Man…those two crazy kids.  I don't think either of them knows what they want right now, but I'm sure that with a little time on my part, we can get everything all sorted out.  In the meantime, on with the fic!

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One More Try

Part 10

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"It looks like this is going to be your best chance." Jet spoke to Spike in a hushed tone, and I doubt that I would have been able to hear them if I hadn't been standing right outside the kitchen listening in.  It wasn't like I was spying on them, but for a couple of days, Spike and Jet had been acting extremely sneaky.  It was completely irritating how they went quiet whenever I entered the room, and it wasn't easy to get around unobtrusively with my stomach all swollen up with that damn baby.  I mean, I still wanted to be a mother and all that, but at around six and a half months in, I started to wonder about why I wanted to put up with all that down time just so I could have a cuddly little baby.  Really, couldn't I just buy a cat or something?  Or just…start petting Ein?  Those ideas were starting to seem pretty good now that I was having all those annoying problems that come along with a huge stomach, like the bad back and the swollen ankles and the constant irritability.  Also, I was becoming strangely paranoid, but I think that might have just been the fact that Spike and Jet were obviously sneaking around behind my back.

"Okay, I think I'll go out after dinner.  She doesn't stay up very late anyway, so she won't know until I come back." Spike was answering Jet, and I leaned against the wall slightly, a little tired of standing there waiting for them to get to the point so I could know why they seemed to be secretly plotting against me.  Unfortunately, I managed to be extremely off balance ever since I gained that additional poundage due to my baby, so I kind of misjudged the distance and ended up tripping over myself and falling on my ass.

"Faye?  What are you doing?" Jet heard my sharp curse as I caught myself and began the obnoxiously laborious process of trying to stand back up.  And then my chance was ruined, as both men were now aware of my presence, with Jet helping me up and Spike looking as though he thought he knew I'd heard them talking.  I sincerely enjoyed his guilty expression for the feeling of satisfaction it always tended to give me.

"What are you guys doing?" I decided to finally be out with it and ask them about their suspicious behavior.  "Where are you going after I'm in bed tonight?"

"I'm gonna go sell you to the circus." Spike probably couldn't help answering with a smartass insult, as that was something of a reflex for him, especially when he was feeling defensive.  However, I didn't want to deal with his crap.

"Yeah, okay, fucking hilarious." I rolled my eyes as I moved over to the couch.  There was no way I was going to listen to their half-assed explanations and make my back hurt more than it already did.  "Really, what are you two up to?  You've been sneaking around all week, and it's creeping me out."  Jet and Spike gave each other long looks as though they were deciding something between them, and finally Jet nodded and let out a long sigh.

"Spike's going after a bounty tonight." Jet explained, looking surprisingly sheepish, as though he actually felt guilty for sneaking around.  "We didn't want to tell you because…you know, you can't go and all that.  We didn't want you to get upset."

"Yeah, cause you've been fucking moody lately." Spike added helpfully.  I leveled a dry stare at him and waited for him to look a bit nervous before I spoke up again.

"So." I was angry that they were trying to cut me out of the loop just because I was pregnant, but I liked scaring them by acting perfectly calm at first so that they were confused.  I find it very satisfying.  "You think that this whole thing would go a lot easier if I was just left out?  Like maybe I'd get in the way since I'm only good for field work?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much—" Spike was cut off by a sharp look from Jet, who then returned his attention to me, smiling apologetically.  Jet was such a pacifist, and I suppose I had to admire that.

"No, we just didn't want you to have to worry at all." He assured me.  "We know how hard this is on you, and it would be stupid to make you work when I gave you this time off."

"I'm still part of this crew." I bit the words off harshly, and Jet looked a bit frightened.  I guess they still didn't like my pregnancy mood swings, but I wasn't really in the mood to please at the moment, so they could just deal with it.  "Do you think that just because I can't be shaking my ass for a bunch of stupid ass bounties, that means that there's nothing useful I can do?  Is that what you really think of me?  That I'm nothing but a fucking sex pot that's totally useless now that I'm all fucking fat?"  There was a slightly subdued pause before Spike licked his lips, looking as though he'd just had an epiphany.

"You can fix me up if something happens to me." He offered, prompting a relieved nod from Jet.  That was right, of course.  It wasn't as though field work was all I ever did.  Spike had a point, much as it pained me to realize that.

"Yeah, we still need you, Faye.  We just don't want you to get hurt out there since you know…you have the baby to think about too." Jet supported Spike's point immediately, seeing the calming affect that the words had on me.  "But you know that without you, Spike would pretty in big trouble."

