Note: This is revised.  After writing this I decided to wander around the Suikoden III castle again.  So maybe it's better now.  If you didn't read the warning before clicking on this story, well here it is again. This is shonen-ai fiction. Please leave if you do not like this. Anyway, all characters and other parts of the game are owned by Konami. I'd like to own Percival, though…

Part 1 - Night Disaster

It probably was the biggest mistake of my life.

Oh, I see that I'm not alone.  You don't even know who I am, yet you seem interested.  Well why don't I give you some hints.  Let's put a depressed man, unrequited love, rejection, liquor, and another man together.  Add in the fact that the other man is in love with the first man who is in love with a woman.  Have the idea?  It's not a bright picture of eternal happiness or anything.

So now you're wondering how I am involved.  I'm one of the two men.  If you remember what I have said earlier, it should be easy for you to figure out who I am.

So why did I do that, you're asking?  Well let me explain in more detail.  Make yourself comfortable because it's more than a few paragraphs.  I'll just start with the beginning of the day, a day that I remember the details of too well…

*****

"Hey wake up Percival!  You can't sleep in when you're supposed to accompany Lady Chris to Vinay del Zexay, you know.  How are you going to compete with Borus if you're like this?" said Leo as he shook me awake.  So much for not revealing my name.  I yawned, stretching out my arms.

"I don't want Chris," I murmured to myself.  Leo looked at me with a puzzled expression. Hoping that he didn't hear those words, I flashed him a smile.  "I'm a bit tired, I guess," I added.

Not really satisfied with the response (I could tell by the frown across his lips), Leo just waited impatiently as I brushed my clothes down and proceeded to look for a shirt to wear.  Seeing that I did not intend to return to bed, Leo left, shouting that he was going to meet me in the dining room.  With him gone, I sat back on the bed and sighed.

"I dreamed about him last night again.  Why can't these feelings just go away?  Why can't I fall for Chris like everyone else?" I asked myself.  Frustrated that there were no answers, I tore my nightclothes off until I was just in my underwear.  "I'm a man!  All parts of me are male.  So why…"

Someone knocked on my door.  "Percival!  Hurry up so we can leave as soon as possible!" yelled Borus from the door.  I guess he didn't hear me grunt in response because he started to turn the doorknob.

"Don't come in," I said loudly, hopefully penetrating through the door as I was rushing to put on some clothes.  "I'm still changing in here."  The doorknob stopped turning.  I breathed in relief.  It sure would have been embarrassing to have had him seen me almost naked.  He was the guy I was in love with.  Wait, I did not just say that.  I think it is better classified as "infatuation".  My mother would laugh at me, knowing how I was known to "flirt with women" and find out that I was kept awake at night thinking of a "man".

Anyway, I finished changing and headed to the dining room where Leo was still stuffing his face.  Borus was sitting next to him with a dazed look on his face.  Roland just watched Leo, and Salome was not present.  "You're pretty late," Roland commented as I slid into my chair with breakfast arranged neatly on my plate.  "He's already wolfed down three plates."

I just smiled and dug into my food with my fork.  I wasn't really hungry, (acting like a teenager with a crush) but I pretended to be so, knowing that they'd think something was wrong if I wasn't eating.  I've done it for years anyway, and they haven't noticed yet.  I finished just when Leo decided he was satisfied, and we set our forks down at the same time.  "Wow, you two are synchronized today," muttered Roland as he stood up to prepare his steed.  It was awkwardly silent afterwards as I just looked at Leo and Borus, who were looking at me strangely.

"Something wrong, Percival?" said Leo.  "You haven't been saying much."  I shook my head and smiled.

"No, I'm just a bit tired," I said for the second time.  Of course I was tired, when it was so blatantly obvious that the person I was attracted to was thinking about one person only, and that person wasn't me.  I bet he didn't even notice that I wasn't teasing or joking like I usually am.

Borus stood up and went to retrieve his horse.  Leo and I followed after him.  After we were all set, we waited for Chris to show up.

She finally did, looking very tired, though her clothes were neat and her hair was pinned up as usual.  Borus looked at her with concern when he saw her face.

"Are you all right, my Lady?" he asked.  "Is something worrying you?"  Well if you asked me that same question, I would have been happy.  Meanwhile she just shook her head.

"I'm fine.  I'm just a bit tired, that's all," she replied, yawning.  "Don't worry about it."

