(You might be wondering about the date. I wrote this story in late mid-August, but haven't been able to post it until now).
Disclaimers: Furuba/Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya, pas moi. Yuki's POV (about Tohru)There'll always be tomorrow. That's what you'd say. That's what kept your head high, and your feet firmly on the ground.
A tomorrow that'll give you new hope, new strength. A tomorrow that will teach you the various lessons of life, and throw at you the multiple hardships that go along with the teachings.
A tomorrow where the sun blindly shines, and passersby smile. There's wide, open sky as far as the eye can see. All the clichés are at last fulfilled. There's a spring in your step, a twinkle in your eye, and you just can't help but whistle a happy tune.
It would be a tomorrow to hope for.
My tomorrow. Your tomorrow.
Our tomorrow.
So, I was patient, and I waited with you. I believed that with my new found hope of a new day, life would finally deal me a good hand.
And little by little, the days did improve. Though nothing was definitely my tomorrow, the sun brightened everyday. And even when the cold nights would quietly blanket the sky, I knew, that tomorrow always came.
I was content.
But, when I felt forlorn and lost, dejected, I wouldn't, no, couldn't dwell upon my feelings of despair. For you were there. And tomorrow was there, just waiting for me to complete another day of my existence. So I would lift my head high, and find my footing, to continue on waiting for tomorrow.
-=+=-
"Knock knock, may I come in Yuki?" Tohru said, her words muffled by my door.
"Sure…" I replied hesitantly. What did she want?
I was nervous and my hands were suddenly clammy. I needed not question my anxiousness. After all it was her. She who had taught me how to love life and be patient for tomorrow.
"Everyone seems to be here," she said happily as she entered the room. Her very presence made my world brighter. "They're waiting for you to come downstairs and present your masterpiece."
A smile graced her precious face and weakened my knees. "Sure," I said, collecting myself, "I guess I'm prepared."
"Great! Let's go then," Tohru piped up, pulling at my hand.
I followed her like a calm, collected and cool (yet inwardly crazily infatuated) puppy.
Today I was presenting my garden to everyone. It was no longer the simple square vegetable patch. Instead, it was overflowing with kaleidoscopic flowers, a birdbath, and even a white picket fence. Alas, the secret-ness of my secret base had disappeared, but the base still did provide some solitude for me. I could still sit there and reminisce about the past, and hope for tomorrow.
-=+=-
Tohru's POVTo me, Yuki seemed perfectly at home amongst the flora. He was leading us along the paved path of the garden, mottled with petals from exotic flowers. Kisa had placed a white daisy in her hair, something given to her by Hiro. Ayame and Shigure were having a ball, showering each other with fallen petals and leaves from the ground. Even Haru and Hatori's usual look of apathy was replaced by wonder as they admired Yuki's fanciful garden.
The secret base had bloomed.
I couldn't imagine that Yuki had done all this. The garden was simply overflowing with colours and soft blossoms.
And against the floral backdrop, Yuki could not have looked more handsome. The breeze played with his hair, tousling it in the most perfect fashion. Disorderly in an orderly way. Every misplaced strand looked right at home. His eyes were clear and confident, the colour of dusk, speckled with early stars. His mouth was bent into a pleasant smile, as he surveyed the garden around him. And strangely, he seemed to glow. Perhaps it was only a trick of the sun, or the flowers gave off a look of blooming, but Yuki was bursting with something. An aura of confidence? Of pride? Who knew.
As I thought, his presentation continued - and eventually ended. The guests wandered off to explore the wondrous garden. While Yuki walked along speaking with Momiji, I paired myself with Kyou, I was desperate to tell him something…alas, there were too many people around and I just couldn't get the words out.
My brain was in turmoil. What if this didn't work out properly?
(It will work out fine)
What if Kyou rejected me?
(He wouldn't dare, don't worry)
What if I say it wrong?
(You say things the right way)
My thoughts went back and forth, as I quickened my pace to keep up with Kyou.
-=+=-
I waited. I was patient. And finally, Kyou and I were awarded a moment of privacy. The other guests had wandered back to Shigure's house, content with their small expeditions around the garden.
