A/N: This chapter should be more pleasant than the last, and it will focus
once again on Inu and Kag. Thanks for all the reviews people. And let me
assure you all, Nakamura will get his before the end. How could I let that
bastard get away with what he did to Rin?
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
Synthetic Emotions
Kagome and Inuyasha walked home in silence, both lost in their own private thoughts. Occasionally Kagome would steal a glance at the hanyou, taking in the brooding weight in his amber eyes. 'How did they manage to give a machine such expressive eyes?' she wondered, looking away before he could notice her attention.
Since they had lost their original blankness, Inuyasha's eyes had reflected each of his emotions. They grew molten when he was angry. They softened and lightened uncertainly when he was flustered. They turned sharply from amber to yellow diamond when he was frustrated or annoyed. She tried to think of what they looked like when he was happy, but her memory couldn't provide an image for it. He had seemed sad once, when Kikyo was mentioned, and his eyes had turned a dark, liquid shade, like syrup.
'And my brother call's me moody,' she reflected wryly, chewing absently on her lower lip while she continued to ponder Inuyasha.
Miroku had told her to be careful, be she didn't think that Inuyasha would hurt her. Unstable or not, he had already shown a strong protective streak. What was more, Kagome didn't think the hanyou was all 'that' unstable. Aggressive, temperamental and occasionally juvenile, yes, but not unstable. His protectiveness could actually be a little flattering, and he had saved her from Eiji. . .
Kagome shook her head to dismiss any illusions she was building. Inuyasha was protective because he was programmed to be. He had been perfectly clear on that point. Perhaps, just perhaps, he was starting to warm toward her, but nothing more than that.
Well, being his friend was better than having him hate her, the girl told herself firmly, then looked around, surprised to find how close they were to her apartment. She hadn't realized how far they'd come. It was dark, and she thanked god that she had her hanyou with her. She hadn't been paying attention to her surroundings at all.
She'd been thinking about him and his stupid eyes.
It couldn't be healthy to keep all those emotions bottled up like that.
The foreign idea struck Kagome hard. The corporations that made hanyou and youkai had wanted to make them more human like, and Taisho had wanted to make a machine with not only a sentient mind, but also with the emotions that went accompanied it. How far had those people considered the mental well-being of their creations?
Strange as that thought was, Kagome suddenly felt as though she'd discovered the missing piece of the puzzle. It wasn't healthy to keep emotions bottled up inside, psychologists had confirmed that a long time ago. With the first youkai, mental health wouldn't have been a consideration. All their responses had been predetermined, with no room for creative thought or improvisation. Since then, advances in technology had given youkai learning capabilities, conscious thought, egocentric perspection, personality, and now emotion. But how far had human attitudes evolved?
Kagome stopped herself from chewing a hole through her lip, and realized that she was standing in front of her own door.
'I'll have to talk to Miroku about this," she decided, fumbling for her key. 'He knows more about youkai that I do.'
Inuyasha sighed softly, drawing Kagome's attention from her locked front door. She recognized the deep, liquid appearance of sadness.
'I'll have to talk to him, too.' Maybe if he told her about what he felt. . . would it be like when he told her about his dreams?
Before Kagome could fit her key card into the slot, the door swung open, and a small, furry, irate bundle flung itself into Kagome's arms, resolving into Shippo. The fox youkai shot Inuyasha an accusing look, then his fixed mischievously tilted green gaze on the girl. She blinked, suddenly finding herself considering Shippo's eyes as well.
Maybe she should look at youkai's expressions more often.
*~*~*
Inuyasha listened with one ear as Kagome got ready for bed. She had been unaccustomedly quiet during the trip home. Not that it bothered him. He had plenty enough on his mind without the girl nattering on, but he wondered.
