Oh, the fateful morning after! What will happen? Will all be well, or…not so well? Seriously though, as stupid as Faye was to place all her hopes on one night of slightly intoxicated loving, can you really blame her for not being able to turn down a straight up offer of sex from Spike? I mean, he's really hot. Yeah. Oh, and to the reviewer that asked, yes I am home and school is over, but I have a set updating schedule. Once a week, and that is how it will stay. I think that considering how bad most authors are about updating regularly, that shouldn't be an issue. I refuse to update more frequently than that for several reasons. One of them is that I'm writing three stories at once, and I don't always just feel like writing, so if I try for twice a week or something like that, you're going to most likely end up with some sub-par writing as I rush to finish the chapters on time. However, it's pretty much guaranteed that I can finish three chapters from separate stories in a week, so that's part of why I keep it at this frequency. Also, I may not be in school, but this is the time of year when I work my ass off so that I can afford textbooks for next year, so it's not like I'm just sitting at home doing nothing. I'm working, really, so cut me a little slack. In addition, I've learned from the times when I used to just update whenever I had a new chapter finished, when I update once a day, once ever three days even, I get like two reviews. Is it because I'm dishing out crap? No, it's because people see that I'm updating anyway, so they figure "aw, screw that, she doesn't need reviews." I don't need reviews, per se, but I definitely appreciate them, and they really do make me want to write more and continue the story. So that's why I'm not updating more often now. I'm not upset at your comment at all. In fact, about two-thirds of my reviews say something along the lines of "this is good, update now!" so I've grown more than a little used to such requests. I just thought you might be interested in knowing why it is that I have been keeping the same update frequency even though school's out. Thanks for all your reviews!
Oh, and by the way, a few of you have shown interest in a chapter that shows the…erm, hook-up, as it were. I could add in something to that effect if you're all really wanting it, but the rating will have to go up, and I really hate having to up the rating, cause it makes the story harder to find unless people are already reading it and know where to go. If I get enough interest, I'll load an edited version of this chapter some time around…I don't know, like Friday, that gives you a fuller account of things. Anyway, here we go, the fateful…morning after! Dun dun dun!
*****
One More Try
Part 7
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The next morning, I woke up to the sensations I was most used to feeling after a night out drinking. I had a pounding headache, and I felt a little nauseous. Also, I was sprawled out in bed alone. I could tell right away that it wasn't my bed, and that struck me as a lot stranger than the fact that I was alone, as I almost always woke up alone. When men only want you for sex, they're not going to stay after they're through to cuddle and sleep in with you. After a few moments, I recalled all the events of the previous night, and I felt a sinking sensation in my chest as I realized that I had been right in thinking that this didn't really mean anything to Spike. It was just a one night stand to him, and I suppose I had known as much from the moment he asked me to get a room.
It was a bitter ache to know that I really was nothing more than an easy lay to him, and I rolled over in bed, punching the empty pillow beside me to express my upset, uttering a few choice curses into the bedding that still smelled just like the man who had slept on it. I pressed my face into the pillow, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes as I realized that this was the closest I would ever be to waking up next to Spike. Grumbling about my queasy stomach and my raging headache, I edged my way out of bed, standing up slowly and shuffling my way to the bathroom. I noticed with no amount of surprise that although I could easily see my garments strewn across the floor, Spike's were all missing. Typical. He probably headed back to the Bebop the second I fell asleep, and now he'd act as if nothing had even happened. I wouldn't have been surprised if he acted like I was making the whole thing up, but I knew what I was getting into when I had come here with him the night before. Still, that didn't make it hurt less.
I was aching in so many places I could hardly count them, and I climbed into the shower, just wanting to rinse away all of it. All the bitterness, the anger, the pain, the hurt. I turned on the hot water all the way, and even though it blasted me with cold, I could have cared less. It felt good, in its own way. At least I could still feel it. I wasn't just numb to everything as I thought I might be after having my heart broken. It was almost as though every other pain was dulled by the emotions raging inside of me, but at least the slowly warming jet of water could distract from that, even just a little bit.
