I TURN TO YOU 4
It's never too late, in fiction or in life, to revise. [Nancy Thayer]
[TOMO]
I regain consciousness feeling wetness carress my burning forehead. And my face. Blurred vision. Where, where is this? It sounds familiar. "You're awake, Tomosan! Your fever was so high that you could not even get up to do simple things. It was difficult getting you to the toilet. The physician used to farm, lucky he was strong enough to get you there! I almost fainted from the stench. It's good you've woken up. Oh your belongings have been rescued. The horse didn't run away."
Me troubling them? Shame fills me and I want to say something but a husk replies. They touch me some more with the cloth. I relax back on the hard pillows, slowly aware of the smell that's a tad different from my own. The feeling's mutual-------- they're pleased I'm better and I am safe. Nothing seems more important than to sleep more.
I think it's been two days. I call Suboshi, how terrible my voice sounds, far from the strong embodiment I'm usually speaking as. He comes over. Funny how flat a person looks against the ceiling. "I-------want to------ sit------up."
"You shouldn't be."
"Thirsty." I cough some, while he props me up and the pain's coming on dull and throbbing. I recall my injury as being hit by something? Not sure what. My upper body is stark naked, and white cloth is wrapped protectively around one area. I touch the centre, pinkish, Suboshi holds a waterskin to my lips and also nudges my hand away. I drink hungrily.
"It's very cool. What?"
"Spring water. Nice right?" he replies, smiling shortly, seated himself by my side. "Glad you're awake. You had lost so much blood.... and I was damn scared. I had sweated buckets! Seeing you faint was horrible, like you were gonna die. Must have been weaker than I expected. You should have seen Soi's face, and I think she cried. ...and Tomosan I am sorry I called you to fuck off. Didn't mean it. If you think it's all my fault you're right. Really."
I nod noticing I've trimmed my nails. They must have done that so I wouldn't scratch anyone. "What happened then? How did you get here. who are they?" It's a very kind couple, a physician who happened to be nearby grabbing herbs. He carried me to his carriage and rode here. I was out like a broken lantern. Soi's so nice and I never saw it in her. I feel bad for making her worry. She was That concerned about me.
I turn away. "Suboshi, arigatou. Were it not for you I wouldn't still be alive now." My eyes get hot. I control my urge to cry. He presses against me, nani? He's giving me a-------a hug! All my life I have longed for someone to give me this.. Suboshi. My arm touches his back gently, afraid to squeeze him too hard or he will run away. He sighs in contentment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[SOI]
How relieved I am to see Tomosan awake but quite pale. Although we gave him plenty of nutritious stuff to drink and fed him as he was in fever, he's still .... ah, maybe I can give him chi. I wonder if he will protest. At the moment Suboshi screamed, I had this omen dawning. I rushed the physician, and Tomo was lying there white despite his paint, bleeding ulcerously. The wound was gross. He had almost stopped his heartbeat. I felt so rotten. And regretted instantly all my quarrels, doubting my first aid skills. I couldn't stop crying.
Partly my fault too, I should have seen them flying arrows. Tomo was watching out for Suboshi. We shouldn't have let him come... now it's too late to think about that I guess. I hope Tomo gets well and fights the poison. He has been so brave not making a sound till the arrow was out.
"Hi Soi," said guy greets me, propped up on his chest is Suboshi fast asleep. The dark rings under the boy's eyes are smudging so much. I should have taken more shifts. But he insisted.
"Hey. So friendly, Tomo."
"Our constellations are right next to each other. Um------ thank you so much. I owe you my. a big favour."
I raise my eyebrow sitting at the edge of his bed. His metallic waterfall style locks hang over his visage in wisps sticking together, some harshly squashed to the pillow. His body is sheening perspiration. I wet a towel and rub down his face and forehead. Temperature is back to normal. I get Suboshi to a chair. And remove my robe.
Golden orbs widen and dilate as I approach him and start to push him down. "Nani Soi? This is--------"
"Soi listen. I, I won't accept your ki. Stop this, don't waste energy.." I lie atop him and cover his lips, blowing ki into the mouth. Gasps accelerate quickly then his chest stops rising and falling irregularly. I pass my special strength into his form. My lips press his soft lusciousness. Tomo's fingers poised near my shoulder slides off. He breaths in deep. An hour later I get up drained.
