Chapter 6: Sabin's Scenario Part 1
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Watch me not care!
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Mog: Kupo! Edgar and Terra are taking their male hooker to Narshe! Sabin is taking a bath. And Locke is trying to kick ass. That's the gist of it!
Mog: Choose a scenario...kupo!
Mog: Hey! I'm in control! *walks around in a square* Haven't you dicks invented the circle yet...Kupopo?!?
*Mog opens the menu*
Mog: Hehe, I'll take off these powerful weapons and equip them to my other characters! *chooses equip, then Mog but it doesn't work* What the fuck?
Mog; Might as well play now. *chooses Sabin*
Voice: Sabin learns not to take a bath in the rapids...course fucking not; this is Sabin!
Sabin: I'm in control! *walks next to a house*
Sabin: WTF? That tree is bigger than that house...and I'm bigger than both of them! What a twisted world... *enters house*
Sabin: *walks in front of a merchant on a chocobo and talks to him*
Merchant: Howdy. I own the dry goods business out here!
Sabin: No you don't, you're just part of it.
Merchant: It's an expression dick. Now buy something!
*Sabin buys a plumed hat, sprint shoes and a tent*
Merchant: You didn't buy a lot dick.
Sabin: Well my friends had a lot of stuff, so so do I!
Merchant: Whatever, cya!
*The chocobo runs right through Sabin*
Sabin: What the fuck?
Shadow: I'm in position doctor. Tell me when.
Walkie-talkie (Rouge): Why do we always have to blow things up anyway?
Walkie-talkie (Eggman): Just set the timer for 2 minutes dammit!
Walkie-talkie (Rouge): 5 minutes should be plent...WHAT!?!?!?
Shadow: Doctor, you can't be serious!
Sabin: I gotta get out of here! *equips the Sprint Shoes*
Action Stage: Escape the Island in 2 minutes!
*Sabin runs onto the world map trying to escape from the island*
*Enter battle*
Beakor: *Attack - Sabin*
Sabin: *26 damage - 233 remaining*
Sabin: The island's about to blow up and you're wasting your time fighting me?
Beakor: It is? SHIT!
*End battle*
*Sabin escapes the island just in time for it to blow up*
Sabin: *uses potion on himself* That was close.
Beakor: Yeah it was.
Sabin: WTF? You're still here? *slays him*
Beakor: Bastard *dies*
*Sabin walks to the bridge*
Sabin: *walks forward one step, then walks backwards* WTF? I didn't want to move!
Soldier B: Hey sexy thing *spanks Soldier A's ass*
Soldier A: Stop it!
Soldier B: Oh no! You're not turning into a HETRO are you???
Soldier A: No, but if Kefka hears...
Soldier B: Oh now I see.
Soldier A: Then he'll punish us by making us...
Soldier B: Oh dear god not...
Soldiers: GIRLS!!!!
Soldier B: Shit he's coming. Back to the 'straight' zone...
Kefka: You homos flirting again?
Soldier A: No, Sir. You're Kefka, right?
Kefka: WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!
Soldier A: *Runs away screaming*
Kefka: Bent shit. *walks off*
Soldier B: Someone's got to fuck that guy up the ass!
Commander: Yo homos! We're attackin' now!
Soldiers: Yikes! *Follow him*
*At Doma Castle*
Commander: Surrender or my band of homos will fuck you!
Doma Sentry: Never!
Commander: Okay, COMMENCE FUCKING!!!
*The soldiers start humping the castle walls*
*In the castle*
Doma Sentry: Our walls aren't dick proof. Looks like it's all over...
?????: Hell no!
*Music starts*
?????: Allow meistht the honourith of defeatingith theth bad guythith....ith...
Doma Sentry: Talk normal dick!
?????: Ok.
Voice: Dis guy has the strength of 100 men...AND HE USES SWORDS!!! KICK ASS!!!
?????: *names Cyan* All we have to do it kick the commander's ass.
Doma Sentry: But sir, what about all the EXP for killing piss easy homos?
Cyan: Okay we'll do that!
*They go outside and Cyan fights the soldiers*
*Enter battle*
Cyan: *Dispatch - Soldier2*
Soldier2: *274 damage*
Cyan: Wha?
