Title: The fall of a sparrow
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess,
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: As Rory finally gets her life on track he returns...
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
___________________
The fall of a sparrow
"Learning to live again"
by Jessica
------------------------
I hope you will not think me weak when I tell you the story
of my own fall from grace.
I've no one to blame but my own weakness.
Maybe I should have seen it coming.
Maybe there were signs that I never saw.
That I overlooked somehow.
Or maybe I just didn't want to see them.
------------------------------
The rain's smashing against the windowsill calms me as I slip
from the warmth of the bed.
I wrap a blanket around me and walk up to the window.
It's still dark outside.
I've never feared the daylight as I do now.
My legs feel weak as I sit down in my favorite chair.
Time moves so fast these days.
I wish I could reach out and freeze time.
But I can't.
Tomorrow will come and everything that feels so perfect will
shatter.
There's nothing I can do to stop it from happening.
He is sleeping now.
I sit here listening to his breathing ebb and flow.
I don't know how to let him go now that I've found him again.
I wish I could.
But I can't.
And that will be the end of me.
He came with rain.
The dark clouds gathered the day he came back into my life.
It was a Friday in the middle of October.
Darkness surrounded the city and painted everything
in a shade of gray.
I had hurried home to the safety of my small apartment after
finishing work.
I worked as a researcher for a local TV-station in here in Boston.
And I was content with that.
Sure, I wanted more than an ordinary life.
But somewhere along the way my dreams seemed so far away that
I eventually put them aside for just surviving.
So don't think me weak.
I've just grown up.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
He came carrying flowers.
He came with a smile painting his face.
Acting like he has never been gone at all.
A knock on my door changed everything.
And there he was, standing outside my door.
Just like that.
So simple.
So cruel.
Jess.
Not the boy I remembered.
A man.
Dressed in jeans, t-shirt and a dark jacket.
His hair was wet from the rain.
"Jess."
"Rory."
Then I was in his arms.
And he spun me around.
My heart trembled in my chest as he put me down.
"Jess.."
"Yes."
"What are doing here?"
"Is that any way to greet a friend?"
"I just.."
"I wanted to see you."
"How did you find me?"
"Luke. I called Luke and he told me."
"Oh.."
"Won't you invite me in?"
I stood there, staring at the image of him.
The boy I once knew had grown to a handsome man.
"Sure.."
I showed him into my apartment.
Into my home.
How do you greet a man that had become a stranger?
All I remembered of him was that year we had together.
It felt like another life.
Seven years is along time.
"Won't you sit down?"
He smiled and sat down on my couch.
I felt nervous being with him.
It felt like he could see through me.
He was the only one that had that ability.
My hands trembled as I took care of the flowers he had given me.
"Come and sit for a while."
My heart went racing as I sat down beside him.
"Can I get you something? Coffee? Tea?"
"I've missed you, Rory."
Our eyes met.
And I saw something there that I couldn't name.
He moved closer to me.
I wanted to turn away.
But I couldn't.
He took my hand.
His hand felt warm in mine.
"I've so much I want to tell you."
"Then tell me..."
"I want to hear everything. What about you?"
"Is that why you came? To hear what I've been doing during these
seven years?"
"Yes and.."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Where have you been, Jess? I heard from Luke that you went to
Venice."
"Yeah, to Jimmy."
"And?"
"And what? What do you want to hear?"
"I wasn't the one that came here.."
"I just.."
He let go of my hand.
"Seven years is along time, Jess."
"I know."
"Then why did you come here?"
"I'll go if you..."
He started to rise but I stopped him by taking his hand.
"No. It's just..Why now?"
"I don't know..I just..I've been missing you."
"I've missed you too."
We sat there in silence.
Clinging to each other, while the rain came down from a dark sky
outside my window.
He talked first.
"I want you to forgive me."
"Forgive you? What are you talking about?"
"For all the things I did."
"That was seven years ago."
"I couldn't take you hating me."
"I could never hate you."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. You're Jess. And I..."
