The fall of a sparrow
by: Jessica
"Never give all the heart"
-----------------------------
NOTE: Title of this chapter is taken from a poem by William Butler
Yeats.
Writing this chapter gave me alot of trouble. I don't like how
it turned out. I thought about changing yet again. But I will leave
it like this...So, I understand if you hate it. It's only one part
left now, so thank God!:)
--------------------------
He had no strength left when she came to him.
If he had he would have turned her away when she came to him.
But he didn't.
It was dark as she knocked on his door.
Rain fell from a dark sky.
She stood strong outside his door but he knew just by looking
at her about the storm that raged inside of her.
Her eyes seemed to occupy her whole face.
Her skin seemed almost transparent.
"Ben, I just...."
She came with pleading eyes.
With those words he surrendered.
He took her into his arms.
And he held her while tears rocked her body.
He lifted her up on strong arms and carried her into the
safety of his apartment.
He laid her down on his couch, gently, afraid she might
break if he moved too fast.
He sat kneeled down beside her.
His hands screamed out to touch her but he was afraid that she
might move away if he tried.
So he just lingered there, beside her, waiting.
Eventually she moved.
Her tears were all dried out now and left her eyes hollow as they
met his.
"He is gone, Ben. He just..."
"What are you talking about?"
"Jess, he left..."
"What do you mean left?"
"He is going back to Chicago."
"But..."
He could see the pain tearing through her body with every breath
she took.
"He is leaving me. He said that he loved me and now he is leaving..."
"I don't understand."
His first reaction was joy.
His second reaction was hate for ever feeling that way.
She was hurting and all he could think about was himself.
But he shoved those feelings away and focused on her.
"He is going to be a father."
"A father? Are you pregnant?"
He feared even saying the word for it meant the end of everything.
"No. I'm not pregnant. His girlfriend is."
"His girlfriend? What are you talking about?"
She managed to sit up and wiped away the remaining tears on her cheek.
"Her name is Lucy..."
Her voice was barely a whisper as she continued:
"They broke up a month before he left for Boston. Or at least that's
what he told me. She came here today and told him..Told him that
he is going to be a father. And he just dropped everything...Like
it meant nothing...."
"Are you sure that it is his baby?"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?"
She rose from the couch.
"I was just asking...."
"Don't okay...Cause I don't know. He just dropped everything..
He came to me tonight. He had packed his bags. And he told me
that he was leaving..."
Ben should be happy.
That he knew.
Everything he had prodicted had come through.
Jess had broken her heart.
But he couldn't feel joy.
He felt nothing but pain for the sorrow that lived in her eyes now.
And he wished there were some way he could reach inside of her
and take away all the pain that ate at her heart.
But he knew that he wasn't the one she wanted.
He wasn't the one that could mend her heart.
The one she wanted was leaving.
"You'll get through this."
She turned towards him.
Her eyes were wild as they met his.
"I DON'T WANT TO GET THROUGH THIS!"
"I was just saying...If you let some time pass, then you will
feel okay."
"No, I won't..."
"Believe me, you will..."
"No, Ben. I will not feel fine.I let him go once. I let him leave..
And I didn't follow him. I just let him go."
"You were young..."
"Well, I should have..."
"God, Rory. You were young and he..."
"But I'm doing the same thing again..."
"You are not doing the same thing. He is!"
"But still...I didn't stop him...I could have..."
"What? He was the one that decided to go. No one made him go..and
he could have asked you to go with him..."
"He did..."
Her words faded to black.
She turned away from him.
"But you just...."
"He asked me to go with him, okay."
"But why didn't you?"
"I just...My life is here...Everything I have ever wanted is here..."
"So you're ready to give him up for this?"
She turned towards him.
Tears made her sight blurry.
"I..just..I don't..."
She stumbled forward and he wrapped his arms around her.
"He loves you..."
"And I love him..."
"So, what is the problem?"
"Everything...My life is here."
"But what life will you have without him? The man you love."
He knew that he was losing her.
Maybe she was never his in the first place.
"What about my job? My apartment?"
"There's jobs in Chicago...."
"But..."
"Are you ready to sacrifice him in favour of a job?"
"I don't know...."
"So you will stay here, then...And maybe eventually you will
forget about him...It's hard. But you can make it."