Actually, he didn't mind her talking that much, he admitted to himself. And he liked arguing with her (as long as he was winning). It was nice to stop thinking from time to time. Since the girl had reactivated him, he had spent a lot of time thinking, and generally his thoughts frustrated him, as did the feelings they inspired. He thought about Kagome, and why he couldn't seem to dislike her as he wanted. He thought about himself, and his makers, and what the hell had been going through those madmen's heads when they thought making a machine with feelings would be a good idea. Mostly, he thought about Kikyo, though. He didn't try to think of her. In fact, he wanted to hate her even more than he didn't want to like Kagome. The bitch had shut him down, left him in storage for half a century, and disconnected his neural circuit for no reason he could fathom.
He remembered their last encounter vividly.
She had returned home upset. He had smelled her agitation before she had even opened the door, and the bitter flavor of her anger and hurt had hit him with almost physical force. He had immediately become. . . anxious, was that the word? Was that the name for that light, frenetic feeling? It suited.
Unknowing, he had asked her what was wrong, and she had turned on him. She had hissed, and snapped, never actually screaming, nor cursing, or any of the other things that might have given vent to the heat he felt in her. Her eyes glimmered with the tears she held back, but as always she had remained totally in control.
She had said things he couldn't understand. She had denied his love. . . He knew it had been love. What else could it have been? Why else could the accusations she hurled at him hurt so much? Only love could make someone vulnerable like that, Inuyasha was sure.
Then she had commanded him still while she turned him off. Her hands hadn't even shaken when she reached in to turn him off. The last thing he'd seen before his sight had failed was her eyes, dark and opaque as tarnished metal.
He never knew why she did it. She never said.
And now it was beginning again, with this girl. Why couldn't he not worry about her? Why did her smile make him feel better?
Long after Kagome had gone to bed, Inuyasha gave up on his revery and suspended his functions.
*~*~*
An image appeared in the hanyou's cooling brain. The hues were vague, as though the vision had been rendered in watercolors, and distances were indistinct.
It appeared as though Kikyo was sitting in a field, the breeze ruffling her long black hair, her face set in an expression of sad contentment. She was not precisely happy, and she was well aware that this was as good as it would get. For her, the world did not supply happiness, and she had never known how to find it herself.
Inuyasha didn't know how he could know that.
Kikyo turned toward him and raised a beckoning hand. A small, melancholy smile curved her lips.
Her eyes were heartless.
Suddenly the scene faded in a wash of darkness, and Kikyo was left facing him in a strange, shadowy place. Her skin was grey. Her hair was lank. Her smile had been replaced with a bizarre facsimile.
Lurid pink light gathered around her hands. . .
*~*~*
Inuyasha became alert all at once, wondering why he had 'woke.' He wasn't supposed to until morning, unless something interfered. He focused his senses, searching for the disturbance.
After a long moment, the hanyou shook his head. "That's never happened before."
*~*~*
Morning came too early, and Kagome was staring blurrily at her coffee, trying to convince herself that going back to bed was 'not' as good an idea as it sounded. It sounded so good, though.
"Hey, Kagome," Inuyasha said from the doorway. "You better hurry. You'll be late if you spend too long communing with your coffee-god."
"Be nice," Shippo said. "Kagome's tired."
"She's always tired in the morning. Nothing new," the dog hanyou said, shrugging.
"Hey Shippo," Kagome said before her youkai could retort. "Will you wait in the other room a minute, please." Shippo pouted, shooting a glare at Inuyasha which could only be called jealous, then sulked out of the room. 'I have been neglecting him lately,' the girl thought as she watched Shippo go, and made note to pay more attention to him from now on. But first, she wanted to talk to Inuyasha.
"What?" he asked, taking half a step back when she turned toward him.
"Sit down, Inuyasha," she said, gesturing to the chair across from her. The crossed his ankles and dropped gracefully to sit on the floor, just to be obstinate, she was sure. She ignored the minor insult, and wondered briefly how to proceed. What exactly was she going to say to him that wouldn't set him off?
"I wanted to speak to you," she began slowly, watching for any sign that he was going to balk. "I want to ask you a couple of things, but you don't have to answer if you don't want. I'm not going to force you."
"What do you want to know?" he asked suspiciously. Kagome hadn't expected any better. He hadn't flat out refused to speak to her at all, which she'd more than half feared he might.
