A/N: I'm not sure exactly why this is taking so long to get finished, although it could be something to do with the fact that the teachers at school are totally piling on work in the run-up to our real exams. You know, the ones that matter. Anyway, I apologise to all those who are annoyed with me … can't be many, I imagine.

*****

BLOODLUST

Chapter Seven

Harry was first aware of a heat pricking his eyelids, but it took hours before he felt secure enough to open them. The brightness was deafening and roared in his ears, and he passed out.

When he woke again the light was dimmed, and the curtains were closed. Harry's vision flutter, and he saw a shape approach him and wet his mouth with liquid before he slept once more.

Finally his eyes were comfortable with daylight, and his neck let him move. But there were other eyes staring at him, wide and anxious and masked. They twirled before him, dancing, flickering, and he could not see their colour. 'Draco?' he mumbled.

A form with the eyes shifted awkwardly, and Harry knew that quiet expression, knew the inability with words. 'Severus?'

Snape cleared his throat harshly in understated reply.

Harry struggled to sit up, to rest his elbows on the pillow below his head. 'Where are … where's Dumbledore? And Draco?' Draco's pale, horrified face still hung above him, a dagger in the mind, and the silence of the image hunted him. But he could not find the strength to be guilty, clung desperately to the few strands of life that were left.

'Dumbledore's resting … he managed to drive Voldemort out, but he's exhausted. But Draco …' An anguished tone came into his voice. 'I tried, Harry, I tried, but I couldn't … couldn't …'

Harry slumped, feeling his eyes roll back in horror. 'He took Draco,' he said in a dead voice.

'Draco didn't do anything … Voldemort cast Cruciatus on Albus and me … and the pain … it's one thing when your arm is clean, but when he's connected to you …'

Harry could feel the air, felt Severus shake his head but did not see. 'He's lost, then … dead …'

'We can hope not, Harry.'

'So we rescue him.' Harry forced his muscles to move, tried to rise from the bed, inhaled and breathed Madam Pomfrey's crisp scent before his body collapsed onto the bed. 'We rescue him.'

Severus held him down lightly. 'Harry …'

Harry felt his body respond to the word as it had before, but cursed it.

'There's no way we can rescue him, Harry. There are probably twenty Death Eaters there, and the Aurors will not risk their lives for Lucius' son. And the Death Eaters'll fight – Lucius won't want Draco to leave, and he has influence. Believe me … I've thought of all the possibilities,' and there his voice was bitter. 'I don't think we can get him back … we may have to resign ourselves.'

'Why are you giving up?' Harry asked in a broken voice. There was no time to think. 'Is it because he was mine? Is he … your rival? It is jealousy?'

Severus' eyes were lifeless. 'No, Harry … believe me, I've long given up on that. You never really wanted me.' He sighed. 'It was an illusion.'

Then Harry's mind snapped. He rose up and struck Severus on the chest, pushed him backwards onto the next bed and in an instant hung over him, threatening Snape's apprehension. 'Do you believe I would betray Draco over somebody I didn't want?'

Severus did not reply, but offered his mouth to Harry gently, shifting long and languid on the bed. 'Tell me you don't feel anything deeper, then.'

Harry regarded this life-stricken man, one who hated himself and most others, who hated his very existence and hated his cowardice at not ending it. Then he saw in Severus the intelligence, the dry wit, the awkward affection and the physical experience. And he contemplated the entirety with which Severus was offering himself to Harry, the acceptance that now there was no living without love.

Then he thought of Draco. A feline animal, a white cat of Slytherin, who was fit to rival his Head of House. But he had no subtlety, no understanding of the darkness that reigned unchecked in Harry. He cared instead. He loved Harry, with a fascination stemming mainly from their different backgrounds, a need for something to take him away from the influence of his father. A rebellion, really. Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Sexual, and proudly affectionate.

