The fall of a sparrow
by: Jessica
"The danger in loving somebody too much"
--------------------------------------
He took another glass of whiskey and told himself once
again that he was better off.
He had never been much of a drinker but it came natural to him now.
Ben Cooper sat alone at the end of the bar somewhere in the middle
of nowhere.
He couldn't remember how he had gotten there
but somehow he didn't care.
It's a painful thing to try to mend your heart.
They say that time mends all wounds.
How wrong they all were.
Time heals nothing.
Five days had passed since he had stormed out of her office and
another five since he went to the apartment to collect his things.
She had been home when he came to remove his belongings.
She sat by the window and watched as he walked away from her.
A part of him wanted her to stop him.
That she would say something, anything.
But she remained quiet.
The other part wanted nothing to do with her.
The days seemed so blurry after that.
He got up and got dressed.
He showered and shaved.
He ate breakfast.
He drank his coffee.
He drove to work.
Nothing had changed.
Everything had changed.
He never expected it to feel so strong.
He had been in many relationships before her.
There were some that lasted longer and some that lasted only
a couple of months.
But always when it ended he came out fine.
He prided himself on how strong he was.
That nothing could break him.
Look at him now.
Guess he was breakable after all.
They had met during college.
He had a dream of changing the world by writing.
He was young then and naive.
They had met during a party.
She had been sitting alone in a corner of a room with her nose
in a book.
She had looked up as he approached and their eyes had met.
And he had drowned in a deep blue sea.
That was the end of him.
That night had ended with them sitting under the stars, talking
and laughing.
After that they were inseparable.
They spend their first date debating politics.
They went to the movies, to dinner, to the theater.
At the end of their third date he kissed her.
Afterwards when she stood before him, smiling, and with those eyes
shining like two diamonds he knew that he was lost.
One month after their first date they spend the night together.
As they melted together words slipped from his mouth that he
only had dared to whisper to himself.
Words like "love" and "always" soared through the air around them.
After that night he let go of everything that held him back.
He was in love and nothing could ever change that.
At their one year anniversary he took her out to the coast and
they spend a day on the beach.
When they sat there and watched the sun set she dared to speak
those words he had longed for so much.
She whispered words of love and painted his world in so many
colours that even the sky seemed smaller.
When they finished college she followed him to Boston.
He had gotten a summer job as a proofreader at a local paper.
That's how it began for him.
He climbed the ladder to success and after three years of hard work
and long nights he was finally promoted to editor and chief of
the paper he started at.
That night when they celebrated he got down on his knees and
asked her to marry him.
She said yes.
He had bought the ring six months earlier but he hadn't the courage
to ask her until that night.
That was a year ago.
Ben reached for the glass and prayed that the liquor could drown
out the memories that kept eating at him.
Maybe there were signs along the way that he
somehow chose to ignore.
Maybe he should have loved her more.
Maybe he had been blind.
He rose from the chair.
He paid his way and headed for the door.
He didn't know where he was going but he didn't care.
He was so tired of nursing the broken heart.
He was so tired of feeling this way.
The payphone outside was the first thing that met his eye
as he exited the bar.
He knew that he was drunk and acted crazy but something inside
of him needed to hear her voice.
His hands trembled as he dialed the number.
He hated them for showing weakness.
She answered a second later.
"Rory..."
"Ben?"
He hadn't prepared a speech.
He just wanted to hear her voice.
Maybe then he would be all right.
"I loved you......"
"Ben...Are you okay?"
"I loved you more than my life and you just...."
"Tell me you're okay...Ben.."
"Why, Rory? Why couldn't you love me? What did I do?"
"Please, Ben. You did nothing."
"Then what? I don't understand it. I..just..I can't..."
"Where are you? Tell me where you are and..."
"You broke my heart, Ror. I never thought you could hurt me
like that."
"I'm sorry...."
"You were the best thing in my life. I didn't care about the job,
the money. All I wanted was you..."
"Ben..please..."
"You killed me Rory."
"Don't say that."
"I can't breathe anymore. I just...I never thought I ever could
feel this way..This dead inside..."
"Tell me where you are. Please Ben..Tell me and I will come and
get you..."
"Why?"
"So I can help you..."
"With what? What possible help can you give me?"
"Don't do this.."
"I did nothing..All I did was love you....."
She was crying now.
He could hear her sobbing into the phone and he imagined her sitting
there on the other end with tears streaming down her face.
And a part of him enjoyed it.
"Don't worry, Ror...I will not bother you again...."
"Ben!"
"Goodbye..."
Then he hung up.
He stood there for a while.
The darkness of the night wrapped around him gently.
Then he started to walk.
As he walked her face was before him.
That was the curse he had to carry with him all through night
and as long as he lived.
He had accepted that.
She was inside of him.
Everywhere.
He was a cursed man.
There was nowhere he could run.
It was a painful way to live.
But that was the life of Ben Cooper.
