Chapter Ten
"It's nearly midnight and she's probably asleep," Leo whispered to his wife as they stood outside Phoebe's bedroom. He realized that, whether she belonged in his world or not, Phoebe had been through a very long and hard day and had to be exhausted.
"You didn't see her or hear her when she told us the truth about Garazan. Phoebe's not asleep," Piper disagreed. Leo was about to say something but she shook her head and cut him off, "She never told us about what happened because she didn't think we'd understand and she was probably right. I'm not sure I would've been ready to hear about her life in the Underworld and I don't think I could've been supportive to her then. And then she buried all that stuff with Cole deep inside and never gave us the chance to understand."
"She probably never thought it would come up again," Leo presumed as he glanced at Phoebe's closed door. "But now isn't the time either. She was hurt this morning, honey, and with the additional emotional trauma, she doesn't need us talking to her this late at night."
"Not us," Piper said with a knowing look. Her husband frowned and she insisted, "You're good with her. She told you first about not vanquishing Cole, didn't she? She's not ready to talk more about this with me or Paige but you're different, Leo. She'll open to you and she needs to. Please?"
Leo was about to protest but his wife smiled that special pouting smile she knew he had never been able to resist. He sighed and accepted her grateful hug. "No promises," he warned her. "I'm not pushing her if she's not ready."
Piper kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "I love you and, when you're done, I'll be wearing those jammies you love so much."
Leo grinned as he watched his wife walk down the hallway and enter their bedroom. He stayed that way for a moment before he glanced at Phoebe's door and sighed. He opened it and stepped inside. "Phoebe?"
Phoebe, clad in her favorite orange rumpled nightshirt, was standing in front of the mirror and didn't answer.
Leo tapped her on her shoulder. "You okay?"
Phoebe jumped but instinctively flipped him onto the floor. "Leo!" she gasped when she realized who had touched her.
"I thought you saw me," he apologized as he got to his knees and stood. "You were looking right at me in the mirror." Then he remembered something she had told him that morning. "The portal's opening," he guessed, "isn't it?"
"I think so," she nodded. "It feelsIt's like I'm drawn to the mirror and lose sight of everything else around me." She touched the mirror and quietly asked, "Are you sure it's not evil?"
"The mirror isn't evil," he promised. "It's merely a portal that services beings as a means of traveling between worlds. A being may use it to cause good or evil but that doesn't affect its statusYou're going back?"
"You almost sound relieved," she teased. But she recognized his discomfort and that it wasn't personal against her. After all, he was still brother-in-law and Whitelighter to her other self. But Leo, being Leo, still felt responsible for the maintenance of the natural order of both realities after she had messed with them. "I don't belong here," she acknowledged. "If the portal's ready to open, I'm guessing she did what she set out to do. Aswonderful as this was, Leo, it's time to go home. My home."
"You think she did it?" he wondered. "Saved Cole from whatever fate he suffered? Changed history?"
"We can't be sure she changed history," Phoebe considered, "because maybe Cole's fate in my world would've been different anyway. But she was determined to save him from making a terrible mistake and I know that when I set my mind to something, I don't let anything get in my way."
She wasn't really his in-law but he still cared about her and he asked in concern, "What'll happen when you go back?"
"You mean with Cole," she asked, "or my sisters?"
"Both," he responded.
"I'm certainly not gonna tell them about the mirror," she immediately replied. She shrugged and gazed into the mirror once again. "Maybe she had to deal with Garazan too but that doesn't mean she revealed anything about myher past. I might not have to say anything to them about that."
"You should, y'know," he advised. "Piper wants you to open to her, to let her listen and be there for you."
Phoebe nodded and turned around to face him, "She told me. Paige did too." She sighed, "I know they love me and that they'll do their best to understand but I'm not ready to talk about this with them. In many ways, it's still too raw, Leo, too painful. Not just of what I did but"
"Because you're not sorry it happened," Leo supplied when her voice trailed off.