Soldier2: Hehe, it's like FF7's 'Final Attack' *Counter - Cyan*
Cyan: *Miss*
Soldier2: Oh well, it was a good life *dies*
Soldier1: *Attack - Cyan*
Cyan: *27 damage- 257 remaining*
Cyan: Bastard! *Attack - Soldier1*
Soldier1: *143 damage - Counter - Cyan*
Cyan: *44 damage - 213 remaining*
Soldier1: *dies*
Voice: Got 96 GP
*End battle*
Cyan: What? No EXP and a few measly GP? I'll just fight the commander!
Cyan: *talks to the commander*
Commander: Who are you?
Cyan: YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!
*Enter battle*
Cyan: Leader?
Leader: Don't ask me.
Cyan: *Retort*
Leader: I know you just did retort, so I'll attack! *Attack - Cyan*
Cyan: *39 damage - 174 remaining*
Cyan: Big mistake *Retort - Leader*
Leader: *665 damage - dies*
Voice: Got Black Belt x1. Got 50 GP
Cyan; What? No EXP still?
*End battle*
Trooper: The general's been defeated. WE CAN HAVE GAY SEX NOW!!!! *they run off*
Cyan: Oh it's General now is it?
Cyan: I am going to completely ignore the fact they can lob bombs at us from above or cut off our food supply, but in our castle we can wait out our enemy!
*Back to Sabin*
Sabin: God these guards are stupid. As long as I don't talk to them they can't see me! *walks into a tent* Hey! A chest!
Sabin: Crap it won't open!
Voice:
(Kick it)
(Hit it)
(See if your dick fits the lock)
Sabin: *chooses the last one*
Sabin: Oh yeah! That feels good! *opens* It works! *received Star Pendant*
*Walks across the bridge, then stops and hides automatically*
Sabin: Least this time it's for my own good.
Soldier: Ooh ooh, General Leo, Doma are playing a game, can we join in to? *makes gay hand gesture*
Leo: Sure, knock yourself out!
Soldier: Yay! *runs to other soldiers* Leo says we can play!
Soldiers: *REALLY gay voices* YAY!!! *They run off into a queue and one by one get battered by Doma's guards*
Guard: Doma's FINEST guards ahem!
Soldier: It's nice getting handled by you guys...uh *faints from blood loss*
Straight Soldier: General Leo! Here's a carrier pigeon from Emperor Gestahl.
Leo: Thanks!
Straight Soldier: Now how about a kiss?
Leo: Sick! I thought you're straight.
Straight Soldier: The truth is Leo...I'm actually. A WOMAN!!! I love you so much!!!!
Leo: Shut up 'Mulan' *shock*
Straight Soldier: *dies*
Leo: *reads letter* Crap, I'm wanted at the factory for sex. I'll have to go! *walks into the tent*
Sabin: So that's Leo. I wish he could be my friend. I need a friend *sniff*
*Sabin walks forward only to find out he hides again*
Sabin: This is getting annoying!
Kefka: With Leo gone I can finally poison the river.
*Leo walks out of the tent*
Kefka: YES POISONING THE RIVER IS WHAT IM GOING TO DO!!!!!!!!!
Leo: I'm leaving, cya!
Kefka: SOOOO GULLIBLE!!!!!!
Leo: *leaves*
Kefka: *walks to a soldier* Is the poison ready?
Soldier: Oui, oui! C'est sur la table.
Kefka: Shut up prick *Fire 3*
Soldier: *dies*
*Kefka takes the poison off him*
Sabin: That's inhuman.
Kefka: Yes, I don't think I'm a human anyway.
*Enter battle*
Sabin: *Pummel - Kefka*
Kefka: *113 damage*
Kefka: Yeouch!!
Sabin: *looks around then gets a grin on his face* Kefka! Wait!
Kefka: Okay.
*Eggman and Rouge appear*
Rouge: So what if I was wrong.
Eggman: We blew up an island for nothing!
Rouge: Well I'm sure the emeralds are here.
Kefka: Can I go now?
Sabin: No!
*Eggman (in his walker) targets all of the soldiers and Kefka*
Kefka: *Lots of damage* Urgh...must...poison...water...