-------------------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
by: Jessica
"The danger in loving somebody too much"
--------------------------------------
He took another glass of whiskey and told himself once
again that he was better off.
He had never been much of a drinker but it came natural to him now.
Ben Cooper sat alone at the end of the bar somewhere in the middle
of nowhere.
He couldn't remember how he had gotten there
but somehow he didn't care.
It's a painful thing to try to mend your heart.
They say that time mends all wounds.
How wrong they all were.
Time heals nothing.
Five days had passed since he had stormed out of her office and
another five since he went to the apartment to collect his things.
She had been home when he came to remove his belongings.
She sat by the window and watched as he walked away from her.
A part of him wanted her to stop him.
That she would say something, anything.
But she remained quiet.
The other part wanted nothing to do with her.
The days seemed so blurry after that.
He got up and got dressed.
He showered and shaved.
He ate breakfast.
He drank his coffee.
He drove to work.
Nothing had changed.
Everything had changed.
He never expected it to feel so strong.
He had been in many relationships before her.
There were some that lasted longer and some that lasted only
a couple of months.
But always when it ended he came out fine.
He prided himself on how strong he was.
That nothing could break him.
Look at him now.
Guess he was breakable after all.
They had met during college.
He had a dream of changing the world by writing.
He was young then and naive.
They had met during a party.
She had been sitting alone in a corner of a room with her nose
in a book.
She had looked up as he approached and their eyes had met.
And he had drowned in a deep blue sea.
That was the end of him.
That night had ended with them sitting under the stars, talking
and laughing.
After that they were inseparable.
They spend their first date debating politics.
They went to the movies, to dinner, to the theater.
At the end of their third date he kissed her.
Afterwards when she stood before him, smiling, and with those eyes
shining like two diamonds he knew that he was lost.
One month after their first date they spend the night together.
As they melted together words slipped from his mouth that he
only had dared to whisper to himself.
Words like "love" and "always" soared through the air around them.
After that night he let go of everything that held him back.
He was in love and nothing could ever change that.
At their one year anniversary he took her out to the coast and
they spend a day on the beach.
When they sat there and watched the sun set she dared to speak
those words he had longed for so much.
She whispered words of love and painted his world in so many
colours that even the sky seemed smaller.
When they finished college she followed him to Boston.
He had gotten a summer job as a proofreader at a local paper.
That's how it began for him.
He climbed the ladder to success and after three years of hard work
and long nights he was finally promoted to editor and chief of
the paper he started at.
That night when they celebrated he got down on his knees and
asked her to marry him.
She said yes.
He had bought the ring six months earlier but he hadn't the courage
to ask her until that night.
That was a year ago.
Ben reached for the glass and prayed that the liquor could drown
out the memories that kept eating at him.
Maybe there were signs along the way that he
somehow chose to ignore.
Maybe he should have loved her more.
Maybe he had been blind.
He rose from the chair.
He paid his way and headed for the door.
He didn't know where he was going but he didn't care.
He was so tired of nursing the broken heart.
He was so tired of feeling this way.
The payphone outside was the first thing that met his eye
as he exited the bar.
He knew that he was drunk and acted crazy but something inside
of him needed to hear her voice.
His hands trembled as he dialed the number.
He hated them for showing weakness.
She answered a second later.
"Rory..."
"Ben?"
He hadn't prepared a speech.
He just wanted to hear her voice.
Maybe then he would be all right.
"I loved you......"
"Ben...Are you okay?"
"I loved you more than my life and you just...."
"Tell me you're okay...Ben.."
"Why, Rory? Why couldn't you love me? What did I do?"
"Please, Ben. You did nothing."
"Then what? I don't understand it. I..just..I can't..."
"Where are you? Tell me where you are and..."
"You broke my heart, Ror. I never thought you could hurt me
like that."
"I'm sorry...."
"You were the best thing in my life. I didn't care about the job,
the money. All I wanted was you..."
"Ben..please..."
"You killed me Rory."
"Don't say that."
"I can't breathe anymore. I just...I never thought I ever could
feel this way..This dead inside..."
"Tell me where you are. Please Ben..Tell me and I will come and
get you..."
"Why?"
"So I can help you..."
"With what? What possible help can you give me?"
"Don't do this.."
"I did nothing..All I did was love you....."
She was crying now.
He could hear her sobbing into the phone and he imagined her sitting
there on the other end with tears streaming down her face.
And a part of him enjoyed it.
"Don't worry, Ror...I will not bother you again...."
"Ben!"
"Goodbye..."
Then he hung up.
He stood there for a while.
The darkness of the night wrapped around him gently.
Then he started to walk.
As he walked her face was before him.
That was the curse he had to carry with him all through night
and as long as he lived.
He had accepted that.
She was inside of him.
Everywhere.
He was a cursed man.
There was nowhere he could run.
It was a painful way to live.
But that was the life of Ben Cooper.
-------------------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se