I could tell that Spike had already made use of the shower, as it seemed he'd felt it necessary to use almost all the shampoo in the tiny bottle provided by the hotel, but I didn't really care. It seemed stupid to get mad about something so small when he'd just used me for sex and ran off as soon as he could. Even that…I couldn't decide if I was angry with him or with myself for being stupid enough to fall in love with him, for letting him have his way with me. If only I could have held out, maybe I could retain my childish hopes that someday, we could be together. Now I just felt hurt and more alone than ever. After a while, I got sick of the sting from the hot water on my flesh, and I turned it off, stepping out of the shower and grabbing the one insufficiently sized towel that Spike had left me. Why was that man incapable of taking a shower without using up almost everything in the bathroom? Wrapping the towel around me took some work, and my breasts were practically spilling out of it at the top, but it wasn't for decency's sake so much as it was to keep warm before I got my clothes back on.
As I exited the bathroom, I almost dropped the towel in shock as I saw a contrite looking Spike sitting on the still messy bed, holding two cups and looking very uncomfortable. "What do you want?" I didn't mean for it to sound angry, but I was just a little upset that he'd run off like that and then snuck back in while I was still in the shower. What kind of man does that sort of thing?
"They don't have coffee here, so I had to go get some." He sounded vaguely apologetic, as though perhaps he could guess at what it must have been like for me to wake up alone. "I got you some too."
"Thanks." I answered him after a moment, making an effort to keep my towel closed as I went about the room, gathering my clothes and wishing that I hadn't gotten so dressed up the night before. I was really in the mood for wearing something more comfortable right then. "I need to get dressed." I told him, and he nodded before I went back into the mess of the bathroom. He was silent until I reemerged, fully clothed and feeling a little less upset with him. After all, he had brought me coffee.
"I thought…if you wanted to…we could go out for breakfast." Spike offered. If the situation wasn't so tense, so unbearably awkward, I would have been enjoying it thoroughly. I doubt that I'd ever seen Spike looking so self conscious in all the time that I'd known him. I took my coffee, but I didn't sit next to him, preferring to stand while I nursed the cup of hot liquid.
"I'm not really hungry." I told him. It was the truth, after all. My stomach was still sour from the night before, and all I really wanted right then was to get back to the Bebop so I could change my clothes and maybe get an aspirin or three.
"Neither am I." Spike rubbed the back of his head, darting glances at me, obviously not sure what else he could possibly say. I mean, we'd just had sex all night long, and it hadn't really been something either of us was expecting to be doing, so it was kind of hard to know what to say now that it had occurred. I decided that my coffee was the most interesting thing in the room, and as such, I focused all my attention on the paper cup full of steaming hot darkness.
"Um…Faye, about last night." It was Spike that finally broached the subject that neither of us obviously wanted to bring up. "I'm sorry. I was drunk and you were drunk…we shouldn't have…you know. But we did."
"Yeah, it would appear that way." I commented, unable to keep a caustic tone out of my voice. So, he did regret it. I knew that he would, but I couldn't help feeling disappointed all over again. "So."
"So…maybe we should just…you know, go back to normal?" Spike sounded hopeful, and I almost wanted to laugh at that. Spike was worried about how things would be between us? It was ridiculous. Why should he care? "I don't want this to be…some issue between us."
"So, act like it never happened?" I asked, keeping my voice carefully neutral as I tilted my cup back and forth, staring at the swirling liquid and still refusing to look up at Spike.
"Look…I know that it seems like sometimes we hate each other, and I guess I don't really know what you think of me, but I kinda…I respect you, Faye. You get the job done, and I respect that you can do it in your own way, you know? God…I sound like such a fucking idiot right now." He sighed and I glanced up to see that he was staring at his coffee as well. That made me feel a little better.
"I know what you're saying. It's okay. It was just a mistake." I knew I sounded cold and more than a little bitter, but I couldn't help it. At least he liked me, but I wondered if maybe I'd prefer it if he just hated my guts and didn't want anything to do with me. This way…it was harder, in its own way. He was letting me see inside the shell that I was so used to having placed in the way, and it only made me want him that much more. "Friends?" I never thought that word could be so hurtful before.