My words trailed off.
"I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I just couldn't stay."
"I know that."
"He told me that I couldn't stay."
"Yeah, I know. But he never meant.. He never.."
"I failed him. I failed Luke."
"No, Jess. You could never fail him."
"But I did."
"He loved you, Jess. He loved you like a father."
"And I ruined everything..."
"You were young and.."
"That's no excuse."
"It's all in the past."
"Yeah, I know..I just want to make it right."
"Why? Why now?"
"Until it's too late."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just.."
He turned away from me.
My hands trembled as I lifted my hand and forced him to look at me.
"Tell me, Jess. Tell me what's wrong."
"I wish there were some way that I could change everything."
"It's in the past."
"I know. I just want you to.."
"Want me to what?"
"I just want you...."
His voice faded to black.
"Jess..don't."
"I know. I can't just come here and say things like that. But
I haven't been able to get you out of my head. Seven years is a long
time. Believe me, I know. But I can't forget you. You're inside of me.
Everywhere. I have spend a lifetime working hard, trying to
erase you from my heart."
I moved away from him and rose.
"Don't do this."
He rose and came towards me.
I wanted to run.
"I got a letter from Luke a couple of years back. He wrote about you.
About your graduation. About Yale and how you landed a job in Boston.
And that's how it all started..."
"Started?"
"This."
He placed his hand over his heart and looked at me.
"I started to feel again."
"Jess."
"All I want is another chance. You're the only true thing in my life."
"I'm not in your life."
"But you can."
"Jess, I can't..."
"Please, I just..."
He was so close now that I almost could pick up the slightest scent
of him.
Our eyes met.
"I..just...Jess..Don't.."
"All I want is you."
Then he kissed me.
It was gentle.
His lips just brushed mine.
Softly.
Heavenly.
As soon as he touched me all the sanity went out the window.
I know that I should have pushed him away.
But all my defensives were weakened as he ran this tongue against
my lips, whispering me to let him in.
And with a sigh I did.
Maybe I lost my mind somewhere along the way.
I don't know.
Maybe this was just madness taking over.
But I fell.
And I fell hard.
For the first time in a long time I didn't care what was
right and proper.
I didn't care what they would think of me.
All I wanted was him.
Maybe this was just for one night.
But I didn't care.
I needed him.
I would carry the memory of him with me until I would die.
I broke from his embrace and took is hand in mine.
Our eyes met.
His eyes were dark and his voice was rugged as he spoke:
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"I don't want you to regret this."
"I won't."
I led him into my bedroom.
He sat down on my bed.
The light from the street pierced through my window and lit up the
room.
My hands trembled as I peeled off my clothes.
He rose slowly and walked up to me.
He took my hand and made me look at him.
"Let me."
And I let him.
We stood there in the dim lights of my bedroom and peeled off
the remaining pieces of clothes that separated us from each other.
"You're so beautiful."
His words were so simple.
But I needed to hear them.
He lifted me up on strong arms and laid me down on the bed.
His naked skin seemed to shine like silver in the light
from the street.
He leaned down and placed the softest kiss on my lips.
Just a kiss that started the fire that I couldn't sooth away.
His hands danced up on my skin.
Like magic.
His touch burned me.
But I reached for more.
Wanting everything at once.
I wanted to drown in the sweet sensation of his arms around me.
We came together that night.
Moving like one.
Our hands moving together.
Like they never been apart.
As he took me to the brink and back again
I fall and I prayed
that this time everything will be okay.
--------------------------------------
I wrap the blanket closer around my shivering body.
I haven't the strength to face the coming day.
How do I tell him the truth?
How do I get back to some kind of peace of mind?
I can blame this on my own weakness but that would
be lying.
I wanted this.
I wanted him.
Don't ask me to tell you why because I don't know.
Doubt has been tearing at my heart for hours now.
But I know now what I have to do.
And it will break his heart.
And there's nothing I can to do to prevent it.
As I sit here the morning sun comes rolling in.
...................................
