Chapter 5: The Returners
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
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*The party leave Mt. Kolts and arrive at the Returners' Hideout*
Returner: You chainsawness. This way, please!
*They follow him to outside another room*
Edgar: Why did I stop here? Oh well...*enters the room*
Edgar: Yay! A save point! *Saves the game*
Locke: Let's talk to Banon...
Edgar: Who's Banon?
Locke: *sigh* That guy over there. *points*
Edgar: *Talks to Banon*
*Terra, Locke and Sabin walk out of Edgar*
Edgar: I hate it when you do that...
Edgar: Banon! We brought the girl with us.
Banon: Is she the girl who can use her sexual powers to talk to Espers?
Terra: Espers...?
Edgar: Seemed the Empire had complete control over those. *points at her tits*
Banon: *drools* Carrier pigeons brought word that she got 50 of the Empire's best men cumming in 10 seconds.
Terra: That's a lie!
Edgar: Woah! Even I couldn't last that long...
Locke: Terra!
Edgar: Banon! She doesn't remember anything!
Banon: Stay where you are! *drools like crazy*
Banon: Have you heard this? Some people were innocent, there was a box with lots o' evil stuff in it and some retard opened it. He unleashed all the evils of the world: dildos... condoms...
Edgar: *sigh*
Banon: All that was left in the box was some hooker. They all screwed her. Now these evils are against us...and you are the hooker, our only means of sex...
Edgar: Banon!
Banon: I'm so tired... Let me wank for a while. *Leaves*
*The scene changes to Terra getting out of bed and Locke facing the wall*
Terra: Why are you standing up? You could have shared my bed. *winks*
Locke: THE EMPIRE MUST PAY FOR ALL OF MY WOMEN THEY GAVE A LIFETIME IMPRISONMENT OF SEX!!!!
Terra: Shit does that mean they're after me too?
Locke: They're already after you, remember?
Terra: Oh yeah!
Locke: Oh by the way listen to Banon.
Terra: I'll just take this *received Phoenix Down*
*Terra leaves the room, then Locke turns around*
Locke: WHAT!? WHERE HAS MY PHOENIX DOWN GONE???
*Outside the room*
Terra: *talks to Returner*
Returner: We're a small organization now, but now we give free bear we have loads of people signing up!
Terra: Just let me past...
Returner: It's a "Talk Trigger Event". You have to talk to certain people.
Terra: Okay...*walks away slowly*
Terra: *talks to Sabin*
Sabin: Hey you can trust my brother, he won't 'accidentally' slip off the condom if y'know what I mean. But don't tell him I said that! *laughs*
Terra: Huh?
Sabin: Don't ask me, I mean it's good if we can trust him...
Terra: YOU!?
Sabin: Uh *sweatdrop* nothing!
*Terra leaves and walks into Edgar's room*
Terra: So Edgar, are you ready?
Edgar: Now is not the time to fuck...
Terra: ANYTIME IS A GOOD TIME TO FUCK!!!
Edgar: Look, we don't want to be like the Empire persuading you to be our hooker, but LISTEN TO BANON OR I WILL WITHHOLD SEX FOR A WEEK!!!
Terra: NOOOOOO!!!! Okay...I'll talk to him...
Terra: *waits 'till Edgar is looking the other way* Yoink! *received Potion*
*Terra leaves and Edgar discovers the empty chest*
Edgar: NOOOO!!! MY VIAGRA!!!
*Terra walks up to the Returner*
Terra: Move it or lose it! *shoves him out of the way*
Returner: SHE TOUCHED ME!!!! SUCH AN HONOUR!!!
Terra: Okay...*walks outside*
Banon: Will you screw us?
Terra: No *appears inside*
Terra: What? *goes outside*
Banon: HAHAHAHA!!!! Will you fuck us?
Terra: NO!!! *appears inside and goes outside*
Banon: Last time, will you fuck us?
Terra: Last time, eh? No! *appears inside*
Terra: Phew! That was tiring!
*Banon enters*
Banon: *Eggman voice* Argh! I don't believe this!
*An injured Returner walks inside*
Banon: Someone did a number on him...
Returner: The Empire! They can't tell a man from a crapper!
Injured Returner: THE EMPIRE CAPTURED FIGARO AND ARE HEADING THIS WAY!!!! Could I be anymore obvious?
Banon: They've found us!
Terra: No they haven't!
Edgar: LOCKE!
Locke: I know..."Someone" which is obviously me has to sneak into South Figaro and slow them down? Right?
Edgar: Fuck, that wasn't obvious! Good guess!
