CHAPTER 6 ------------ I TURN TO YOU
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You gave me strength to believe
You had faith when I didn't believe [from Celine Dion's song]
Climb the mountains and receive their glad tidings.[John Muir]
(Suboshi)
I knew we shouldn't have started the journey today. There is little shade and I keep an eye out for my friend. He doesn't say a word, and I somehow know it's because of dignity. Tomo emphasizes so much on this concept. Don't be ashamed if you can help it. His horse is listless, sensing the dark mood.
"All right, Tomosan?"
"Hai." he smiles, plastered sweat and hair clinging to his neck. He's breathing huskily, an arm pressed to his stomach area. It must be a strain to stay upright. His hand reaches out to push his hair away, a look of pure determination in the tired face.
"We can stop here now. I will tell Soi to stop." I jolt my steed forward until I get up beside her. She turns, perspiring a lot too. She looks at me questioningly. "We need a break. The horses are tired. We've been moving for ages. No shade."
Tomo sucks in a shaky breath. Now he is more delicate in build in the harsh sunlight. I hope Soi has taken note of this. She dismounts calling a halt. He just got well, any unnecessary strain and he will collapse. This time it won't be so easy to get medicine.
"Did I not say I am all right? You're deaf, Suboshi! I said I'm fine! We must keep moving," he rants indirectly at me, panting with every stab and his clothing is soaked wit blood once more. It's less than when we were ambushed. Soi helps him off. He's hunched over as he walks painfully to a tree. Grumbling more as the time passes to his concept of the word.
"Suboshi get me some water. Let's get off that shirt now man. Careful."
"OW! Damnit. Cannot you be more gentle?" Soi argues some more while she peels off the sodden shirt and examines the wet bandage. In this heat Tomo is still feeling cold. He coughs and shivers, folding arms about his thin figure. When I get back she has made him lie back and wipes his forehead with a spare cloth.
"I did not mean to hurt your feelings just now. We are still friends right?"
"Of course. Aniki told me sick and injured people get grumpy. It's perfectly normal. It is very hard to get medicine, so I figured you had better rest as much as possible. We'll still get to Nakago's in time. He should understand your injury isn't light."
"Yeah at least you're being sensible," Soi replies wittily, tugging tight a knot around him. Tomo hisses, jerking away and shutting his eyes. We ease him back down after she has completed the new layer. The pinched childlike face turns to me after a bit. He seems like crying but not wanting to show it. I touch his head.
"I was just hoping I could hang on before we got to Nakago's. The ceremony is important. We shouldn't disappoint him."
"Rest. It wasn't your fault." The weariness changes to bitterness. Tomo laughs, gritting his teeth white and canine in the shadows. I am surprised. What's funny?
"Not my fault? I should have known better. I'm the veteran, your senior, the oldest amongst you. I've made this mistake and now I can't even ride a bloody few hours without calling for break. I'm holding up all of you." He's hurting inside again. Why does our leader resort to such tactics? He also told me to get used to Aniki's untimely sacrifice. I didn't want to. As if it's so simple to push it aside like a normal civilian's death! Maybe he is using us?
"Don't think that!" both my seniors chide at me, knocking me upside the head. Don't read my thoughts, then. I want to think what I like.
"As if that's so easy. It's a gift we're ownership of now," Tomo sneers. "For your sake I will rest. Will you not move aside ? I don't want more bad luck to befall you. It will worsen the present situation."
We both tell him it's not his fault. Does Tomo's hesitation convey gratitude or more humiliation? I don't know,his frown is half angry and half sad. He curls up like a foetus, preparing for sleep. The heat is sweltering, like African desert-country. 40 degrees and more. We might as well take the chance to sleep as much as possible and maybe try to wake up by dawn next day. Soi and me talk about trivial stuff, eating, food. We settle down to eat, with the illusionist tossing and turning on his bedroll. He murmurs something. I feel his forehead that's cool.
Thank goodness. When I lie down to greet 'sleep tight' he's already in the thick of it, spread out flat on his back and his lips apart, respiration a little above the hot breeze.
*******************
(Soi)
We're on the road again pointing out among other things, birds and scenery. Some of them are so kawaii. I wish I can hug both the guys and tell them I love them. Love?Equate Tomo? I must be crazy! Maybe they're like the oniichan and ototo I never saw.
"How's the pain coming along?" I ride up beside him, touching his arm sticky and shining as mine is. He gives me an okay sign.