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess,
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: As Rory finally gets her life on track he returns...
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
___________________
The fall of a sparrow
"Learning to live again"
by Jessica
------------------------
I hope you will not think me weak when I tell you the story
of my own fall from grace.
I've no one to blame but my own weakness.
Maybe I should have seen it coming.
Maybe there were signs that I never saw.
That I overlooked somehow.
Or maybe I just didn't want to see them.
------------------------------
The rain's smashing against the windowsill calms me as I slip
from the warmth of the bed.
I wrap a blanket around me and walk up to the window.
It's still dark outside.
I've never feared the daylight as I do now.
My legs feel weak as I sit down in my favorite chair.
Time moves so fast these days.
I wish I could reach out and freeze time.
But I can't.
Tomorrow will come and everything that feels so perfect will
shatter.
There's nothing I can do to stop it from happening.
He is sleeping now.
I sit here listening to his breathing ebb and flow.
I don't know how to let him go now that I've found him again.
I wish I could.
But I can't.
And that will be the end of me.
He came with rain.
The dark clouds gathered the day he came back into my life.
It was a Friday in the middle of October.
Darkness surrounded the city and painted everything
in a shade of gray.
I had hurried home to the safety of my small apartment after
finishing work.
I worked as a researcher for a local TV-station in here in Boston.
And I was content with that.
Sure, I wanted more than an ordinary life.
But somewhere along the way my dreams seemed so far away that
I eventually put them aside for just surviving.
So don't think me weak.
I've just grown up.
I'm not a little girl anymore.
He came carrying flowers.
He came with a smile painting his face.
Acting like he has never been gone at all.
A knock on my door changed everything.
And there he was, standing outside my door.
Just like that.
So simple.
So cruel.
Jess.
Not the boy I remembered.
A man.
Dressed in jeans, t-shirt and a dark jacket.
His hair was wet from the rain.
"Jess."
"Rory."
Then I was in his arms.
And he spun me around.
My heart trembled in my chest as he put me down.
"Jess.."
"Yes."
"What are doing here?"
"Is that any way to greet a friend?"
"I just.."
"I wanted to see you."
"How did you find me?"
"Luke. I called Luke and he told me."
"Oh.."
"Won't you invite me in?"
I stood there, staring at the image of him.
The boy I once knew had grown to a handsome man.
"Sure.."
I showed him into my apartment.
Into my home.
How do you greet a man that had become a stranger?
All I remembered of him was that year we had together.
It felt like another life.
Seven years is along time.
"Won't you sit down?"
He smiled and sat down on my couch.
I felt nervous being with him.
It felt like he could see through me.
He was the only one that had that ability.
My hands trembled as I took care of the flowers he had given me.
"Come and sit for a while."
My heart went racing as I sat down beside him.
"Can I get you something? Coffee? Tea?"
"I've missed you, Rory."
Our eyes met.
And I saw something there that I couldn't name.
He moved closer to me.
I wanted to turn away.
But I couldn't.
He took my hand.
His hand felt warm in mine.
"I've so much I want to tell you."
"Then tell me..."
"I want to hear everything. What about you?"
"Is that why you came? To hear what I've been doing during these
seven years?"
"Yes and.."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Where have you been, Jess? I heard from Luke that you went to
Venice."
"Yeah, to Jimmy."
"And?"
"And what? What do you want to hear?"
"I wasn't the one that came here.."
"I just.."
He let go of my hand.
"Seven years is along time, Jess."
"I know."
"Then why did you come here?"
"I'll go if you..."
He started to rise but I stopped him by taking his hand.
"No. It's just..Why now?"
"I don't know..I just..I've been missing you."
"I've missed you too."
We sat there in silence.
Clinging to each other, while the rain came down from a dark sky
outside my window.
He talked first.
"I want you to forgive me."
"Forgive you? What are you talking about?"
"For all the things I did."
"That was seven years ago."
"I couldn't take you hating me."
"I could never hate you."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. You're Jess. And I..."