"Okay." I sighed.  I knew they must have thought I was crazy.  Only a few minutes ago I'd been ready to rip their heads off, and now I was sitting there, nodding and looking utterly placid and totally agreeable.  But in my defense, I was pregnant, so I was supposed to be even moodier than usual.  "I don't want you guys to feel like you need to hide things from me though." I told them.  "We're in this together, right?"

"Right." Jet immediately turned to return to the kitchen, pleased that I was done being angry and obviously wanting to leave before I changed my mind.  Spike, however, decided to stroll over to the window, lighting a cigarette as he looked out at the stars surrounding us as we moved from one planet to the next.

"Nice view?" I asked him after he'd stood there for some time, having half finished his cigarette while still staring out at the stars.  I knew that he only ever stood there for a long time when something was bothering him and he wanted to talk about it, but didn't really know what to say.

"Eh," he grunted slightly, shrugging and taking a deep drag before walking over to the coffee table so he could drop the ashes off in the ashtray there.  "This bother you?" he asked, holding up his cigarette and arching his eyebrows slightly.  It wasn't exactly the epitome of fatherly concern, but coming from Spike, it was nice.

"No, you're fine." I smiled slightly.  "I'm not going to make you smoke outside again."  I referred to the brief period when an acquaintance of Jet's had stayed with us, and we'd all been made to smoke outside since it bothered her.  Spike and I had not been on the best of terms at the time, but we had definitely agreed that the smoking rule was a terrible injustice.

"Thanks." He took another deep drag, stretching slightly and glancing at the window as though he was trying to decide whether to sit down across from me or just go back to his stargazing.

"So, who's the guy you're going after tonight?" I wanted to know.

"Just some random bounty.  Tried to kill some rich bitch and now she's got a price on his head.  Nothing really interesting." He told me, sitting down and holding the still smoking stick between his fingers, tapping the end on the edge of the ashtray again.  "You aren't really mad, are you ?"

"Huh?" I blinked at him, a bit confused.  I'd just picked my book up from where it oftentimes sat on the coffee table, so I hadn't been paying much attention to his question.  "Oh, no, I'm not mad.  Just a little annoyed that you guys thought you couldn't tell me something like that."

"Well, you did kinda go crazy when you found out, so it's not like we were worried for nothing." He pointed out.  I have to hand it to Spike.  He can be worried about how angry I am one moment, and then five minutes later, he's back to pushing all my buttons in a way that I can't help but find extremely irritating.

"Spike…just shut up okay?" I really didn't have the patience for a full-fledged battle with him at the moment, and I didn't appreciate his completely inconsiderate nature.

"Faye, you know what?" he sounded a bit quiet, almost subdued, as though he were trying to tell me something important.  He stamped out his cigarette, and I knew that whatever had him staring out that window was on the tip of his tongue.  "You know…we were talking about you.  Jet and I were.  Talking about bounties and stuff."

"Oh?" I debated whether it would be appropriate to read while he was talking to me, since he was obviously trying to get to the point but failing miserably, and I was getting a bit impatient.  However, the memory of two weeks ago when he had told me about his mother was still fresh enough in my mind that I decided that I should be as considerate as possible now that he'd found a new level of trust in me.  I didn't want to ruin that.

"Well, yeah." Spike was having some sort of difficulty communicating whatever it was that he wanted to tell me, so I knew I'd just have to be patient for the time being.  "See…cause we knew you were being kinda difficult about the whole thing, so we didn't want to give you a reason to throw a fit or anything."

"That was thoughtful of you." I gave him a caustic smirk, but he ignored it.

"And we thought about just cutting our budget and waiting until you could work again to go out after bounties, but we couldn't really do that because with…you know, the kid…it's kind of expensive, so we knew that we'd just have to keep going out to work no matter how pissy you got.  You know, cause we have to…I guess I have to…you know, take care of you now." Spike finished, looking extremely uncomfortable as he fidgeted slightly, picking at invisible lint on the arm of his chair and staring at his lap fixedly.

"So, you mean…" I didn't know what he meant.  Was he trying to tell me that he wanted to take responsibility in this situation?  Was he just saying that he cared about me and didn't want me to misunderstand his intentions?  Or was he trying to confuse the hell out of me?  He was doing a pretty good job of the last one, that was for sure.

"Faye," he was nervous, so he reached for his pack of cigarettes, but as soon as he pulled one out, he gave me a weighing glance before putting it back away and tossing the pack on the table.  "I think…maybe sometimes you forget that we're all…you know, we're all companions here.  We don't want anything to happen to you.  Nothing has to happen to you.  You know what I mean?"

