Title: The Quest
Part two
Sara returned to the lab, refreshed, and with a determination that drove her to make the first move in smoothing things over with Warrick.
She found him in the break room, reading the newspaper.
"Hey, Warrick." Sara greeted him with a smile as she eased onto the sofa beside him. When Warrick grunted in response, she reached over and tapped his newspaper. "I'm sorry about my comments earlier."
Warrick looked up and shrugged. "You didn't say anything that you didn't intend to say, Sara."
"What?" Sara was not sure that Warrick was really going down this road. "Care to explain what you mean by that?"
Releasing a deep sigh, Warrick looked over at Sara. "I mean, that you have this drive to prove something to everyone lately. More so than usual." He shook his head. "I don't know what's going on with you, Sara, but I do know that I'm not backing down from this opportunity."
"Did I ask you to back down, Warrick?" Sara was truly offended that Warrick would suggest that she would expect that of him.
"Not in so many words." Warrick sighed again. Folding the newspaper, he stood. "Forget it, Sara. I apologize for teasing you this morning and I accept your apology."
Sara watched him walk out of the break room. Picking up the discarded newspaper, she stared at it with bleary eyes as she mulled over Warwick's words. She was trying to prove something, not only to Grissom and everyone else, but also to herself. She needed to get past her feelings for Grissom and move forward with her life and with her career. She had thought that she was doing this in a professional manner.
"Sidle."
The sound of Carvallo's voice echoed through Sara's thoughts. Her chin snapped away from her chest and she found an unsmiling Carvallo standing in the doorway.
"May I speak with you in my office?"
Sara nodded and watched him walk away.
------------------ ----------------------- Sara was surprised to find not only Carvallo, but also Ecklie, Sheriff Atwater and Grissom waiting inside the office. She noted the smug expression on Ecklie's face and the speculative one on the Sheriff's as she turned to the lab director with an expectant look. Grissom stared at the floor, averting his eyes.
"Please close the door behind you, Miss Sidle." Carvallo motioned towards a chair that was placed in front of his desk. "And, please have a seat."
Sara did not care for the patronizing tone that Carvallo conveyed as he indicated the chair. With reluctance, she sat and waited for him to explain why she was in his office and why the Sheriff and day shift supervisor were present. She wondered if Grissom knew what this meeting was about or if he was just as surprised.
Carvallo pushed something across the desk without a word. Silence enveloped the room as Sara picked up the piece of paper and stared at in shock. It was an evaluation form. Grissom had turned in her evaluation and for the first time since becoming an investigator Sara had not scored a perfect. She knew that shock registered on her face and resented the fact that Ecklie was there to gloat over the fact. Trying to steel her emotions, she directed her gaze and her questions at Carvallo, studiously ignoring her initial urge to turn to Grissom and demand answers.
"Why the shock value, Mr. Carvallo? Did you call me in here to tell me that I do not stand a chance at getting the promotion? If you are basing it on this, then I have to admit that I don't agree with it."
"I don't think that you are the only one surprised by this evaluation, Miss. Sidle." Carvallo wore a sympathetic expression. "Obviously, there is some issue that your supervisor has with you personally. At least, that is the way it appears to those of us who have access to your work ethic and solve rate. Do you care to enlighten us?"
Sara felt like she had been punched in the gut and now the bullies were trying to convince her that they were her friends. With a sudden clarity, she also realized that Grissom was the true object of this meeting and that just as he held the cards to her evaluation, she held the ace. She could sink him if she was inclined. As quickly as the realization crossed her mind, she dismissed it as impossible. She would give up her own career before she would allow anything to touch Grissom's.
"What do you have against Grissom, Mr. Carvallo? What about you, Sheriff Atwater? Why are you insinuating that he gave me an unfair evaluation?"
Annoyance flickered behind Carvallo's eyes, but he shot a warning look towards Ecklie when the man snorted.
"You told us that you did not agree with the evaluation."
"I don't." Sara was furious with Grissom, but she would not let these vultures know that. "However, he is in the best position to evaluate me." She felt his intense gaze boring into her from across the room. It took every thing she had not to turn and look at him. "He must have a plausible reason for giving me such low scores."