It's worth it, the man doesn't look so exhausted. His cheeks are flushed a healthy hue. Tomo snores. So does the boy. Then.. Suboshi grins pointing to my bare body. I tighten the towel. He must have seen it, but hopefully not all.
"He will be better soon, right oneechan?"
"Lots of rest. Yep. At least two more weeks, Tomosan is now sleeping well. I have managed to draw out some poison. The blood is contaminated though.. I'll have to write to Nakago sama to inform him of the latest."
Tomo flushes when I check on him again next morning. "Let me see."
"NO!"
"Please."
"I told you I asked you specifically not to..touch me. how can you not respect my wishes??" he sputters catlike and aggressive. His arms whip out over his wound, and blankets tighten.
"You were so weak Tomo. How can I not help you seeing you die? Is that what you'd have me, fine. I won't disturb you. Rest," I start to depart.
"Why did you kiss me? Bochu doesn't have to depend on that skill. You just need to meditate on the person. Wait! How long has it been?"
"Two weeks. Suboshi sleeps and I take over[as he plies these queries in succession] every three hours. We forcefed you to make sure your fever was down." He drops the bedclothes allowing me to replace a new roll of bandage over the stained one. I tug off the dirty bandage. The pus smell comes up, not to worry I will just wash it away with warm water. The wife of the doctor comes in with another basin of cool water. Tomo smiles and thanks her as well.
"It hurts much less now."
He's so friendly now I might chance another question, "How old are you really? Smaller than the two of us."
"Twentytwo. You?"
Tomo praises me on my maturity and ability to handle this emergency so well. He couldn't believe this from me his rival, albeit I have saved him from death. I start to cry. He touches my face, a benevolent expression on the youthful face.
"Don't cry. Why are you"
"I'm just----just happy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[SUBOSHI]
While Tomo is recovering I'm making my plans. Tamahome, I'll be sure tp crack his head. Tasuki is another burden on the group. He will be difficult. I close my eyes remembering Aniki's sweet face telling me he will return. He hasn't all because of them! I miss you so much.
"Suboshi come. I want to see the scenery outside."
"Tomosan, that better?" He scrunches up his face and thanks me when he's sitting up. I arrange the pillow more comfortably behind his head.
"So anything to talk about? It's unhealthy to bottle up your felings."
"Just.. Look! How bright the sun is. And do you hear the birds singing? Get well soon."
"My stomach isn't letting up today. We could talk. Don't be afraid to speak up."
Thank you Tomo for being so nice. But you'd never understandhow it feels to lose anyone, not like me. not someone close I bet. "Suboshi you look sad at times. I know, I know you're not happy. It isn't easy to get over someone close to you. It's wrong to right? Wrong to forget. Amiboshi left you. Let's not pretend."
He mentions our Yuisama, that she's a replacement for Aniki. It hurts, it hurts too much. "STOP!--------not Yui or my bro.. they're mine. They're mine.." I choke now. The hurt seethes into the place where my chest should not be in pin anymore, but I'm wrong. It does burst my heart reiterately. Rubbing the thorns where the pain is most.
Why did she slap you?
I don't know. She hates me I guess.
I do not blame you. It's hard to be rational when the grief overwhelms. You blame us for not being able to stop this tragedy. We're helpless too. Suboshi allow me to console you. Aniki, your aniki would want us to care about you.
Tomo sniffs, rubbing at his eyes. Wet trails down his cheeks. "You'd not get it," I speak sounding cruel, extremely cruel.
"How can you say that? You, you know nothing about me! Or my past! My friends died in front of me. Of course I understand. I would, more than anyone!" Tomo's voice cracks here. He's trembling, holding the blankets to his face and he's crying. Stabs of breath. I lean my head on the wall, pounding it angrily. Stupid! Baka! Baka, he was trying to.. He was trying to get close to me. and I said the bloody wrong thing again! Baka! Hot breaths pause here. Tomo informs me to look. there's a big rainbow near his window.
Tears come again when I look outside and the colours blur into focus and out. The heat of the afternoon is seeping into me now. I never knew how much it hurts to accept Aniki is dead. Gone for good. He's just like this invisible presence, this temporary rainbow in spirit. He's gone. He's a memory. I don't want to accept this. Do I have to now? Do I really have to?
Seiryuu I told you to let him alone. Why don't you listen?