We shared an awkward silence, unsure of what to say. I was extremely nervous and tongue-tied; I had no idea how to say what I wanted to tell him.
I looked over at him and my heart skipped two beats. He looked so loveable, and I simply wanted to wrap my arms around him. Wanted to, at least. Peculiarly, the way he looked simply gave of a sense of wanting approval. His long strides were confident in a questionable way. His eyes were cast-down, focused on the paved path, shy. Occasionally, his mouth would open and he would try to speak - but the words, caught in his throat, never made it past his lips.
Finally, I forced some courage into myself and grabbed two strawberry blossoms. My hands were unsteady, and their delicate, white petals trembled. I was excruciatingly nervous, but I knew I had to say something.
Stopping our stroll together, I began the childish game of, "Loves me, loves me not…" with one of the flowers.
Kyou paused, glanced over to see what I was doing. He seemed hesitant to stay, unsure if I wanted his company. "Staystaystaystaystaystay," I thought over and over in my head. Thankfully he did.
"…loves me, loves me not, loves me…"
One by one, I picked off the petals, until only one more petal was left. I took in a deep breath and said:
"Loves you."
I looked up sharply from the flower to Kyou. Shakily, I stuck out one stiff arm, and offered him the other flower. "Will you… love me?" I asked.
Centuries passed. Or at least, it seemed like they did. Kyou still hadn't said anything. Nor had he made any movement to accept the blossom.
I dropped the flower. This couldn't be happening. I had been so confident that he wouldn't reject me … Fate was against me. It had taken away Yuki, and now it wouldn't hand me Kyou. Smashing, burning, my heart collapsed. Replaced by some black hole that devoured my insides. I felt empty. This sucked.
So I did the only thing that was sensible. I ran. Farther and farther away from him. Separating myself from him…from the love that I had given him. I didn't cry. I couldn't. There were no tears. Instead, my soul cried.
Strawberries, how I detested them. And white strawberry blossoms, the plague of man. I rubbed frantically at my arms, yearning to rid myself of my perfume. Yuck, strawberries.
Suddenly, something tugged at my hand. I was quickly twirled around and swept into an awkward embrace, and warm kiss.
Kyou was there.
With me.
Breaking our kiss, Kyou presented me with the same strawberry blossom. Tearing off all its petals at once, he said, "Loves you."
Loves me.
-=+=-
Yuki's POVI was shocked. I was aghast. I had seen the two, playing their silly love game, from afar. Tohru had abandoned me.
This garden, this garden was my shrine to her. Hours of my time spent with her, here. A small monument of our time together. And I was fooled into believing that it had meant something. Something important.
I couldn't stop myself; I stormed up to them, brimming with betrayal.
But as I reached them, my anger was instinctively contained. I could murmur only one word:
"Why?"
-=+=-
Tohru's POVI was in for it. Why, why, why had I not considered this before? That maybe Yuki had started loving me. I knew I had to tell him the truth – but my brain was muddled, I was still too shocked to say everything.
Nonetheless, unconscious words poured from my mouth, words I would probably regret…
-=+=-
Yuki's POV"I'm sorry Yuki, but you have naught but my pity," she whispered. "My pity and that only. You had my love once, but Akito—"
"Your pity… but, but I thought we were…friends," the anger I had previously contained was now forced into my voice. Words became more powerful with every syllable, "Friends, who could, could trust each other! And maybe one day love each other. You led me on … and, and Akito, eh?! It's always Akito isn't it! Always! He's the way out, the one to blame!"
"I never denied we were friends, Yuki," she said earnestly, desperate to end my tirade.
But I was distraught and I knew it. I wouldn't stop.
"Pity, pity, pity! That's ALL I EVER get from people. People whom I trust…or trusted…"
"Please, there'll always be a tomorr—"
"Who CARES about tomorrow!?" I interrupted, "Who cares?! Why not today?! Why not today where I can smile and be happy?! Be held by someone who doesn't pity or admire me! Someone who loves me! Tomorrow never comes, Tohru!! No matter how long I wait, there will always be another day, another dawn and dusk!"
