Title: Dear Francie
Author: Carys5
Summary: Sydney's way of finding a new life and closure at the same time...some spoilers for S3 but AU later on
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, they all belong to JJ, ABC, Bad Robot etc...
*********************************
Running was about the only thing that still felt natural. Sydney wonders if she ran during the two years she can't remember. Her muscles don't feel any worse for the wear which probably means she did. She finds herself taking the same old paths, because they were programmed into her head before they messed with her head. She often finds herself at the pier. It still feels like a place of peace for her. It is slightly tainted by Vaughn memories, but lately, what isn't? On this particular day, she doesn't head for the pier though, but for a place that she has avoided for the past month. It's something that needs to be done.
As she walks over the well groomed grass, she hardly notices that the sun is shining brightly on this day. It was a classic California afternoon, but her focus is elsewhere. She slows her pace to a stroll as she nears her destination. She is apprehensive but determined. She stops and is struck by the fact that the sight in front of her takes her breath away.
"Hey you...sorry it took me so long to get here." she says to the ground. She kneels down. "Francie, I don't...." the tears clog up her throat before she expected them to. She swallows. "I am so sorry. This is all my fault." The tears course down her cheeks freely but silently. It feels like all she does is cry lately. "I wish I could...I wish it could have been different. I hope you understand that, even though I couldn't tell you the whole truth, you did know the real me. You were...well, my saving grace. There is so much I wish I could have told you then...about my mom, about Vaughn. Everything. The whole truth. Now it's too late. Please forgive me..."the sobs started then. Try as she might, they would not stop. So she got up and started walking home.
As it turns out, it took a whole lot longer to get home than it did to get there and the instant she walked in the door, the phone started ringing.
"Hello?"
"Syd, where have you been?" It was Weiss.
"Running, why? Is something wrong?" she replied.
"You've been gone for like four hours. I thought we were having pizza night?" he reminded her. Weiss had been trying his damndest for the last three weeks to make things feel normal for Sydney.
"We are. We are. I just need to shower. Why don't you come over in about twenty minutes. I should be human by then."
"OK, I'll see you then." and he rang off.
After pizza was eaten and a bottle of wine opened Weiss delved a little further into Sydney's four hour absence.
"So, where did you disappear to?"
"I went to Francie's grave."
"Oh," was the only reply he offered. Weiss was the master at giving Sydney space to talk. He never pushed or pressured, but patiently waited for her to open up.
Syd took a sip of her wine. You could almost see the wheels turning in her head.
"There was so much I wanted to tell her before..."
"Before what?" Weiss asked.
"Pick one. Before she died, before I disappeared. Before SD-6. I just never could. And in the end, it cost her her life. My secrets destroyed her life. How not fair is that? She just wanted to run her restaurant and be herself. Knowing me got her killed. I have destroyed so many lives Eric."
"Syd, you can't look at it that way. You have to remember all the good you have accomplished...the destruction of SD-6, the countless successful missions that prevented biological warfare, nuclear destruction. Sometimes there are casualties in war. It's not your fault. Sometimes it happens."
"You know, I could probably swallow that theory if it wasn't for the fact that she's dead, Danny's dead, Will is in witness protection. Hell, my own mother is a known fugitive who is on the CIA's shoot to kill list."
"OK, the thing about your mother has nothing to do with you," Weiss pointed out. "And as for the rest of it, I'm not saying that it doesn't suck. Because obviously it does. But you didn't cause those events Syd. It's just a really shitty coincidence."
"Maybe. Vaughn once gave me this speech about darkness and not letting it take over your soul. I just don't know how much more I am expected to take? Really Weiss, how much more do you think I can take before I totally lose my mind?"
"Sydney," he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know a lot, but the one thing I am absolutely sure of is that you are the strongest person I have ever met. You'll figure out a way through this, and if you can't do it alone, remember I am here to lean on whenever you need me. OK?"
The tears started again, but there was a smile peeking through them. She was trying.
Later that night, after the dishes were done and she getting ready for bed, she decided to pick up a pen and paper.