It's never too late, in fiction or in life, to revise. [Nancy Thayer]
[TOMO]
I regain consciousness feeling wetness carress my burning forehead. And my face. Blurred vision. Where, where is this? It sounds familiar. "You're awake, Tomosan! Your fever was so high that you could not even get up to do simple things. It was difficult getting you to the toilet. The physician used to farm, lucky he was strong enough to get you there! I almost fainted from the stench. It's good you've woken up. Oh your belongings have been rescued. The horse didn't run away."
Me troubling them? Shame fills me and I want to say something but a husk replies. They touch me some more with the cloth. I relax back on the hard pillows, slowly aware of the smell that's a tad different from my own. The feeling's mutual-------- they're pleased I'm better and I am safe. Nothing seems more important than to sleep more.
I think it's been two days. I call Suboshi, how terrible my voice sounds, far from the strong embodiment I'm usually speaking as. He comes over. Funny how flat a person looks against the ceiling. "I-------want to------ sit------up."
"You shouldn't be."
"Thirsty." I cough some, while he props me up and the pain's coming on dull and throbbing. I recall my injury as being hit by something? Not sure what. My upper body is stark naked, and white cloth is wrapped protectively around one area. I touch the centre, pinkish, Suboshi holds a waterskin to my lips and also nudges my hand away. I drink hungrily.
"It's very cool. What?"
"Spring water. Nice right?" he replies, smiling shortly, seated himself by my side. "Glad you're awake. You had lost so much blood.... and I was damn scared. I had sweated buckets! Seeing you faint was horrible, like you were gonna die. Must have been weaker than I expected. You should have seen Soi's face, and I think she cried. ...and Tomosan I am sorry I called you to fuck off. Didn't mean it. If you think it's all my fault you're right. Really."
I nod noticing I've trimmed my nails. They must have done that so I wouldn't scratch anyone. "What happened then? How did you get here. who are they?" It's a very kind couple, a physician who happened to be nearby grabbing herbs. He carried me to his carriage and rode here. I was out like a broken lantern. Soi's so nice and I never saw it in her. I feel bad for making her worry. She was That concerned about me.
I turn away. "Suboshi, arigatou. Were it not for you I wouldn't still be alive now." My eyes get hot. I control my urge to cry. He presses against me, nani? He's giving me a-------a hug! All my life I have longed for someone to give me this.. Suboshi. My arm touches his back gently, afraid to squeeze him too hard or he will run away. He sighs in contentment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[SOI]
How relieved I am to see Tomosan awake but quite pale. Although we gave him plenty of nutritious stuff to drink and fed him as he was in fever, he's still .... ah, maybe I can give him chi. I wonder if he will protest. At the moment Suboshi screamed, I had this omen dawning. I rushed the physician, and Tomo was lying there white despite his paint, bleeding ulcerously. The wound was gross. He had almost stopped his heartbeat. I felt so rotten. And regretted instantly all my quarrels, doubting my first aid skills. I couldn't stop crying.
Partly my fault too, I should have seen them flying arrows. Tomo was watching out for Suboshi. We shouldn't have let him come... now it's too late to think about that I guess. I hope Tomo gets well and fights the poison. He has been so brave not making a sound till the arrow was out.
"Hi Soi," said guy greets me, propped up on his chest is Suboshi fast asleep. The dark rings under the boy's eyes are smudging so much. I should have taken more shifts. But he insisted.
"Hey. So friendly, Tomo."
"Our constellations are right next to each other. Um------ thank you so much. I owe you my. a big favour."
I raise my eyebrow sitting at the edge of his bed. His metallic waterfall style locks hang over his visage in wisps sticking together, some harshly squashed to the pillow. His body is sheening perspiration. I wet a towel and rub down his face and forehead. Temperature is back to normal. I get Suboshi to a chair. And remove my robe.
Golden orbs widen and dilate as I approach him and start to push him down. "Nani Soi? This is--------"
"Soi listen. I, I won't accept your ki. Stop this, don't waste energy.." I lie atop him and cover his lips, blowing ki into the mouth. Gasps accelerate quickly then his chest stops rising and falling irregularly. I pass my special strength into his form. My lips press his soft lusciousness. Tomo's fingers poised near my shoulder slides off. He breaths in deep. An hour later I get up drained.
