The fall of a sparrow
"Stay forever"
by: Jessica
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"You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made"
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Chicago
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Only a fool loves someone you can't have.
Those words kept ringing in her head as she closed the
door to her apartment and turned the key.
She wiped away the remaining tears and cursed herself
for being so weak.
Lucy Shepard used to be so proud of being the one that never cried.
Nothing affected her, she proudly proclaimed.
But as she stood there outside her door she knew nothing could
be further from the truth.
It was something so simple as a letter.
A letter had moved her to tears.
And for that she hated herself.
The day had been perfect up until receiving that letter.
Blue skies all the way.
But then reality hit.
She hadn't heard a word from him in almost three months now.
She had accepted it and moved on.
It wasn't like he was the love of her life or something like that.
At least that was what she told herself when she laid alone at night.
There were moments when she pulled out the last remaining of his
things and looked at them.
It was a sweater that he had left behind.
Sometimes when she felt weak she used to bury her nose in the
soft fabric and inhale his scent.
It would give her a sense of peace.
But she always felt weak after that.
She felt guilty for longing for someone that clearly didn't want
anything to do with her.
That was one of her weaknesses.
Wanting someone she couldn't have.
As she stood there outside her door she kept remembering that
sweater and she cursed herself for not throwing it away earlier.
Then maybe she would have been fine.
Then maybe Jess Mariano would have been someone she knew long ago.
But she knew as she lifted her suitcase that he would forever be
A part of her.
And there was nothing she could do about it now.
With her free hand she stroked her growing belly and
walked out the door to the waiting taxi to take her to the
airport.
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Boston
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I sit here in her favorite chair watching as the sun rises over
the city.
She is still sleeping on the bed on the other side of this room.
My suitcase sits by the door calling out to me to do what I came
here to do.
I came here to say goodbye to her.
I was so ready to let her go.
I came here to make things right.
I was so sure if I just let her go then I would be okay.
It took days for me to work up the courage to go to her.
But what I found was a little piece of heaven.
As I sit here in her apartment I can't help but feel afraid.
Maybe this is forever.
Or maybe it just will last a day, a week, a month.
I don't know.
But I don't want to be alone anymore.
I want to feel.
I want to actually feel with every sense of my being.
So I will hold on to her.
And maybe this time we will be okay.
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