"How can you possible understand!?"
He never knew words could hurt him like they did.
Their eyes met and she realized what she just said.
"Oh, God..I'm sorry..I didn't mean..."
"No, it's okay..I understand..You didn't...."
"It's just..."
"I know..."
"I didn't come here to hurt you...."
"Then why did you?"
"I wanted someone..."
"And it just happen to be me.."
"No, Ben. Not just you...You're my friend.."
"Friend, huh...."
"Yeah, friend..."
"So from 'fiancè' to 'friend'"
"Ben, don't do this...."
"What? What am I doing? You came here. You came here crying over Jess."
"I needed your help. I needed you...."
"I can't help you. Can't you see that? What do you want me to say?
That it's right to walk away? Cause, my answer is yes! Yes, I'm
so glad that man is out of your life! He was nothing!"
Anger filled him.
It ran through his veins.
"How can you say that?"
"Cause, it's the truth. It's what I think. I knew from the moment
he came into your life that it was just a matter of time until
he broke your heart..."
"He didn't break my heart.."
"HA, you're such a bad liar."
"He just..He had to go..He had the baby to think about."
"Then what are you doing here? What are you doing here if you
already made up your mind?"
"I wanted your help."
"Help? My help? With what? I can't give you any answers. You have
to come up with them yourself. You are the only one that can
tell you if you're ready to let him go."
"But I'm not ready..."
"Then, what's the problem?"
Her eyes were dark as they met his.
"I'm afraid...."
"Afraid of what? He loves you, for god's sake. He told me that...
I could see it in his eyes. They were glowing..."
"But..What if?"
"There's always what if...But the question is are you ready to let
him go!? Are you ready to give him up?"
"No."
"Then, why are you standing here?! Go after him......"
"But..."
"Rory, please..go..You have to go...He loves you. You love him..."
"Ben, I..."
He stood there and watched as she moved towards the door.
He knew that he had lost her.
He had let her go.
She opened the door, stopped in the doorway and turned around.
Their eyes met.
"Goodbye, Ben...I love you..."
Then she was gone.
And as he stood there he whispered:
"I love you too....."
--------------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se
by: Jessica
"Never give all the heart"
-----------------------------
NOTE: Title of this chapter is taken from a poem by William Butler
Yeats.
Writing this chapter gave me alot of trouble. I don't like how
it turned out. I thought about changing yet again. But I will leave
it like this...So, I understand if you hate it. It's only one part
left now, so thank God!:)
--------------------------
He had no strength left when she came to him.
If he had he would have turned her away when she came to him.
But he didn't.
It was dark as she knocked on his door.
Rain fell from a dark sky.
She stood strong outside his door but he knew just by looking
at her about the storm that raged inside of her.
Her eyes seemed to occupy her whole face.
Her skin seemed almost transparent.
"Ben, I just...."
She came with pleading eyes.
With those words he surrendered.
He took her into his arms.
And he held her while tears rocked her body.
He lifted her up on strong arms and carried her into the
safety of his apartment.
He laid her down on his couch, gently, afraid she might
break if he moved too fast.
He sat kneeled down beside her.
His hands screamed out to touch her but he was afraid that she
might move away if he tried.
So he just lingered there, beside her, waiting.
Eventually she moved.
Her tears were all dried out now and left her eyes hollow as they
met his.
"He is gone, Ben. He just..."
"What are you talking about?"
"Jess, he left..."
"What do you mean left?"
"He is going back to Chicago."
"But..."
He could see the pain tearing through her body with every breath
she took.
"He is leaving me. He said that he loved me and now he is leaving..."
"I don't understand."
His first reaction was joy.
His second reaction was hate for ever feeling that way.
She was hurting and all he could think about was himself.
But he shoved those feelings away and focused on her.
"He is going to be a father."
"A father? Are you pregnant?"
He feared even saying the word for it meant the end of everything.
"No. I'm not pregnant. His girlfriend is."
"His girlfriend? What are you talking about?"
She managed to sit up and wiped away the remaining tears on her cheek.
"Her name is Lucy..."
Her voice was barely a whisper as she continued:
"They broke up a month before he left for Boston. Or at least that's
what he told me. She came here today and told him..Told him that
he is going to be a father. And he just dropped everything...Like
it meant nothing...."
