A.N- Ok, like I told some people, I wasn't actually going to continue
because I didn't think anyone would like it, but I've been working on this
chapter for a while now. I admit it might be bad, but blame all that to
school. ^_^;; I hope you like it, and the next chapters will be longer. ;)
Usual disclaimers apply.
----
Susan tossed in her bed for, what she thought was, the millionth time. It had been about three hours since she had gone to bed, but no matter how hard she seemed to try, what had happened that night played in her mind repeatedly. She could still hear Luka's voice as he confessed some things that, obviously, he hadn't said to anyone else. She could still hear the way that his voice seemed to get sadder by each word that he spoke and that the sadness seemed to be choking him. She could still feel the way that her heart broke when she saw his eyes and the immense pool of emptiness that seemed to be in them. The way that he looked so different from when she met him. In a few years he had changed and, even if it was understandable, he had changed dramatically. When she met him, the obvious sadness from the loss of his family seemed to stand out, but now. . . Now it was as if that sadness had turned into a deep hole of depression that only seemed to eat him up as each day passed; killing him slowly from the inside. 'No,' she thought. "I have to get him out of my thoughts. . . I have to. I have to. . ." Sighing loudly, she grabbed an extra pillow that was laying next to her and hugged it as she stared out the window. The moon's silver glow was hidden behind clouds but, even like that, Susan stared out the window silently; her mind drifting back to Luka. To their walk by the lake. To their conversation. To their hug. To their kiss. At the thought, Susan found herself smiling as she closed her eyes and sighed. She had been dreaming of kissing Luka for a while now and now that they had kissed. . . . . . Shaking her head, she let out another deep sigh and opened her eyes again. For some reason, she now realized, she was always falling for the wrong guy. Would she ever get a relationship that would work out? Every single relationship from the past seemed to have gone from bad to worse, and now, after all of those bad relationship, she wanted one to finally work out. One in which she and the person she was with could finally make each other happy, and have children together, and grow old together. . . All that sounded like wishful thinking, though. Shaking her head with a loud sigh, she grabbed another pillow and put it over her head; wanting to just hide from all. ----
Dr. Kovac, can you sign this please?" When only silence followed, Haleh sighed loudly. "Dr. Kovac, for the fourth time. . . Can you sign this?" Startled slightly, Luka finally snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Haleh. "Huh?" Noticing the exasperated look on her face, Luka turned towards the chart in her hands and took it; quickly signing it. "Sorry, I'm a bit distracted today. Taking back her chart, Haleh turned back and started to walk away. "You don't say." Ignoring the comment, Luka picked up his water bottle and started for the lounge. After practically drowning himself in work, his shift was no over. Work had seemed as the best answer to the problem of preventing too many thoughts, but now everything was starting to come back. All the thoughts about what was going on with him. All the thoughts about the past. All the thoughts about Abby. About Susan. He didn't know what had taken over him the night before, but when he had seen Susan standing in front of him, with the first snowflakes suddenly falling around them. . . It had been so hard not to kiss her. She was absolutely beautiful, and now more than once he had caught himself wondering why he hadn't been able to see that before. Why had he been so blind? Why hadn't he paid attention? Why. . . "Why, what?" Jumping back slightly in surprise and, startled, Luka turned to Kerry. The thought that he had said all those questions aloud suddenly came in his mind; causing him to drain of color momentarily. Kerry, upon noticing this, frowned slightly when she noticed the way that he looked. "Luka, are you alright?" 'Say something, quick,' he thought. "Um, yeah, Kerry. I just. . ." "Sorry if I took you by surprise, but all of a sudden you said 'Why. . .' and I thought you were going to ask something." When she saw Luka's forced smile, she frowned slightly deeper. "Are you alright?" Luka nodded, going to his locker. "Yeah, I just. . . I have a lot in my mind." Smiling sympathetically, Kerry nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed that. Look, if there's something wrong, you should take some time off." Luka shook his head as he took out his coat. The mere thought of being at home, alone with his thoughts, almost terrified him. He'd rather be working; have something to do instead of just. . .sitting there and not do anything, or drowning himself in some bottle of cheap alcohol. "No, Kerry, it's fine. I'm probably just tired; I. . .didn't sleep that well last night." He wasn't actually lying; after hours of trying to go to sleep, he had given up