I paused at those words.
"…And I'm so tired of waiting."
-=+=-
Kyou's POVThere was definite confusion. A jumble of my feelings, and the uncertainty of what to do. Whatever was happening around me was simply a mere whisper, a distant echo, as my brain worked to untie these emotional knots.
(Yuki wandered away in sheer agony, pain, and loss. He wandered. Aimlessly)
I knew I should be feeling sorry for him. I should be. And in a way I was, but I knew I didn't feel as sorry as I should have.
(He stumbled as he walked up the gently sloping hill)
Why wasn't I ashamed? For seeing him in this state. For seeing him so vulnerable. Why wasn't I reacting?
(His right hand would occasionally brush away unseen tears)
Because I was confused. Obviously. Tohru had only chosen me because she couldn't have Yuki. Because she couldn't have him. The one who was seemed less than princely now.
(Tohru collapsed by my side)
Should I be angry? Yes, anger is how I respond. I should tell her that this is it. This is calling it quits. That I can't love her, knowing that I was her second choice. Second.
(Emotionally exhausted by Yuki's onslaught of words)
But instantly, as I turned to face her, my thoughts were grounded and my so-called anger was extinguished. Here was Tohru, crumpled up and crying. The one I was sure that I loved. The one that would, if she had the chance, pick me all over again. She told me she loved me, and I couldn't take those words for granted.
I crouched down, and took her small hand in mine. With my other hand, I gently rubbed her back. "Crying won't do you any good," is the only thing I can say.
She looked up at me with those big, blue eyes of hers. Watery and red as they are, they still have the look that made me melt.
"Go and talk to him, force him to understand. Nezumi over there is just as lost as you are. Talking'll help. It won't be easy, but it'll help. Just listen to him, and hear what he has to say. I know you'll work it out. You always do."
Sharply, she faced the ground again. Her lower lip trembled, "No, he'll never trust me again. He won't. I hurt him Kyou, I hurt him badly. Maybe this time, he won't understand…"
"Never! Never in a million years would … Yuki … ever be so thick-headed. Listen Tohru, you light up my life. Your presence lifts my spirit. You have that rare effect on people that makes them feel warm and fuzzy inside.
"Fussing over the little things, caring for others. That's what you do. And I'm sure that even hurting someone once, did not take away that good quality from you.
"I – I love you Tohru. And Yuki does too. I'm sure that he won't turn you away that easily. He needs to know the complete truth. You need to know it too. The truth."
I stopped there. I didn't know what else to say. In fact, I didn't even know if I had said the right words. But, Tohru got up on her feet. Her hand slipped out of mine and she walked towards the house. As I glimpsed at her face, I knew that she didn't know what to say. But sometimes you got to work with that.
Not knowing what to say.
"Talking isn't always easy."
-=+=-
Tohru's POVI found him in the upstairs hallway, besides the door to his room. He was sitting upright against the wooden wall, face cast down, in a nearly fetal position. His whole body gave off an aura of defeat. Hearing my uneven footsteps against the wooden floor, he looked up. A frightening stare had taken over his face. His eyes were blank. Absolutely blank. Hollow even. They were out-of-focus, and a dull-purply-grey. A storm.
I could understand why. I had broken him. I had crushed his spirit. I had deserted him. But I didn't mean to! I would never wish to harm him. Never. And now the tears I had dried while walking to the house, came back.
Damn! I'm not supposed to be crying! I hurt him. So I wiped away the tears. No, for once I should show strength. I know that crying would only hurt him further…he would feel that he had hurt me.
This was my fault, so I had to bear the consequences.
"You—" I croaked. No, that wasn't the way to start it. "I—" No, not that either.
So instead of explaining, I backed away. I ran from the problem. I needed space to think, and fresh air to breathe. Though I knew postponing this any longer would probably kill him, I had to say this right.
Running through the front door, I nearly slammed into Kyou. Thankfully, he dodged to the side, and grabbed my hand. "Do you want –" he started.