"Dear Francie,
I went by your grave today with great plans of all the things I wanted to tell you, to explain. But once I got there, the words just wouldn't come. There are so many things wrong right now that I don't know where to start. Apparently I've been missing for two years. I have no memory of what happened to me, where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. It is terrifying. I came back to a life that went on without me. In fact, it seems to have progressed pretty well without me...Vaughn's married, Will is in witness protection living a safe life. My mom is somewhere roaming free. Believe it or not, the one person who I feel closest to right now is my Dad, and you of all people know how bizarre that is. Things with Vaughn are uncomfortable to say the least. I don't know how to be around him. He used to be my world. The one person I could trust with everything...who knew everything. Now I just don't know. He tried to tell me recently that he was still on my side, but I wanted to scream at him that I didn't want him on my side, I wanted him by my side. I want to hate him for moving on with his life but I can't. I'm just not at a place yet where I can say that I have moved on. It's still to raw, too painful. Too soon. He came back to the CIA. I went and told him that it was OK for him to come back, that I could handle it. He told me he loved me. I don't think I wanted to hear that. Now, every time I see him, I can't decide whether to scream or cry. It would almost of been easier to think that he had just given up on us, on me. By him saying that he loved me so much it nearly killed him, I can't hate him. I guess part of me just doesn't understand why he came back to the agency. The only reason I am still here is so that I can find out what happened to me. The CIA has the best resources to find that out. Granted, by coming back I didn't expect that I'd be sent on missions every other day but so be it...it's just the price I have to pay to find out what happened to me. I'll tell you one thing for sure though, once I do find out what happened, I am leaving this godforsaken life and doing something normal. Wish me luck....all my love, Sydney."
Sleep came a little easier that night.
Let me know what you think - feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm not sure yet if this is a stand alone fic or part of a bigger story. I really want to write a resolution for Vaughn and Syd, not necessarily a shippers ending, but some sort of explanation. I was just facinated by the thought that Syd has no one left in her life to confide in so she might turn to writing to Francie as a way of unloading without any repercussions. Please review!
Thx - Carys
Author: Carys5
Summary: Sydney's way of finding a new life and closure at the same time...some spoilers for S3 but AU later on
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, they all belong to JJ, ABC, Bad Robot etc...
*********************************
Running was about the only thing that still felt natural. Sydney wonders if she ran during the two years she can't remember. Her muscles don't feel any worse for the wear which probably means she did. She finds herself taking the same old paths, because they were programmed into her head before they messed with her head. She often finds herself at the pier. It still feels like a place of peace for her. It is slightly tainted by Vaughn memories, but lately, what isn't? On this particular day, she doesn't head for the pier though, but for a place that she has avoided for the past month. It's something that needs to be done.
As she walks over the well groomed grass, she hardly notices that the sun is shining brightly on this day. It was a classic California afternoon, but her focus is elsewhere. She slows her pace to a stroll as she nears her destination. She is apprehensive but determined. She stops and is struck by the fact that the sight in front of her takes her breath away.
"Hey you...sorry it took me so long to get here." she says to the ground. She kneels down. "Francie, I don't...." the tears clog up her throat before she expected them to. She swallows. "I am so sorry. This is all my fault." The tears course down her cheeks freely but silently. It feels like all she does is cry lately. "I wish I could...I wish it could have been different. I hope you understand that, even though I couldn't tell you the whole truth, you did know the real me. You were...well, my saving grace. There is so much I wish I could have told you then...about my mom, about Vaughn. Everything. The whole truth. Now it's too late. Please forgive me..."the sobs started then. Try as she might, they would not stop. So she got up and started walking home.
As it turns out, it took a whole lot longer to get home than it did to get there and the instant she walked in the door, the phone started ringing.
"Hello?"
"Syd, where have you been?" It was Weiss.
"Running, why? Is something wrong?" she replied.
"You've been gone for like four hours. I thought we were having pizza night?" he reminded her. Weiss had been trying his damndest for the last three weeks to make things feel normal for Sydney.
"We are. We are. I just need to shower. Why don't you come over in about twenty minutes. I should be human by then."