"I'm sorry," she quietly said as she looked down at the floor.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of," he told her. "You were down there because you loved Cole. You fell under the Source's influence just as he did. It's time to let go of the guilt."
"Would you tell Cole that?" she countered.
Leo thought a moment before he answered, "For a long time he tried to be good."
"But" she warily encouraged him to continue.
"It's not that I don't think he couldn't be good," he began, "but that it was always a conscious struggle to do so. You've always felt the burden of living with your propensity for evil but for Cole it was even worse. There are times I think you were his sole reason for being good and you saw what he became the more desperate he was to win you back." He shook his head, "I'm not sure Cole would've ever overcome his burden."
"Perhaps," she mused, "but maybe I didn't give him the chance."
Leo looked at her in surprise, "Just this morning you told me that you would never forgive him. You seemed almost too happy to let his fate happen so you'd be free of him forever. What's changed?"
"After reliving everything with Garazan and remembering the ba--" she stopped herself and paused a moment. "Maybe I can finally accept that Cole wasn't completely to blame for what happened and maybe I was wrong in being relieved that he was dead in this world. Cole did suffer from what both the Source and Seer had doneBut I still want him gone," Phoebe assured him. "Make no mistake about that, Leo. The love that Cole and I shared doesn't come close to the pain that loving him brought me and my sisters or even Cole. We'll both be better off if Cole was gone from myour lives for good. And maybe, just maybe, my other self has managed to convince him of that because maybe being gone doesn't have to mean being dead. And maybe he'll find a new life for himself and be happy."
"For your sake, I hope so," he said just before he gave her a hug. "Just remember that, even in your world, I'm there for you if you feel you can't talk to your sisters. Don't keep it all inside."
Phoebe returned the hug and smiled, "I love you, Leo, no matter which one you are." She then pushed him back and indicated to the mirror, "I think you'd better go."
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"It's nearly midnight and she's probably asleep," Leo whispered to his wife as they stood outside Phoebe's bedroom.
"You weren't there when she finally told us the truth about Garazan. Phoebe's not asleep," Piper disagreed. Leo was about to say something but she shook her head and cut him off, "She never told us because she figured we'd never understand. And she was right because, even after all this time, I'm not sure I do understand. She was a completely different person then, Leo."
"She probably figured it would never come up," Leo reasoned as he glanced at Phoebe's closed door, "and she buried it down with all the other stuff from that part of her life with Cole. But let her get some rest, honey, she's had a very long and hard day. She doesn't need us hounding her at this time of night."
"Not us," Piper said with a knowing look. Her husband frowned and she insisted, "You're good with her. She confided in you first about not vanquishing Cole, didn't she? Leo, Paige and I aren't ready to hear more about her life as Queen but she needs to talk to someone and I know she'll open to you."
Leo shook his head, "She was hurt this morning, honey, which partly explains why you felt she was so defensive of Cole. She always felt safe with him and is still in love with him even if she won't, or can't, admit it." He saw the look on his wife's face and quickly added, "I'm not saying she wants him back. I think she meant it about moving on with her life. It's just that, after everything today, Cole might be the one she needs to talk to and not me."
"Just try, please?" Piper tugged on his shirt.
Leo was about to protest but his wife gave him that special pouting smile she knew he had never been able to resist. He sighed and accepted her grateful hug. "No promises," he warned her. "I won't push her if she's not ready."
Piper kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "I love you and, when you're done, I'll be wearing those jammies you love so much."
Leo grinned as he watched his wife walk down the hallway and enter their bedroom. He stayed that way for a moment before he glanced at Phoebe's door and sighed. He opened the door and entered, "Phoebe?"
Phoebe, clad in her favorite orange rumpled nightshirt, was standing in front of the mirror and didn't answer.
Leo stepped up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. "You okay?"
Phoebe acted instinctively and flipped the invader on the floor. "Leo!" Phoebe was horrified to realize that he was the one lying on the floor.
Cole appeared in her bedroom just as Phoebe was helping Leo stand. "Am I interrupting?"