"I. . .uh, Inuyasha is there anything you'd like to tell me?"
"What?" he asked, blinking in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Well. . ." Too late to stop now. She'd just have to press on and hope she didn't scare him away. "You can't deny that you feel, and sometimes there are things people just have to get off their chest, you know?"
"Off their chests?"
"Not literally. It's--I don't know--it's like when you feel like you have a weight on your chest. Do you know that feeling?"
Inuyasha wasn't looking at her directly, but eying her around his nose, face partly averted. Slowly he nodded, indicating he was familiar with the feeling.
Kagome sighed in relief. "It can make you feel better if you talk about it. And. . . I don't suppose anyone has really tried talking to you about you're feels, have they?"
His expression became a little less suspicious, but he chose not to answer than. Kagome felt a pang of hurt, but she pushed it away. He didn't have to answer, and it was important to her that Inuyasha believe her when she said he didn't have to say anything if he preferred not to.
"So, is there anything, you want to tell me?"
He was silent for a long time, leaving Kagome to watch as his gaze dropped thoughtfully to the linoleum floor. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, Kagome was sure he was going tell her to mind her own business.
He surprised her, saying instead, "You asked once if I dream. Last night, I suppose I had a dream that. . . upset me. . ."
He made the last part a question, as though he didn't know if that was quite the right word or not. Kagome nodded encouragingly.
"It didn't make any sense," he continued, his voice taking on a rough edge.
"It's a dream," Kagome assured him, hoping he wouldn't stop. "It doesn't have to make sense. You said it upset you. What was it about?"
"It's not important."
Kagome was about to say something else when the phone rang. Grumbling, the girl went to find out who in world had such bad timing. Inuyasha had been talking to her, and now she had to leave him to get the phone.
A moment later she returned, and barely noticed the curious hanyou as he took in her shocked face.
"Something happened at the cafe," she explained weakly.
*~*~*
A/N: Okay, that's if for today. Hope this chapter wasn't too boring for all of you. I realize that the first two thirds are nothing but Inuyasha and Kagome thinking, but it's important thought. There should be more action in the coming chapters, so you only have to be patient a little longer.
Until next time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
Synthetic Emotions
Kagome and Inuyasha walked home in silence, both lost in their own private thoughts. Occasionally Kagome would steal a glance at the hanyou, taking in the brooding weight in his amber eyes. 'How did they manage to give a machine such expressive eyes?' she wondered, looking away before he could notice her attention.
Since they had lost their original blankness, Inuyasha's eyes had reflected each of his emotions. They grew molten when he was angry. They softened and lightened uncertainly when he was flustered. They turned sharply from amber to yellow diamond when he was frustrated or annoyed. She tried to think of what they looked like when he was happy, but her memory couldn't provide an image for it. He had seemed sad once, when Kikyo was mentioned, and his eyes had turned a dark, liquid shade, like syrup.
'And my brother call's me moody,' she reflected wryly, chewing absently on her lower lip while she continued to ponder Inuyasha.
Miroku had told her to be careful, be she didn't think that Inuyasha would hurt her. Unstable or not, he had already shown a strong protective streak. What was more, Kagome didn't think the hanyou was all 'that' unstable. Aggressive, temperamental and occasionally juvenile, yes, but not unstable. His protectiveness could actually be a little flattering, and he had saved her from Eiji. . .
Kagome shook her head to dismiss any illusions she was building. Inuyasha was protective because he was programmed to be. He had been perfectly clear on that point. Perhaps, just perhaps, he was starting to warm toward her, but nothing more than that.
Well, being his friend was better than having him hate her, the girl told herself firmly, then looked around, surprised to find how close they were to her apartment. She hadn't realized how far they'd come. It was dark, and she thanked god that she had her hanyou with her. She hadn't been paying attention to her surroundings at all.
She'd been thinking about him and his stupid eyes.
It couldn't be healthy to keep all those emotions bottled up like that.
The foreign idea struck Kagome hard. The corporations that made hanyou and youkai had wanted to make them more human like, and Taisho had wanted to make a machine with not only a sentient mind, but also with the emotions that went accompanied it. How far had those people considered the mental well-being of their creations?