Grissom knew this was his opportunity to speak. He stared at Sara's solemn face and asked himself the question that he knew she was thinking.
"Do you have a plausible explanation, Grissom?" It was Atwater that spoke, and his voice dripped sarcasm.
Grissom's brow furrowed. "It isn't a bad score, Sara. It isn't a 100, but this isn't an annual evaluation. This is an evaluation for a supervisory position on the evening shift. I don't think that you are ready for that level of responsibility."
The hurt look she gave him shook him to his core, but he held her eyes and refused to back down.
"Okay." Sara's voice was strong, but he detected the slight waver in the way she said it.
"Oh, this is crazy," Ecklie stood up and paced over to the front of the desk. "Sara, you know that you should have had that position. Carvallo?"
Carvallo sighed. "We have discussed it, Sidle," He looked from Grissom to Sara. "If you want the position, it is yours."
Sara expected to feel elation with these words. Instead, she felt a stab of disappointment and uncertainty. Grissom did not think she was ready. Did it matter to her what he thought? She knew that it did matter, but she also felt that she was ready to take on this new responsibility---at least she did until now.
"Let me think about it." Sara was surprised by her own hesitation. She avoided Grissom's eyes and spoke only to Carvallo.
"You can let me know by noon tomorrow." Carvallo dismissed them with a lift of his hand.
Sara spun on her heel and left the room, not bothering to stop and wait for Grissom to catch up with her. She knew that he was only steps behind her, but he said nothing until she was inside the locker room.
"Sara."
"I don't want to hear it, Grissom," She opened her locker and took out her pocket book. "I would like the rest of the evening off, if that's okay with you? I need time to decide what my decision will be."
"No, it's not okay." Grissom leaned his shoulder against the lockers. Turning her head to look at him, Sara raised her eyebrows in question.
"I need to get away from here," She paused, and then added. "I need to get away from you. I need to think without everything clouding my mind."
Grissom appreciated her honesty. He knew that it was hard for her to admit that he had the ability to muddle her thoughts. The question in his mind was why did he have that affect on Sara? In addition, why did she have that affect on him?
"I need your help on this Williams case," Grissom kept his voice firm. "I don't want you to run away, Sara."
"Excuse me?" Sara stepped back and slammed her locker door shut. "I'm asking for the night off to think. You call that running away?"
"If you take that position, then you are running away."
"If I was running away then I would hand you a leave of absence or my resignation," Sara marveled at the way those words caused him to wince. "I'm considering a move to another shift. A step up the ladder."
"Is that what you think?" Grissom smirked.
"That's what I know," Sara held his glare. "What are you afraid of, Grissom? Are you worried that if I'm on another shift you will have no control over me anymore?"
"I wasn't aware that I had control over you now," Grissom rubbed his forehead and released a heavy sigh. "Listen, Sara. I need you to stay on my shift. In a few years you will be running this lab if you want it, and I will back you one hundred percent. For now, I think that you should stay with me, with my team."
"With you? Or with your team?" Sara pressed. She was tired of the confusion he brought her on a daily basis.
A pounding began picking up speed in his brain as he searched for the right words. "Sara," He always seemed to start with her name. It rolled off his tongue so easily. So much of what he was feeling was compacted into that one name. If he could interpret those meanings, or if she could, then everything would be perfect.
"Gris, I can't do this," Sara eased herself onto the bench and let her pocket book settle at her feet. She felt his movements as he straddled the bench beside her. Close beside her, as she felt one of his knees touch her back and the other her thigh.
"I don't want you to take that position, Sara."
"Because the lab needs me? I'm not leaving the lab."
"No," Grissom reached over and touched the top of her hand. "Because I need you."
Sara felt a shiver of doubt run along her spine. She heard his words and felt his hands touching her hands as his eyes skimmed over her face.
When she turned to look at him, her resolve faded. He looked so vulnerable. So eager for her reply.
"You gave me a bad evaluation, Grissom." She watched the emotions play across his face. "That could hurt my chances of taking over the lab in a few years." She let the smile lift her lips at the edges. She was not letting go of her anger with him, but she was beginning to suspect the reasons behind his actions.