"OK, I'll see you then." and he rang off.
After pizza was eaten and a bottle of wine opened Weiss delved a little further into Sydney's four hour absence.
"So, where did you disappear to?"
"I went to Francie's grave."
"Oh," was the only reply he offered. Weiss was the master at giving Sydney space to talk. He never pushed or pressured, but patiently waited for her to open up.
Syd took a sip of her wine. You could almost see the wheels turning in her head.
"There was so much I wanted to tell her before..."
"Before what?" Weiss asked.
"Pick one. Before she died, before I disappeared. Before SD-6. I just never could. And in the end, it cost her her life. My secrets destroyed her life. How not fair is that? She just wanted to run her restaurant and be herself. Knowing me got her killed. I have destroyed so many lives Eric."
"Syd, you can't look at it that way. You have to remember all the good you have accomplished...the destruction of SD-6, the countless successful missions that prevented biological warfare, nuclear destruction. Sometimes there are casualties in war. It's not your fault. Sometimes it happens."
"You know, I could probably swallow that theory if it wasn't for the fact that she's dead, Danny's dead, Will is in witness protection. Hell, my own mother is a known fugitive who is on the CIA's shoot to kill list."
"OK, the thing about your mother has nothing to do with you," Weiss pointed out. "And as for the rest of it, I'm not saying that it doesn't suck. Because obviously it does. But you didn't cause those events Syd. It's just a really shitty coincidence."
"Maybe. Vaughn once gave me this speech about darkness and not letting it take over your soul. I just don't know how much more I am expected to take? Really Weiss, how much more do you think I can take before I totally lose my mind?"
"Sydney," he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know a lot, but the one thing I am absolutely sure of is that you are the strongest person I have ever met. You'll figure out a way through this, and if you can't do it alone, remember I am here to lean on whenever you need me. OK?"
The tears started again, but there was a smile peeking through them. She was trying.
Later that night, after the dishes were done and she getting ready for bed, she decided to pick up a pen and paper.
"Dear Francie,
I went by your grave today with great plans of all the things I wanted to tell you, to explain. But once I got there, the words just wouldn't come. There are so many things wrong right now that I don't know where to start. Apparently I've been missing for two years. I have no memory of what happened to me, where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. It is terrifying. I came back to a life that went on without me. In fact, it seems to have progressed pretty well without me...Vaughn's married, Will is in witness protection living a safe life. My mom is somewhere roaming free. Believe it or not, the one person who I feel closest to right now is my Dad, and you of all people know how bizarre that is. Things with Vaughn are uncomfortable to say the least. I don't know how to be around him. He used to be my world. The one person I could trust with everything...who knew everything. Now I just don't know. He tried to tell me recently that he was still on my side, but I wanted to scream at him that I didn't want him on my side, I wanted him by my side. I want to hate him for moving on with his life but I can't. I'm just not at a place yet where I can say that I have moved on. It's still to raw, too painful. Too soon. He came back to the CIA. I went and told him that it was OK for him to come back, that I could handle it. He told me he loved me. I don't think I wanted to hear that. Now, every time I see him, I can't decide whether to scream or cry. It would almost of been easier to think that he had just given up on us, on me. By him saying that he loved me so much it nearly killed him, I can't hate him. I guess part of me just doesn't understand why he came back to the agency. The only reason I am still here is so that I can find out what happened to me. The CIA has the best resources to find that out. Granted, by coming back I didn't expect that I'd be sent on missions every other day but so be it...it's just the price I have to pay to find out what happened to me. I'll tell you one thing for sure though, once I do find out what happened, I am leaving this godforsaken life and doing something normal. Wish me luck....all my love, Sydney."
Sleep came a little easier that night.
Let me know what you think - feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm not sure yet if this is a stand alone fic or part of a bigger story. I really want to write a resolution for Vaughn and Syd, not necessarily a shippers ending, but some sort of explanation. I was just facinated by the thought that Syd has no one left in her life to confide in so she might turn to writing to Francie as a way of unloading without any repercussions. Please review!
Thx - Carys