My words trailed off.
"I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I just couldn't stay."
"I know that."
"He told me that I couldn't stay."
"Yeah, I know. But he never meant.. He never.."
"I failed him. I failed Luke."
"No, Jess. You could never fail him."
"But I did."
"He loved you, Jess. He loved you like a father."
"And I ruined everything..."
"You were young and.."
"That's no excuse."
"It's all in the past."
"Yeah, I know..I just want to make it right."
"Why? Why now?"
"Until it's too late."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just.."
He turned away from me.
My hands trembled as I lifted my hand and forced him to look at me.
"Tell me, Jess. Tell me what's wrong."
"I wish there were some way that I could change everything."
"It's in the past."
"I know. I just want you to.."
"Want me to what?"
"I just want you...."
His voice faded to black.
"Jess..don't."
"I know. I can't just come here and say things like that. But
I haven't been able to get you out of my head. Seven years is a long
time. Believe me, I know. But I can't forget you. You're inside of me.
Everywhere. I have spend a lifetime working hard, trying to
erase you from my heart."
I moved away from him and rose.
"Don't do this."
He rose and came towards me.
I wanted to run.
"I got a letter from Luke a couple of years back. He wrote about you.
About your graduation. About Yale and how you landed a job in Boston.
And that's how it all started..."
"Started?"
"This."
He placed his hand over his heart and looked at me.
"I started to feel again."
"Jess."
"All I want is another chance. You're the only true thing in my life."
"I'm not in your life."
"But you can."
"Jess, I can't..."
"Please, I just..."
He was so close now that I almost could pick up the slightest scent
of him.
Our eyes met.
"I..just...Jess..Don't.."
"All I want is you."
Then he kissed me.
It was gentle.
His lips just brushed mine.
Softly.
Heavenly.
As soon as he touched me all the sanity went out the window.
I know that I should have pushed him away.
But all my defensives were weakened as he ran this tongue against
my lips, whispering me to let him in.
And with a sigh I did.
Maybe I lost my mind somewhere along the way.
I don't know.
Maybe this was just madness taking over.
But I fell.
And I fell hard.
For the first time in a long time I didn't care what was
right and proper.
I didn't care what they would think of me.
All I wanted was him.
Maybe this was just for one night.
But I didn't care.
I needed him.
I would carry the memory of him with me until I would die.
I broke from his embrace and took is hand in mine.
Our eyes met.
His eyes were dark and his voice was rugged as he spoke:
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"I don't want you to regret this."
"I won't."
I led him into my bedroom.
He sat down on my bed.
The light from the street pierced through my window and lit up the
room.
My hands trembled as I peeled off my clothes.
He rose slowly and walked up to me.
He took my hand and made me look at him.
"Let me."
And I let him.
We stood there in the dim lights of my bedroom and peeled off
the remaining pieces of clothes that separated us from each other.
"You're so beautiful."
His words were so simple.
But I needed to hear them.
He lifted me up on strong arms and laid me down on the bed.
His naked skin seemed to shine like silver in the light
from the street.
He leaned down and placed the softest kiss on my lips.
Just a kiss that started the fire that I couldn't sooth away.
His hands danced up on my skin.
Like magic.
His touch burned me.
But I reached for more.
Wanting everything at once.
I wanted to drown in the sweet sensation of his arms around me.
We came together that night.
Moving like one.
Our hands moving together.
Like they never been apart.
As he took me to the brink and back again
I fall and I prayed
that this time everything will be okay.
--------------------------------------
I wrap the blanket closer around my shivering body.
I haven't the strength to face the coming day.
How do I tell him the truth?
How do I get back to some kind of peace of mind?
I can blame this on my own weakness but that would
be lying.
I wanted this.
I wanted him.
Don't ask me to tell you why because I don't know.
Doubt has been tearing at my heart for hours now.
But I know now what I have to do.
And it will break his heart.
And there's nothing I can to do to prevent it.
As I sit here the morning sun comes rolling in.
...................................
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se