Later that morning, I finally convinced Dawson to get out of bed and go
house hunting. We didn't know there were so many places for rent in Boston,
but they turned out to be too expensive or almost condemned.
We were beginning to get impatient. I tried to encourage Dawson, telling him we had a lot of time to find it. But it wasn't working, mostly because I was as tired and upset as him.
The last place we had on our list was an apartment two blocks away from Hell's Kitchen, and it looks like every other place we had seen that day, awful. Luckily for us, we were wrong.
It was a cute apartment.
The owner had made improvements and it was fully furnished; with a lot of taste I might add.
The bedroom and the living room were only separated by a huge curtain that fell from the ceiling; but the kitchen and the bathroom were apart.
The bathroom was a cute one with a big shower on it. The moment we saw it, Dawson and I looked at each other with the same sly grin on our faces. I think you know what we were thinking.
The kitchen was big, it was only furnished with low wardrobes and it had a big window just over the counter. The sight was beautiful.
I knew Dawson had loved the apartment the moment he saw it, and so did I. That's why I was surprised when, at first, he began arguing with the owner about the money. But soon they were laughing and shaking hands so I assumed it was just some kind of weird game.
They agreed that Dawson could move in on Monday, so we left right after Dawson set a meeting with that man in order to make all the necessary arrangements.
It was lunch time already, and since we hadn't had breakfast, we both were starving.
We went to the Hell's Kitchen and we found Jack and Jen there, they were just leaving though.
We chatted a little and they left.
We were supposed to meet that night anyway so I was secretly relieved they had left. Right then, I wanted Dawson all for my self.
After lunch we went for a walk, and as the time we were supposed to meet with the gang arrived I felt more uneasy with the situation.
"Jo, what's wrong?"
"Nothing" I knew he wouldn't buy it.
"Come on, Joey. I can tell there's something bothering you so, tell me."
"I don't know Dawson. It's just that I fell a little nervous about meeting our friends. And I don't understand why."
"I think you do know what it is. What I don't know is why you don't want to tell me."
I looked at him, surprised. I might look as a deer caught in the dark, and I felt like it. How can you tell the person you love the most you're not sure about where you two are standing.
"It's just that. I know we talked about it last night but, I'm still not sure about us. And I don't know if we're ready to share 'us' with our friends. I don't know if I'm ready to share you with them." I was looking at the floor as I was telling him that. I thought he wasn't going to understand what I was trying to say and I was afraid to face him.
"Jo, look at me." With that he lifted my head tenderly with his hands. "What are you so afraid of? I remember a time when you asked me the same question, now is your turn."
"Ok, so if you're recalling that time all that years ago, I'll tell you what you told me. I don't know"
He laughed.
"Joey you know that's not true. As it wasn't back in tenth grade. I knew then what was scaring me. And you know now."
I finally looked at him, right in the eyes. And I was feeling like crying, my own eyes watering. And as a single teardrop fell down my chin I spoke.
"I'm afraid of losing you again."
"Oh, sweetie. Come here."
And he held me. It's amazing how the problems seem to fly out the window the moment he holds me. And that was what happened that day. As I lost myself in his embrace I felt all the doubts disappear. If being in his arms felt that good, then what was going on between us couldn't go wrong, could it?
"Honey, I'm here, ok? I haven't moved back from LA just to sleep with you a couple of times and then disappear. I think we've waited long enough to be together like this, we deserve it."
Dawson was telling me all those things in my ear, but there was something in my mind stopping me from kissing him and telling him everything was OK.
"You don't understand what I'm trying to say, Dawson. Now that we've been recalling our past. I'm sure about your love for me, and I'm sure I love you more than life itself. What I'm afraid of is that you one day realize that I'm not the one you thought I was. I'm not sure if I deserve you." Last words were said between sobs.
I couldn't understand then, as I can't now, why I had that sudden change of mood. What I knew then and I know now is that I always had that fear of losing him, even when I was supposed to be with him. It amazes me sometimes the way he loved me, unconditionally. And I loved him more because of that.
He tried to comfort me for a while. And slowly I was feeling better. But then, there was something he said..