"Yeah. Let's get back before Jet starts pitching a fit. He'll think we killed each other." The joke was a bit forced, as was the smile he offered me before getting up to go. "I'll meet up with you at the Bebop, okay?"
"Yeah, okay." I tried not to sound so dejected, but it hurt. It hurt so bad to know that I was going to be his friend and nothing more than that. To know that I'd started and ended our romantic relationship in the space of one night, and that we could never go back to that night. I had thought memories would be enough, but now I realized that the memories were going to kill me.
"And Faye?" he stopped me as we turned separate ways after leaving the room. He was going to check out, and I was just going to get the hell off this planet.
"Yeah?" I knew that I should have been a little less pissy, but I wasn't feeling very good about life right then.
"You're a good dancer." He told me. The glint in his eyes when he said that…I might have just imagined it, but if there was anything that could have told me that maybe…just maybe he wanted me as much as I wanted him…it was the way he looked at me right then.
"Thanks." There wasn't much to say, so I just gave him a smile and said "You too."
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I don't know why I thought that after our night together things could just go back to normal. After what happened, I think both Spike and I felt abnormally subdued, and the result was that we barely fought at all, and when we did, it was a pretty pathetic display of halfhearted efforts on both of our parts. I had taken to avoiding him whenever I could, as it seemed that everything he did reminded me of that night. His voice, low and husky as it always had been, seemed to me dripping with the promise of something more. I could still hear that same voice calling out my name, and the way he said my name now, after all that had happened…it seemed to me as though he were caressing the single syllable with his voice, and it was too much for me.
Eating with him was torture. I could remember the way his lips and tongue had felt on me, the way they had moved over my own mouth and then taken in the rest of my body. Sitting there, watching him lick his lips, making small talk with Jet and trying to pretend I wasn't at the table…it was more than any woman should have to bear. And his hands…I couldn't decide what I missed more, his mouth or his hands. I had never really thought him very graceful before, but now it seemed that every move he made was so unbearably sensual…the man was sex on legs and it was driving me insane.
And then, when I thought my miserable existence couldn't possibly get any worse, I made a discovery that shook me to the core. At first, I tried to ignore the fact that I was a little late, as it might have been caused by the stress of having to pretend like Spike wasn't on the same ship with me all the time. But eventually I caved and bought a pregnancy test, only intending to prove to myself that it was nothing but nerves. I never expected the test to be positive, but then again, I don't think I've expected a lot of the things in my life that really made a difference. I never expected for that ship to malfunction and I never expected to be frozen for over fifty years. I never expected to become a bounty hunter, and I never expected to meet Spike. I certainly never expected to fall in love with him, and I never thought that our night together might have had such a drastic result. But it seemed that, like it or not, I was learning that it's the things you don't expect that affect your life most.
So I decided that I would definitely have to do something. And I had no idea what that would be, so after much deliberation, I finally approached Jet, prepared to have the single most uncomfortable discussion of my whole life.
"Jet?" he was trimming his bonsai, the little trees he loved so much, when I finally worked up the nerve to approach him. After all, Jet was kind of like a father…in a weird way, and so I thought that maybe he'd have some really good advice that would sort everything out. Anyway, any plan he had would likely be better than my idea to hide in my room and hope the baby inside me went away.
"Huh? Faye, is something wrong?" I must have looked about as upset as I felt, because I had been keeping the whole thing a secret for about two weeks at that point, and it was making me a nervous wreck. "You look like shit."
"I feel like shit." I confirmed. "Can we talk? It's kinda important."
"Oh…sure, come on in." Jet scooted over on his bench and patted the seat next to him, still looking more than a little worried. I couldn't blame him. After all, it was very rare that I sought out Jet for a talk about something that wasn't pertaining to the condition of the shower or my Redtail, and I think that at this point it must have been pretty obvious that this wasn't about either of those things. "I love these trees." He turned back to the bonsai as I closed the door behind me, sitting down and fidgeting nervously as I thought of how to broach the subject. "All of them are different, and it's like they have their own personalities. Almost like little people, but of course, people are a bit more complicated than these." He seemed to know that I was extremely uncomfortable, and he was actually doing a passable job of putting me at ease, but I was still having a hard time talking to him.
