I'm baaaaaack. Mwahahahaha. Still don't own these people, but don't tell them that or they won't respect me anymore.
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. We have engaged a powerful, and obviously quite unstable entity known to us simply as The Author. Currently we are being "saved" in her computer base. Although she does not appear to wish us any particular ill will, I believe it is possible that she may inadvertantly destroy us all if she is allowed to hold us here indefinately. Commander LaForge is attempting to engineer a crash of her computer in the hopes that the loss of her data files will free us.
(the Bridge)
Worf: Captain, I request we take action! I cannot merely stand here and await my fate at that madwoman's hands!
Picard: We're doing all we can Mr. Worf, and unless you have a better suggestion I suggest you calm down and focus on your duties. Unfortunately, that is all we can do for the moment.
Worf: With all due respect, sir....Klingons do not wait well.
Riker: (with that smug grin) Think of this as an unexpected shore leave.
(Worf grumbles)
Picard: Mr. Data. Are we getting any sensor readings at all from...that? (indicates the nothingness on the viewscreen)
Data: I am still getting no readings, captain.
(Phantomess pops into existance, sitting in Data's lap with a big grin)
Phantomess: And you're not likely to be getting any either. Hi honey, how are ya?
Data: (looking confused and slightly uncomfortable) Captain?
Picard: (trying to stay calm and diplomatic about everything) Miss....
Phantomess: (not bothering to look at Picard) Phantomess.
Picard: Miss Phantomess. I don't suppose you would mind very much getting off of my second in command?
(Troi giggles, Riker smirks, Worf snarls, and Data still looks confused.)
Phantomess: (pouts) Oh fine. (reappears in the captain's chair and relocates Picard so that he's standing in front of her) Now...my dear captain. About my fan fic.....
Picard: Get out of my chair!
Phantomess: (rolls her eyes) You won't let me sit in your chair, you won't let me sit on Data...man you're boring! (gets up) Anyway...the fic.
Picard: There isn't going to be any fic! I want you to release my ship and crew right this moment!
Phantomess: (sticks nose in the air) Hmph! I WAS going to let you pick the kind of fic I stuck you all in, but now you're just going to have to take whatever I dish out. And to begin with....(Tasha Yar suddenly appears next to Worf at tactical)
Worf: Tasha??
Yar: How...how did I get here? I remember Armus...then something about Romulans and the Enterprise C....
Phantomess: Yeah. You were dead. Now you're not.
Yar: How is that possible?
Phantomess: I like you, so I've written you back in. (smiles)
Riker: My God....
Phantomess: Oh yeah. Sorry 'bout this guys, but there's a couple more people I want to invite, just 'cause I think they're cool. (Q and Lore appear looking REALLY confused and slightly perturbed) Hi boys.
Q: What is the meaning of this? I should blast you to atoms.
Phantomess: Just try it hotshot.
Q: (snaps his fingers in anger. nothing happens) What? My powers! What did you do? (wails and carries on about not having any powers and how unfair it is)
Phantomess: Be quiet. You still have your powers. They're just not working against me. Big baby....
Lore: While I appreciate the fact that I'm no longer in pieces in this garbage scowl's cargo hold--by the way thank you SO much for that, dear brother. (glares at Data) I really have better things to do than be here.
Phantomess: (whaps Lore upside the head) Be nice to your little brother, or I'll lay the smackdown on your android butt.
Lore: (glaring at Phantomess) EXCUSE me???
Phantomess: You heard me Mister. (Lore rolls his eyes and leans against a wall, looking ticked)
Q: Jean-Luc! I demand you do something to get rid of this...this....FEMALE!!
Picard: And what would you suggest I do, exactly?
Q: YOU'RE the one who always has All the answers to EVERYTHING. Just get rid of her so I can get back to what I was doing!
Riker: If you can't do anything about her, what makes you think we can?
Phantomess: Um...excuse me? I'm RIGHT HERE.
Picard: Of course. Please, if you wouldn't mind joining me in my ready room. I would like to discuss this...fic.
Phantomess: I would be delighted. (sweeps into the ready room and performs the ritualistic staring at the fish that everyone seems to do when they enter the ready room) How do you feed him in this thing? Does it come apart or what?