"I'm sorry," Grissom knew that he should hold back his defense. Now was not the time to repeat his earlier statement about this not being her annual. He would not hesitate to give her perfect when that time rolled back around.
"You should be," Sara shook her head. "I still would like the night off, Grissom. I haven't made up my mind."
A flash of disappointment spread through Grissom. He let go of her hand and stood abruptly. "I can't let you leave."
"Why not?"
"Because---." Grissom took a deep breath and let it out in a rush of words. "If it's the last night you work my shift, then I want you working with me."
"The last night I work your shift?" Sara repeated the words aloud as they slowly registered in her numb mind. "Grissom?"
He would not look at her, but stared towards his shoes. Standing up, she stood in front of him and took his hands. "You act as if you want to work with me, but for the past year you have rarely had me on the same case with you. Why now?"
"I always want you with me on cases, Sara." Grissom knew that his past actions did not speak well for that statement. "It's---." He sighed. "You can have the night off. You will let me know what you decide before you tell Carvallo? At least give me that."
Sara dropped his hands. "I'll let you know."
Grissom watched as she left the room. When the door closed softly, he shut his eyes and leaned against the locker.
--------------------------------- ----------
She could not sleep. Her mind was wide-awake as she paced her apartment and relived the past three years. By five, she knew what her decision would be and wondered if she should phone Grissom or make him wait. She decided he could wait. It was close to the end of shift when she made the phone call that would either begin or end her career.
"Grissom." His sensual voice echoed over the wire and almost made her choke on her words.
"Hi, Gris." Sara could hear him inhale sharply. "I thought that I would let you know that I made a decision."
"Sara," Grissom turned his back on the alert eyes of Catherine and Brass as they all stood outside of the interrogation room in police headquarters. "I've been thinking, and before you make your final decision maybe we should talk."
"I made my decision," Sara considered his words after she spoke. Would it be such a bad idea to hear what Grissom had to say? It did not matter; she would not change her opinion.
"What is it, then?" Grissom gripped the phone and waited for her to tell him she was taking the position.
"Do you want to meet me for breakfast? I would rather tell you face to face."
Then she could see his expression when she broke the news, Grissom thought to himself. He almost said a flat out no, but something made him sway. There was something in her tone, or maybe some sense of hope within himself that made him reconsider.
"Where?"
Sara let go of the breath she had been holding. She was positive that he would say no.
"My place?"
He raised one brow and stared at the cement wall. "Okay."
"Do you know where I live?"
"Yeah." Grissom did know, because he had driven past her place a few times. Once when he found out about Hank. Another time when he learned he had inherited Otosclerosis.
"Are you leaving work soon?" Sara opened her refrigerator and stared at the contents. It was filled to capacity with various items since she had made a midnight run to the store.
"We finished interrogating a suspect in the Williams case. I think that Catherine and Brass can finish here," Grissom did not risk looking at his friends. He kept his back to them as he closed his phone and spoke over his shoulder. "Catherine, will you handle the paperwork?"
"Where are you off to?" Brass asked. He exchanged a knowing smile with Catherine.
Grissom could hear the teasing in his friend's voice and spun around, hoping his face remained as numb as the rest of his body.
"I'm going to meet Sara for breakfast so that she can officially tell me she is accepting the evening shift position."
Brass was stunned. Catherine alarmed.
"Is that what Sara told you, Gil?" Catherine asked.
"Not in so many words. She wants to break the news to me in person."
Catherine relaxed. "Tell Sara congratulations." She tuned her back and rolled her eyes for Brass's benefit.
Grissom opened his mouth to sputter some response, shut it, and left them to walk rapidly towards the front entrance.
"Do you think she is taking that position?" Brass asked her when Grissom was out of earshot.
Catherine held up a hand and pulled her phone out with the other. Punching a speed dial number she waited for Sara to pick up.
"Is it true? Are you taking that position?"
She listened to Sara's reply. "Take it easy on him, Sara, okay? I think that his hibernation period is over and he is just waking up."
Sara did not laugh. Assuring Catherine that she would be gentle, they said goodbye.
Catherine turned to an expectant Brass. "Let's do some paperwork, Jim, and I will update you on the latest GSR information."