Locke: Terra, get your condoms ready for me, and please, don't let the king 1 square next to you with blonde hair and his brother next to him (who shall remain secret) near your...PRECIOUS!!! *leaves*
Edgar: Who is he talking about?
Sabin: *sigh*
Banon: Shit we're screwed...anyone have a plan?
Edgar: We'll escape down the Lete River, and make our way to Narshe. I want to see that Esper for myself...
Sabin: Fast thinking!
Banon: There's a raft by the entrance. Come with me.
Returner: Oh, take this *received Genji Glove*
Edgar: *WOOT* A RELIC!!!
*They appear at the back entrance*
Terra: *opens the menu* Doesn't Banon look a bit like Hagrid?
Banon: Um...that's just a coincidence *hides his umbrella*
Terra: Hey, how come nobody named you?
Banon: Because I'm not a main character.
*They walk to the raft and notice it's coated in some white substance*
Banon: Ah! So many memories on this raft!
Everyone but Banon: ...
*They try to hop on*
Voice: Hop aboard the raft?
Terra: *selects yes*
Voice: Yo! If Banon dies then you die!
Terra: Uh, right!
*Terra navigated the boat, and doesn't stop to fight the enemies*
Enemies: YOU PUSSIES!!!
Everyone: HAHAHAHA!!!!
*They stop at an octopus*
Octopus: Hey, what's your fee?
Terra: I'm not a hooker dammit!
Octopus: Oh...
*Enter Battle*
Ultros 3000 HP
VS
Terra 114 HP
Edgar 145 HP
Sabin 178 HP
Banon 83 HP
Ultros: Uwee hee hee...
Terra: There had better be better laughs in this game later on...
Ultros: Game over! Your score is - 0 - please enter your initials! *Attack - Sabin*
Sabin: *46 damage - 132 remaining*
Banon: *Health*
Sabin: *129 HP recovered - 178 remaining*
Sabin: *Pummel - Ultros*
Ultros: *171 damage - 2829 remaining*
Edgar: *AutoCrossbow*
Ultros: *151 damage - 2678 remaining*
Terra: *Fire - Ultros*
Ultros: *196 damage - 2482 remaining*
Ultros: Yaaooouch! Seafood soup! *Ink - Terra*
Terra: *47 damage - 67 remaining, dark*
Ultros: Delicious morsel! Let me get my bib! *Tentacle - Terra*
Terra: *242 damage - KOd*
Banon: *Moves to the back row*
Sabin: *Phoenix down - Terra*
Terra: *Revived - 14 remaining*
Edgar: *Potion - Terra*
Terra: *250 HP recovered - 114 remaining*
Sonic: Hey, that's...
Shadow: That blue hedgehog again, of all places...
Sonic: I've found you, faker!
Shadow: Faker? I think you're the fake hedgehog around here. You're comparing yourself to me...Ha! You're not even good enough to be my fake.
Sonic: I'll make you eat those words!
*They jump on Ultros*
Shadow: There's no time to play games...you won't even get the chance!
Sonic: *Bounce Attack*
Shadow: *1\3 damage - 2\3 remaining*
Ultros: *324 damage - 2158 remaining*
Ultros: Hey? Why me?
Shadow: Oh, I see...so you're not just a hedgehog... *Chaos Spear*
Sonic: *1\3 damage - 2\3 remaining*
Ultros: *467 damage - 1691 remaining*
Sonic: *Time Stop*
Sonic: *Repeatedly does bounce attacks during the 10 seconds*
Shadow: *2\3 damage - 0 remaining*
Ultros: *1537 damage - 154 remaining*
Ultros: BASTARDS!!!
Shadow: Urgh...not bad for an impostor *KOd*
Sonic: *Does finishing pose* Do you know who I am?
Terra: *Fire - Ultros*
Ultros: SHIT!!! *193 damage - dies*
*End battle*
*Action Stage - Escape from the river in 8 minutes!*
Eggman's voice: Shadow! What are you doing? Hurry up and get back here right now before the river blows up with you in it!
Sonic: Blows up?
Shadow: *Jumps back and runs away*
Sonic: I've got to get out of here, and find Amy and Tails, right away! *Runs off*
Edgar: FUCK!!! FULL SPEED AHEAD!!!
Terra: Woah!
Sabin: *falls out* Weeeeeee!!!
Terra: Sabin!
Edgar: Take care of yourself, and remember - ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!
Sabin: I WILL!!! *drifts away*
*Terra, Edgar and Banon escape before the river blows up*
Terra: I hope Sabin's okay and *ahem* still in shape!
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Sorry about the slow updates. They should really pick up as I have another 7 weeks on holiday! Anyway sorry the chapter was shorter, it was so the "scenarios" could take place separately. Please review this.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
--------------------------------------------------
*The party leave Mt. Kolts and arrive at the Returners' Hideout*
Returner: You chainsawness. This way, please!