"What're you doing here?" both asked at the same time.
"I wanted to see how you were," he admitted to Phoebe. And see if you were still here,' he thought.
"Still here," Phoebe commented in a way she knew Cole would understand but wouldn't raise Leo's suspicions.
"Cole, she's been hurt enough today," Leo calmly warned.
Cole shook his head and assured Leo, "I just wanted to see how she was."
Phoebe stared at Cole and asked Leo, "Could I talk to Cole alone?"
Leo glanced from one to the other and turned towards the door. "Call me if you need anything," he requested of her.
"I will," she smiled gratefully. "Tell Piper I'm okay."
"Are you?" Cole asked as soon as Leo left. "Because I'm sure as hell not."
Phoebe faced the mirror once again and stared into it. "It's been one helluva day, hasn't it?"
"You're going back," Cole realized.
She nodded slowly, "I did what I came to do. I stopped you from killing that girl and now it's time for me to go home. My home." She acknowledged his forlorn expression by touching his arm, "I don't belong here."
"It was good between us, wasn't it?" he caressed her cheek. "For a few hours, there was no anger."
"There was pain," she softly reminded him.
"Acceptance," he corrected. "We never talked about the end. Not really."
Phoebe stepped back, "We did. You didn't want to hear."
"Neither did you," he stated. "But tonight, after the warehouse, when we were alone"
"Maybe I was wrong in blaming you for everything," she quietly admitted. "Maybe it's time I finally accepted part of the blame, certainly for the last few months after you came back."
"And maybe I was wrong in pushing too hard," he confessed. "I think I lost myself along the way trying so hard to prove I could overcome what happened. I wanted so badly to make you see I could be good."
"Oh, baby, I do," she quickly assured him with a hug. "I know you can be good because I couldn't still be in love with you if you weren't. But"
"But what?" Cole asked when he pulled back.
"But maybe I wasn't enough," she explained. "Maybe it's not enough for me to believe it. Cole, you have to believe it. You have to want to be good for yourself and for others, not just to hold onto me."
"Because I won't have you," he sadly realized.
"Would you consider this," she requested. "What if I had taken you back immediately and what if my sisters and I fought some demon and I was killed? Would you have given into your anger and your powers and taken revenge to the point of losing everything good you had achieved?" Cole was silent and she took his hand in hers and gave it a slight squeeze. "We need to be apart. Can you understand that now?"
He took hold of her other hand and brought it to his lips where he lightly kissed her knuckles. "I never wanted to hurt you, Phoebe. I never knew that loving you would cause so much pain. And I'm so sorry for all of it."
"I'm not sorry for loving you," she swore. "But I understand about regretting the pain. I never meant to hurt you either. I hope you can believe that. I do love you, even now. And I'd like to ask you for one last favor."
"Anything," he agreed.
Phoebe pulled away her hands and stared into his eyes, "Leave her alone. For both your sakes, stay far away from her, from here. Don't give her a reason to come after you. Maybe one day --"
"Stay," he suddenly demanded.
She stepped back in surprise, "What?"
"Don't go back," Cole told her as his mind raced with possibility. "No one would ever have to know."
"I would know," she answered, annoyed. "And what about my other self? What gives me the right to take over her life?"
"There's no other way and I don't want to lose you," he urged. "After today, can't you feel the hope?"
Phoebe shook her head, "I'm returning to a world where you no longer exist. There isn't any hope left for us."
"Then she was probably thrilled to leave here," Cole insisted, "and wouldn't hesitate to accept an offer of staying in your world." He watched her reactions and a new thought occurred to him, "Unless you want to go back for a different reason. Is there someone else you want to return to? Someone other than your sisters?"
She turned away and stared at him via his reflection in the mirror. "There is someone," she admitted. "I've just started seeing him and it's not serious. Not yet, anyway. I enjoy spending time with him and I'm ready to see where it goes."
"I see," was all Cole managed to say.