I shook my head and looked at him resolutely. No help. This is my problem. I had to work this out alone.
Kyou continued on his way, but looked at me, worried. Worry. The emotion looked so comical on his face that I nearly laughed.
Nearly.
But there was a barrier. And instead of my usual laugh, a shallow bark came out. I couldn't laugh. Not with Yuki upstairs like that. Not with him sitting there, dejected. No, but I had some things to consider. I had to figure out what to tell him. And what I thought about myself.
-=+=-
I didn't regret telling Kyou that I loved him. No. Because, who I love is who I love. I will not change my heart again.
But I regret hurting his feelings. I regret causing the blankness in his eyes, and the hole in his heart. I regret clouding his mind over and blinding him.
And the truth. I had to tell him the truth. The whole-hearted, honest-to-goodness truth.
Kyou's right. Talking isn't always easy.
-=+=-
I walked up the stairs again, and braved looking directly at Yuki. He had regained some of his composure, but his eyes were still hauntingly empty.
"I apolo – What I want to – I – I'm sorry that I ever hurt you," I started with difficulty.
"Sorry?" he snorted, but paused after that.
"But you'll have to understand that sometimes, this – this is what tomorrow brings."
Okay, everything was fine so far.
"Yuki, I pity you only because you have so much to be pitied for. Your life has been so full of hardships that many others will never have to face. But my feelings towards you don't end there…"
Now here comes the hard part …
"Like I said before, I would love you had there not been certain … circumstances. You really have a lot to be loved for. Immediately after I befriended you, I discovered those many reasons. And I was infatuated with you. But then Akito approached me. He forbade me to love you, otherwise he would've harmed you. I was aghast. I had loved you so much, and withdrawing my affection would be difficult. But, I sorely wished for no harm to come from me to you -- even through Akito.
"So, I ignored my heart. In a way I was even thankful for Akito's instruction, because if I stopped loving you, then maybe you would never start loving me. Heartbreak would never occur and we could stay the amicable friends we always were. I even fooled myself into thinking that our friendship would be enough.
"I lived my lie. I denied my feelings for you, and continued on waiting for tomorrow. My masked life was still good to me, and no harm befell you. Eventually, my feelings changed. Feelings do that a lot. Love and affection I had had for you, turned to Kyou.
"Please don't be angry. This doesn't mean that my friendship with you means any less. No, you and Kyou are some of the dearest people in my life. I will always cherish you, Yuki. But I will cherish you differently, and I'm sorry if that isn't enough for you.
"I'm sorry that I ever hurt you.
"I'm not sorry that I ever loved you."
His eyes were concentrated on my face, determined to find out if I was insincere.
I had said my apologies and could do no more, I looked back into his violet eyes, although timidly, but I didn't break his gaze.
Finally his scrutiny ended. But his explanation began:
"There'll always be a tomorrow. That's what you always said. And I loved you for it, for you whole-heartedly trusted this. You had found something that would sustain you through the good, the bad, and the all-out ugly parts of life. Your tomorrow. Which soon became my tomorrow as well. Our tomorrow.
"But in the garden, I realised that tomorrow wasn't the thing I was waiting for. I was waiting for you. I was waiting for us.
"I guess now, being together is impossible. Don't worry, my dear Tohru, I will not dwell on the fact. But you'll have to give me some time. I promise to you, that I will start to love you differently eventually.
"And like tomorrow. You'll just have to wait for me."
-=+=-
No one's POVHe gingerly leaned over and gently pecked her on the lips.
Two small tears traced their way down her cheeks. "You know that I can't love you Yuki, no matter how much I want to."
"Yes, I know that. But that was my promise to myself. That I would give up waiting for my ideal tomorrow, and start living today."
So they continued their obstacle-filled lives.
Together.
As friends.
Living for tomorrow.
Living for today.
Living.
Happily Ever After.
Scribbler's ramblings: So what do you think? I know supah-mushy, but yea, I was in a half-soggy mood, absolutely melting in the summer heat.
So please review. Flames are okay, as long as they're constructive. And thanks for reading.