*They follow him to outside another room*
Edgar: Why did I stop here? Oh well...*enters the room*
Edgar: Yay! A save point! *Saves the game*
Locke: Let's talk to Banon...
Edgar: Who's Banon?
Locke: *sigh* That guy over there. *points*
Edgar: *Talks to Banon*
*Terra, Locke and Sabin walk out of Edgar*
Edgar: I hate it when you do that...
Edgar: Banon! We brought the girl with us.
Banon: Is she the girl who can use her sexual powers to talk to Espers?
Terra: Espers...?
Edgar: Seemed the Empire had complete control over those. *points at her tits*
Banon: *drools* Carrier pigeons brought word that she got 50 of the Empire's best men cumming in 10 seconds.
Terra: That's a lie!
Edgar: Woah! Even I couldn't last that long...
Locke: Terra!
Edgar: Banon! She doesn't remember anything!
Banon: Stay where you are! *drools like crazy*
Banon: Have you heard this? Some people were innocent, there was a box with lots o' evil stuff in it and some retard opened it. He unleashed all the evils of the world: dildos... condoms...
Edgar: *sigh*
Banon: All that was left in the box was some hooker. They all screwed her. Now these evils are against us...and you are the hooker, our only means of sex...
Edgar: Banon!
Banon: I'm so tired... Let me wank for a while. *Leaves*
*The scene changes to Terra getting out of bed and Locke facing the wall*
Terra: Why are you standing up? You could have shared my bed. *winks*
Locke: THE EMPIRE MUST PAY FOR ALL OF MY WOMEN THEY GAVE A LIFETIME IMPRISONMENT OF SEX!!!!
Terra: Shit does that mean they're after me too?
Locke: They're already after you, remember?
Terra: Oh yeah!
Locke: Oh by the way listen to Banon.
Terra: I'll just take this *received Phoenix Down*
*Terra leaves the room, then Locke turns around*
Locke: WHAT!? WHERE HAS MY PHOENIX DOWN GONE???
*Outside the room*
Terra: *talks to Returner*
Returner: We're a small organization now, but now we give free bear we have loads of people signing up!
Terra: Just let me past...
Returner: It's a "Talk Trigger Event". You have to talk to certain people.
Terra: Okay...*walks away slowly*
Terra: *talks to Sabin*
Sabin: Hey you can trust my brother, he won't 'accidentally' slip off the condom if y'know what I mean. But don't tell him I said that! *laughs*
Terra: Huh?
Sabin: Don't ask me, I mean it's good if we can trust him...
Terra: YOU!?
Sabin: Uh *sweatdrop* nothing!
*Terra leaves and walks into Edgar's room*
Terra: So Edgar, are you ready?
Edgar: Now is not the time to fuck...
Terra: ANYTIME IS A GOOD TIME TO FUCK!!!
Edgar: Look, we don't want to be like the Empire persuading you to be our hooker, but LISTEN TO BANON OR I WILL WITHHOLD SEX FOR A WEEK!!!
Terra: NOOOOOO!!!! Okay...I'll talk to him...
Terra: *waits 'till Edgar is looking the other way* Yoink! *received Potion*
*Terra leaves and Edgar discovers the empty chest*
Edgar: NOOOO!!! MY VIAGRA!!!
*Terra walks up to the Returner*
Terra: Move it or lose it! *shoves him out of the way*
Returner: SHE TOUCHED ME!!!! SUCH AN HONOUR!!!
Terra: Okay...*walks outside*
Banon: Will you screw us?
Terra: No *appears inside*
Terra: What? *goes outside*
Banon: HAHAHAHA!!!! Will you fuck us?
Terra: NO!!! *appears inside and goes outside*
Banon: Last time, will you fuck us?
Terra: Last time, eh? No! *appears inside*
Terra: Phew! That was tiring!
*Banon enters*
Banon: *Eggman voice* Argh! I don't believe this!
*An injured Returner walks inside*
Banon: Someone did a number on him...
Returner: The Empire! They can't tell a man from a crapper!
Injured Returner: THE EMPIRE CAPTURED FIGARO AND ARE HEADING THIS WAY!!!! Could I be anymore obvious?
Banon: They've found us!
Terra: No they haven't!
Edgar: LOCKE!
Locke: I know..."Someone" which is obviously me has to sneak into South Figaro and slow them down? Right?
Edgar: Fuck, that wasn't obvious! Good guess!
Locke: Terra, get your condoms ready for me, and please, don't let the king 1 square next to you with blonde hair and his brother next to him (who shall remain secret) near your...PRECIOUS!!! *leaves*
Edgar: Who is he talking about?