"I have a problem." I told him finally. "A big one."
"That's the only kind women have." Jet chuckled, but it wasn't demeaning at all, and I even gave him a small smile.
"Yeah, I know, but I think I need some advice." I told him. "It…kinda…can you promise not to repeat anything I tell you?" I asked, my heart beating hard as I shot him a pleading look. He shrugged, looking as thought we were talking about what was for dinner.
"Sure." He agreed. "What's bothering you?" Now, I have to admit that even though I thought of Jet as a father of sorts, it was mainly because of the fact that he seemed to be the one in charge when it came right down to it. The Bebop was his ship, after all, and he was always the one to settle disputes between us, but I think that coming to him with my problem was more an act of desperation than an idea that seemed perfectly natural to me. I never expected him to be so…well, fatherly. But at that moment, I felt almost like he really was my dad, and that he could fix any problem I brought to him. I never thought Jet was a genius or anything, but he was smart, and he had more common sense than the rest of us, and he was able to figure most things out if you gave him time to think about it.
"I'm pregnant." I blurted it out in that moment of trust and faith in Jet's ability to fix anything, and I was rewarded with a sharp grunt as Jet accidentally trimmed a bit more than necessary off his bonsai. To his credit, he regained his composure almost immediately, setting the trimmers down and turning to look at me while scrubbing a hand over his balding head. I can't imagine what he must have been thinking as he looked down at me, my eyes wide with hope and the desperate need for him to save me from my own life, but he blinked at me slowly before propping an arm on one of his legs and leaning forward to hold his chin.
"Is it Spike's?" he asked, as though it was more of a statement than a question.
"Uh…yeah." I wasn't sure how he knew that, but like I said, he knows a lot more than most people would think. "I haven't been with anyone else for a while, what with bounty hunting and all that…but that night we went out together…"
"It's okay, I don't really want to hear about it." Jet rubbed his eyes as though trying to scrub the mental images away. "I knew something was up between you two. You can't even look at each other lately without going red. It's ridiculous, but at least you haven't been fighting as much."
"Yeah, well…we agreed to just act like…nothing happened." I explained. "But now there's this. I don't know what to do."
"I take it Spike doesn't know?" Jet sighed heavily as I nodded. "Well, I guess it really depends on what you want here. Do you want to keep the baby?" The look he gave me was stern, as though he was trying to communicate to me how important this choice was.
"Uh…I don't know. I guess…I'd like to, but I mean…what am I supposed to do? I can't just go on living this way if I'm having to drag a baby along with me everywhere I go. But it's not like I can just find another way to live…I don't know." I shook my head, disgusted at how stupid I must have sounded.
"You know, this is my ship." Jet told me after a long pause. "And if I didn't think that you were an important part of the crew, I could tell you to leave." He paused again, looking at me carefully. "If you have a kid, you don't have to leave the Bebop. I wouldn't kick you off the ship just because of one more mouth that we would have to feed, especially since that baby is Spike's responsibility as well as yours. I'm not about to lose you guys just because of an …unplanned development."
"Oh…well…I guess if I wasn't on my own, then it would work out…but if I have the kid and I stay here, then Spike will know it's his." I told him, my eyes wide and worried. "Do you think he'd believe me if I told him it wasn't his?"
"Not for a second." Jet chuckled, "Nice try, but I know he'd see right through that. You think he can't do the math?"
"I guess you're right." I felt as though the bottom of my stomach had just fallen out. It was not a pleasant feeling. "So…what do I do?"
"I suppose that you should tell him." Jet told me after some consideration. "But could you please do me a favor?"
"What's that?" I felt like vomiting. Telling Spike was the last thing I wanted to do, but if it meant that I could stay on the Bebop and keep the baby as well…I admit that when I first found out that I was pregnant, I didn't know if I wanted it or not, but at that point, I was mostly just trying to figure out how to keep it. Apparently, this was the only way, so I supposed that I would have to do it.
"If you're going to tell him, do it in one of your rooms. I don't want you guys breaking my stuff." Jet requested. Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better.
"Uh…yeah." Getting up, I decided that I'd had enough useful advice for one day.
*****
The End! (Of Part 7, That Is)