30
A fan fiction by little red
A/N- After months of concentrating on more important things, I have finally decided write more scenarios to "30". Now that I have a minimum wage job, I have upgraded from living in a box to an empty dumpster filled with mattresses. Now that winter approaches, and more hobo fires are being made on the street, I have seen it fit to distract myself, by writing more! So, here ya go.
-little red (your neighborhood hobo)
Scenario 7: The silky-red headed-medieval one
Cho moved in closer, but Harry backed away. Was he ready for this? His "trouser mate" was rearing to go, but his brain wasn't ready to come out of boy hood. Just two years ago, he thought girls had cooties, but usually in the fight brain versus penis, usually penis goes for the gold. Harry then draped his arms around Cho's body and went in for the kill. Just then Cho backed away, slapped Harry on the face, and yelled
"What kind of girl do you think I am?"
"Well, you were practically begging for it!" replied Harry.
"But I thought that you were g-....I mean....ummm" Cho said hesitantly.
"Well, out with it then!" said Harry.
"Well, I didn't think you would try to kiss me because I thought you were, well...Harry, I thought you were gay!" said Cho, her eyes filling with tears.
"What! Me? Gay?" said a bewildered Harry. "Well, if you thought I was gay, why would you make such a fuss with talking to me?"
"I really want a guy friend who will want to talk to me with out thinking of me naked!" said Cho, looking at the floor. "I've got to go."
"Fine, leave me here with a hard on so I can take care of it myself" yelled Harry as Cho left him alone in the Room of Requirement.
Harry sat there thinking about how gay he was coming off. Yeah, he spent a lot of time with Ron, but he spent the same amount of time with Hermione. But, then again, he did take long showers in the Quidditch locker room. But he also spent the same amount of time sneaking into the girl's locker room and watching Alicia and Katie take showers.
"Screw Cho" said Harry to himself, as he began to make his way back to the common room. When he got there, it was quite full for being late at night. He saw all the 5th year boys huddled around the fire. He went over and asked
"What's going on? Why are all of you down here?"
"Oh, no reason" said Seamus Finnegan with a smirk on his eyebrow-less face.
"Umm, right" said Harry as he began to make way to the dorms. "I'll just be off to bed"
"Have fun." said Dean Thomas
"I wonder why they're all acting so-" began Harry. He stopped mid-sentence when he walked into a candle lit dormitory. "-peculiar" he finished
Ron was lying on Harry's bed wearing nothing but silk red boxer shorts and a glass of chardonnay in his hand.
"I've been waiting for you, darling." said Ron sensuously
"What the fu-" started Harry.
But Ron quickly got up and placed his hand on Harry's mouth.
"Shh, shh, shh. We have some things to talk about, my love." said Ron with a sparkle in his eye.
"Like what? The fact that you are totally getting off on me?" said Harry, pointing at Ron's privates. Ron was just a little "excited", so to say.
"Hey, the boxers are silk and feel very good on Ron jr." said Ron with a shudder of pleasure. "And, yeah, maybe you do make me feel tingly all over."
"What! I can't believe this! You can't be gay! What about Fleur Delacour, and the veelas? You were practically popping out of your pants every time you saw them!" pleaded Harry
"Well, that's how everyone feels around them! Besides, the only reason I drooled over Fleur was because Roger Davies was always following her! And Roger Davies is yummy." said Ron.
"I never thought I would hear you say 'yummy'" said Harry with amazement.
"That's it" said Ron pulling out a pair of handcuffs and a whip. " If you don't agree to be with me, I'll just have to force you." Ron cuffed Harry. He then began to undress Harry, while pulling of his own boxers. "Ron! What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm going medieval on your ass, biotch!" said Ron
END SCENARIO 8
A/N- sorry, just a little gross. By the way, "going medieval" was borrowed form "Pulp Fiction", but hopefully, Quentin Terrentino won't sue me.
Scenario 9: The product placement- Chris Columbus standby- Trojan Man one.
A/N-Chris Columbus blows goats. And I'm getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for this for product placement ads.
Harry leaned in to kiss Cho. But before Harry could kiss her, Cho stopped and said
"Harry, there's something missing"
"Where?" said a dumbfounded Harry.
"In the bedroom" replied Cho.
"IN THE WHAT?" said a horrorstruck Harry
All of the sudden, trumpets blasted and a galloping horse could be heard. The door to the Room of Requirement burst open, a man on horseback rode in, and a choir sang,
"TROJAN MAN!"
