Lord Knows I Can't Change
Chapter Seventeen
It brought back memories standing at the wheel of the Pearl and escorting her to the horizon.
Adventure lay beyond that horizon. A nonchalant life outlined with freedom. A pirate's life sat within reach of that golden, shimmering line. A life he had thrown away twenty years ago stood on the deck with his back to him.
The latter of the two wasn't as appeasing as the first.
Who was he to blame for that anyway? Bootstrap had chosen the sea over his son and his wife twenty years ago. Who was to blame other than himself? He had made his choice with full knowledge of every single consequence that could come into play and had left with a simple kiss and goodbye. He never thought for even one second that he would be gone for twenty years, though. Five, maybe ten, but not twenty.
Bootstrap had been running from that life for twenty years.
After two decades, wasn't it too late to go back?
His hands didn't turn the wheel even though his mind was screaming at them to.
Bootstrap looked away from the horizon and rested his eyes on what he had thrown away. The lad was leaning against the non-damaged part of the Pearl's railing in obvious thought. His eyes were resting on the sea and his hands were clasped together. He was also silent and Bootstrap sighed at that. Will had not said a word since he and Jack had untied Elizabeth and him a few hours prier. Bootstrap shut his eyes and opened them on the horizon.
A nonchalant life outlined with freedom.
A cold past outlined with crimson and regret.
Bootstrap's hands wandered to the right of the wheel and cut threw the air above it in a flirtatious manner. The will to turn the ship and sail to that horizon was growing larger with each pulse of his battered heart. He let his arms fall to his sides as he turned his head to the horizon once more.
A nonchalant life outlined with freedom.
A cold past outlined with crimson and regret.
Bootstrap noted with a slight nod that the sea was calm and that she would allow him a few minutes away from the Pearl's wheel without sending her off course. He walked past the wheel and down the few steps that led you back down onto the deck and started to gradually make his way towards his son.
"Hi." His sudden presence surprised the blacksmith and he jumped in response, peering over at Bootstrap as the older man leaned against the railing as well. He smiled. "A little jumpy?"
Will shrugged. "You startled me is all. I wasn't really expecting you to talk to me." He paused. "Where's Jack?" He asked as he turned back to the sea. Bootstrap frowned at the loss of eye contact but didn't press the matter.
"He reclaimed his bed and fell asleep."
"How badly did Barbossa get his leg?"
Bootstrap shrugged. "Not too terribly. Bad enough, though, that he can't really walk on his own right now, probably won't be able to for a while."
"He's stubborn, though," Will grinned, "and he's Captain Jack Sparrow. He'll be walking around by himself this time tomorrow." Bootstrap chuckled softly and nodded in agreement.
"Jack is indeed stubborn, but he's a good man. His good qualities make up for the bad ones."
"So I've come to learn," Will answered. Silence swallowed their voices and Will sighed. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Bootstrap felt more than at home aboard the Pearl. He craved freedom and the sea nearly as much as Jack did. Will knew without a doubt that the older man wanted nothing more than to sail off into that beckoning horizon and continue to run as he had for the last twenty years. Who was to blame him? A pirate's life was one of freedom. No laws and rules to hold you back from life, no authority figures to scorn you for your actions and doings. It was any man's dream to live a life nonchalant and free aboard a ship sailing into horizon after horizon through the beautiful water that was the Caribbean.
Will couldn't help but wonder if now, after twenty years, that dream finally included him.
"You seem to be at home up there," Will glanced over at his father and noted with a frown that the man's eyes were resting on the horizon. "On the helm I mean."
"It brings back memories, is all." His eyes didn't leave the shimmering line. "The Pearl used to be mine." Will's brow furrowed in confusion and he shook his head faintly from side to side.
"I didn't know that. Jack never mentioned it. Now I know why he was willing to trade me to get it back, though. His best friend gave him it." Bootstrap nodded.
"He was about eighteen when I did. Too young to be captain, really, but," he shrugged. "He loved the Pearl far more than I ever did or could. It was a gift to him." Bootstrap's eyes seemed older than they had a few seconds earlier. "The crew objected, of course, that's why he got marooned. In the words of Barbossa, he was too young and too naïve. Marooned him four years later."
"How did Barbossa even become part of the crew?"
Bootstrap shrugged again. "We picked him up in Tortuga when Jack was about twenty, twenty one, one of them. Him and two others, Pintel and Bo'sun. At the time, they seemed like relatively good men."
"But they weren't," Will said and Bootstrap nodded.
"None of the crew was, minus Jack and me. They were nothing but mutineers and betrayers." Silence settled on the deck and Will wordlessly cursed at its presence. How does a man choose between his son and his best friend? Between a life of freedom and a life of authority? Will figured the way that he had twenty years ago.
The way that he most likely would again.
"What are you going to do?" The question startled Bootstrap out of his thoughts and he blinked and peered over at his son.
"What?"
"I asked what you are going to do," Will repeated as he turned his eyes to meet his fathers. Bootstrap rose an eyebrow.
"What do you mean, Will?"
"Are you going to stay with Jack aboard the Pearl, or come back home to Port Royale with me?" Will wasn't surprised in the least bit when the older man immediately dropped his eyes from his and pushed himself up from the deck.
"I have to get back to the helm now." The words were hurriedly spoken and the older man abruptly turned away and started to walk hastily back to the helm. Will rolled his eyes and pushed himself up from the railing and followed.