Severus could give in a way that Draco could not. Severus could give his soul, his body, and his mind. Harry loved the serpent in him, the cold sarcasm and the sudden aggression of lust. It had to be admitted. Harry did love Severus, and had done even while Severus had attacked him.

Again he regarded Severus, on his back, giving himself. He watched Severus' eyes, wonderfully clever, and beautifully black. Jet black. They held venom for those who angered him, but there was fear, too. Fear that Harry shared. Fear for happiness.

And somehow now Harry accepted that Draco was gone, and Draco as a person no longer seemed to matter, symbolised something that was lost in Harry, the need for shallow physical comfort. There was a pang, yes, but a soft pang, a soul-comforted needle, and it did not bleed. Draco was probably already dead. He was gone, and it was Severus' time.

Harry could not resist, could not ally himself with his conscience any longer. Slowly he lowered himself down onto Severus, and rested his head on the man's chest. 'I think I'm in love with you.' His hand brushed Severus' bare arm where his black shirt had loosened, and he felt the man wince. 'The Mark's still there?'

'Voldemort's not dead. Until he is, it'll stay there. That was how we all knew that he wasn't gone, before … I hate the thing. I could gauge out my own arm, sometimes, if it would help … but if you have me, Harry, you have me with the Mark. And Voldemort will know.'

Severus' eyes were tormented, but they spoke of truth. 'Will you have me, Harry?'

Harry only murmured: 'Yes.'

And Draco was gone, and Harry began to softly weep, wept for the shifting of feelings and for the loss of young love. It all ends today.

*****

'Severus has explained to me about the … relationship between yourself and Mr Malfoy, Harry. But I hope you understand that we have little hope of getting him back.'

Harry nodded calmly. His eyes were a little red, perhaps, but the sorrow of losing a former lover was not pressing. This is what it is like to accept something so utterly. 'He's dead, isn't he?'

Dumbledore's eyes were guarded, but sad. 'I … I think it is … probable.'

*****

Harry had not seen Ron or Hermione since the invasion. He had been in a private section of the hospital wing, so they could not come and visit him. They had not known where he was, but Dumbledore had assured them that he was fine and so they had had to wait.

As he left Dumbledore's office, he mused on what kind of relationship he would have with them now. They had no hope of understanding what had happened to Harry, and he knew he did not really want them to. But how could he feel close to anyone who did not understand? How could he have friends now? Severus was there, of course, but when they were not alone they had to pretend they still loathed each other. Just as it had been with Draco.

Only Severus knew, and Severus could not be there when Harry needed him.

Suddenly, Harry turned abruptly, and strode into an empty classroom, threw himself down against a cupboard. Severus wasn't there, and he was alone …

Harry stared into the dimness of the unlit room for a few minutes, contemplating, and then began to murmur tunelessly to himself. 'Severus isn't here, you're alone, Harry, Ron and Hermione are gone, you're alone … there's only silence for you, Harry, the Boy who Lived is silent …'

He stopped, and listened. He could hear nothing. But glancing at the clock on the wall – one o'clock – he was not surprised. Lunch. They were almost a quarter of a mile away. He was in silence.

Silence is the perfect listener.

How long had it been? He did not know how long he had slept in the hospital, and he did not know how long Severus had had to think things over. He had certainly seemed sure, more sure than Harry.

But now Harry was in silence, and he could think.

'What will happen now?' he asked the darkness softly. 'Draco's gone, he's left … Dumbledore has nothing to explain to the school, he can only say Lucius wanted him out … that's true … Ron and Hermione won't believe it, they'll see the connection between us anyway … will they know Severus was involved? He hasn't been teaching, I think … is he at lunch, though?

'Who's on my side? Severus, yes … and Dumbledore … but he's on everyone's side, he doesn't know what it's like to be dark … am I dark, though? I've had darkness, I've lusted for darkness. Severus is dark … Severus is dark, and I want him … but I want people close to me. Ron and Hermione'll pretend to understand, but they'll avoid the subject because they won't really … would Sirius know? He's been in Azkaban … but he's so against darkness, and sometimes I think I'm part of it. I am, if I'm part of Severus …'

He leant his head against the cupboard hard, and then was startled by a voice from the doorway.