Sabin: No! *Pummel*
*Knocks Kefka out and the whole beaker into the water*
Sabin: Noooooooo!!
*At Cyan*
Doma Sentry: Sir Cyan! Some doctor in some sort of walker is busting up the enemy base. And is that bat? Boy she looks hot!
Cyan: Huh? The water has been turned to Ribena!
*They look around the castle and see lots of Sentries dropping dead*
Cyan: What is a Sentry anyway?
Doma Sentry: Dunno...wait aren't you supposed to be pissed everyone's dead?
Cyan: This isn't Ribena...this is... FRUIT SHOOT!!!
Doma Sentry: Dear god no! Shit! Check out the king!
Cyan: Why can't I walk fast? I need the sprint shoes!
Cyan: Hey why didn't the poison affect me, since I fought the most the chances are I've drunk some water! *realises he's wearing a Star Pendant* What the hell? I never had this!
*After he's walked down the starts the Doma Sentry appears*
Doma Sentry: I'm just an excuse for you to walk faster.
Cyan: Good *walks to the King like he's wearing the sprint shoes*
Cyan: Your highness!
King: *foams from the mouth* uhh...Cyan....I must have to ask you one more thing for me......uhh...
Cyan: What?? WHAT????
King: Pull....my...
Cyan: No, fuck you.
King: Bastard!
Doma Sentry: *walks in* I wish I had sprint shoes...
Cyan: Someone has to be alive. There has to be! *starts crying*
Doma Sentry: Shut up dick and help me!
*Cyan goes off into his family's room*
Cyan: Elayne! Elayne wake up!
Elayne: Cyan...I beg of you...for all the people...on the planet...
Cyan: Elayne!
Elayne: I know you can do it Cyan...
Cyan: ...
Elayne: Sayonara...Cyan...the Swordsman *dies*
Cyan: Noooooo!
Cyan: Owain! Not you too! *pulls him out of bed* AND HE DIED WEARING PINK!!!!!!
Cyan: You're making me angry Kefka! You don't want to see me, when I'm angry!!!!!!!
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I just had to leave it there. It's taking me too long to write this chapter, so it's shorter than most of them. Please read and review!
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Watch me not care!
--------------------------------------------------
Mog: Kupo! Edgar and Terra are taking their male hooker to Narshe! Sabin is taking a bath. And Locke is trying to kick ass. That's the gist of it!
Mog: Choose a scenario...kupo!
Mog: Hey! I'm in control! *walks around in a square* Haven't you dicks invented the circle yet...Kupopo?!?
*Mog opens the menu*
Mog: Hehe, I'll take off these powerful weapons and equip them to my other characters! *chooses equip, then Mog but it doesn't work* What the fuck?
Mog; Might as well play now. *chooses Sabin*
Voice: Sabin learns not to take a bath in the rapids...course fucking not; this is Sabin!
Sabin: I'm in control! *walks next to a house*
Sabin: WTF? That tree is bigger than that house...and I'm bigger than both of them! What a twisted world... *enters house*
Sabin: *walks in front of a merchant on a chocobo and talks to him*
Merchant: Howdy. I own the dry goods business out here!
Sabin: No you don't, you're just part of it.
Merchant: It's an expression dick. Now buy something!
*Sabin buys a plumed hat, sprint shoes and a tent*
Merchant: You didn't buy a lot dick.
Sabin: Well my friends had a lot of stuff, so so do I!
Merchant: Whatever, cya!
*The chocobo runs right through Sabin*
Sabin: What the fuck?
Shadow: I'm in position doctor. Tell me when.
Walkie-talkie (Rouge): Why do we always have to blow things up anyway?
Walkie-talkie (Eggman): Just set the timer for 2 minutes dammit!
Walkie-talkie (Rouge): 5 minutes should be plent...WHAT!?!?!?
Shadow: Doctor, you can't be serious!
Sabin: I gotta get out of here! *equips the Sprint Shoes*
Action Stage: Escape the Island in 2 minutes!
*Sabin runs onto the world map trying to escape from the island*
*Enter battle*
Beakor: *Attack - Sabin*
Sabin: *26 damage - 233 remaining*
Sabin: The island's about to blow up and you're wasting your time fighting me?
Beakor: It is? SHIT!