trying and just stayed up for the rest of the night playing his zombies game on his PlayStation. "I'll just get some sleep tonight and be fine tomorrow." "No, you should just go home and take some time off." "Kerry-" "Luka, I'm serious. I'd rather you go get your mind clear, and come back focused. I don't want something to happen because you weren't thinking properly." Giving up any attempt to change her mind, Luka nodded as he finally closed the door for his locker. "Alright, Kerry, fine. How many days?" "The rest of the week if you don't want to stay away that long. Just three days, if that's what you want, but call if you want more days off." Sighing, he nodded and started for the door. "Ok, Kerry. Thank you, I guess. . ." Walking out, Luka sighed once more and shook his head. Deep down he knew that Kerry was doing all this so that he would be ok, and he honestly needed it, but he wasn't really planning on admitting it. He didn't need time off. . . Susan was outside, at the ambulance bay, waiting for an MVA that was coming in a few minutes. It was freezing outside, but the snow had stopped falling for about an hour now; which was the main reason why Malik and Chuny were having a snowball fight. Turning to them, Susan laughed at the sight of Malik getting a handful of snow thrown to his face: completely catching him off-guard. "You guys, come on; you have to wait with me for the MVA." Chuny turned to her and, grinning, she grabbed a handful of snow again to prepare it for Malik. "We're waiting, Dr. Lewis. Come on, help me get Malik!" Frowning defensively, Malik turned to them. "Oh that's not fair!" Just then, the doors from the ER opened and Luka walked out. Grinning at his opportunity of having someone to help him fight Susan and Chuny, he talked to Luka, "Hey, Kovac, help me get Chuny and Dr. Lewis. It can be two against two." Chuckling, Luka shook his head. "Ah, I'm not that good. They'd probably win." Turning to Susan, he smiled slightly; awkwardly. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. Had he actually ruined the friendship he had with her by giving her that kiss? When he saw Susan's nervous smile, he knew he had to say something before Chuny and/or Malik caught onto something and started prying or starting some rumor about them. "Hey, Susan." "Hey. Your shift's over?" Smiling slightly, Luka dug his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, when does yours end?" Sighing, Susan shrugged and started to walk slowly with him for a few steps. "In a few hours." When Luka nodded, she had expected him to say something else, but. . .nothing. At his silence, she sighed mentally. Everything in their friendship had started to finally settle last night, and it had all been for nothing: the kiss had ruined it. She knew that she might not have any chance with him, but she had hoped that, at least, they could be friends. She wanted to help him. . . After what seemed like forever, she turned to him and forced out an awkward smile; hoping that, at least, it would look half real. "Luka, about yesterday. . ." He turned to her quickly and shook his head slightly. "No, Susan, you don't have to say anything. I'm sorry, I. . . I didn't realize what I was doing, I was way out of line. I shouldn't have. . ." Nodding, Susan smiled; practically forcing it out but hoping that it looked real. Hoping that he wouldn't be able to see that she wanted him to kiss her yet again. "Yeah, and don't worry about it; I already forgot about it." As the sound of the ambulance was heard coming in with her MVA, she turned to that direction quickly, glad that they wouldn't have to talk about this anymore. How could she say that she had forgotten about it already? She hadn't; that was the truth, but he couldn't let him know that. She couldn't let him know that she had thought about it all night and it was because of that kiss that she had spent all night awake. . .
The second that Susan said that, Luka turned to her, but he saw her looking away at the ambulance. He couldn't describe the feeling that he got when she said that, but. . . It hurt. But maybe it was for the best, right? Sighing mentally, he smiled slightly at her. "I'll let you go, ok? I'll see you." Waving slightly, he started to walk away as the MVA was being taken out of the ambulance."
"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Actually," Luka turned to her. "I won't be around for a bit; for the rest of the week, actually. . . Kerry gave me time off." When she turned to him, surprised, he smiled slightly and waved yet again before leaving, knowing she had to work and he was just getting in the way.
Susan stared at him as he left, completely missing everything the paramedics were saying. He was getting time off? So she wasn't going to be seeing him for the rest of the week. . .
"Dr. Lewis!"
"Yeah, yeah, um. . . Let's get him inside." She said everything almost automatically, her mind completely out of where it should be. But. . .maybe it was for the best; that way they could go back to talking without any awkwardness getting in the way. Of course, that was what her mind was saying, but her heart was yelling something very differently.