TBC
Sara returned to the lab, refreshed, and with a determination that drove her to make the first move in smoothing things over with Warrick.
She found him in the break room, reading the newspaper.
"Hey, Warrick." Sara greeted him with a smile as she eased onto the sofa beside him. When Warrick grunted in response, she reached over and tapped his newspaper. "I'm sorry about my comments earlier."
Warrick looked up and shrugged. "You didn't say anything that you didn't intend to say, Sara."
"What?" Sara was not sure that Warrick was really going down this road. "Care to explain what you mean by that?"
Releasing a deep sigh, Warrick looked over at Sara. "I mean, that you have this drive to prove something to everyone lately. More so than usual." He shook his head. "I don't know what's going on with you, Sara, but I do know that I'm not backing down from this opportunity."
"Did I ask you to back down, Warrick?" Sara was truly offended that Warrick would suggest that she would expect that of him.
"Not in so many words." Warrick sighed again. Folding the newspaper, he stood. "Forget it, Sara. I apologize for teasing you this morning and I accept your apology."
Sara watched him walk out of the break room. Picking up the discarded newspaper, she stared at it with bleary eyes as she mulled over Warwick's words. She was trying to prove something, not only to Grissom and everyone else, but also to herself. She needed to get past her feelings for Grissom and move forward with her life and with her career. She had thought that she was doing this in a professional manner.
"Sidle."
The sound of Carvallo's voice echoed through Sara's thoughts. Her chin snapped away from her chest and she found an unsmiling Carvallo standing in the doorway.
"May I speak with you in my office?"
Sara nodded and watched him walk away.
------------------ ----------------------- Sara was surprised to find not only Carvallo, but also Ecklie, Sheriff Atwater and Grissom waiting inside the office. She noted the smug expression on Ecklie's face and the speculative one on the Sheriff's as she turned to the lab director with an expectant look. Grissom stared at the floor, averting his eyes.
"Please close the door behind you, Miss Sidle." Carvallo motioned towards a chair that was placed in front of his desk. "And, please have a seat."
Sara did not care for the patronizing tone that Carvallo conveyed as he indicated the chair. With reluctance, she sat and waited for him to explain why she was in his office and why the Sheriff and day shift supervisor were present. She wondered if Grissom knew what this meeting was about or if he was just as surprised.
Carvallo pushed something across the desk without a word. Silence enveloped the room as Sara picked up the piece of paper and stared at in shock. It was an evaluation form. Grissom had turned in her evaluation and for the first time since becoming an investigator Sara had not scored a perfect. She knew that shock registered on her face and resented the fact that Ecklie was there to gloat over the fact. Trying to steel her emotions, she directed her gaze and her questions at Carvallo, studiously ignoring her initial urge to turn to Grissom and demand answers.
"Why the shock value, Mr. Carvallo? Did you call me in here to tell me that I do not stand a chance at getting the promotion? If you are basing it on this, then I have to admit that I don't agree with it."
"I don't think that you are the only one surprised by this evaluation, Miss. Sidle." Carvallo wore a sympathetic expression. "Obviously, there is some issue that your supervisor has with you personally. At least, that is the way it appears to those of us who have access to your work ethic and solve rate. Do you care to enlighten us?"
Sara felt like she had been punched in the gut and now the bullies were trying to convince her that they were her friends. With a sudden clarity, she also realized that Grissom was the true object of this meeting and that just as he held the cards to her evaluation, she held the ace. She could sink him if she was inclined. As quickly as the realization crossed her mind, she dismissed it as impossible. She would give up her own career before she would allow anything to touch Grissom's.
"What do you have against Grissom, Mr. Carvallo? What about you, Sheriff Atwater? Why are you insinuating that he gave me an unfair evaluation?"
Annoyance flickered behind Carvallo's eyes, but he shot a warning look towards Ecklie when the man snorted.
"You told us that you did not agree with the evaluation."
"I don't." Sara was furious with Grissom, but she would not let these vultures know that. "However, he is in the best position to evaluate me." She felt his intense gaze boring into her from across the room. It took every thing she had not to turn and look at him. "He must have a plausible reason for giving me such low scores."
