That Friday we had another huge assembly to commemorate homecoming. As soon as the entire student body of about 2100 students was crammed into our tiny gym, the lights dimmed. Ms. Baxter came out in a spotlight with a horrible fake grin on her face and waved to us frantically. "Hello students! Today we will finish our wonderful story and have lots of excitement and mystery!" Her grin widened. "Where we left off in our wonderful story, Tom the tiger was trying to save the 4 mystical princesses and his favorite Raffi music. The princesses were trapped along with the music at the top of the evil Mafia dean's tower where his disciplinary office was. Tom the tiger was waiting at the bottom." The lights lifted enough to see a poorly constructed cardboard castle leaning against a section of bleachers and four of the head cheerleaders knelt behind it. A random student that arrived late was forced to wear a tiger costume and dance about in a demeaning manor.

"Cinderella had a brilliant idea! She let down her long luxurious hair so Tom could climb up it." (AN: I know that's Rapunsel, but our school seriously would screw something like that up) A yellow ball of yarn fell over the top of the fake caslte and 'Tom' pretended to climb up it. He accidently knocked over the cardboard and one of the cheerleaders, who rolled down the bleachers.

"Don't worry, that's supposed to happen. Um, cue the flying monkeys!"

"Ms. Baxter, they're snowbunnies."

"Whatever."

A bunch of football players with plastic bunny taped to their faces ran out to help her up. Others came and grabbed the other three cheerleaders and carried them off to the side. One pushed over Tom the tiger, though it was undetermined if that was part of the story or not.

"Tom gathered up his strength and summoned the famed Dancers With Mystical Powers to use their mystical dance routine to save the princesses."

A bunch of scantily dressed girls from one of the school's many dance squads ran out and began jumping up and down.

The auditorium erupted with cheering and hooting. The squad started hopping and kicking about to scratchy music. Halfway through their routine, one of them knocked over a speaker and their music stopped. It took nearly 15 minutes to reconnect all three wires. They had to start over again.

"The mystical dancers were not enough to vanquish the evil snow bunnies." They called out about five more sets of various dance groups and cheerleaders. (No really, our school has about that many.)

"Even the combined efforts could not help, so the only thing left to do was to have the principle ask the 'Four Questions Of Extreme Power'." Ms. Baxter waited a moment. "Oh that's me. Ok, are you ready? Are there any freshman in the house!?"

The auditorium filled with booing. The only freshman brave enough to cheer was promptly stuffed into a locker.

"Are there any sophomores in the house!?"

More booing, but there was also more clapping.

"Are there any juniors in the house!?"

We could hardly hear the booing over all the cheering.

Ms. Baxter put in earplugs before asking the final question. "Are there any Seniors in the house!"

The response was deafening. Nobody dared to boo, and all the seniors were screaming.

"Stupid seniors." Priya shouted to the rest of us.

"WHAT?" Nobody could hear anything. All the jocks dressed up as bunnies pretended to cower in their little bunny booties and fled into the locker room. Tom got a kiss from each princess for his efforts, even though he really didn't do anything.

"And thus the evil bunnies were vanquished, the delightful music restored, and the princesses were saved. Everyone in the kingdom celebrated in their own special way."

Five of the school's math teachers came out and did disco and tap dance to Raffi songs. As soon as they were done, the back panel connecting the top of the bleacher to the upstairs gym was removed and fireworks, excuse me, an advanced display of pyrotechnics were let off.

"Hmm, lets think about this. We have 2100 people crammed into one room and they're letting off fireworks, even though our school has no sprinkler system, 8 exits, and two fire extinguishers. I feel safe." (This is actually what our wonderful, brilliant school does and during my freshman year, the upstairs gym actually lit on fire during the display. Luckily they put it out before very much started on fire.)

We were released ten minutes later, safe and sound, and with only slight mental trauma from being there.

"Let's go home and pretend this whole thing never even happened." Priya suggested.

"Yeah! And we can make some REAL fires!" Pietro shrieked excitedly.

He picked up Priya and they ran off to find lighter fluid and an unsuspecting cat. The rest of us made our way home slowly, hoping we wouldn't somehow be blamed for Priya's mischief.

(AN: This is pretty accurate as to what my school does for homecoming assmblies. I got one more chapter coming up of the actual dance and that's gonna be the end.)