Sabin: *sigh*
Banon: Shit we're screwed...anyone have a plan?
Edgar: We'll escape down the Lete River, and make our way to Narshe. I want to see that Esper for myself...
Sabin: Fast thinking!
Banon: There's a raft by the entrance. Come with me.
Returner: Oh, take this *received Genji Glove*
Edgar: *WOOT* A RELIC!!!
*They appear at the back entrance*
Terra: *opens the menu* Doesn't Banon look a bit like Hagrid?
Banon: Um...that's just a coincidence *hides his umbrella*
Terra: Hey, how come nobody named you?
Banon: Because I'm not a main character.
*They walk to the raft and notice it's coated in some white substance*
Banon: Ah! So many memories on this raft!
Everyone but Banon: ...
*They try to hop on*
Voice: Hop aboard the raft?
Terra: *selects yes*
Voice: Yo! If Banon dies then you die!
Terra: Uh, right!
*Terra navigated the boat, and doesn't stop to fight the enemies*
Enemies: YOU PUSSIES!!!
Everyone: HAHAHAHA!!!!
*They stop at an octopus*
Octopus: Hey, what's your fee?
Terra: I'm not a hooker dammit!
Octopus: Oh...
*Enter Battle*
Ultros 3000 HP
VS
Terra 114 HP
Edgar 145 HP
Sabin 178 HP
Banon 83 HP
Ultros: Uwee hee hee...
Terra: There had better be better laughs in this game later on...
Ultros: Game over! Your score is - 0 - please enter your initials! *Attack - Sabin*
Sabin: *46 damage - 132 remaining*
Banon: *Health*
Sabin: *129 HP recovered - 178 remaining*
Sabin: *Pummel - Ultros*
Ultros: *171 damage - 2829 remaining*
Edgar: *AutoCrossbow*
Ultros: *151 damage - 2678 remaining*
Terra: *Fire - Ultros*
Ultros: *196 damage - 2482 remaining*
Ultros: Yaaooouch! Seafood soup! *Ink - Terra*
Terra: *47 damage - 67 remaining, dark*
Ultros: Delicious morsel! Let me get my bib! *Tentacle - Terra*
Terra: *242 damage - KOd*
Banon: *Moves to the back row*
Sabin: *Phoenix down - Terra*
Terra: *Revived - 14 remaining*
Edgar: *Potion - Terra*
Terra: *250 HP recovered - 114 remaining*
Sonic: Hey, that's...
Shadow: That blue hedgehog again, of all places...
Sonic: I've found you, faker!
Shadow: Faker? I think you're the fake hedgehog around here. You're comparing yourself to me...Ha! You're not even good enough to be my fake.
Sonic: I'll make you eat those words!
*They jump on Ultros*
Shadow: There's no time to play games...you won't even get the chance!
Sonic: *Bounce Attack*
Shadow: *1\3 damage - 2\3 remaining*
Ultros: *324 damage - 2158 remaining*
Ultros: Hey? Why me?
Shadow: Oh, I see...so you're not just a hedgehog... *Chaos Spear*
Sonic: *1\3 damage - 2\3 remaining*
Ultros: *467 damage - 1691 remaining*
Sonic: *Time Stop*
Sonic: *Repeatedly does bounce attacks during the 10 seconds*
Shadow: *2\3 damage - 0 remaining*
Ultros: *1537 damage - 154 remaining*
Ultros: BASTARDS!!!
Shadow: Urgh...not bad for an impostor *KOd*
Sonic: *Does finishing pose* Do you know who I am?
Terra: *Fire - Ultros*
Ultros: SHIT!!! *193 damage - dies*
*End battle*
*Action Stage - Escape from the river in 8 minutes!*
Eggman's voice: Shadow! What are you doing? Hurry up and get back here right now before the river blows up with you in it!
Sonic: Blows up?
Shadow: *Jumps back and runs away*
Sonic: I've got to get out of here, and find Amy and Tails, right away! *Runs off*
Edgar: FUCK!!! FULL SPEED AHEAD!!!
Terra: Woah!
Sabin: *falls out* Weeeeeee!!!
Terra: Sabin!
Edgar: Take care of yourself, and remember - ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!
Sabin: I WILL!!! *drifts away*
*Terra, Edgar and Banon escape before the river blows up*
Terra: I hope Sabin's okay and *ahem* still in shape!
--------------------------------------------------
Sorry about the slow updates. They should really pick up as I have another 7 weeks on holiday! Anyway sorry the chapter was shorter, it was so the "scenarios" could take place separately. Please review this.