Strange as that thought was, Kagome suddenly felt as though she'd discovered the missing piece of the puzzle. It wasn't healthy to keep emotions bottled up inside, psychologists had confirmed that a long time ago. With the first youkai, mental health wouldn't have been a consideration. All their responses had been predetermined, with no room for creative thought or improvisation. Since then, advances in technology had given youkai learning capabilities, conscious thought, egocentric perspection, personality, and now emotion. But how far had human attitudes evolved?
Kagome stopped herself from chewing a hole through her lip, and realized that she was standing in front of her own door.
'I'll have to talk to Miroku about this," she decided, fumbling for her key. 'He knows more about youkai that I do.'
Inuyasha sighed softly, drawing Kagome's attention from her locked front door. She recognized the deep, liquid appearance of sadness.
'I'll have to talk to him, too.' Maybe if he told her about what he felt. . . would it be like when he told her about his dreams?
Before Kagome could fit her key card into the slot, the door swung open, and a small, furry, irate bundle flung itself into Kagome's arms, resolving into Shippo. The fox youkai shot Inuyasha an accusing look, then his fixed mischievously tilted green gaze on the girl. She blinked, suddenly finding herself considering Shippo's eyes as well.
Maybe she should look at youkai's expressions more often.
*~*~*
Inuyasha listened with one ear as Kagome got ready for bed. She had been unaccustomedly quiet during the trip home. Not that it bothered him. He had plenty enough on his mind without the girl nattering on, but he wondered.
Actually, he didn't mind her talking that much, he admitted to himself. And he liked arguing with her (as long as he was winning). It was nice to stop thinking from time to time. Since the girl had reactivated him, he had spent a lot of time thinking, and generally his thoughts frustrated him, as did the feelings they inspired. He thought about Kagome, and why he couldn't seem to dislike her as he wanted. He thought about himself, and his makers, and what the hell had been going through those madmen's heads when they thought making a machine with feelings would be a good idea. Mostly, he thought about Kikyo, though. He didn't try to think of her. In fact, he wanted to hate her even more than he didn't want to like Kagome. The bitch had shut him down, left him in storage for half a century, and disconnected his neural circuit for no reason he could fathom.
He remembered their last encounter vividly.
She had returned home upset. He had smelled her agitation before she had even opened the door, and the bitter flavor of her anger and hurt had hit him with almost physical force. He had immediately become. . . anxious, was that the word? Was that the name for that light, frenetic feeling? It suited.
Unknowing, he had asked her what was wrong, and she had turned on him. She had hissed, and snapped, never actually screaming, nor cursing, or any of the other things that might have given vent to the heat he felt in her. Her eyes glimmered with the tears she held back, but as always she had remained totally in control.
She had said things he couldn't understand. She had denied his love. . . He knew it had been love. What else could it have been? Why else could the accusations she hurled at him hurt so much? Only love could make someone vulnerable like that, Inuyasha was sure.
Then she had commanded him still while she turned him off. Her hands hadn't even shaken when she reached in to turn him off. The last thing he'd seen before his sight had failed was her eyes, dark and opaque as tarnished metal.
He never knew why she did it. She never said.
And now it was beginning again, with this girl. Why couldn't he not worry about her? Why did her smile make him feel better?
Long after Kagome had gone to bed, Inuyasha gave up on his revery and suspended his functions.
*~*~*
An image appeared in the hanyou's cooling brain. The hues were vague, as though the vision had been rendered in watercolors, and distances were indistinct.
It appeared as though Kikyo was sitting in a field, the breeze ruffling her long black hair, her face set in an expression of sad contentment. She was not precisely happy, and she was well aware that this was as good as it would get. For her, the world did not supply happiness, and she had never known how to find it herself.
Inuyasha didn't know how he could know that.
Kikyo turned toward him and raised a beckoning hand. A small, melancholy smile curved her lips.
Her eyes were heartless.
