After closing my briefcase, I pulled on my coat and walked towards the
exit. The dismissal bell had rung fifteen minutes earlier, but I had
needed to pick up a few papers for my history class. The day before, I had
had a conference and had to miss the last half of school. The extra work
wasn't enough to worry me, but I had missed a test, which the teacher had
allowed me to make up. I walked outside, to wait for my ride, and let out
a deep sigh. School was an absolute waste of my time; I hadn't a clue why
I continued with it. I knew everything they could teach us in science.
They don't even have a math course that was at a high enough level to
challenge me and I already spoke English, Spanish and German at near
fluency.
If it wasn't for the Japanese credits I still needed and a few history courses I had to take, I'd have actually look into the prospect of taking the exams early. As it is, I'd taken the exams in all but history and Japanese. The staff had also allowed me to double up on those courses so I could finish school at the end of that year instead of next. I glanced up from the ground and watch as my limo pulled into the lot. I walk towards my car but stop when I hear someone calling for me.
"What the.......?" I ask turning around and see someone running towards me. It was the mutt. "What the hell do you want?"
"Yugi....... sent....... me. This....... yours?" He panted waving one of my work folders in front of me. Grabbing it, I flipped through it to check that all the important papers were still there. Finical reports are a curse, but they're even worse when I lose papers. I nodded quickly, aware that my dismissal was barely civilly, and quickly slipped my file into my briefcase, before I could lose it again. I looked up and noted that the puppy had already left. Thank God. I got into the back and nodded to my driver who begins our daily drive....... in silence.
Looking out the window, I opened my briefcase and glanced down at the file Joey had returned to me. As stupid as it sounds, I used to wonder why I hate Joey so much. No, not hate. I detest Joey. Loathe him. Loathe him ten times over....... but for a while I wasn't sure why. Of course, the answer was so simple it took me a while to realize it the reason. We're so similar; it's scary. And we hated each other because we we're so alike. We can't stand the parallels. Ever heard that opposites attracting? Well, likes repeal.
Yep. It's true. We actually have something in common. What is it? Well it certainly isn't brains, or taste, or money. Nope. It isn't anything like that. It's our attitude. That's what we've got in common.
It's fake. Our expression, actions, words, everything; nothing about us, that the outside world sees, is real. Naturally, I could always read through his façade. I could see the truth. Most people looked at his disrespectful, brash, violent attitude and shrug. 'That's just Joey's way' they would say. I look at it and say 'He's hiding, that's why it's Joey's way'. Okay, sure, I could be wrong. Maybe he was just dropped on his head one to many times, but I doubt it. My God! It's almost laughable. I probably understand the stupid loyal jackass better than any of his friends and, hell, I'm his enemy.
But whatever. It's not like anyone wants my opinion. So what if I can see through Joey Wheelers pathetic mask? I just pretend not to care, because that's my mask. This mask is my protection. The mask of a cold heart; the mask of indifference. Joey wears a mask as well. He just chose a different one. Certain people, those who can't deal with reality whatever their reason, develop them. Some make two or three. Some choose the mask of false happiness while others prefer real depression. Others choose to shield themselves with friends and family. Others hide in schooling, or sports or even games. You have to keep something between you and the pain of your reality. If you face it head on you'll go crazy or get killed. Besides, it's an instinctive act to hide behind something. Your mask if you will.
I chose hatred as my mask. I chose coldness and indifference. I chose to become a machine, perhaps because it was the only mask that would allow my to survive. Any other one would not have pleased Gozaburo, and that wouldn't have improved my health.
And Joey? He chose anger, stubbornness and controllable pain. He chose fights where he could hit back. He wanted to prove that he was stronger. That he COULD control something. He also, unlike me, chose stop the cycle of pain. I heard that once he stood up for a kid who was being bullied. He got the shit beat out of him. Probably ten times worse then the ones he gets at home. But he kept standing up for the kid. And kept getting beat up. Rather pathetic, but he kept it up till the gang got bored and left the kid alone.
Masks, you've got to love them. Almost invisible to anyone but family and very, very close friends. And people who are wearing their own masks. Of course, I'm one of the few that know Joey is just a mask. And he's one of the few that know mine is just a front as well. That means we were scared shitless that the other was going to try and break the mask or, worse, tell someone else.
Unfortunately, there are dangers of living with a mask. I always knew that there were dangers to everything, but I was surprised to find that even my protection is treacherous. Sometimes the mask starts to replace the real you and begins to consume the secret person you keep hidden inside of you. Mine did. I became so uncaring that I committed murder. Premeditated homicide. And I never gave a damn, not a single twinge of regret or guilt, until I meet Yugi and his Yami. When Yami beat me for the first time and sent away my darkness, he shattered my mask. I hate to admit it but I was, and still am, grateful.
But I had to rebuild it because it had been too long. It had been so long since I had faced the world without a mask that I was scared of it. Scared of what it could do to me since I could not remember the good things in the world. Therefore I rebuilt my protective mask and became the same cold person. The same mask. Which is why I still hate Yugi and all of his friends. My new mask was simple weaker and I thought it would not consume me the way the other used to. I can actually feel happiness and care for others. Or I could. My mask is getting stronger and has started to eat at me again. I don't think I really care though. My masks doesn't scare me anymore. Not in the least, to be perfectly honest.
