The fall of a sparrow
"May angels lead you back to me"
by: Jessica
.............................
The leaves has fallen from the trees and painted the ground
in beautiful colours.
Time passes so quickly these days.
Ben has left me now.
I didn't stop him when he came to collect his things.
I wanted to but I could see in his eyes that no words could mend
the gap between us.
It wouldn't be fair for the both of us to try to beg for forgiveness.
So I kept quiet and watched him walk out of my life.
It felt like something inside of me tore apart when he closed
that door.
And I sat there with a scream lodged in my head.
But I knew I couldn't bring him back to me.
To be alone again was hard to get used to.
The bed seemed so huge and so cold.
The silence of the apartment scared me more than I thought was
possible.
And sometimes it felt hard to breathe.
Or maybe it was just all in my head.
I kept reminding myself that I had brought it on.
The pain that ate at my heart during those long and cold nights
was my own fault.
---------------------------------------
My life became an endless parade of bedside vigils.
I spend my spare time at the hospital.
It felt safer there.
I could escape the emptiness of my own life
and focus on keeping him alive.
I drank every breath that shimmered out from his body
like it was water and I hadn't tasted water for days.
---------------------------------
Miracles happen every day they say.
The day he came back to me was not a special day.
There were no signs along the way that could tell us
what would happen that day.
I got the call late that afternoon.
Someone I didn't know told me that Jess Mariano was
back among the living.
At first I thought it was someone's nasty joke.
But as I drove over to the hospital hope came alive in my chest.
When I walked the path to his room fear gripped at my heart.
Memories from our last meeting came crashing down on me and
the words that had been spoken played over and over in my head.
My hands trembled as I pushed the door open.
The room was empty besides his bed.
I moved towards him.
The machines that used to breathe life into his broken body
were gone now.
He seemed to sleep.
His skin was white.
My hands craved to touch him but I was afraid I might wake him.
I sat down on the chair beside his bed while my heart
went racing.
"Rory?"
His voice was barely a whisper.
He turned his beautiful face towards me and our eyes met.
It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my
shoulder in that single moment.
Tears came suddenly.
I couldn't hold them back.
"Why are you crying?"
"I don't know......"
I moved towards him.
My hands could no longer hold back the feelings that raged inside
so I reached out my hand and took his cold hand in mine.
"It's nice to see you, Jess...."
That was all I was able to say.
We sat there for a while holding hands, clinging to each other.
Outside the window the sun was devoured by the dark.
He moved first.
His hand was cold against my skin as he lifted it and touched my cheek.
"You shouldn't be crying....You have nothing to cry about..."
"I have every reason to cry...I thought I might lose you..."
"But you didn't..."
His words faded to black.
As I sat there I prayed that I would never know the feeling of losing him.
--------------------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
"May angels lead you back to me"
by: Jessica
.............................
The leaves has fallen from the trees and painted the ground
in beautiful colours.
Time passes so quickly these days.
Ben has left me now.
I didn't stop him when he came to collect his things.
I wanted to but I could see in his eyes that no words could mend
the gap between us.
It wouldn't be fair for the both of us to try to beg for forgiveness.
So I kept quiet and watched him walk out of my life.
It felt like something inside of me tore apart when he closed
that door.
And I sat there with a scream lodged in my head.
But I knew I couldn't bring him back to me.
To be alone again was hard to get used to.
The bed seemed so huge and so cold.
The silence of the apartment scared me more than I thought was
possible.
And sometimes it felt hard to breathe.
Or maybe it was just all in my head.
I kept reminding myself that I had brought it on.
The pain that ate at my heart during those long and cold nights
was my own fault.
---------------------------------------
My life became an endless parade of bedside vigils.
I spend my spare time at the hospital.
It felt safer there.
I could escape the emptiness of my own life
and focus on keeping him alive.
I drank every breath that shimmered out from his body
like it was water and I hadn't tasted water for days.
---------------------------------
Miracles happen every day they say.
The day he came back to me was not a special day.
There were no signs along the way that could tell us
what would happen that day.
I got the call late that afternoon.
Someone I didn't know told me that Jess Mariano was
back among the living.
At first I thought it was someone's nasty joke.
But as I drove over to the hospital hope came alive in my chest.
When I walked the path to his room fear gripped at my heart.
Memories from our last meeting came crashing down on me and
the words that had been spoken played over and over in my head.
My hands trembled as I pushed the door open.
The room was empty besides his bed.
I moved towards him.
The machines that used to breathe life into his broken body
were gone now.
He seemed to sleep.
His skin was white.
My hands craved to touch him but I was afraid I might wake him.
I sat down on the chair beside his bed while my heart
went racing.
"Rory?"
His voice was barely a whisper.
He turned his beautiful face towards me and our eyes met.
It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my
shoulder in that single moment.
Tears came suddenly.
I couldn't hold them back.
"Why are you crying?"
"I don't know......"
I moved towards him.
My hands could no longer hold back the feelings that raged inside
so I reached out my hand and took his cold hand in mine.
"It's nice to see you, Jess...."
That was all I was able to say.
We sat there for a while holding hands, clinging to each other.
Outside the window the sun was devoured by the dark.
He moved first.
His hand was cold against my skin as he lifted it and touched my cheek.
"You shouldn't be crying....You have nothing to cry about..."
"I have every reason to cry...I thought I might lose you..."
"But you didn't..."
His words faded to black.
As I sat there I prayed that I would never know the feeling of losing him.
--------------------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se