Suddenly the scene faded in a wash of darkness, and Kikyo was left facing him in a strange, shadowy place. Her skin was grey. Her hair was lank. Her smile had been replaced with a bizarre facsimile.
Lurid pink light gathered around her hands. . .
*~*~*
Inuyasha became alert all at once, wondering why he had 'woke.' He wasn't supposed to until morning, unless something interfered. He focused his senses, searching for the disturbance.
After a long moment, the hanyou shook his head. "That's never happened before."
*~*~*
Morning came too early, and Kagome was staring blurrily at her coffee, trying to convince herself that going back to bed was 'not' as good an idea as it sounded. It sounded so good, though.
"Hey, Kagome," Inuyasha said from the doorway. "You better hurry. You'll be late if you spend too long communing with your coffee-god."
"Be nice," Shippo said. "Kagome's tired."
"She's always tired in the morning. Nothing new," the dog hanyou said, shrugging.
"Hey Shippo," Kagome said before her youkai could retort. "Will you wait in the other room a minute, please." Shippo pouted, shooting a glare at Inuyasha which could only be called jealous, then sulked out of the room. 'I have been neglecting him lately,' the girl thought as she watched Shippo go, and made note to pay more attention to him from now on. But first, she wanted to talk to Inuyasha.
"What?" he asked, taking half a step back when she turned toward him.
"Sit down, Inuyasha," she said, gesturing to the chair across from her. The crossed his ankles and dropped gracefully to sit on the floor, just to be obstinate, she was sure. She ignored the minor insult, and wondered briefly how to proceed. What exactly was she going to say to him that wouldn't set him off?
"I wanted to speak to you," she began slowly, watching for any sign that he was going to balk. "I want to ask you a couple of things, but you don't have to answer if you don't want. I'm not going to force you."
"What do you want to know?" he asked suspiciously. Kagome hadn't expected any better. He hadn't flat out refused to speak to her at all, which she'd more than half feared he might.
"I. . .uh, Inuyasha is there anything you'd like to tell me?"
"What?" he asked, blinking in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Well. . ." Too late to stop now. She'd just have to press on and hope she didn't scare him away. "You can't deny that you feel, and sometimes there are things people just have to get off their chest, you know?"
"Off their chests?"
"Not literally. It's--I don't know--it's like when you feel like you have a weight on your chest. Do you know that feeling?"
Inuyasha wasn't looking at her directly, but eying her around his nose, face partly averted. Slowly he nodded, indicating he was familiar with the feeling.
Kagome sighed in relief. "It can make you feel better if you talk about it. And. . . I don't suppose anyone has really tried talking to you about you're feels, have they?"
His expression became a little less suspicious, but he chose not to answer than. Kagome felt a pang of hurt, but she pushed it away. He didn't have to answer, and it was important to her that Inuyasha believe her when she said he didn't have to say anything if he preferred not to.
"So, is there anything, you want to tell me?"
He was silent for a long time, leaving Kagome to watch as his gaze dropped thoughtfully to the linoleum floor. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, Kagome was sure he was going tell her to mind her own business.
He surprised her, saying instead, "You asked once if I dream. Last night, I suppose I had a dream that. . . upset me. . ."
He made the last part a question, as though he didn't know if that was quite the right word or not. Kagome nodded encouragingly.
"It didn't make any sense," he continued, his voice taking on a rough edge.
"It's a dream," Kagome assured him, hoping he wouldn't stop. "It doesn't have to make sense. You said it upset you. What was it about?"
"It's not important."
Kagome was about to say something else when the phone rang. Grumbling, the girl went to find out who in world had such bad timing. Inuyasha had been talking to her, and now she had to leave him to get the phone.
A moment later she returned, and barely noticed the curious hanyou as he took in her shocked face.
"Something happened at the cafe," she explained weakly.
*~*~*
A/N: Okay, that's if for today. Hope this chapter wasn't too boring for all of you. I realize that the first two thirds are nothing but Inuyasha and Kagome thinking, but it's important thought. There should be more action in the coming chapters, so you only have to be patient a little longer.
Until next time.