"Your hair looks nice, don't brush it back."
"What?"
"A compliment," Suboshi quipps to me, both of them laughing. I am annoyed. How dare they not respect me? Still it IS a compliment, a rare one.
"That's right, dumb girl. Catch up with me," Tomo digs into the horse's sides and gallops into the faroff distance. I cannot resist the urge to chase him. My pathetic horse though a male is supposed to run faster cannot close the gap. Tomo is smiling in a silly offguard manner as he pulls up and turns. He looks better now after the long nap. It turns out we overslept and only awoke the evening after next. He was making us soup when we finally came back after our long sleep hibernation, insisting that we eat more of the supplies. We gorged.
"Oi! You left me behind twits. I won't call for a rest stop next time," the boy seishi grumbles drawing up to us. Tomo mockpouts at the boy.
"I'm sincerely sorry. Forgive me ne?" femininely the ravenhaired youth gestures with a nasal voice, batting eyelashes. This time I'm not able to breathe until I've spent up the laughter. Tomo smiles, back to his normal self. Suboshi jumps off to grab a snack. We have two more days' supply at most. I start checking the map for symbols or landmarks. We're almost there, a mountain pass more.
"Will you still put makeup on your face after that?"
He considers frowning hard. Wisely.... "Nah. Unless you'd like me to."
We both make retching sounds. "All right. I swear I will not cover makeup on my face due to violent protest. My honor on being a seiryuu seishi."
Nakago sama do you miss us? When Tomo was sick we thought we had lost him. Did you feel the weakening chi and try to offer a little prayer? I am kind of tired fighting. Do we have to lose another person after Amiboshi? The cool air of Seiryuu beckons. We're here in the temple an old monastery abandoned for millions of years. I don't know how long more the structure can hold. Beside me the two boys are gazing around, with Amiboshi's brother supporting his arm as we walk on the cold cracked floor. Click clack click clack.
The plod of footsteps surely and stably tell me it's Him. Tall and imposing, he nods at our presence. "Nakagosama! You have got the Shinzaho. It's great news," Tomo flourishes nervously and also flamboyantly, as he always does in nervousness. The man glares. He motions for me to make the necessary preps. I know Tomo is hurt. Nakago did not even ask about the extent of his injury and whether he needs more rest.
"Tomo, you feel cold. Need to lie down?"
"I'm dizzy. I need to sit down somewhere." He flops on the bed when we come into the room. Suboshi runs off to take a bath. I need one too. I check the injury, bleeding some but not too seriously. A white hand catches me.
"Don't waste chi. We need all of it for the ceremony, Soi. Can you lend me your makeup box? I have to---------"
Her solemnest resumed she rummages and throws me the box, Yes all the colors are there. Funny after almost a month of not wearing paint.
[Tomo]
"Do you love Nakago? And do anything for him?"
"That ain't your problem." I detect the hitch in her voice. As I spread the white on my cheeks and brush the black and blue of honour and intelligence. What would Suboshi feel about thi broken vow? But I know I will not be able to cope without it... my strength ebbs away like an ache. Maybe I'm going to get a fever again and this time I won't make it. The process is complete with the buttoning of my cloak. The room blurs and I almost fall but for a firm grip.
"And you say no need for chi?"
"Don't waste it. It'll just be a while," I speak softly to disguise the anxiety and nervousness. The atmosphere is thick with omen. Yui is dressed up at the centre of the room. Suboshi releases me as we take up our individual positions. Without his presence I have to concentrate on not falling forward. He'd been annoyed about me painting my face. It was necessary, so I don't look like a ghost. Is that just a consolation to myself?
Nakago orders me and Ashitare to the door. Enemy blood is closing in. the door is banged open. Tamahome,Tasuki, all of the gang minus Mitsukake charge in, relinquishing their weapons. I ready myself. Tasuki's magic fire grazes my arm. "Whoare you?"
"Tomo Seiryuu seishi. Now go to hell." I summon waves of seawater to close over his head with shin. He goes underwater, crying out and struggling against the tides, futilely. The others, Tamahome first, lead the charge into our leader's chi barrier. Inside he is protecting Yui. Ashitare howls one last time, his paw missing Chiriko's body. How did he die? I instruct shin to worsen the pain my victim is in, and am met by the scholar's soft gaze. He seems to whisper, why are you doing this? Walking forward, his only weapon a leaf to his lips. I stare at him thinking what I should do to stop him.