*End battle*
*Sabin escapes the island just in time for it to blow up*
Sabin: *uses potion on himself* That was close.
Beakor: Yeah it was.
Sabin: WTF? You're still here? *slays him*
Beakor: Bastard *dies*
*Sabin walks to the bridge*
Sabin: *walks forward one step, then walks backwards* WTF? I didn't want to move!
Soldier B: Hey sexy thing *spanks Soldier A's ass*
Soldier A: Stop it!
Soldier B: Oh no! You're not turning into a HETRO are you???
Soldier A: No, but if Kefka hears...
Soldier B: Oh now I see.
Soldier A: Then he'll punish us by making us...
Soldier B: Oh dear god not...
Soldiers: GIRLS!!!!
Soldier B: Shit he's coming. Back to the 'straight' zone...
Kefka: You homos flirting again?
Soldier A: No, Sir. You're Kefka, right?
Kefka: WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!
Soldier A: *Runs away screaming*
Kefka: Bent shit. *walks off*
Soldier B: Someone's got to fuck that guy up the ass!
Commander: Yo homos! We're attackin' now!
Soldiers: Yikes! *Follow him*
*At Doma Castle*
Commander: Surrender or my band of homos will fuck you!
Doma Sentry: Never!
Commander: Okay, COMMENCE FUCKING!!!
*The soldiers start humping the castle walls*
*In the castle*
Doma Sentry: Our walls aren't dick proof. Looks like it's all over...
?????: Hell no!
*Music starts*
?????: Allow meistht the honourith of defeatingith theth bad guythith....ith...
Doma Sentry: Talk normal dick!
?????: Ok.
Voice: Dis guy has the strength of 100 men...AND HE USES SWORDS!!! KICK ASS!!!
?????: *names Cyan* All we have to do it kick the commander's ass.
Doma Sentry: But sir, what about all the EXP for killing piss easy homos?
Cyan: Okay we'll do that!
*They go outside and Cyan fights the soldiers*
*Enter battle*
Cyan: *Dispatch - Soldier2*
Soldier2: *274 damage*
Cyan: Wha?
Soldier2: Hehe, it's like FF7's 'Final Attack' *Counter - Cyan*
Cyan: *Miss*
Soldier2: Oh well, it was a good life *dies*
Soldier1: *Attack - Cyan*
Cyan: *27 damage- 257 remaining*
Cyan: Bastard! *Attack - Soldier1*
Soldier1: *143 damage - Counter - Cyan*
Cyan: *44 damage - 213 remaining*
Soldier1: *dies*
Voice: Got 96 GP
*End battle*
Cyan: What? No EXP and a few measly GP? I'll just fight the commander!
Cyan: *talks to the commander*
Commander: Who are you?
Cyan: YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!
*Enter battle*
Cyan: Leader?
Leader: Don't ask me.
Cyan: *Retort*
Leader: I know you just did retort, so I'll attack! *Attack - Cyan*
Cyan: *39 damage - 174 remaining*
Cyan: Big mistake *Retort - Leader*
Leader: *665 damage - dies*
Voice: Got Black Belt x1. Got 50 GP
Cyan; What? No EXP still?
*End battle*
Trooper: The general's been defeated. WE CAN HAVE GAY SEX NOW!!!! *they run off*
Cyan: Oh it's General now is it?
Cyan: I am going to completely ignore the fact they can lob bombs at us from above or cut off our food supply, but in our castle we can wait out our enemy!
*Back to Sabin*
Sabin: God these guards are stupid. As long as I don't talk to them they can't see me! *walks into a tent* Hey! A chest!
Sabin: Crap it won't open!
Voice:
(Kick it)
(Hit it)
(See if your dick fits the lock)
Sabin: *chooses the last one*
Sabin: Oh yeah! That feels good! *opens* It works! *received Star Pendant*
*Walks across the bridge, then stops and hides automatically*
Sabin: Least this time it's for my own good.
Soldier: Ooh ooh, General Leo, Doma are playing a game, can we join in to? *makes gay hand gesture*
Leo: Sure, knock yourself out!
Soldier: Yay! *runs to other soldiers* Leo says we can play!