"I love you, Jo, no matter what. And I'm sorry you don't think you deserve me, because you're not gonna get rid of me that easy. I have all the intention to stay here, with you. I'm gonna make this work out, even if it's against you."
He loved me despite myself. I think you can imagine how I felt then.
I kissed him fully on the lips. I was hungry of him. I loved him and I wanted to show him how much everything he said had meant to me.
We began to make out in the street, completely oblivious to everything else. And it felt like heaven.
Things between us were getting a little wild when we heard someone coughing.
"Ahem. Listen, it's not that I don't enjoy seeing you making out like crazy, but I think you should leave to the privacy of your bedroom." I rolled my eyes. "Pacey, you can't tell. You've done things a lot worse than kissing on a public place."
There they all were. Pacey, Jen and Jack. They were on their way to the Hell's Kitchen and had just seen us making out. I think that the 'how are we gonna tell them' issue was solved.
They all had the biggest smile on their faces. It was funny seeing them like that. I guess we weren't that predictable after all, because either of them thought we were going to get back together, not that soon at least.
We went for a walk together, and talked and laughed for hours. I hadn't had so much fun in a long time. And I know everything felt that good because of him, because I was with him.
We didn't go back to my room until early hours in the morning, but the moment we closed the door behind us he held me and began to kiss my neck. I was tired, a lot, actually. But I'm never too tired to resist him and his charms.
I closed my eyes in delight as I felt his hands unbuttoning my blouse and caressing my breasts through the fabric of my bra, while his lips sucked my earlobe. I was trying not to let him know how much he was tuning me on but the moans I was trying to hide went out like whimpers.
I've never been able to have my hands off of him for long, so they found their way to his belt and undid it.
I think he liked the idea, because soon after that he was mirroring my actions.
He led me to the bed and gently lied me down; our clothes were already a mess on the floor.
Once we were settled on the bed he began to leave butterfly kisses all over my face and my neck, his eyes never leaving mine. Then he began his way down to the valley between my breasts, his tongue leaving a wet but invisible path over my skin.
I was oversensitive and that sweet torture was driving me crazy, mostly because he had me pinned to the bed, his hands holding my forearms so I couldn't move or touch him.
I could feel his erection on my tight, and I needed to touch him. I wanted to make him feel the way I was feeling. I needed to make him know how much I loved him, how much I wanted him.
But just as I was setting myself free from his grasp I felt him continuing his way down.
I opened my eyes wide open as I felt him opening my legs and burying his head between them.
He began to slid his tongue between my lips. I was so aroused, already; so he licked my fluids while nibbling my clit.
His hands were on my hips, but soon went their way up and began to touch my breasts. I couldn't help but moan loudly, crying his name. What he was doing felt so damn good.
I could feel one of his hands leaving my breast and caress my side until it reached its destiny between my legs. He teased my entrance with his finger, never stopping to suck on my clit. Soon I was being stimulated with his tongue and finger and that was more that I could resist.
He might known I was near the climax because suddenly he stopped what he was doing and entered me. I was so ready by then that I began to climax almost instantly.
My cries were louder than ever. But never, ever I had felt and orgasm like that.
When I stopped shaking he was still thrusting in and out of me. His eyes never leaving mine. And I could see passion burning there, but most of all I could see love. I felt really loved, and I felt joy looking at him.
We hadn't said anything since our arrival, but there was no need to do so.
Never slowing his pace, Dawson leaned down to kiss me. I could feel his weight over me, and with the change of angle I could feel him more inside of me.
We kissed senseless for what seems like an eternity and a just a moment at the same time. I was on my way to climax again, and this time I knew Dawson was close too.
I wrapped my legs around him, allowing greater penetration. I took hi face in my hands and kissed him.
As he reached his climax his kisses turned frantic, frenzied. Those kisses hiding my own moans of pleasure.
When he collapsed over me, he was still inside of me, and we were still kissing.
"I love you. Never doubt that."
"Thank you, Dawson." I kissed him again. "I love you too."
God, I never wanted to stop kissing him. But we did, eventually. Mostly because we were exhausted and we drifted to sleep.
Later that night I woke up, I was just thirsty. And when I lied back down beside him and I heard his breathing, his beautiful face, I could only think of a song.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
No, I don't wanna miss anymore of Dawson's life, ever.