Grissom knew this was his opportunity to speak. He stared at Sara's solemn face and asked himself the question that he knew she was thinking.
"Do you have a plausible explanation, Grissom?" It was Atwater that spoke, and his voice dripped sarcasm.
Grissom's brow furrowed. "It isn't a bad score, Sara. It isn't a 100, but this isn't an annual evaluation. This is an evaluation for a supervisory position on the evening shift. I don't think that you are ready for that level of responsibility."
The hurt look she gave him shook him to his core, but he held her eyes and refused to back down.
"Okay." Sara's voice was strong, but he detected the slight waver in the way she said it.
"Oh, this is crazy," Ecklie stood up and paced over to the front of the desk. "Sara, you know that you should have had that position. Carvallo?"
Carvallo sighed. "We have discussed it, Sidle," He looked from Grissom to Sara. "If you want the position, it is yours."
Sara expected to feel elation with these words. Instead, she felt a stab of disappointment and uncertainty. Grissom did not think she was ready. Did it matter to her what he thought? She knew that it did matter, but she also felt that she was ready to take on this new responsibility---at least she did until now.
"Let me think about it." Sara was surprised by her own hesitation. She avoided Grissom's eyes and spoke only to Carvallo.
"You can let me know by noon tomorrow." Carvallo dismissed them with a lift of his hand.
Sara spun on her heel and left the room, not bothering to stop and wait for Grissom to catch up with her. She knew that he was only steps behind her, but he said nothing until she was inside the locker room.
"Sara."
"I don't want to hear it, Grissom," She opened her locker and took out her pocket book. "I would like the rest of the evening off, if that's okay with you? I need time to decide what my decision will be."
"No, it's not okay." Grissom leaned his shoulder against the lockers. Turning her head to look at him, Sara raised her eyebrows in question.
"I need to get away from here," She paused, and then added. "I need to get away from you. I need to think without everything clouding my mind."
Grissom appreciated her honesty. He knew that it was hard for her to admit that he had the ability to muddle her thoughts. The question in his mind was why did he have that affect on Sara? In addition, why did she have that affect on him?
"I need your help on this Williams case," Grissom kept his voice firm. "I don't want you to run away, Sara."
"Excuse me?" Sara stepped back and slammed her locker door shut. "I'm asking for the night off to think. You call that running away?"
"If you take that position, then you are running away."
"If I was running away then I would hand you a leave of absence or my resignation," Sara marveled at the way those words caused him to wince. "I'm considering a move to another shift. A step up the ladder."
"Is that what you think?" Grissom smirked.
"That's what I know," Sara held his glare. "What are you afraid of, Grissom? Are you worried that if I'm on another shift you will have no control over me anymore?"
"I wasn't aware that I had control over you now," Grissom rubbed his forehead and released a heavy sigh. "Listen, Sara. I need you to stay on my shift. In a few years you will be running this lab if you want it, and I will back you one hundred percent. For now, I think that you should stay with me, with my team."
"With you? Or with your team?" Sara pressed. She was tired of the confusion he brought her on a daily basis.
A pounding began picking up speed in his brain as he searched for the right words. "Sara," He always seemed to start with her name. It rolled off his tongue so easily. So much of what he was feeling was compacted into that one name. If he could interpret those meanings, or if she could, then everything would be perfect.
"Gris, I can't do this," Sara eased herself onto the bench and let her pocket book settle at her feet. She felt his movements as he straddled the bench beside her. Close beside her, as she felt one of his knees touch her back and the other her thigh.
"I don't want you to take that position, Sara."
"Because the lab needs me? I'm not leaving the lab."
"No," Grissom reached over and touched the top of her hand. "Because I need you."
Sara felt a shiver of doubt run along her spine. She heard his words and felt his hands touching her hands as his eyes skimmed over her face.
When she turned to look at him, her resolve faded. He looked so vulnerable. So eager for her reply.
"You gave me a bad evaluation, Grissom." She watched the emotions play across his face. "That could hurt my chances of taking over the lab in a few years." She let the smile lift her lips at the edges. She was not letting go of her anger with him, but she was beginning to suspect the reasons behind his actions.