'Where does it end?'

Harry looked up, recognised the unrecognisable silhouette. 'Where does what end?'

Severus came into the room, closed the door softly. He was not dressed in his usual black robes, but the classic black shirt, and black jeans, and as he exposed his body forwards from leaning against a desk, Harry noticed its litheness. 'The torment, Harry. When is it going to stop? When is your life going to be better?' It was not a criticism; Severus' voice was too tired for it, but it was a question, and one that Harry had not wanted to think about.

'Severus … I think you understand … it's just there doesn't seem to be any way out now … I can't go through my life with only you on my side, being there for me. And Ron and Hermione … they'll try, but I can't let them waste their time. They won't help, I know. But who is there? It doesn't feel like I can ever go back to school, really, I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on anything so trivial. But you're here, so I can't leave, or I'm really on my own. I just don't know what I am supposed to do.'

'There … there are drugs, Harry,' Severus replied. 'They would help … but I suspect you don't want to be addicted to something for the rest of your life.'

'Maybe I should end my life,' Harry said bitterly. 'What have I got left, anyway? You're right, the drugs are just fake, they won't be useful … I'm supposed to deal with this, but I don't know how. I can't see any way out.'

Severus looked almost panicked. 'Harry, don't end your life. It isn't worth it. You won't gain anything … believe me, I've thought about it enough. Besides … if you go, who do I have left?'

Then Harry was curious. 'Who did you have before me?'

Severus shrugged slightly. 'Voldemort, I suppose. He was a good master. And some of the pastimes of the Death Eaters can be very satisfying …'

Harry almost choked at this. 'Rape, and torture? Satisfying? You've done them? You've raped people?'

'It's not like I don't feel guilty or anything,' Severus snapped in defence. 'But yes, I've done them. And I enjoyed them. Don't give me the thoughts you're thinking, Harry; I've thought them far too often. My Pensieve is deeply depressing. I don't want to hear it.'

'It doesn't answer the original question, though.' Harry lowered his voice to a soft apology. 'What's going to happen, and how can we get out of this?'

'We leave.'

'I'm sorry?'

'We leave,' Severus repeated, and suddenly his voice was rapid, inspired. 'We go somewhere, away from Hogwarts, away from everyone who knows us, and we go to a new place, away from Voldemort. And we help each other, and we make new friends, friends who don't need to know about things, not necessarily wizards. People we can talk to, and people who can accept that we're … together.' He stood properly. 'You lose some, Harry … you can keep in touch with Ron and Hermione … hell, you can even see them if you like, but you know you can't really be close to them now. You said it yourself. You win some, you lose some … and we've lost this one. We could go, pack up and go.'

'How would we survive?'

Another shrug. 'We can use magic for anything we need. And I'll teach you, about Potions, and everything, anything, and we can just do what we want for the rest of our lives. No responsibilities. Forget Voldemort. If you're not a threat to him, and if he knows you're not a threat to him, he won't want you, anyway.'

Harry was beginning to breathe faster at the idea, taking the breaths of excitement. To be free of it all … it was tempting, so very tempting, and at that minute he knew he would accept it, and he knew it was the only option …

'I …' Say the word, Harry, say 'yes,' it's easy … go on …

But something was holding Harry back. And afterwards he would wonder whether it had been a premonition, whether he had known all along. 'I …'

And then the door opened.

Severus glanced at the light that was filtering into the room, and his face grew deathly pale.

'Draco …'

*****

A/N: Yes, it's a cliffhanger. I do apologise most sincerely. *shrug* Ah well, shit happens. Hee hee.

Anyway, I don't know how long the next chapter will be. Almost certainly less time than this one took, but I can't guarantee anything. But reviews will definitely help a lot … please!