Picard: (sighing heavily and sitting down at his desk) Leave the damn fish alone.
Phantomess: You really are a damper, you know that. (plops onto the couch)
Picard: (trying very VERY hard to maintain his cool against this infuriating girl) I don't believe you understand the gravity of what you're doing. You are toying with people's lives.
Phantomess: Yeah, I know. What's your point?
Picard: (restraining the urge to smack his head on the desk) The point, young woman, is that it is wrong. You cannot force people to participate in these....stories....simply for your entertainment.
Phantomess: But you're not real. When you go into a holodeck as Dixon Hill and mess around with his world, you don't feel bad....
Picard: What do you mean I'm not real? And a holodeck is hardly the same thing as--
Phantomess: I mean, you're not real. If you want, I'll prove it to you. Where I come from, you don't exist except as some character on a TV show. So what I'm doing is no more morally degrading than when you walk into a holodeck. The only difference is, I'm letting you in on the fact that something is happening. I should think you'd be grateful!
Picard: Grateful?? You have captured my ship, brought aboard dangerous lifeforms, and you sit there and tell me that it is all perfectly justified????
Phantomess: Yup. That's about it. (smiles)
(Several long speeches about the nature of reality and ethics later....)
Picard: There's no way to talk you out of this.
Phantomess: (shaking her head adamently) No.
Picard: Then the faster this bloody fic is over with, the faster we can go about our business?
Phantomess: Yup.
Picard: And you'll get rid of Lore and Q?
Phantomess: When I'm good and ready.
Picard: What about my crew?
Phantomess: "The anomoly, my ship, my crew....I suppose you're worried about your fish too?"
Picard: (looking at her strangely) I beg your pardon?
Phantomess: Sorry. Little random quotage there. Your crew will be fine. Remember, I like you guys. And if by some chance someone....say Commander Riker, is ACCIDENTALLY injured....well, I'll be more than happy to fix it when the fic is done.
Picard: (raising a suspicious eyebrow, truly wishing that he were dealing with anything...ANYTHING but a teenaged girl) ....fine.
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. We have engaged a powerful, and obviously quite unstable entity known to us simply as The Author. Currently we are being "saved" in her computer base. Although she does not appear to wish us any particular ill will, I believe it is possible that she may inadvertantly destroy us all if she is allowed to hold us here indefinately. Commander LaForge is attempting to engineer a crash of her computer in the hopes that the loss of her data files will free us.
(the Bridge)
Worf: Captain, I request we take action! I cannot merely stand here and await my fate at that madwoman's hands!
Picard: We're doing all we can Mr. Worf, and unless you have a better suggestion I suggest you calm down and focus on your duties. Unfortunately, that is all we can do for the moment.
Worf: With all due respect, sir....Klingons do not wait well.
Riker: (with that smug grin) Think of this as an unexpected shore leave.
(Worf grumbles)
Picard: Mr. Data. Are we getting any sensor readings at all from...that? (indicates the nothingness on the viewscreen)
Data: I am still getting no readings, captain.
(Phantomess pops into existance, sitting in Data's lap with a big grin)
Phantomess: And you're not likely to be getting any either. Hi honey, how are ya?
Data: (looking confused and slightly uncomfortable) Captain?
Picard: (trying to stay calm and diplomatic about everything) Miss....
Phantomess: (not bothering to look at Picard) Phantomess.
Picard: Miss Phantomess. I don't suppose you would mind very much getting off of my second in command?
(Troi giggles, Riker smirks, Worf snarls, and Data still looks confused.)
Phantomess: (pouts) Oh fine. (reappears in the captain's chair and relocates Picard so that he's standing in front of her) Now...my dear captain. About my fan fic.....
Picard: Get out of my chair!
Phantomess: (rolls her eyes) You won't let me sit in your chair, you won't let me sit on Data...man you're boring! (gets up) Anyway...the fic.
Picard: There isn't going to be any fic! I want you to release my ship and crew right this moment!