"So you've already chosen the sea and the Pearl over me." Bootstrap turned around and shook his head.
"No, I just don't want to damage Jack's ship, Will because I do not wish to die today." He climbed the few steps and walked back over to the wheel and rested his hands on it. A low sigh fell from his exasperated expression when he heard Will doing the same.
"Dad, you are coming back with me, right?" There was no response. Will walked to the other side of the wheel and cupped his fathers' cheeks with his hands. He forced the older man to make eye contact with him. "Right?" Still no response. "Aren't you?!" Will let his eyes roam over his fathers' before pulling his hands away and releasing his face from his hold. The growing lump in his throat and the tears that were filling his eyes were making it difficult to breathe.
"Will… I, I mean…-" Bootstrap sighed and shook his head slowly before resting his eyes back on his son. "I can't, Will." Had the words been wind, Will would have fallen over and rolled off of the ship.
"You can't." His tone was impassive. He watched as Bootstrap slowly shook his head again and threw his arms out to his sides and laughed. "You can't." He repeated. "You can't know me. You don't want to know me, dad, do you? I was probably nothing more than a mistake." Bootstrap narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to protest but Will held his hand up. "You lied to me, dad," he lowered the hand slowly. "You promised that you would be here if I would let you." He narrowed his eyes at the man. "I was going to let you, but, since you want nothing to do with me, I guess it doesn't really matter now, huh? Jack told me that you were a good man with a good heart, clearly not even your best friend really truly knows you." Bootstrap frowned as Will turned away.
"Will!" He called and reached out his hand as if trying to pull him back. Will stopped on the last step and turned around with crying eyes. Bootstrap saw the tears and his arm fell limply back to his side.
"I'll see you in twenty years, dad." Bootstrap said nothing as Will jogged away from the helm and disappeared to somewhere on the deck.
* * *
"I'll be there now if you will let me. You're my son, Will, and I love you."
Will dimly wondered if the expression "he died of a broken heart" was true.
He had to have been dying. This kind of pain only came with death. He could feel his heart shattering into billions of jaded pieces that were stabbing at his lungs over and over and over. He couldn't breathe and he couldn't think. Everything was misty and his mind was as blank as the night sky was dark. It just hurt so much…
That bloody lying bastard had chosen the sea over his son again.
Will was crying tears of pain again.
His heart was shattering again.
Again, again, again…-
"Honestly, you'd think by now that you bloody people would comprehend that voices carry." Will said nothing and Jack frowned. The pirate captain hobbled over to the railing that the blacksmith was leaning against and lightly nudged his shoulder with his arm. The lad didn't look up. "Will?" Will shook his head and Jack's face scrunched up in bewilderment. "Will, what happen-"
"He was back from the dead, Jack, it's like he was back from the dead…" Will trailed off and pressed his lips together and swallowed hard. He had shed enough tears over his father. "I had him, Jack, I had him… He was back from the dead; he was in my life…" Jack leaned against the railing.
"Lad, what are you getting at?"
"He chose you, Jack," Will looked over at the pirate captain. "He chose you and the sea and the Pearl and he's…" Will dropped his eyes and covered his mouth as a loud sob escaped from his throat. "He's dead to me again, Jack," the younger man's voice cracked with the emotion that was drowning his heart and leaking from his eyes. "Just when I had him, Jack, when I bloody had him…" He shook his head as he rose his eyes back to the pirate. "He's dead to me, Jack, my father is dead." Jack frowned and turned his head when he heard rustling by his cabin. He leaned to the right and squinted as he tried to make out the object that was standing in the shadows.
Jack sighed.
Did Bootstrap really think that Jack would not notice?
He turned back to Will. "Do you want me to talk to him, lad?" Will shook his head as another sob escaped and he covered his mouth and stared intently at the sea. "Will…-" Jack trailed off as Will shook his head, meaning that he did not want to hear whatever Jack had to say. The pirate captain sighed in frustration as he let his eyes roam over his friends shaking body. He took the few steps forward that separated the lad from him and pulled the younger man into a hug. It was an action that Captain Jack Sparrow rarely committed and Will pulled back in shock. His eyes, though, held gratitude. The blacksmith let his eyes roam over his friends' for a second longer before he turned on his heel and towards Jack's cabin where Elizabeth was. The door slammed shut and Jack sighed.
"He barely survived you leaving him once, William." The figure did nothing. "He won't survive a second time. You know what you have to do," Jack looked towards the shadows, "blood is thicker than water, William, it's about time that you proved that to your son." Jack turned on his heel and started to gradually and warily make his way to the helm.
A nonchalant life outlined with freedom.
A cold past outlined with crimson and regret.
Bootstrap rose his eyes to the horizon and sighed.
To Be Continued…
AN: I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. Reality has been a bitch and yeah, I haven't had any time. One more chapter! I never thought that I would finish this story and here I am at the last chapter. I'll miss this story; it's been fun to write. But anyway, as I said, chapter nineteen will be thank you's and shout out's and whatever else, and also, questions from you guys. One question that will be answered is how I found out Jack's age and I'll explain what the title of this story means. Have another question you want me to answer? Why I named a certain chapter what I named it? A question about the sequel? Anything you want to know, ask, and I shall answer them in nineteen.
Look for eighteen Saturday night/Sunday.
Thanks to everyone that has read and reviewed or just read… or skimmed… or whatever…
Please review on your way out! :)