The man, who was wearing what suspiciously looked like Ronald McDonald's outfit began to educate Harry on a woman's "anatomical sensitivity" and "her pleasure condoms". As soon as Trojan Man left Harry with a super economy size box of condoms, a man wearing glasses and a windbreaker came into the room with a cell phone.
"Can you hear me now?" he said. "Good!"
"Excuse me, but who the hell are you?" demanded Harry.
"Oh, hey. I'm the Verizon Wireless guy. I aimlessly walk around the Earth to make sure that the guy I'm talking to can hear me. Since this castle were in is located in the middle of Butt Fu*k, England, I had to make sure that I can be heard on my phone." the Verizon guy explained.
"Who are you talking to, by the way?" said Harry.
"Don Rickles." said the guy. He flashed the peace sign and walked out. Harry flashed the finger and kicked a pillow.
"what the hell is going on?" Harry questioned no one.
"I don't know, but I have pizza" said Cho, who was conspicuously missing during the Trojan/Verizon incident.
"What? Pizza? Okay." said Harry, taking a slice. He began to eat it with enjoyment.
"Mmm. This pizza is so good! How did you get a pizza place to deliver here?" said Harry
" Harry, I have something to tell you." said Cho.
"You're married?" said Harry with a look of disappointment on his pizza sauce smeared face.
"No, asshole! It's not delivery, it's D'Giorno!"
"I can read you like a book." said Harry.
"CUT!" yelled a man who was off screen.
"What now Chris?" said Daniel Radcliffe.(AKA Harry Potter)
"That was good you two. That's a wrap!" said Chris Columbus. "Let's print that, and I'll see you two tomorrow"
While Daniel and the chick who plays Cho walked off the set, Chris Columbus was getting paid beaucoup d'argent (or money, for you non French speaking people) by a man with a Trojan Man baseball cap, a woman wearing a Verizon Wireless windbreaker, and two men with D'Giorno t-shirts on.
"It's good to be me." said Chris.
END SCENARIO 9.
A/N- If that was confusing, I will explain. The scenario was taking place while "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" was being filmed. Because of the product placement, Chris Columbus got paid lotsa money.
cheers,
little red
A fan fiction by little red
A/N- After months of concentrating on more important things, I have finally decided write more scenarios to "30". Now that I have a minimum wage job, I have upgraded from living in a box to an empty dumpster filled with mattresses. Now that winter approaches, and more hobo fires are being made on the street, I have seen it fit to distract myself, by writing more! So, here ya go.
-little red (your neighborhood hobo)
Scenario 7: The silky-red headed-medieval one
Cho moved in closer, but Harry backed away. Was he ready for this? His "trouser mate" was rearing to go, but his brain wasn't ready to come out of boy hood. Just two years ago, he thought girls had cooties, but usually in the fight brain versus penis, usually penis goes for the gold. Harry then draped his arms around Cho's body and went in for the kill. Just then Cho backed away, slapped Harry on the face, and yelled
"What kind of girl do you think I am?"
"Well, you were practically begging for it!" replied Harry.
"But I thought that you were g-....I mean....ummm" Cho said hesitantly.
"Well, out with it then!" said Harry.
"Well, I didn't think you would try to kiss me because I thought you were, well...Harry, I thought you were gay!" said Cho, her eyes filling with tears.
"What! Me? Gay?" said a bewildered Harry. "Well, if you thought I was gay, why would you make such a fuss with talking to me?"
"I really want a guy friend who will want to talk to me with out thinking of me naked!" said Cho, looking at the floor. "I've got to go."
"Fine, leave me here with a hard on so I can take care of it myself" yelled Harry as Cho left him alone in the Room of Requirement.
Harry sat there thinking about how gay he was coming off. Yeah, he spent a lot of time with Ron, but he spent the same amount of time with Hermione. But, then again, he did take long showers in the Quidditch locker room. But he also spent the same amount of time sneaking into the girl's locker room and watching Alicia and Katie take showers.
"Screw Cho" said Harry to himself, as he began to make his way back to the common room. When he got there, it was quite full for being late at night. He saw all the 5th year boys huddled around the fire. He went over and asked
"What's going on? Why are all of you down here?"
"Oh, no reason" said Seamus Finnegan with a smirk on his eyebrow-less face.
