Kay... Here's chappie 20!

Have you ever taken a real good look at yourself in the mirror? And have you ever not liked what you saw? That was how I was feeling.

I was twenty-five years old. I never was awful looking, and as I got older, I adapted more to my mother's shape and look. But I always wore those pigtails. They were sort of my trademarks; they were what set me apart from anyone else. Oh, Marron? That's her, in the pigtails. See?

But as I looked at myself as a twenty-five year old single mother, those pigtails just seemed-- silly. How would that actually work? "Awww, look at that little girl and her cute little pigtails. And look, her mother has them, too." I didn't want to be that person.

I took my failed marriage as a wake up call. I needed some responsibility and direction in my life. I needed some action and a new state of mind. And I took that as a starting point.

Trunks and I worked things out and decided that we would pretend it never happened. Not that either of us could do it, but it was nice to know we agreed on pretending to forget.

About a month later, I stood in front of the mirror and set Kira in her little chair on the counter next to me. And I looked really hard. I tried to see what everyone else saw when they looked at me. Did they see the Marron who ruined her marriage and destroyed her life? Or did they see the real me? The Marron who was attempting to put her life back together and support herself and her six month old daughter while trying to reunite herself with her in-laws?

I picked up a pair of scissors in one hand and a pigtail in the other. Closing my eyes, I opened the scissors and closed them again right underneath one of the rubber bands. I opened my mouth to see a hunk of blonde in my hand. I screamed before I started to laugh hysterically at the fact that I had thought it was really that stupid.

Kira stopped her endless train of smiles to look at me worriedly. She lifted her arms, motioning for me to pick her up.

"Don't worry baby. Mommy's not crazy. She just needed a change." I lifted her up and sat down on the toilet. I kissed her on the cheek and set her back in her chair. "I just need to cut the other side, and I'll be good." I picked the scissors back up and snipped the other pigtail off. The rubber bands fell out, and with a shake of my head, I saw I did a pretty even job. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad.

I hadn't cut that much off; it was still below my shoulders. But it looked different. I looked more mature with it hanging there bluntly, and not so old-Marron looking. I looked like my mother.

~

There had been one day I had been dreading since Goten and I ended our marriage. November sixth. If I hadn't ended things with 'Ten, we would be married for a whole year now. But it came, and I dealt.

I woke up that morning with a headache. And when I realized what day it was, I wanted to go right back to sleep. But Kira was crying, so if for anyone, I got out of bed for her.

Seven months old then, she loved to stand up in the crib and bang on the sides to let everyone know she was ready to get out. I knew pretty soon she'd be able to just climb out the side and crawl away. When did she get so big?

And there she was, crying and slamming her hands on the crib bars. But as soon as I walked in the room, a smile lit up her face. How could I be mad at my situation with Goten when I had Kira? No matter how many times I messed up, she never judged me or left me. Okay, okay, she couldn't, but still.

"Kira, baby girl, Mommy wants to go back to bed. It's Sunday, Mommy's anniversary, and it's raining. Here, if I let you come in my bed, will you let me sleep some more?" I asked tiredly.

I got a giggle as an answer.

"Good. And maybe I'll tell you the story of Mommy and Daddy's wedding day." I lifted her out of the crib and lamely walked back to bed.

Kira soon fell back to sleep, but it didn't come so easy to me. Thoughts of how I felt a year ago kept swimming through my mind. How could I have been so excited, so anxious, so nervous, when I knew how it was all going to end? How could I not know that it would end up this way?

One year. I had fucked so many things up in a year. I think that may be a record. Then I thought of all the things we could be doing on our anniversary. Breakfast in bed, lunch on the floor in the living room, and candlelight dinner, or just staying in bed all day. That would have been the most perfect anniversary ever.

I didn't realize I was crying until I saw the tear fall onto the blanket. Damn you, Goten. Why did he have to have such an affect on me? It was a good thing I didn't have to see him around for a while. I might have done something stupid and drastic.

I looked over at Kira. She was like a little Goten. She had his dark hair, his goofy smile, his laugh. The only way you could even tell she was mine was by her eyes. And I was so thankful for that. If Kira had been born with Goten's eyes, I wouldn't have been able to look at her. It would be too much for me to handle.

It was the fact that I had ended it that made me feel really bad. I was the one who had told him it was over. Essentially, it was all my fault we weren't together. I couldn't even say he left me. I left him.

By that time, I had really started crying, burying my face in my hands as not to wake Kira up. The last thing I needed was for her to see me crying. I was the parent, the one who was supposed to stay strong no matter what. I was fighting a losing battle.

I think if it wasn't for Kira, I might not have made it through those months. She truly was my strength and my hope. And even though I was doing the whole parent thing alone, I vowed to try and make sure Kira had the best possible life I could give her. Because if not for her, the fate of my life would have been so unknown.

~

I spent the rest of that day between the bed, the kitchen, and the couch. I didn't answer the phone, and frankly, I had no ambition to talk to anyone anyway. I cried only when I wasn't in the same room as Kira. I gave myself an anniversary toast.

Boy, I was sad and pathetic.