shirt impatiently.
He gasped and trembled, his body screaming when he felt her fingers trail down his chest and abs, onto his belt and she started kissing him again. She giggled a little when his shaky fingers had trouble with the button on her khakis but was silenced immediately when his wandering lips found a particularly good spot behind her ear, creating warmth that pooled in her tummy. She decided to get him back by tasting the tender skin under his jaw and was not disappointed by the results.
"Mmm, Sara," he grunted pulling back slightly to rest his forehead against hers, breathing hard. Jolts of electricity seemed to be shooting through him and he had to fight to keep control of himself.
"Sensitive, huh?" she asked with a warm smile, running her hands up and down the strong planes of his back. He nodded and kissed her again.
"I'm sorry," he said frowning. "You know, for the circumstances of all this." He combed his fingers through the silky strands of her hair. "It's not exactly how I pictured our first time."
Sara shook her head. "I'm not sorry," she said sincerely. "I'm glad I can be here with you like this." She smiled widely, shocked when she realized what he had just admitted to her. "You've thought about our first time?"
Nick gave her a small sheepish smile and nodded and her heart melted. He kissed a tender trail from the corner of her mouth up her jaw, across her forehead and down the other side of her face, finding her mouth again. This kiss was slow and deep and wet and driving them both wild. She bit down gently on his lower lip, nibbling and sucking it then pulling it into her mouth and soothing it with her tongue. He groaned again and she could feel the vibrations in his chest.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered pulling away for a moment to study her face.
"So are you," she said softly, tracing her fingers over his eyebrow and down his cheek, smiling when he turned his face to kiss her palm. Sara raised her head for another deep kiss.
"Are you sure about this?" he murmured, his lips not leaving hers.
Ah, Nick. Always the gentleman.
She nodded, kissing his face, making a trail to his ear. "Let me take your pain away," she whispered.
He tensed and looked at her, pulling away slightly. "Is that all this is to you?" His kind eyes clouded, his eyebrows coming together in anger.
"What?" she asked confused. "What are you talking about? Nick!" He pulled away completely, his face shuttered. Ignoring her he did up his belt and grabbed his shirt off the floor and yanked it back on.
"I can't believe this." he muttered under his breath not hearing her pleas as he moved past her to the door.
"Wait! Nick! Please- " She jumped up and grabbed his arm, hurt and shocked when he jerked away from her as if repulsed.
"I don't need a pity fuck Sara!" he shouted, his index finger jabbing the air in front of her. He stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him. Sara was left standing stunned, as though slapped, unable to move or even say another word in her defense.
How could he think that?
Slowly she re-buttoned her shirt and started to pick up all the items that had been on Grissom's desk, tears streaming down her face.
*** A/N: Oh I know, I'm so mean. Mwahahahaa! This personally is one of my favorite chapters, so angsty. But not to worry, all things N/S will be resolved. eventually!