"Umm, right" said Harry as he began to make way to the dorms. "I'll just be off to bed"
"Have fun." said Dean Thomas
"I wonder why they're all acting so-" began Harry. He stopped mid-sentence when he walked into a candle lit dormitory. "-peculiar" he finished
Ron was lying on Harry's bed wearing nothing but silk red boxer shorts and a glass of chardonnay in his hand.
"I've been waiting for you, darling." said Ron sensuously
"What the fu-" started Harry.
But Ron quickly got up and placed his hand on Harry's mouth.
"Shh, shh, shh. We have some things to talk about, my love." said Ron with a sparkle in his eye.
"Like what? The fact that you are totally getting off on me?" said Harry, pointing at Ron's privates. Ron was just a little "excited", so to say.
"Hey, the boxers are silk and feel very good on Ron jr." said Ron with a shudder of pleasure. "And, yeah, maybe you do make me feel tingly all over."
"What! I can't believe this! You can't be gay! What about Fleur Delacour, and the veelas? You were practically popping out of your pants every time you saw them!" pleaded Harry
"Well, that's how everyone feels around them! Besides, the only reason I drooled over Fleur was because Roger Davies was always following her! And Roger Davies is yummy." said Ron.
"I never thought I would hear you say 'yummy'" said Harry with amazement.
"That's it" said Ron pulling out a pair of handcuffs and a whip. " If you don't agree to be with me, I'll just have to force you." Ron cuffed Harry. He then began to undress Harry, while pulling of his own boxers. "Ron! What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm going medieval on your ass, biotch!" said Ron
END SCENARIO 8
A/N- sorry, just a little gross. By the way, "going medieval" was borrowed form "Pulp Fiction", but hopefully, Quentin Terrentino won't sue me.
Scenario 9: The product placement- Chris Columbus standby- Trojan Man one.
A/N-Chris Columbus blows goats. And I'm getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for this for product placement ads.
Harry leaned in to kiss Cho. But before Harry could kiss her, Cho stopped and said
"Harry, there's something missing"
"Where?" said a dumbfounded Harry.
"In the bedroom" replied Cho.
"IN THE WHAT?" said a horrorstruck Harry
All of the sudden, trumpets blasted and a galloping horse could be heard. The door to the Room of Requirement burst open, a man on horseback rode in, and a choir sang,
"TROJAN MAN!"
The man, who was wearing what suspiciously looked like Ronald McDonald's outfit began to educate Harry on a woman's "anatomical sensitivity" and "her pleasure condoms". As soon as Trojan Man left Harry with a super economy size box of condoms, a man wearing glasses and a windbreaker came into the room with a cell phone.
"Can you hear me now?" he said. "Good!"
"Excuse me, but who the hell are you?" demanded Harry.
"Oh, hey. I'm the Verizon Wireless guy. I aimlessly walk around the Earth to make sure that the guy I'm talking to can hear me. Since this castle were in is located in the middle of Butt Fu*k, England, I had to make sure that I can be heard on my phone." the Verizon guy explained.
"Who are you talking to, by the way?" said Harry.
"Don Rickles." said the guy. He flashed the peace sign and walked out. Harry flashed the finger and kicked a pillow.
"what the hell is going on?" Harry questioned no one.
"I don't know, but I have pizza" said Cho, who was conspicuously missing during the Trojan/Verizon incident.
"What? Pizza? Okay." said Harry, taking a slice. He began to eat it with enjoyment.
"Mmm. This pizza is so good! How did you get a pizza place to deliver here?" said Harry
" Harry, I have something to tell you." said Cho.
"You're married?" said Harry with a look of disappointment on his pizza sauce smeared face.
"No, asshole! It's not delivery, it's D'Giorno!"
"I can read you like a book." said Harry.
"CUT!" yelled a man who was off screen.
"What now Chris?" said Daniel Radcliffe.(AKA Harry Potter)
"That was good you two. That's a wrap!" said Chris Columbus. "Let's print that, and I'll see you two tomorrow"
While Daniel and the chick who plays Cho walked off the set, Chris Columbus was getting paid beaucoup d'argent (or money, for you non French speaking people) by a man with a Trojan Man baseball cap, a woman wearing a Verizon Wireless windbreaker, and two men with D'Giorno t-shirts on.
"It's good to be me." said Chris.
END SCENARIO 9.
A/N- If that was confusing, I will explain. The scenario was taking place while "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" was being filmed. Because of the product placement, Chris Columbus got paid lotsa money.
cheers,
little red