Usual disclaimers apply.
----
Susan tossed in her bed for, what she thought was, the millionth time. It had been about three hours since she had gone to bed, but no matter how hard she seemed to try, what had happened that night played in her mind repeatedly. She could still hear Luka's voice as he confessed some things that, obviously, he hadn't said to anyone else. She could still hear the way that his voice seemed to get sadder by each word that he spoke and that the sadness seemed to be choking him. She could still feel the way that her heart broke when she saw his eyes and the immense pool of emptiness that seemed to be in them. The way that he looked so different from when she met him. In a few years he had changed and, even if it was understandable, he had changed dramatically. When she met him, the obvious sadness from the loss of his family seemed to stand out, but now. . . Now it was as if that sadness had turned into a deep hole of depression that only seemed to eat him up as each day passed; killing him slowly from the inside. 'No,' she thought. "I have to get him out of my thoughts. . . I have to. I have to. . ." Sighing loudly, she grabbed an extra pillow that was laying next to her and hugged it as she stared out the window. The moon's silver glow was hidden behind clouds but, even like that, Susan stared out the window silently; her mind drifting back to Luka. To their walk by the lake. To their conversation. To their hug. To their kiss. At the thought, Susan found herself smiling as she closed her eyes and sighed. She had been dreaming of kissing Luka for a while now and now that they had kissed. . . . . . Shaking her head, she let out another deep sigh and opened her eyes again. For some reason, she now realized, she was always falling for the wrong guy. Would she ever get a relationship that would work out? Every single relationship from the past seemed to have gone from bad to worse, and now, after all of those bad relationship, she wanted one to finally work out. One in which she and the person she was with could finally make each other happy, and have children together, and grow old together. . . All that sounded like wishful thinking, though. Shaking her head with a loud sigh, she grabbed another pillow and put it over her head; wanting to just hide from all. ----
Dr. Kovac, can you sign this please?" When only silence followed, Haleh sighed loudly. "Dr. Kovac, for the fourth time. . . Can you sign this?" Startled slightly, Luka finally snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Haleh. "Huh?" Noticing the exasperated look on her face, Luka turned towards the chart in her hands and took it; quickly signing it. "Sorry, I'm a bit distracted today. Taking back her chart, Haleh turned back and started to walk away. "You don't say." Ignoring the comment, Luka picked up his water bottle and started for the lounge. After practically drowning himself in work, his shift was no over. Work had seemed as the best answer to the problem of preventing too many thoughts, but now everything was starting to come back. All the thoughts about what was going on with him. All the thoughts about the past. All the thoughts about Abby. About Susan. He didn't know what had taken over him the night before, but when he had seen Susan standing in front of him, with the first snowflakes suddenly falling around them. . . It had been so hard not to kiss her. She was absolutely beautiful, and now more than once he had caught himself wondering why he hadn't been able to see that before. Why had he been so blind? Why hadn't he paid attention? Why. . . "Why, what?" Jumping back slightly in surprise and, startled, Luka turned to Kerry. The thought that he had said all those questions aloud suddenly came in his mind; causing him to drain of color momentarily. Kerry, upon noticing this, frowned slightly when she noticed the way that he looked. "Luka, are you alright?" 'Say something, quick,' he thought. "Um, yeah, Kerry. I just. . ." "Sorry if I took you by surprise, but all of a sudden you said 'Why. . .' and I thought you were going to ask something." When she saw Luka's forced smile, she frowned slightly deeper. "Are you alright?" Luka nodded, going to his locker. "Yeah, I just. . . I have a lot in my mind." Smiling sympathetically, Kerry nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed that. Look, if there's something wrong, you should take some time off." Luka shook his head as he took out his coat. The mere thought of being at home, alone with his thoughts, almost terrified him. He'd rather be working; have something to do instead of just. . .sitting there and not do anything, or drowning himself in some bottle of cheap alcohol. "No, Kerry, it's fine. I'm probably just tired; I. . .didn't sleep that well last night." He wasn't actually lying; after hours of trying to go to sleep, he had given up trying and just stayed up for the rest of the night playing his zombies game on his PlayStation. "I'll just get some sleep tonight and be fine