Phantomess: (sticks nose in the air) Hmph! I WAS going to let you pick the kind of fic I stuck you all in, but now you're just going to have to take whatever I dish out. And to begin with....(Tasha Yar suddenly appears next to Worf at tactical)
Worf: Tasha??
Yar: How...how did I get here? I remember Armus...then something about Romulans and the Enterprise C....
Phantomess: Yeah. You were dead. Now you're not.
Yar: How is that possible?
Phantomess: I like you, so I've written you back in. (smiles)
Riker: My God....
Phantomess: Oh yeah. Sorry 'bout this guys, but there's a couple more people I want to invite, just 'cause I think they're cool. (Q and Lore appear looking REALLY confused and slightly perturbed) Hi boys.
Q: What is the meaning of this? I should blast you to atoms.
Phantomess: Just try it hotshot.
Q: (snaps his fingers in anger. nothing happens) What? My powers! What did you do? (wails and carries on about not having any powers and how unfair it is)
Phantomess: Be quiet. You still have your powers. They're just not working against me. Big baby....
Lore: While I appreciate the fact that I'm no longer in pieces in this garbage scowl's cargo hold--by the way thank you SO much for that, dear brother. (glares at Data) I really have better things to do than be here.
Phantomess: (whaps Lore upside the head) Be nice to your little brother, or I'll lay the smackdown on your android butt.
Lore: (glaring at Phantomess) EXCUSE me???
Phantomess: You heard me Mister. (Lore rolls his eyes and leans against a wall, looking ticked)
Q: Jean-Luc! I demand you do something to get rid of this...this....FEMALE!!
Picard: And what would you suggest I do, exactly?
Q: YOU'RE the one who always has All the answers to EVERYTHING. Just get rid of her so I can get back to what I was doing!
Riker: If you can't do anything about her, what makes you think we can?
Phantomess: Um...excuse me? I'm RIGHT HERE.
Picard: Of course. Please, if you wouldn't mind joining me in my ready room. I would like to discuss this...fic.
Phantomess: I would be delighted. (sweeps into the ready room and performs the ritualistic staring at the fish that everyone seems to do when they enter the ready room) How do you feed him in this thing? Does it come apart or what?
Picard: (sighing heavily and sitting down at his desk) Leave the damn fish alone.
Phantomess: You really are a damper, you know that. (plops onto the couch)
Picard: (trying very VERY hard to maintain his cool against this infuriating girl) I don't believe you understand the gravity of what you're doing. You are toying with people's lives.
Phantomess: Yeah, I know. What's your point?
Picard: (restraining the urge to smack his head on the desk) The point, young woman, is that it is wrong. You cannot force people to participate in these....stories....simply for your entertainment.
Phantomess: But you're not real. When you go into a holodeck as Dixon Hill and mess around with his world, you don't feel bad....
Picard: What do you mean I'm not real? And a holodeck is hardly the same thing as--
Phantomess: I mean, you're not real. If you want, I'll prove it to you. Where I come from, you don't exist except as some character on a TV show. So what I'm doing is no more morally degrading than when you walk into a holodeck. The only difference is, I'm letting you in on the fact that something is happening. I should think you'd be grateful!
Picard: Grateful?? You have captured my ship, brought aboard dangerous lifeforms, and you sit there and tell me that it is all perfectly justified????
Phantomess: Yup. That's about it. (smiles)
(Several long speeches about the nature of reality and ethics later....)
Picard: There's no way to talk you out of this.
Phantomess: (shaking her head adamently) No.
Picard: Then the faster this bloody fic is over with, the faster we can go about our business?
Phantomess: Yup.
Picard: And you'll get rid of Lore and Q?
Phantomess: When I'm good and ready.
Picard: What about my crew?
Phantomess: "The anomoly, my ship, my crew....I suppose you're worried about your fish too?"
Picard: (looking at her strangely) I beg your pardon?
Phantomess: Sorry. Little random quotage there. Your crew will be fine. Remember, I like you guys. And if by some chance someone....say Commander Riker, is ACCIDENTALLY injured....well, I'll be more than happy to fix it when the fic is done.
Picard: (raising a suspicious eyebrow, truly wishing that he were dealing with anything...ANYTHING but a teenaged girl) ....fine.