Unfortunately, now that I am old enough, wise enough, and smart enough to understand all this....... it's too late. My mask is my mask. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. Even if I wanted to change.
If it wasn't for the Japanese credits I still needed and a few history courses I had to take, I'd have actually look into the prospect of taking the exams early. As it is, I'd taken the exams in all but history and Japanese. The staff had also allowed me to double up on those courses so I could finish school at the end of that year instead of next. I glanced up from the ground and watch as my limo pulled into the lot. I walk towards my car but stop when I hear someone calling for me.
"What the.......?" I ask turning around and see someone running towards me. It was the mutt. "What the hell do you want?"
"Yugi....... sent....... me. This....... yours?" He panted waving one of my work folders in front of me. Grabbing it, I flipped through it to check that all the important papers were still there. Finical reports are a curse, but they're even worse when I lose papers. I nodded quickly, aware that my dismissal was barely civilly, and quickly slipped my file into my briefcase, before I could lose it again. I looked up and noted that the puppy had already left. Thank God. I got into the back and nodded to my driver who begins our daily drive....... in silence.
Looking out the window, I opened my briefcase and glanced down at the file Joey had returned to me. As stupid as it sounds, I used to wonder why I hate Joey so much. No, not hate. I detest Joey. Loathe him. Loathe him ten times over....... but for a while I wasn't sure why. Of course, the answer was so simple it took me a while to realize it the reason. We're so similar; it's scary. And we hated each other because we we're so alike. We can't stand the parallels. Ever heard that opposites attracting? Well, likes repeal.
Yep. It's true. We actually have something in common. What is it? Well it certainly isn't brains, or taste, or money. Nope. It isn't anything like that. It's our attitude. That's what we've got in common.
It's fake. Our expression, actions, words, everything; nothing about us, that the outside world sees, is real. Naturally, I could always read through his façade. I could see the truth. Most people looked at his disrespectful, brash, violent attitude and shrug. 'That's just Joey's way' they would say. I look at it and say 'He's hiding, that's why it's Joey's way'. Okay, sure, I could be wrong. Maybe he was just dropped on his head one to many times, but I doubt it. My God! It's almost laughable. I probably understand the stupid loyal jackass better than any of his friends and, hell, I'm his enemy.
But whatever. It's not like anyone wants my opinion. So what if I can see through Joey Wheelers pathetic mask? I just pretend not to care, because that's my mask. This mask is my protection. The mask of a cold heart; the mask of indifference. Joey wears a mask as well. He just chose a different one. Certain people, those who can't deal with reality whatever their reason, develop them. Some make two or three. Some choose the mask of false happiness while others prefer real depression. Others choose to shield themselves with friends and family. Others hide in schooling, or sports or even games. You have to keep something between you and the pain of your reality. If you face it head on you'll go crazy or get killed. Besides, it's an instinctive act to hide behind something. Your mask if you will.
I chose hatred as my mask. I chose coldness and indifference. I chose to become a machine, perhaps because it was the only mask that would allow my to survive. Any other one would not have pleased Gozaburo, and that wouldn't have improved my health.
And Joey? He chose anger, stubbornness and controllable pain. He chose fights where he could hit back. He wanted to prove that he was stronger. That he COULD control something. He also, unlike me, chose stop the cycle of pain. I heard that once he stood up for a kid who was being bullied. He got the shit beat out of him. Probably ten times worse then the ones he gets at home. But he kept standing up for the kid. And kept getting beat up. Rather pathetic, but he kept it up till the gang got bored and left the kid alone.
Masks, you've got to love them. Almost invisible to anyone but family and very, very close friends. And people who are wearing their own masks. Of course, I'm one of the few that know Joey is just a mask. And he's one of the few that know mine is just a front as well. That means we were scared shitless that the other was going to try and break the mask or, worse, tell someone else.
Unfortunately, there are dangers of living with a mask. I always knew that there were dangers to everything, but I was surprised to find that even my protection is treacherous. Sometimes the mask starts to replace the real you and begins to consume the secret person you keep hidden inside of you. Mine did. I became so uncaring that I committed murder. Premeditated homicide. And I never gave a damn, not a single twinge of regret or guilt, until I meet Yugi and his Yami. When Yami beat me for the first time and sent away my darkness, he shattered my mask. I hate to admit it but I was, and still am, grateful.
But I had to rebuild it because it had been too long. It had been so long since I had faced the world without a mask that I was scared of it. Scared of what it could do to me since I could not remember the good things in the world. Therefore I rebuilt my protective mask and became the same cold person. The same mask. Which is why I still hate Yugi and all of his friends. My new mask was simple weaker and I thought it would not consume me the way the other used to. I can actually feel happiness and care for others. Or I could. My mask is getting stronger and has started to eat at me again. I don't think I really care though. My masks doesn't scare me anymore. Not in the least, to be perfectly honest.
Unfortunately, now that I am old enough, wise enough, and smart enough to understand all this....... it's too late. My mask is my mask. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. Even if I wanted to change.