"I'm sorry," Grissom knew that he should hold back his defense. Now was not the time to repeat his earlier statement about this not being her annual. He would not hesitate to give her perfect when that time rolled back around.
"You should be," Sara shook her head. "I still would like the night off, Grissom. I haven't made up my mind."
A flash of disappointment spread through Grissom. He let go of her hand and stood abruptly. "I can't let you leave."
"Why not?"
"Because---." Grissom took a deep breath and let it out in a rush of words. "If it's the last night you work my shift, then I want you working with me."
"The last night I work your shift?" Sara repeated the words aloud as they slowly registered in her numb mind. "Grissom?"
He would not look at her, but stared towards his shoes. Standing up, she stood in front of him and took his hands. "You act as if you want to work with me, but for the past year you have rarely had me on the same case with you. Why now?"
"I always want you with me on cases, Sara." Grissom knew that his past actions did not speak well for that statement. "It's---." He sighed. "You can have the night off. You will let me know what you decide before you tell Carvallo? At least give me that."
Sara dropped his hands. "I'll let you know."
Grissom watched as she left the room. When the door closed softly, he shut his eyes and leaned against the locker.
--------------------------------- ----------
She could not sleep. Her mind was wide-awake as she paced her apartment and relived the past three years. By five, she knew what her decision would be and wondered if she should phone Grissom or make him wait. She decided he could wait. It was close to the end of shift when she made the phone call that would either begin or end her career.
"Grissom." His sensual voice echoed over the wire and almost made her choke on her words.
"Hi, Gris." Sara could hear him inhale sharply. "I thought that I would let you know that I made a decision."
"Sara," Grissom turned his back on the alert eyes of Catherine and Brass as they all stood outside of the interrogation room in police headquarters. "I've been thinking, and before you make your final decision maybe we should talk."
"I made my decision," Sara considered his words after she spoke. Would it be such a bad idea to hear what Grissom had to say? It did not matter; she would not change her opinion.
"What is it, then?" Grissom gripped the phone and waited for her to tell him she was taking the position.
"Do you want to meet me for breakfast? I would rather tell you face to face."
Then she could see his expression when she broke the news, Grissom thought to himself. He almost said a flat out no, but something made him sway. There was something in her tone, or maybe some sense of hope within himself that made him reconsider.
"Where?"
Sara let go of the breath she had been holding. She was positive that he would say no.
"My place?"
He raised one brow and stared at the cement wall. "Okay."
"Do you know where I live?"
"Yeah." Grissom did know, because he had driven past her place a few times. Once when he found out about Hank. Another time when he learned he had inherited Otosclerosis.
"Are you leaving work soon?" Sara opened her refrigerator and stared at the contents. It was filled to capacity with various items since she had made a midnight run to the store.
"We finished interrogating a suspect in the Williams case. I think that Catherine and Brass can finish here," Grissom did not risk looking at his friends. He kept his back to them as he closed his phone and spoke over his shoulder. "Catherine, will you handle the paperwork?"
"Where are you off to?" Brass asked. He exchanged a knowing smile with Catherine.
Grissom could hear the teasing in his friend's voice and spun around, hoping his face remained as numb as the rest of his body.
"I'm going to meet Sara for breakfast so that she can officially tell me she is accepting the evening shift position."
Brass was stunned. Catherine alarmed.
"Is that what Sara told you, Gil?" Catherine asked.
"Not in so many words. She wants to break the news to me in person."
Catherine relaxed. "Tell Sara congratulations." She tuned her back and rolled her eyes for Brass's benefit.
Grissom opened his mouth to sputter some response, shut it, and left them to walk rapidly towards the front entrance.
"Do you think she is taking that position?" Brass asked her when Grissom was out of earshot.
Catherine held up a hand and pulled her phone out with the other. Punching a speed dial number she waited for Sara to pick up.
"Is it true? Are you taking that position?"
She listened to Sara's reply. "Take it easy on him, Sara, okay? I think that his hibernation period is over and he is just waking up."
Sara did not laugh. Assuring Catherine that she would be gentle, they said goodbye.
Catherine turned to an expectant Brass. "Let's do some paperwork, Jim, and I will update you on the latest GSR information."
TBC