Soldiers: *REALLY gay voices* YAY!!! *They run off into a queue and one by one get battered by Doma's guards*
Guard: Doma's FINEST guards ahem!
Soldier: It's nice getting handled by you guys...uh *faints from blood loss*
Straight Soldier: General Leo! Here's a carrier pigeon from Emperor Gestahl.
Leo: Thanks!
Straight Soldier: Now how about a kiss?
Leo: Sick! I thought you're straight.
Straight Soldier: The truth is Leo...I'm actually. A WOMAN!!! I love you so much!!!!
Leo: Shut up 'Mulan' *shock*
Straight Soldier: *dies*
Leo: *reads letter* Crap, I'm wanted at the factory for sex. I'll have to go! *walks into the tent*
Sabin: So that's Leo. I wish he could be my friend. I need a friend *sniff*
*Sabin walks forward only to find out he hides again*
Sabin: This is getting annoying!
Kefka: With Leo gone I can finally poison the river.
*Leo walks out of the tent*
Kefka: YES POISONING THE RIVER IS WHAT IM GOING TO DO!!!!!!!!!
Leo: I'm leaving, cya!
Kefka: SOOOO GULLIBLE!!!!!!
Leo: *leaves*
Kefka: *walks to a soldier* Is the poison ready?
Soldier: Oui, oui! C'est sur la table.
Kefka: Shut up prick *Fire 3*
Soldier: *dies*
*Kefka takes the poison off him*
Sabin: That's inhuman.
Kefka: Yes, I don't think I'm a human anyway.
*Enter battle*
Sabin: *Pummel - Kefka*
Kefka: *113 damage*
Kefka: Yeouch!!
Sabin: *looks around then gets a grin on his face* Kefka! Wait!
Kefka: Okay.
*Eggman and Rouge appear*
Rouge: So what if I was wrong.
Eggman: We blew up an island for nothing!
Rouge: Well I'm sure the emeralds are here.
Kefka: Can I go now?
Sabin: No!
*Eggman (in his walker) targets all of the soldiers and Kefka*
Kefka: *Lots of damage* Urgh...must...poison...water...
Sabin: No! *Pummel*
*Knocks Kefka out and the whole beaker into the water*
Sabin: Noooooooo!!
*At Cyan*
Doma Sentry: Sir Cyan! Some doctor in some sort of walker is busting up the enemy base. And is that bat? Boy she looks hot!
Cyan: Huh? The water has been turned to Ribena!
*They look around the castle and see lots of Sentries dropping dead*
Cyan: What is a Sentry anyway?
Doma Sentry: Dunno...wait aren't you supposed to be pissed everyone's dead?
Cyan: This isn't Ribena...this is... FRUIT SHOOT!!!
Doma Sentry: Dear god no! Shit! Check out the king!
Cyan: Why can't I walk fast? I need the sprint shoes!
Cyan: Hey why didn't the poison affect me, since I fought the most the chances are I've drunk some water! *realises he's wearing a Star Pendant* What the hell? I never had this!
*After he's walked down the starts the Doma Sentry appears*
Doma Sentry: I'm just an excuse for you to walk faster.
Cyan: Good *walks to the King like he's wearing the sprint shoes*
Cyan: Your highness!
King: *foams from the mouth* uhh...Cyan....I must have to ask you one more thing for me......uhh...
Cyan: What?? WHAT????
King: Pull....my...
Cyan: No, fuck you.
King: Bastard!
Doma Sentry: *walks in* I wish I had sprint shoes...
Cyan: Someone has to be alive. There has to be! *starts crying*
Doma Sentry: Shut up dick and help me!
*Cyan goes off into his family's room*
Cyan: Elayne! Elayne wake up!
Elayne: Cyan...I beg of you...for all the people...on the planet...
Cyan: Elayne!
Elayne: I know you can do it Cyan...
Cyan: ...
Elayne: Sayonara...Cyan...the Swordsman *dies*
Cyan: Noooooo!
Cyan: Owain! Not you too! *pulls him out of bed* AND HE DIED WEARING PINK!!!!!!
Cyan: You're making me angry Kefka! You don't want to see me, when I'm angry!!!!!!!
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I just had to leave it there. It's taking me too long to write this chapter, so it's shorter than most of them. Please read and review!