Final Fantasy Tactics: Transcendence
By: Mike Smith
I am not sure if anyone will find this, but it does not matter. I have spent the last four years of my life trapped in my own mind. I know fully well what I am doing, and I accept my fate. I just do not understand what I intend to do with it. The people I am trying to save barely care about my existence, and they probably will never even know my name. But, actually, I am glad it will end this way. If I knew that everyone would consider me a hero, it would completely cloud my motives.
It once was said by an ancient Sylvanyen proverb that "the eyes are the window to the soul". I have taken that seriously ever since I first heard it. I constantly strove to reach that point where I could look into someone's eyes and see their soul; see what they were thinking. I've reached that point, and I wish I never began that quest. It will be the death of me, I am sure of that. I assume my fate would have been the same regardless of my personal journeys, but it has made me lose hope in virtually everything.
If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then you are looking through the pupil. And the pupil reveals nothing but blackness and an utter void. There is nothing there behind that glass that can be seen but darkness. And what are windows anyway? They protect us in our homes from the outside; the weather, the heat, the cold, the truth. We stay cozy in our houses while the world continues to live on the other side of the shutters. I also find it quite strange to put all of your faith in such a fragile thing. Windows really do not protect anything at all. There is no guarantee that those windows will shield you from the rain, the snow, even an intruder. Yet everyone is content when those shutters are closed and they are asleep in their beds. And now, I leave, so everyone can remain comfortable in their darkness and in their ignorance.
Those pupils are no longer the black part of the eyes that I see. It is all black now. Everyone I see has completely dark eyes, and it frightens me. Maybe I am leaving because I am scared of everyone, even myself. I cannot even look at my own reflection anymore. But, the darkness is not what scares me. The fact that scares me the most is that I am not sure about what side of the window I am on anymore. Perhaps my eyes are not the windows that protect me from the outside. Maybe, my eyes are the windows that protect the outside from me. Either way, it is such a fragile thing to entrust to the protection of anything at all.
I just hope that God can forgive me of what it is I am about to do for the sake of the people of this world, because I am not even sure anymore about what will happen when I stop writing this letter to no one. Everything I do now is neutral, and it is an awful feeling. I would rather be filled with devotion, love, or even hate than this feeling of apathy. Perhaps I can end this neutrality once and for all. I know there are two forms of evil in the world, and maybe I can destroy one of them.
Now that I have finished my letter, I actually hope no one reads this. Apathy is not something I wish on anyone. And I hope that Sylvanyen proverb dies with me.