tomorrow." "No, you should just go home and take some time off." "Kerry-" "Luka, I'm serious. I'd rather you go get your mind clear, and come back focused. I don't want something to happen because you weren't thinking properly." Giving up any attempt to change her mind, Luka nodded as he finally closed the door for his locker. "Alright, Kerry, fine. How many days?" "The rest of the week if you don't want to stay away that long. Just three days, if that's what you want, but call if you want more days off." Sighing, he nodded and started for the door. "Ok, Kerry. Thank you, I guess. . ." Walking out, Luka sighed once more and shook his head. Deep down he knew that Kerry was doing all this so that he would be ok, and he honestly needed it, but he wasn't really planning on admitting it. He didn't need time off. . . Susan was outside, at the ambulance bay, waiting for an MVA that was coming in a few minutes. It was freezing outside, but the snow had stopped falling for about an hour now; which was the main reason why Malik and Chuny were having a snowball fight. Turning to them, Susan laughed at the sight of Malik getting a handful of snow thrown to his face: completely catching him off-guard. "You guys, come on; you have to wait with me for the MVA." Chuny turned to her and, grinning, she grabbed a handful of snow again to prepare it for Malik. "We're waiting, Dr. Lewis. Come on, help me get Malik!" Frowning defensively, Malik turned to them. "Oh that's not fair!" Just then, the doors from the ER opened and Luka walked out. Grinning at his opportunity of having someone to help him fight Susan and Chuny, he talked to Luka, "Hey, Kovac, help me get Chuny and Dr. Lewis. It can be two against two." Chuckling, Luka shook his head. "Ah, I'm not that good. They'd probably win." Turning to Susan, he smiled slightly; awkwardly. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. Had he actually ruined the friendship he had with her by giving her that kiss? When he saw Susan's nervous smile, he knew he had to say something before Chuny and/or Malik caught onto something and started prying or starting some rumor about them. "Hey, Susan." "Hey. Your shift's over?" Smiling slightly, Luka dug his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, when does yours end?" Sighing, Susan shrugged and started to walk slowly with him for a few steps. "In a few hours." When Luka nodded, she had expected him to say something else, but. . .nothing. At his silence, she sighed mentally. Everything in their friendship had started to finally settle last night, and it had all been for nothing: the kiss had ruined it. She knew that she might not have any chance with him, but she had hoped that, at least, they could be friends. She wanted to help him. . . After what seemed like forever, she turned to him and forced out an awkward smile; hoping that, at least, it would look half real. "Luka, about yesterday. . ." He turned to her quickly and shook his head slightly. "No, Susan, you don't have to say anything. I'm sorry, I. . . I didn't realize what I was doing, I was way out of line. I shouldn't have. . ." Nodding, Susan smiled; practically forcing it out but hoping that it looked real. Hoping that he wouldn't be able to see that she wanted him to kiss her yet again. "Yeah, and don't worry about it; I already forgot about it." As the sound of the ambulance was heard coming in with her MVA, she turned to that direction quickly, glad that they wouldn't have to talk about this anymore. How could she say that she had forgotten about it already? She hadn't; that was the truth, but he couldn't let him know that. She couldn't let him know that she had thought about it all night and it was because of that kiss that she had spent all night awake. . .
The second that Susan said that, Luka turned to her, but he saw her looking away at the ambulance. He couldn't describe the feeling that he got when she said that, but. . . It hurt. But maybe it was for the best, right? Sighing mentally, he smiled slightly at her. "I'll let you go, ok? I'll see you." Waving slightly, he started to walk away as the MVA was being taken out of the ambulance."
"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Actually," Luka turned to her. "I won't be around for a bit; for the rest of the week, actually. . . Kerry gave me time off." When she turned to him, surprised, he smiled slightly and waved yet again before leaving, knowing she had to work and he was just getting in the way.
Susan stared at him as he left, completely missing everything the paramedics were saying. He was getting time off? So she wasn't going to be seeing him for the rest of the week. . .
"Dr. Lewis!"
"Yeah, yeah, um. . . Let's get him inside." She said everything almost automatically, her mind completely out of where it should be. But. . .maybe it was for the best; that way they could go back to talking without any awkwardness getting in the way. Of course, that was what her mind was saying, but her heart was yelling something very differently.