"You don't want to risk it?" I guessed.  I didn't know whether I should be touched at the concern or angry at their lack of faith in my abilities.  "It's not like I can't do field work anymore.  Jet was the one who decided that I was too far along."

"Yeah, but he did that cause...it's my fault, see?" Spike seemed pretty embarrassed.  "He told me a little bit ago that he knows you can still fight and all that, and that the hassle of keeping you out of commission wouldn't be worth it for the small amount of risk you'd be in.  You barely ever get hurt anyway, since you're kinda careful."

"It's because I'm only backup." I corrected.  "I'm never supposed to really see any action, and we both know it."  I knew I sounded a little bitter, but after the incident with the hacker, I understood their concern for me a lot more.

"That's not it…it's just," Spike looked a bit frustrated, but he pushed forward.  "Jet pulled you out now because he said that if he let you go on, I'd get us both in trouble."

"You?" I almost laughed at that.  Sure, Spike made mistakes, but I made them too, and it wasn't as though Spike would be carrying all that extra weight in front of him like some sadistic frontal burden.  "I'm sorry, I'm not really getting what you're saying here, Spike."

"He says…I worry too much about you, and that I'd get us in trouble because the reason we do well is that usually, we watch out for each other, but we don't act…you know, really protective or anything.  So…yeah." Spike looked extremely uncomfortable.  "I'm pretty sure he would have stopped you pretty soon anyway, but he doesn't trust us working together with something like…that."

"So, he thinks you'll get us both killed because you're so protective of me?" I snorted, laughing slightly.  "Um, does Jet really know us?"  Spike shrugged noncommittally and leaned back in his chair while I eyed the cigarettes, wondering vaguely if it was really that imperative that I not smoke at all while I was pregnant.  I could have really used a smoke right then.

"Dinner!" Jet called from the kitchen, bringing in a big casserole dish filled with something that looked completely unappetizing and was likely just as tasty as it appeared.

"Looks…uh…" Spike didn't seem to know what to say to the still bubbling mixture, so he just made a face at it as Ed, lured by the promise of food, came racing into the room and leapt over the back of the couch to sit beside me with a broad smile on her face.

"Morning Faye-faye!  Is baby ready yet?" Ed leaned over to press an ear to my stomach, as she often did these days.  I didn't bother to remind her that it was night, as it was oftentimes hard to tell when we were traveling between planets.

"Back off, Ed." Spike sounded casual enough, but I could see the glances he kept shooting Ed as though he thought she would just start jumping on top of me at any moment.  I rolled my eyes.

"Ed, did you know that Spike's going out for a bounty after dinner?" I asked her, feeling friendly toward the girl just because she seemed to think my baby was such an important topic of conversation.

"Oh, Ed knew." Ed nodded.  "Ed had to find the bad man for Spike-person, but they said Faye-faye wasn't going to know this time."

"Hard to keep secrets on a ship this size." I commented, looking at the pile of greenish brown gunk on my plate.  What the hell was Jet trying to do?  Kill me?  "It's nice to know that I was the only one on the ship that this was kept from."

"Faye, please." Jet gave me a pleading look, as though he honestly expected my anger from before to return so suddenly.  "We already explained this to you."

"Jet…is this garbage?" Spike had spent several minutes examining his food, and apparently he was ready to hazard a guess as to what it might be made from.

"It's spinach and bean casserole." He informed us, much to my disgust.  Just when I'd been working up the courage to eat a forkful of it, too.  "It's good for you.  Got lots of protein."

"You know," Spike spoke up again after tasting a hesitant bit of the concoction and pulling a priceless face of disgust.  "Faye's pregnant.  Do you really want to kill her baby?"  My eyes went a bit wide at that, not because he was openly referring to the pregnancy so much as that he was seeming so exceptionally protective of me that evening.  Even if he was just joking, it hit a nerve with me.  First with the chat about bounty hunting and why I wasn't allowed to do it, then his warning to Ed, and now he was questioning the safety of the food?  I wondered if maybe it was just that he sometimes seemed a bit more macho right before he went on missions, and it sometimes made him extra gruff or aloof, but I had never seen him acting protective of me before.  I didn't know whether I liked it or not, so I just decided that until I could make sense of it, I would prefer to ignore it and pretend nothing had changed between us.  I still wished that sometimes.  Before that night we spent together…well, I suppose things had really started to change after Vicious died.  I think that's odd, but I guess that even Spike wasn't imperturbable to something as crushing as death could be.  Julia and Vicious had been two people that he had known and cared about very much.  I suppose in the end that he hated Vicious, but could he really hate the man who had for so long been his best friend?  Spike still confused me.