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You gave me strength to believe
You had faith when I didn't believe [from Celine Dion's song]
Climb the mountains and receive their glad tidings.[John Muir]
(Suboshi)
I knew we shouldn't have started the journey today. There is little shade and I keep an eye out for my friend. He doesn't say a word, and I somehow know it's because of dignity. Tomo emphasizes so much on this concept. Don't be ashamed if you can help it. His horse is listless, sensing the dark mood.
"All right, Tomosan?"
"Hai." he smiles, plastered sweat and hair clinging to his neck. He's breathing huskily, an arm pressed to his stomach area. It must be a strain to stay upright. His hand reaches out to push his hair away, a look of pure determination in the tired face.
"We can stop here now. I will tell Soi to stop." I jolt my steed forward until I get up beside her. She turns, perspiring a lot too. She looks at me questioningly. "We need a break. The horses are tired. We've been moving for ages. No shade."
Tomo sucks in a shaky breath. Now he is more delicate in build in the harsh sunlight. I hope Soi has taken note of this. She dismounts calling a halt. He just got well, any unnecessary strain and he will collapse. This time it won't be so easy to get medicine.
"Did I not say I am all right? You're deaf, Suboshi! I said I'm fine! We must keep moving," he rants indirectly at me, panting with every stab and his clothing is soaked wit blood once more. It's less than when we were ambushed. Soi helps him off. He's hunched over as he walks painfully to a tree. Grumbling more as the time passes to his concept of the word.
"Suboshi get me some water. Let's get off that shirt now man. Careful."
"OW! Damnit. Cannot you be more gentle?" Soi argues some more while she peels off the sodden shirt and examines the wet bandage. In this heat Tomo is still feeling cold. He coughs and shivers, folding arms about his thin figure. When I get back she has made him lie back and wipes his forehead with a spare cloth.
"I did not mean to hurt your feelings just now. We are still friends right?"
"Of course. Aniki told me sick and injured people get grumpy. It's perfectly normal. It is very hard to get medicine, so I figured you had better rest as much as possible. We'll still get to Nakago's in time. He should understand your injury isn't light."
"Yeah at least you're being sensible," Soi replies wittily, tugging tight a knot around him. Tomo hisses, jerking away and shutting his eyes. We ease him back down after she has completed the new layer. The pinched childlike face turns to me after a bit. He seems like crying but not wanting to show it. I touch his head.
"I was just hoping I could hang on before we got to Nakago's. The ceremony is important. We shouldn't disappoint him."
"Rest. It wasn't your fault." The weariness changes to bitterness. Tomo laughs, gritting his teeth white and canine in the shadows. I am surprised. What's funny?
"Not my fault? I should have known better. I'm the veteran, your senior, the oldest amongst you. I've made this mistake and now I can't even ride a bloody few hours without calling for break. I'm holding up all of you." He's hurting inside again. Why does our leader resort to such tactics? He also told me to get used to Aniki's untimely sacrifice. I didn't want to. As if it's so simple to push it aside like a normal civilian's death! Maybe he is using us?
"Don't think that!" both my seniors chide at me, knocking me upside the head. Don't read my thoughts, then. I want to think what I like.
"As if that's so easy. It's a gift we're ownership of now," Tomo sneers. "For your sake I will rest. Will you not move aside ? I don't want more bad luck to befall you. It will worsen the present situation."
We both tell him it's not his fault. Does Tomo's hesitation convey gratitude or more humiliation? I don't know,his frown is half angry and half sad. He curls up like a foetus, preparing for sleep. The heat is sweltering, like African desert-country. 40 degrees and more. We might as well take the chance to sleep as much as possible and maybe try to wake up by dawn next day. Soi and me talk about trivial stuff, eating, food. We settle down to eat, with the illusionist tossing and turning on his bedroll. He murmurs something. I feel his forehead that's cool.
Thank goodness. When I lie down to greet 'sleep tight' he's already in the thick of it, spread out flat on his back and his lips apart, respiration a little above the hot breeze.
*******************
(Soi)
We're on the road again pointing out among other things, birds and scenery. Some of them are so kawaii. I wish I can hug both the guys and tell them I love them. Love?Equate Tomo? I must be crazy! Maybe they're like the oniichan and ototo I never saw.
"How's the pain coming along?" I ride up beside him, touching his arm sticky and shining as mine is. He gives me an okay sign.