"Are you sure that it is his baby?"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?"
She rose from the couch.
"I was just asking...."
"Don't okay...Cause I don't know. He just dropped everything..
He came to me tonight. He had packed his bags. And he told me
that he was leaving..."
Ben should be happy.
That he knew.
Everything he had prodicted had come through.
Jess had broken her heart.
But he couldn't feel joy.
He felt nothing but pain for the sorrow that lived in her eyes now.
And he wished there were some way he could reach inside of her
and take away all the pain that ate at her heart.
But he knew that he wasn't the one she wanted.
He wasn't the one that could mend her heart.
The one she wanted was leaving.
"You'll get through this."
She turned towards him.
Her eyes were wild as they met his.
"I DON'T WANT TO GET THROUGH THIS!"
"I was just saying...If you let some time pass, then you will
feel okay."
"No, I won't..."
"Believe me, you will..."
"No, Ben. I will not feel fine.I let him go once. I let him leave..
And I didn't follow him. I just let him go."
"You were young..."
"Well, I should have..."
"God, Rory. You were young and he..."
"But I'm doing the same thing again..."
"You are not doing the same thing. He is!"
"But still...I didn't stop him...I could have..."
"What? He was the one that decided to go. No one made him go..and
he could have asked you to go with him..."
"He did..."
Her words faded to black.
She turned away from him.
"But you just...."
"He asked me to go with him, okay."
"But why didn't you?"
"I just...My life is here...Everything I have ever wanted is here..."
"So you're ready to give him up for this?"
She turned towards him.
Tears made her sight blurry.
"I..just..I don't..."
She stumbled forward and he wrapped his arms around her.
"He loves you..."
"And I love him..."
"So, what is the problem?"
"Everything...My life is here."
"But what life will you have without him? The man you love."
He knew that he was losing her.
Maybe she was never his in the first place.
"What about my job? My apartment?"
"There's jobs in Chicago...."
"But..."
"Are you ready to sacrifice him in favour of a job?"
"I don't know...."
"So you will stay here, then...And maybe eventually you will
forget about him...It's hard. But you can make it."
"How can you possible understand!?"
He never knew words could hurt him like they did.
Their eyes met and she realized what she just said.
"Oh, God..I'm sorry..I didn't mean..."
"No, it's okay..I understand..You didn't...."
"It's just..."
"I know..."
"I didn't come here to hurt you...."
"Then why did you?"
"I wanted someone..."
"And it just happen to be me.."
"No, Ben. Not just you...You're my friend.."
"Friend, huh...."
"Yeah, friend..."
"So from 'fiancè' to 'friend'"
"Ben, don't do this...."
"What? What am I doing? You came here. You came here crying over Jess."
"I needed your help. I needed you...."
"I can't help you. Can't you see that? What do you want me to say?
That it's right to walk away? Cause, my answer is yes! Yes, I'm
so glad that man is out of your life! He was nothing!"
Anger filled him.
It ran through his veins.
"How can you say that?"
"Cause, it's the truth. It's what I think. I knew from the moment
he came into your life that it was just a matter of time until
he broke your heart..."
"He didn't break my heart.."
"HA, you're such a bad liar."
"He just..He had to go..He had the baby to think about."
"Then what are you doing here? What are you doing here if you
already made up your mind?"
"I wanted your help."
"Help? My help? With what? I can't give you any answers. You have
to come up with them yourself. You are the only one that can
tell you if you're ready to let him go."
"But I'm not ready..."
"Then, what's the problem?"
Her eyes were dark as they met his.
"I'm afraid...."
"Afraid of what? He loves you, for god's sake. He told me that...
I could see it in his eyes. They were glowing..."
"But..What if?"
"There's always what if...But the question is are you ready to let
him go!? Are you ready to give him up?"
"No."
"Then, why are you standing here?! Go after him......"
"But..."
"Rory, please..go..You have to go...He loves you. You love him..."
"Ben, I..."
He stood there and watched as she moved towards the door.
He knew that he had lost her.
He had let her go.
She opened the door, stopped in the doorway and turned around.
Their eyes met.
"Goodbye, Ben...I love you..."
Then she was gone.
And as he stood there he whispered:
"I love you too....."
--------------------------------
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se