"If you have a problem with my food, why don't you take over kitchen duty?" Jet fell back on his reliable response to any questioning of his culinary abilities.  It was true that he was a horrible cook, but I was pretty sure that I was worse, and I assumed as much from Spike as well, considering he couldn't even make tea correctly.

"Ed could make food!" Ed volunteered in excitement.

"No!" The rest of us answered as though we were one person, and though Ed did look momentarily saddened by this, she was over the disappointment fast enough, and after she finished her dinner, she raced off with Ein.  I sometimes wondered how she amused herself all day, and though I liked to think that the mind of a child was creative enough to find a way to play even on a ship full of bounty hunters, Ed wasn't exactly the typical child.  Although, she had been known to spend hours amusing herself with an empty egg carton, so I wasn't sure I really wanted to know how she spent her free time.

"I better get going soon." Spike had barely touched his food, and I couldn't blame him.  It was disgusting, but I had to eat something, so I was shoveling it down as best I could.  "I don't want to miss my chance to get this guy easily."

"Okay, we'll be helping you from back here." I gave him a nod, trying to sound as helpful as possible.  I had this horrible feeling in my stomach knowing that I was about to experience the first bounty mission in almost as long as I'd been on the ship where I wasn't even going to be any help.  Damn what they said about my medical skills, because to me, it wasn't the same thing.  I think it's the tension of knowing that the action is happening and simply having to sit on my hands, completely useless and utterly unable to change how things turned out.  "I mean, I guess Jet will.  I'll be…just…yeah."

"We'll be backing you up." Jet gave me a sympathetic smile, and I really wanted to punch him.  Why should he feel sorry for me?  Just because he was doing something helpful and I was just going to be sitting around bothering him…I wondered if maybe I should feel sorry for him.  I don't think he realized how antsy I was at the moment, and how much I was going to likely make him suffer until the time when Spike returned to the Bebop.

"This shouldn't take long." Spike told us, but I could have sworn it was meant for me.  What did I care?  Okay…really, who was I kidding?  He must have been able to tell how much this was bothering me, how much I worried that for some odd reason, this would be the one time where he'd need my help there with him, and because I was back on the ship, he'd end up getting in serious trouble.  As I sighed at the pathetic nature of my existence, I felt the sharp jolt that told me we had reached our destination, one of the various moons of Jupiter, where I took it that this bounty would be found.

"Be careful." I couldn't stop the words, or the worry behind them as he turned to leave.  I felt something like a vague shadow of the desperation that had gripped me when Spike went after Vicious by himself.  That seemed so long ago, but being reminded of the feelings of helplessness and panic did nothing to calm my emotions.  I bit my lip as I watched him leave with a casual wave.  He would come back, and everything would be fine.  I had no reason to get so worked up over some routine bounty, and yet…maybe it was just the emotions of the pregnancy and the frustration of being cut from ground missions.  I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to do something so that he wouldn't leave me.  I so desperately did not want him to leave me then, and I was terrified to feel tears welling in my eyes as I heard the roar of the Swordfish taking off.

"Right then, let me pull up the communications on the Swordfish so we can talk to him." Jet gave me an encouraging smile, but it wasn't helping me at all.  I shook my head, standing up and trying not to tremble.

"I'm…tired." I managed the feeble excuse before I ran to my room.  I didn't want him to see me worry or cry over Spike.  I realized that Jet knew I felt something for Spike, obviously.  But still…I suppose that I wasn't ready to admit just how strongly my emotions controlled me when it came to that particular subject.

"Faye?  You okay?" Jet's voice called after me as I closed the door, cutting myself off.  It took a moment for me to realize that I was in Spike's room, not mine.  I felt embarrassed at the stupid mistake, but then…hadn't I meant to come in here?  I had been in his room very few times before, even when he was gone for days at a time, half dead after some mission that didn't go exactly as planned.  I think that part of it was that I knew Spike didn't go through my things, and I afforded him the same consideration.  This wasn't about going through his things though, and I knew that.  I just…wanted something…something to make my heart stop beating it's way out of my chest.

"Spike," I sighed at the sound of his name, moving over to the bed and sitting down to look around.  I couldn't believe how calm I was feeling already, surrounded in the smell and feel of him.  It was like being embraced by him, and it was just what I needed.  I laid back, breathing in deeply at the scent of his hair on the pillow, so thick I could have suffocated with a smile on my face.  I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and wondered offhand if I was still worried, or if I was only crying at how pathetic my life had become.  So much joy from something so simple…it was truly sad, and yet…I felt my eyes close, my senses shutting down as I fell asleep there, lying on Spike's bed and hoping that he'd be back soon.

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The End (Of Part 10, That Is)