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Baby, baby
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
"I don't want to miss a thing" Performed by Aerosmith
We were beginning to get impatient. I tried to encourage Dawson, telling him we had a lot of time to find it. But it wasn't working, mostly because I was as tired and upset as him.
The last place we had on our list was an apartment two blocks away from Hell's Kitchen, and it looks like every other place we had seen that day, awful. Luckily for us, we were wrong.
It was a cute apartment.
The owner had made improvements and it was fully furnished; with a lot of taste I might add.
The bedroom and the living room were only separated by a huge curtain that fell from the ceiling; but the kitchen and the bathroom were apart.
The bathroom was a cute one with a big shower on it. The moment we saw it, Dawson and I looked at each other with the same sly grin on our faces. I think you know what we were thinking.
The kitchen was big, it was only furnished with low wardrobes and it had a big window just over the counter. The sight was beautiful.
I knew Dawson had loved the apartment the moment he saw it, and so did I. That's why I was surprised when, at first, he began arguing with the owner about the money. But soon they were laughing and shaking hands so I assumed it was just some kind of weird game.
They agreed that Dawson could move in on Monday, so we left right after Dawson set a meeting with that man in order to make all the necessary arrangements.
It was lunch time already, and since we hadn't had breakfast, we both were starving.
We went to the Hell's Kitchen and we found Jack and Jen there, they were just leaving though.
We chatted a little and they left.
We were supposed to meet that night anyway so I was secretly relieved they had left. Right then, I wanted Dawson all for my self.
After lunch we went for a walk, and as the time we were supposed to meet with the gang arrived I felt more uneasy with the situation.
"Jo, what's wrong?"
"Nothing" I knew he wouldn't buy it.
"Come on, Joey. I can tell there's something bothering you so, tell me."
"I don't know Dawson. It's just that I fell a little nervous about meeting our friends. And I don't understand why."
"I think you do know what it is. What I don't know is why you don't want to tell me."
I looked at him, surprised. I might look as a deer caught in the dark, and I felt like it. How can you tell the person you love the most you're not sure about where you two are standing.
"It's just that. I know we talked about it last night but, I'm still not sure about us. And I don't know if we're ready to share 'us' with our friends. I don't know if I'm ready to share you with them." I was looking at the floor as I was telling him that. I thought he wasn't going to understand what I was trying to say and I was afraid to face him.
"Jo, look at me." With that he lifted my head tenderly with his hands. "What are you so afraid of? I remember a time when you asked me the same question, now is your turn."
"Ok, so if you're recalling that time all that years ago, I'll tell you what you told me. I don't know"
He laughed.
"Joey you know that's not true. As it wasn't back in tenth grade. I knew then what was scaring me. And you know now."
I finally looked at him, right in the eyes. And I was feeling like crying, my own eyes watering. And as a single teardrop fell down my chin I spoke.
"I'm afraid of losing you again."
"Oh, sweetie. Come here."
And he held me. It's amazing how the problems seem to fly out the window the moment he holds me. And that was what happened that day. As I lost myself in his embrace I felt all the doubts disappear. If being in his arms felt that good, then what was going on between us couldn't go wrong, could it?
"Honey, I'm here, ok? I haven't moved back from LA just to sleep with you a couple of times and then disappear. I think we've waited long enough to be together like this, we deserve it."
Dawson was telling me all those things in my ear, but there was something in my mind stopping me from kissing him and telling him everything was OK.
"You don't understand what I'm trying to say, Dawson. Now that we've been recalling our past. I'm sure about your love for me, and I'm sure I love you more than life itself. What I'm afraid of is that you one day realize that I'm not the one you thought I was. I'm not sure if I deserve you." Last words were said between sobs.
I couldn't understand then, as I can't now, why I had that sudden change of mood. What I knew then and I know now is that I always had that fear of losing him, even when I was supposed to be with him. It amazes me sometimes the way he loved me, unconditionally. And I loved him more because of that.
He tried to comfort me for a while. And slowly I was feeling better. But then, there was something he said..
"I love you, Jo, no matter what. And I'm sorry you don't think you deserve me, because you're not gonna get rid of me that easy. I have all the intention to stay here, with you. I'm gonna make this work out, even if it's against you."
