Note: Standard disclaimers applied.
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Acid Fallout - Chapter Two
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The
rain pours mercilessly outside as you sat in the room - cold, empty, and
lifeless...just like you are now. You wonder how you even got this far, wonder
why on earth did you ever agree on this. But you are curious, you know that, and
it always gets the best of you. So why ask when you know why already?
He hands you a cup of tea and you accept it without any second thoughts, as if
you always do this together. A gesture so new, yet very familiar. You wonder why
that is and then you remember and you tell him. You tell him that you remember
how he used to take care of you when you were still in the hospital. You tell
him, that aside from the nurses, he was the only person who visited you
everyday. It's all fuzzy to you but you remember and you tell your memories to
him as he listens intently.
Of course you didn't know by then that he was twisted in his own way. If nothing
else, you tell him, you might have fallen for him just like Tsubaki- hime did if
you weren't so full of hate and pain then. Those last moments of yours when you
were still a mortal, you say, were the most painful of all...yet, you couldn't
exactly remember how you felt then. So cold and numb you were from the pain,
both physically and emotionally, that you wanted nothing else but to die.
You hated him for that. For not letting you die quickly and instead cursing you
to lose life slowly and painfully. You had never admitted it to anyone, but when
you saw that night under the sakura, when you saw him kill that woman, it made
you wish to die. You didn't run away because you were afraid of dying, you
ran because you felt the strong emotions of lust and desire for you. You didn't
understand it then and you were afraid of it, therefore you ran. But he caught
you, raped you, and cursed you. You were hoping that he would kill you, painful
but quick just like what he did to that woman, but he didn't. Those eyes that
looked hopeful were betrayed when didn't do your bidding.
Perhaps he knew. Perhaps Muraki knew you had a death wish then that's why he
didn't kill you. You really don't know. You stopped and looked at him
questioningly, your eyes showing every emotion you feel - hurt, sadness,
betrayal. You thought he'd be the one to take you out of your prison, but he
didn't. Instead of letting you free, he gave you a stronger cell, an unbreakable
cell with walls that only he can see but you can feel. It's like knowing there's
an exit but you can't find it.
You ask him why, and he remains silent. He's been like that ever since he
carried you to his apartment. He said you needed a new set of clothes since the
ones you were wearing had been drenched in the rain. You let him, not really
thinking that you were in his arms and that Muraki is a dangerous man to be
alone with, but you simply did not care. The rain had briefly stopped then, but
now it pours as if it wont let the sun shine tomorrow. When you were walking
down the streets to his apartment, he didn't say anything. Neither did you. You
tried to feel is emotion but none came. Only an empty void of darkness greeted
you when you tried to read him.
You feel the warmth the cup of tea offers you, holding it tight to let your
fingers feel the heat. He did not open the lights. He says he doesn't like it
and that the darkness suited a gloomy day more. You bow you head, letting your
bangs fall over your eyes so that he wouldn't notice that you are watching him.
Him. Your murderer and tormentor, the one who raped you, cursed you, and killed
you. There are so many words you could say to describe him - demon, angel,
devil. A lot of things. You want to understand him. Lord knows how much you do,
but you couldn't, and it frustrates you. Useless empathy that you have.
Minutes seemed like hours as the rain continues to fall down from the weeping
sky. He opens his mouth and you waited eagerly to hear his words. He says it has
never rained this much before, commenting on how gloomy the day has been, never
saying anything about you or the curse as if he's avoiding it. He continues to
talk, and you listen, mostly because you never really had a decent conversation
with him until this day.
He tells you about his dolls. He tells you about Veronica. He had loved that
doll very much. Veronica was precious to him and took care. He tells you about
his mother and the way she treated him like a doll. He tells you that one day
his mother got jealous of Veronica and threw her away. He was very sad then, to
have lost something precious to him. He asked you if you've lost anything
precious to you and you couldn't reply simply because you never really had
anything precious to begin with. There's Tsuzuki, of course, but you can tell
that it's not what Muraki had meant when he asked.
He tells you then that he realized that he was so full of taking care of
himself, and that when he lost Veronica he had wanted something that he did not
need to take care of. Yet the want of having something was too strong, and in
the end he wasn't able to fight it. He tells you that when he had found that
precious thing, he claimed it as his own, never letting anyone take it away from
him even if it means he has to kill just to protect it. It was his, and his
alone.
He tells you this and you absorbed every word like a sponge, not leaving the
slightest detail out. You never heard him speak of his family or childhood
before. In fact, you've never heard him speak about himself at all. You remember
that Oriya once told you that you couldn't win against Muraki with hatred alone
and that even a man such as Muraki has his own reasons for doing these things.
That Muraki has something he's fighting for.
A soft yawn escaped your lips. He looks at you as you rubbed you eyes, trying to
wipe tears from you eyes. It wasn't that late, but you're tired and you don't
feel very well. He comes to you and placed a hand on your forehead, feeling the
warmth of his hand. He pulls it away after a few seconds and looks at you
disapprovingly, scolding you for being such an idiot to let yourself get soaked
in the rain. You scowled at him, telling him that it's not his business whether
you want to stay in the rain or not. It's not your damn fault that Tsuzuki never
showed up.
He asks you if you can walk on your own and you nod. You don't need his help and
you certainly wont ask for it even though you doubt you can walk by yourself.
You're not invalid, you told him coldly when he gave you a doubtful look. You
took a few wobbly steps before your knees gave in and you grabbed hold on to the
nearest object that would prevent you from falling. Him.
The emotions that assaulted you made you want to throw up. Not because it was
disgusting, but because it was too powerful for you to take hold of. The
darkness seeping up inside you, threatening to swallow you in to an endless
cycle of fear, hurt, and pain as you feel yourself falling deeper into a void.
Roughly, you pushed him away from you before your sanity fade away. It was too
much, all too much, and you sink into depression as you cry on the floor,
thinking that you could never understand him even though how much you try, how
much to wanted to. The feeling of failure leaving you defeated and broken as
each of your sobs echoed inside the still room, along with the howl of the wind
and the wailing of the sky.
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TBC