"Maybe she was with a special someone," I joked, knowing that would blow Borus up.  He looked angrily toward me, and Chris blushed, telling me to cut out the joking.

Then it was suddenly silent.  Suddenly Leo had a revelation or something, because his face lit up in understanding and he said loudly, "I got it!"

"What?" exclaimed Borus a bit defensively.  Leo just continued, ignoring him.

"Both Chris and Percival have said that they were tired today," Leo stated.  He smirked.  "Maybe…"

"You didn't, did you," Borus said to me, interrupting Leo's sentence.  I just looked at him calmly and didn't say anything.

"Of course not.  Let's get going now," said Chris brusquely, promptly ending the conversation.

Borus glared at me the whole time.  It was fun seeing Borus all flushed like that, though I wish he was jealous over me.  Not over Chris, who would never see him the way he wanted her too.

It was a very uneventful ride through the forest.  The monsters were a piece of cake.  After all, we won that war against that crazy mage and his gated monsters.  I don't know where they came from, but they were hell compared to these critters.

Everyone was daydreaming practically except Leo.  He looked at us with weird expressions, which I bet I was the only one who noticed.  It was strange to see even Chris not focused on her duties.  She looked like she was dreaming about someone.  Who was it?  It wasn't Borus, or Salome, right?  Now that I think about it, she had been kind of dreamy ever since she departed the castle.  I wonder who she found there.

I don't know, but knowing that Chris seemed to have every single knight in love with her made me a bit jealous.  She was so oblivious to it too.  I wish I didn't have to sit with the other knights and listen to them comment about how beautiful and wonderful she is.  I mean I like her as a friend, almost like a brother.  I pretend to like her as more to piss Borus off most of the time.  Though what bothers me was that he couldn't see pass my façade, because of his blinded love…

So I've drifted off topic once again.  Well we reached Vinay del Zexay and waited outside the Council Hall for the councilors to meet with us.  They sure took their time.  It was rather uneventful until I saw Borus approach Chris.  It looked like he was about to ask her something, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the guard returned to tell us that the councilors were ready.

Meetings like these were always boring.  I wonder how anyone could stand it.  To summarize, the Council basically wanted to recognize us for protecting Zexen even though it wasn't with the Council's approval.  Something like that.  We all received medals too.  Not interesting at all.  After it was over, Borus pulled Chris aside and proceeded to ask her the question he wanted to before.  Trying not to look suspicious, I stood a distance away and eavesdropped.

"So, um, my Lady, uh, are you free to have some tea perhaps?  With me?" he asked nervously.  Chris looked sorry as she declined his offer.

"Sorry, but I am very busy.  Maybe some other time," she replied politely.  With that, she took off in the direction of her residence.

Borus looked visibly crushed.  Pretending that I didn't hear the conversation, I walked up to Borus and said, "What are you still doing here?  Let's go to the inn to get some rest."  Borus just nodded passively and followed me back to through the busy streets of Vinay del Zexay to the inn past the market.  When we finally reached the room, I immediately plopped on the bed and replied, "Kind of hard."

"Yeah," he said, not really looking at me.  He combed his hair with his fingers as I stretched my neck.  Taking off my shoes, I lay on the bed despite having armor on.

We were silent for a while and I eventually fell asleep.  Then Leo barged in.  "Hey!" he greeted, shaking me once again.  "Time to eat!" he said.  Seeing our lack of enthusiasm, he added, "I'll see you downstairs, okay?"

I looked towards Borus, who was staring off again.  Oh well.  I headed down to have my dinner, joining Roland, Leo, Salome, and Louis at one of the tables.  "Where's Borus?" asked Leo when I sat down next to him.

"I don't know what's going on with him," I said, lying.  Of course I knew he was depressed over Chris rejecting his offer, but I wouldn't reveal that I had eavesdropped over his conversation.  It wasn't my business in the first place.

Leo then joked about how Roland saw Nei once again and began blushing when she ran up to greet him.  I joined in on the laughter.  Roland was quite embarrassed as we roared so loudly that others looked at us.  He probably could have passed for a tomato with that color of his.  Well after Roland, Salome, and Louis excused themselves, I found myself looking Leo straight in the eye.  I must not have noticed that he had moved his seat.  Suddenly he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Thinking about something?" he asked.  I nodded.  "Do you want to tell me anything?" he then said.

I shook my head.  "Well alright," he said, getting up from his seat.  "Don't think so much.  It's not like you."  He smiled as he went up the stairs.  Just as he disappeared from my view, Borus appeared.  I smiled at him as he walked towards me, sitting across from me.