"Come with me," she impulsively suggested. She turned around when she saw him shake his head. "Why not? If you meant what you said then come back with me. This way I'll be in my own world and we can see where we can go from here. Everything will be fine."
"Will it?" he asked. "Forgetting about this other guy for the moment, what about the balance between worlds?" She looked puzzled so he explained, "The balance was maintained because only the two of you, practically doubles, switched places. But if I go through the portal, I'll be upsetting the balance and I --"
"Why?" she interrupted. "If only one of you exists, what difference does it make which world you're in?"
"Because every being affects the lives of countless others," he told her, "and my presence in your world would suddenly affect the fates of those whose lives were already mapped out without my interference. I won't take that risk and responsibility."
She realized he was right and nodded sadly before she caught a glimpse of the mirror. "I think you'd better go now."
Cole stepped close to her and kissed her tenderly on her forehead, "Goodbye, Phoebe. Be happy."
"You too, Cole," she hoarsely responded. "Goodbye." She watched him disappear and choked back a sob. She spun back to the mirror and caught the glass shimmering. She watched in amazement as her reflection changed. "I'm ready."
"Me too," she replied. "I've been drawn to the mirror for the past hour and a half. Did everything go okay?"
Phoebe nodded, "I got to Cole in time and both myyour sisters are okay. He didn't follow through with any of his plans."
"And?" she seriously asked, "will he leave me alone?"
"Still want him dead?" Phoebe retorted. When her other self hesitated to respond, she wondered, "Change your mind?"
"I don't want him dead," she truthfully replied. "There was an incident tonight that made me realize a few things about Cole and me. But I still want him out of my life. I want the freedom to move on without fear about what he might do next. Did he agree or not?"
Phoebe nodded, "He understands now and we said goodbye."
"You didn't have that before, did you?" she realized. "From what I picked up, you left a lot unfinished."
"I never realized how much," Phoebe admitted. "But after tonight when we were aloneThat incident you mentioned"
"A demon was the one ultimately responsible for Misty's shooting," she revealed. "An Amphi working for --"
"Garazan," Phoebe finished. "Your sisters know the truth," she confessed. "I had no choice after what happened. Garazan'll probably become the new Source. I had to explain to them what happened."
"It's okay," she assured Phoebe, "because I had to tell your sisters too. They couldn't understand why I let him go and I had no choice."
"I'm not sure they understand any better," Phoebe quietly said, "but they were more supportive than I'd expected considering Cole's involvement. They'll probably want to talk more about it."
"Yeah," she agreed, "Piper's already planning a sister-day for just the two of you. You should know, though, that Leo knows about us. The Elders told him about the mirror being a portal and the rest came out."
"Cole's the only one here who knows," Phoebe informed her. "Thank you," she suddenly said. "Thank you for giving me the chance to save Cole. And for trusting me with your life."
"And thank you for giving me the chance to understand your point of view," she gratefully replied. "You were right about my bitterness and anger and I do see things differently now. Especially about my part in so much of what went wrong. I actually think that now I might be able to look back on my past with Cole and see the good, the love."
"I'm glad," Phoebe smiled. "Be happy."
"You too," she smiled. She stretched out her hands in front of her, towards the mirror. "Let's do it." She touched the glass and it melted away and she found herself touching her alter-ego's hands. Just as she was about to be pulled through the mirror, she heard Piper's scream behind her.
"No!" Piper shouted when she saw arms pulling her sister through the mirror. Afraid of hurting Phoebe by blowing up the mirror, she raced towards her sister and tackled her to the floor. She barely heard the mirror falling above the pounding of her heart. As she got to her knees, she looked over at her sister, "Phoebe, are you okay?"
"It wasn't what you thought," Phoebe said as she sat up and rubbed her elbow. "We weren't in any danger." A little dazed, she accepted her sister's hug but, when she caught sight of the fallen mirror, she pushed back. The glass had shattered and she whispered in horror, "Oh God, Piper, what have you done?"
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