"Your hair looks nice, don't brush it back."
"What?"
"A compliment," Suboshi quipps to me, both of them laughing. I am annoyed. How dare they not respect me? Still it IS a compliment, a rare one.
"That's right, dumb girl. Catch up with me," Tomo digs into the horse's sides and gallops into the faroff distance. I cannot resist the urge to chase him. My pathetic horse though a male is supposed to run faster cannot close the gap. Tomo is smiling in a silly offguard manner as he pulls up and turns. He looks better now after the long nap. It turns out we overslept and only awoke the evening after next. He was making us soup when we finally came back after our long sleep hibernation, insisting that we eat more of the supplies. We gorged.
"Oi! You left me behind twits. I won't call for a rest stop next time," the boy seishi grumbles drawing up to us. Tomo mockpouts at the boy.
"I'm sincerely sorry. Forgive me ne?" femininely the ravenhaired youth gestures with a nasal voice, batting eyelashes. This time I'm not able to breathe until I've spent up the laughter. Tomo smiles, back to his normal self. Suboshi jumps off to grab a snack. We have two more days' supply at most. I start checking the map for symbols or landmarks. We're almost there, a mountain pass more.
"Will you still put makeup on your face after that?"
He considers frowning hard. Wisely.... "Nah. Unless you'd like me to."
We both make retching sounds. "All right. I swear I will not cover makeup on my face due to violent protest. My honor on being a seiryuu seishi."
Nakago sama do you miss us? When Tomo was sick we thought we had lost him. Did you feel the weakening chi and try to offer a little prayer? I am kind of tired fighting. Do we have to lose another person after Amiboshi? The cool air of Seiryuu beckons. We're here in the temple an old monastery abandoned for millions of years. I don't know how long more the structure can hold. Beside me the two boys are gazing around, with Amiboshi's brother supporting his arm as we walk on the cold cracked floor. Click clack click clack.
The plod of footsteps surely and stably tell me it's Him. Tall and imposing, he nods at our presence. "Nakagosama! You have got the Shinzaho. It's great news," Tomo flourishes nervously and also flamboyantly, as he always does in nervousness. The man glares. He motions for me to make the necessary preps. I know Tomo is hurt. Nakago did not even ask about the extent of his injury and whether he needs more rest.
"Tomo, you feel cold. Need to lie down?"
"I'm dizzy. I need to sit down somewhere." He flops on the bed when we come into the room. Suboshi runs off to take a bath. I need one too. I check the injury, bleeding some but not too seriously. A white hand catches me.
"Don't waste chi. We need all of it for the ceremony, Soi. Can you lend me your makeup box? I have to---------"
Her solemnest resumed she rummages and throws me the box, Yes all the colors are there. Funny after almost a month of not wearing paint.
[Tomo]
"Do you love Nakago? And do anything for him?"
"That ain't your problem." I detect the hitch in her voice. As I spread the white on my cheeks and brush the black and blue of honour and intelligence. What would Suboshi feel about thi broken vow? But I know I will not be able to cope without it... my strength ebbs away like an ache. Maybe I'm going to get a fever again and this time I won't make it. The process is complete with the buttoning of my cloak. The room blurs and I almost fall but for a firm grip.
"And you say no need for chi?"
"Don't waste it. It'll just be a while," I speak softly to disguise the anxiety and nervousness. The atmosphere is thick with omen. Yui is dressed up at the centre of the room. Suboshi releases me as we take up our individual positions. Without his presence I have to concentrate on not falling forward. He'd been annoyed about me painting my face. It was necessary, so I don't look like a ghost. Is that just a consolation to myself?
Nakago orders me and Ashitare to the door. Enemy blood is closing in. the door is banged open. Tamahome,Tasuki, all of the gang minus Mitsukake charge in, relinquishing their weapons. I ready myself. Tasuki's magic fire grazes my arm. "Whoare you?"
"Tomo Seiryuu seishi. Now go to hell." I summon waves of seawater to close over his head with shin. He goes underwater, crying out and struggling against the tides, futilely. The others, Tamahome first, lead the charge into our leader's chi barrier. Inside he is protecting Yui. Ashitare howls one last time, his paw missing Chiriko's body. How did he die? I instruct shin to worsen the pain my victim is in, and am met by the scholar's soft gaze. He seems to whisper, why are you doing this? Walking forward, his only weapon a leaf to his lips. I stare at him thinking what I should do to stop him.