"I'm late, aren't I?  Well you can leave if you want to," he said, poking at his food.

"It's fine," I replied, smiling.  Just as the waiter came by I asked him, "Do you want a beer?"

As he nodded, I signaled to the waiter.  Waiting for the drinks to come, I decided that I would confront him about his daydreaming.  "You know, Borus," I began.  He looked up at me with food in his mouth.  "You've been dreaming quite a lot these days.  Is there anything I could do to help?"

He stayed silent and the silence was only interrupted when the waiter came by with our drinks.  Taking a sip of my beer I said, "You have to confess sometime.  Or then just give up your pursuit.  You can't be like this forever."

He swallowed his food before he answered, "I just can't.  I guess I am…well have you confessed?"  I looked at him strangely after he said the last part.  "You like Chris, right?"

I paused, taking a breath before I replied, "Not the way you do."  He looked at me in shock.

"Then when you…" he began saying, but I interrupted him.

"She's like my best friend.  I only keep flirting with her because it makes you flush.  I was trying to get you to confess, you know," I said.  The last part wasn't actually true.  I was trying to get him to give up on her, seeing that she did not return his affections at all, but I wasn't going to reveal that.

"So do you think she likes me like that?" he then inquired.  Oh no…I didn't want him to ask me that.  I didn't want to lie, but I was pretty sure that she didn't like him the way he wanted her to.  I tried to think of a response while he stared at me, pleading for an answer.

He came to his conclusion, though, before I could speak.  "She doesn't.  After all these years that I have loved her, she doesn't see me.  She doesn't love me.  No one loves me…"  He kept rambling, each statement getting more depressing.  I looked at the bartender and motioned at the drink Borus was drinking from.  He raised his hands up like he didn't know what was going on.

I couldn't stand hearing Borus put himself down.  This is when I made my mistake.  I walked over to his side and touched his cheek lightly with my finger.  He looked so perfect just then, and almost seemed to beg for my touch.  Cupping his face, I drew his shocked face towards mine and brought my lips onto his.  After a few seconds I withdrew, keeping my hands on his face and staring into his eyes.

"I love you.  I have for a while.  I want to help you through this," I said.  I released my hold on his face and he looked down on his food, processing what just happened.  Suddenly he looked pretty angry.

"Don't play with me!  I love Chris!  I'll never love you!" he hissed at me, wiping his lips with his hand.  "How dare you say that you love me?"  With that, he turned away from me, gulping the last of his drink.

I had no answer.  I don't think he was drunk, but I think the alcohol was making him more vocal.  I sat there as he dug into his food, stabbing at it with unrelenting energy.

"I hate you.  You embarrass me in front of Chris and then kiss me and then say you want to help me," he continues in an icy tone.  I dared to walk towards him, to touch his shoulder, but he pushes me away.  "Leave.  I don't want to see you anymore."

I was angry myself for him not believing me, but I knew I should not have been.  I was the one who confessed to him right after he reveals his loneliness.  I should have expected some disbelief.  At the same time I wished I could undo the whole conversation.  A fragile friendship has just shattered, and all I could do was hope that the pieces could be collected and melted together some time from now.  Trying not to enrage him anymore, I just stood up silently and left, taking a glance backward.  He was staring at me with cold eyes, making sure that I was completely out of sight.  Without another second, I exited up the stairs and gathered my belongings.

It was time to see Chris.  I knew she would not like this sudden departure, but it was best that he and I cool down for a while.  I was going to tell her that I wouldn't be back for a while.  Family emergency, I would say, though I would be lying.  I was going to get away from Zexen territory for a while.  I did not want to see anyone I knew or who could take pity on me.

I certainly did not want to face him for a while, his eyes flashing in anger, his mouth shouting hateful phrases at me.  It would probably be better for me anyway.  I was unwanted, and I just had to accept it for once.

*****

So here I am now, past the Karayan Villages and off in Duck Village.  Maybe I'll go through the Grasslands for a while longer.  I think a few months without him might allow me to let this pain go away.

I stare at the windowless wall of my room before deciding to head to bed.  Before I fall asleep, I wish I had said goodbye to Leo and the others.  Well I do plan on returning to my post sometime, but I just…don't know.  I can't just leave the only job I've ever had in my life and think I won't miss it, especially the company of the other knights.  I just hope that they will just understand…