It's worth it, the man doesn't look so exhausted. His cheeks are flushed a healthy hue. Tomo snores. So does the boy. Then.. Suboshi grins pointing to my bare body. I tighten the towel. He must have seen it, but hopefully not all.
"He will be better soon, right oneechan?"
"Lots of rest. Yep. At least two more weeks, Tomosan is now sleeping well. I have managed to draw out some poison. The blood is contaminated though.. I'll have to write to Nakago sama to inform him of the latest."
Tomo flushes when I check on him again next morning. "Let me see."
"NO!"
"Please."
"I told you I asked you specifically not to..touch me. how can you not respect my wishes??" he sputters catlike and aggressive. His arms whip out over his wound, and blankets tighten.
"You were so weak Tomo. How can I not help you seeing you die? Is that what you'd have me, fine. I won't disturb you. Rest," I start to depart.
"Why did you kiss me? Bochu doesn't have to depend on that skill. You just need to meditate on the person. Wait! How long has it been?"
"Two weeks. Suboshi sleeps and I take over[as he plies these queries in succession] every three hours. We forcefed you to make sure your fever was down." He drops the bedclothes allowing me to replace a new roll of bandage over the stained one. I tug off the dirty bandage. The pus smell comes up, not to worry I will just wash it away with warm water. The wife of the doctor comes in with another basin of cool water. Tomo smiles and thanks her as well.
"It hurts much less now."
He's so friendly now I might chance another question, "How old are you really? Smaller than the two of us."
"Twentytwo. You?"
Tomo praises me on my maturity and ability to handle this emergency so well. He couldn't believe this from me his rival, albeit I have saved him from death. I start to cry. He touches my face, a benevolent expression on the youthful face.
"Don't cry. Why are you"
"I'm just----just happy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[SUBOSHI]
While Tomo is recovering I'm making my plans. Tamahome, I'll be sure tp crack his head. Tasuki is another burden on the group. He will be difficult. I close my eyes remembering Aniki's sweet face telling me he will return. He hasn't all because of them! I miss you so much.
"Suboshi come. I want to see the scenery outside."
"Tomosan, that better?" He scrunches up his face and thanks me when he's sitting up. I arrange the pillow more comfortably behind his head.
"So anything to talk about? It's unhealthy to bottle up your felings."
"Just.. Look! How bright the sun is. And do you hear the birds singing? Get well soon."
"My stomach isn't letting up today. We could talk. Don't be afraid to speak up."
Thank you Tomo for being so nice. But you'd never understandhow it feels to lose anyone, not like me. not someone close I bet. "Suboshi you look sad at times. I know, I know you're not happy. It isn't easy to get over someone close to you. It's wrong to right? Wrong to forget. Amiboshi left you. Let's not pretend."
He mentions our Yuisama, that she's a replacement for Aniki. It hurts, it hurts too much. "STOP!--------not Yui or my bro.. they're mine. They're mine.." I choke now. The hurt seethes into the place where my chest should not be in pin anymore, but I'm wrong. It does burst my heart reiterately. Rubbing the thorns where the pain is most.
Why did she slap you?
I don't know. She hates me I guess.
I do not blame you. It's hard to be rational when the grief overwhelms. You blame us for not being able to stop this tragedy. We're helpless too. Suboshi allow me to console you. Aniki, your aniki would want us to care about you.
Tomo sniffs, rubbing at his eyes. Wet trails down his cheeks. "You'd not get it," I speak sounding cruel, extremely cruel.
"How can you say that? You, you know nothing about me! Or my past! My friends died in front of me. Of course I understand. I would, more than anyone!" Tomo's voice cracks here. He's trembling, holding the blankets to his face and he's crying. Stabs of breath. I lean my head on the wall, pounding it angrily. Stupid! Baka! Baka, he was trying to.. He was trying to get close to me. and I said the bloody wrong thing again! Baka! Hot breaths pause here. Tomo informs me to look. there's a big rainbow near his window.
Tears come again when I look outside and the colours blur into focus and out. The heat of the afternoon is seeping into me now. I never knew how much it hurts to accept Aniki is dead. Gone for good. He's just like this invisible presence, this temporary rainbow in spirit. He's gone. He's a memory. I don't want to accept this. Do I have to now? Do I really have to?
Seiryuu I told you to let him alone. Why don't you listen?