Title: Everything is gunna be alirght
Author: Fyre
Category: Drama/Angst
Rating:PG
Email: Boscosbabe55@bellsouth.net
AIM: ToriBoscorelli
Spoilers: The up to 'In Lieu of Johnson'
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of John Wells and Edward Allen Bernero and NBC. Those lucky bastards. I'm only renting them for a while, I plan to be kind a rewind. The lyrics belong to Yellowcard, and the song is Believe
when I return them.
Summary: Jimmy's POV after the death's of both Lieu. Johnson and Alex...more Lt. Johnson
A/N: It's a little short, but please let me know what you all think.
I still remember that day, just as if it were yesterday. The painful memories etched in my soul forever. Memories of a hellish nightmare, that was all too real. It was suppose to be a -fun- day. One between father and son, a time for us to bond. I had taken Joey to Coney Island, it was just me and him. A belly full of Coney dogs, cotton candy, and all the soda in the world. His mother would kill me, if she knew just how much junk food I gave him. Ride the Ferris Wheel until he and I were both green in the face. Then the Roller Costar, then the Marry-Go-Around. He was so happy, his laugh filled my heart with only the kind of joy a father could really, and truly appreciate. Only that day didn't end with laughter. It ended with tears, For I lost two close and personal friends that day.
Think about the love inside the strength of heart
Think about the heroes saving life in the dark
Climbing higher through the fire, time was running out
Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive
But you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed
I lost both Alex Taylor and Lieutenant Johnson that day. A day I wasn't there, but a day again still etched in my memories for life. Alex, she was beautiful. I always look forward to seeing her soft, warming, blue eyes. Every shift I worked with her. I look forward to hearing her laugh, seeing her smile. Hell I even looked forward to her cocky, I'm-just-not-a-girl-I'm-a-firefighter-attitude. It showed that she was who she was. She knew who she was, and no one could change that. It only feels like yesterday that she started at the 55. She was nervous, but she really didn't show it too much. Despite what people though, or said of her. The girl could hold her own and if you tried to stop her, well you better watch out. She'd fight you back, just as strong and just as hard. She wasn't one to back down from a hard fight! But that's not what I miss the most about Alex. I miss not being able to say goodbye. I miss not being there the day she and Lieu got hurt. Maybe if I was there I could have done something maybe if I was there, this--none of this would have happened. They say you should never play that "What if" game. That things in life they happen for one reason or another. Well screw what they say. "What if" I was there, would have this stupid, senseless, meaningless, and completely pointless tragedy happened. I still, till this day. Weeks and weeks after she has left us, I still don't know why it had to happen. To her...to Lieu.
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.
Be strong. Believe.
So now as I sit here, kneeling along side a gave. I run my callused covered fingers over the engraving. This is the final resting place of my Lieutenant. The man I looked up to my whole time at the 55. I know I can never be half the man he was. I'm a good firefighter, but I'm not as good as he was. I hope maybe on day, though I can be...I can be just as good as him. I place flowers down in front of his grave and I hear Ruth in my head. I hear what she said that day. I see the pain in her eyes that went along with it. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her. I asked her if I could help...
"Then tell me why this happened to my husband. 'Cause it sure isn't the money. He works three extra jobs just so we can keep our kids in a decent school. The people honked their stupid horns and waved for one week two years ago and then went back to ignoring all of you! The city's heroes. But you're not heroes. None of you! You're husbands and wives and sons and daughters! And, God help me, I don't understand why! Why you would want to do a job that leaves a wife to explain to her children why that monster in there is all that's left of their father! Can you do that? Any of you?! 'Cause if you can't then just....just leave me the hell alone."
I wish I could explain to her why. The things are, I don't know why. Being a firefighter is just something.... or someone we are. You really can't truly understand who or what I am. Why I do it. You can't understand it, unless you have lived that life for yourself. Sure I thought about quitting a few times. Especially after 9-11, but I can't. This is who I am; this is all I've known for 12 years of my life. I'm a firefighter. But I'm still a normal person, I just find myself in extraordinary situations.
Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day
Never fearing, only hearing voices calling out
Let it all go, the life that you know, just to bring it down alive
And you still came back for me
You were strong and you believed
Now as I still sit here staring at his headstone, I know I have to do my best to live up to his potential. If he only knew just how hard it was. I run my fingers over the words of the Fireman's Prayer, which just like my painful memories is etched in stone......When I am called to duty, God Wherever Flames may rage. Give me the strength to save some life, Whatever Be its age. Help me embrace a little child, Before it is too late Or save an older person from The horror of that fate. Enable me to be alert and Hear the weakest shout, And quickly and efficiently, To put the fire out. I want to fill my calling and To give the best in me, To guard my every neighbor And protect their property. And if according to your will I have to lose my life, Please bless with your protecting hand My children and my wife.
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.
(Again today, we take into our hearts and minds those who perished on this site one year ago, and also those who came to toil in the rubble to bring order out of chaos, to help us make sense of our despair)
Wanna hold my wife when I get home
Wanna tell the kids they'll never know how much I love to see them smile
Wanna make a change or two right now
Wanna live a life like you somehow
Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile
"I'm having trouble with the guys Lieu, they....they don't want to seem to accept me. Who can blame them." I often to this. Every week I come here, every week I come to his grave and I talk to him. Don't ask me why, it's just something I do. "It's been hard. We had a drill the other day. They had this probie, act as if he was lost. I didn't know this, I thought he was -really- lost. So I ran in, to save him....to help lieu. I thought that's what you would have done. Only I was wrong. If it would have been a real fire, I would have killed the whole crew." I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I've always prided myself on being a man who doesn't cry to often, but since that day I haven't been able to help it. I find myself crying...alot. "I let them down, I let my crew down. It didn't stop there; later that day I punched Walsh. He said something stupid, something way out of line; I won't repeat it, because it's really not worth it. As a Lieutenant the last thing I should have done was punched someone...yet alone Walsh." I sigh as tears still run down my cheek. "I'm sorry, I'm not as good of a boss as you are Lieu, I'm sorry I've let you down."
Wanna hold my wife when I get home
Wanna tell the kids they'll never know how much I love to see them smile
Wanna make a change or two right now
Wanna live a life like you somehow
Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong. Believe.
Think about the love inside the strength of heart
Think about the heroes saving life in the dark
Think about the chance I never had to say
Thank you for giving up your life that day
I don't know how long I have been sitting at his grave, but I look up hearing an air horn. The guys wave wildly. "Jimmy!" They shout. "We have a cal....we gotta run." I turn back to Lt. Johnson's grave, and dry my eyes quickly. I see him that day in the hospital all bandaged up, but I push it back into a small hidden vile I have created in my thoughts. I push it back there and I try and forget about it. I smile. "Gotta call Lieu, so I guess I'll see you-" I pause and think. A firefighter never says goodbye, he never say's I'll see you later. I smile to myself. "So I guess I'll see you on the big one..."