He loved me despite myself. I think you can imagine how I felt then.
I kissed him fully on the lips. I was hungry of him. I loved him and I wanted to show him how much everything he said had meant to me.
We began to make out in the street, completely oblivious to everything else. And it felt like heaven.
Things between us were getting a little wild when we heard someone coughing.
"Ahem. Listen, it's not that I don't enjoy seeing you making out like crazy, but I think you should leave to the privacy of your bedroom." I rolled my eyes. "Pacey, you can't tell. You've done things a lot worse than kissing on a public place."
There they all were. Pacey, Jen and Jack. They were on their way to the Hell's Kitchen and had just seen us making out. I think that the 'how are we gonna tell them' issue was solved.
They all had the biggest smile on their faces. It was funny seeing them like that. I guess we weren't that predictable after all, because either of them thought we were going to get back together, not that soon at least.
We went for a walk together, and talked and laughed for hours. I hadn't had so much fun in a long time. And I know everything felt that good because of him, because I was with him.
We didn't go back to my room until early hours in the morning, but the moment we closed the door behind us he held me and began to kiss my neck. I was tired, a lot, actually. But I'm never too tired to resist him and his charms.
I closed my eyes in delight as I felt his hands unbuttoning my blouse and caressing my breasts through the fabric of my bra, while his lips sucked my earlobe. I was trying not to let him know how much he was tuning me on but the moans I was trying to hide went out like whimpers.
I've never been able to have my hands off of him for long, so they found their way to his belt and undid it.
I think he liked the idea, because soon after that he was mirroring my actions.
He led me to the bed and gently lied me down; our clothes were already a mess on the floor.
Once we were settled on the bed he began to leave butterfly kisses all over my face and my neck, his eyes never leaving mine. Then he began his way down to the valley between my breasts, his tongue leaving a wet but invisible path over my skin.
I was oversensitive and that sweet torture was driving me crazy, mostly because he had me pinned to the bed, his hands holding my forearms so I couldn't move or touch him.
I could feel his erection on my tight, and I needed to touch him. I wanted to make him feel the way I was feeling. I needed to make him know how much I loved him, how much I wanted him.
But just as I was setting myself free from his grasp I felt him continuing his way down.
I opened my eyes wide open as I felt him opening my legs and burying his head between them.
He began to slid his tongue between my lips. I was so aroused, already; so he licked my fluids while nibbling my clit.
His hands were on my hips, but soon went their way up and began to touch my breasts. I couldn't help but moan loudly, crying his name. What he was doing felt so damn good.
I could feel one of his hands leaving my breast and caress my side until it reached its destiny between my legs. He teased my entrance with his finger, never stopping to suck on my clit. Soon I was being stimulated with his tongue and finger and that was more that I could resist.
He might known I was near the climax because suddenly he stopped what he was doing and entered me. I was so ready by then that I began to climax almost instantly.
My cries were louder than ever. But never, ever I had felt and orgasm like that.
When I stopped shaking he was still thrusting in and out of me. His eyes never leaving mine. And I could see passion burning there, but most of all I could see love. I felt really loved, and I felt joy looking at him.
We hadn't said anything since our arrival, but there was no need to do so.
Never slowing his pace, Dawson leaned down to kiss me. I could feel his weight over me, and with the change of angle I could feel him more inside of me.
We kissed senseless for what seems like an eternity and a just a moment at the same time. I was on my way to climax again, and this time I knew Dawson was close too.
I wrapped my legs around him, allowing greater penetration. I took hi face in my hands and kissed him.
As he reached his climax his kisses turned frantic, frenzied. Those kisses hiding my own moans of pleasure.
When he collapsed over me, he was still inside of me, and we were still kissing.
"I love you. Never doubt that."
"Thank you, Dawson." I kissed him again. "I love you too."
God, I never wanted to stop kissing him. But we did, eventually. Mostly because we were exhausted and we drifted to sleep.
Later that night I woke up, I was just thirsty. And when I lied back down beside him and I heard his breathing, his beautiful face, I could only think of a song.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
No, I don't wanna miss anymore of Dawson's life, ever.
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Baby, baby
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
"I don't want to miss a thing" Performed by Aerosmith