MIDDLE 1

Hmm maybe a story isn't so easy to understand without the middle

Shalimar was stood on the boundary to the huge expanse of building, neither inside or outside of Sanctuary, leant against the doorframe. Her eyes were closed, but Emma knew that it didn't mean she didn't know she was there.

"You shouldn't be up." Emma told her, speaking quietly so as not to break the peace that surrounded Shalimar, wrapping her arms around her torso to embrace her, resting her chin on her shoulder.

"I needed the air." She replied, her voice dry and hoarse, tears having left their mark.

"Shalimar, come inside, please. You need to rest."

"I should have known this would happen. Adam why do I never listen to him? I should have" Her breath caught and her knees buckled, leaving Emma to guide them both to the floor. She leant back against Emma, knees pulled up under her chin.

"Breathe, Shalimar come on." She warned as she realised that Shalimar was still struggling over her breath. She finally took in one gasped breath, and then another, and her breathing settled as the pain passed.

"I'm sorry." She cried, tears falling freely once again. "I'm so sorry."

"Hush, none of this is your fault. None of it." She rocked her gently as her sobs receded. As her breathing quieted Emma lifted her comm. link to her mouth. "The sedative's taken effect, she's asleep. Let's get her back before she wakes up." Adam's noise of consent was followed by approaching footsteps as Brennan appeared at the other end of the hall. He lifted her still form gently from the psionic's lap and carried her back to the medilab in silence to where Adam waited.

Not wanting to follow just yet, Emma stood quiet in the doorway, unconsciously mimicking Shalimar's stance as she thought of the events of the last few months. When Shalimar had first suggested the idea of them having a child Emma had been very much against it. They were too busy, Mutant X was too important, they didn't have the right lifestyle to take care of a child. But that night as she had slept she had dreamed of a life so very different to their own and of a blue eyed, blond haired child so full of contagious laughter that the sun seemed brighter and the world seemed more alive.

They had started planning the next day. It had seemed somehow sensible at the time not to tell the others until something came of it, and then it became not telling them until Shalimar started showing the tell-tale signs of the life that the IVF treatment had planted inside of her. Shalimar had decided from the start that she would be the one to carry the child and wouldn't be convinced otherwise. Something in Emma wondered quietly, beyond the buzz of pain of her own loss, why Shalimar had been so insistent is she knew, if Adam had warned her it was a possibility, that she was at risk of a miscarriage.

"I'm sorry." Adam said from behind her as she stood in the doorway to the lab, just watching her. She turned to face him.

"How is she?"

"She's sleeping. She should be down for a while longer. You could get some rest" She shook her head and turned away again.

"No, I want to be here when she wakes up." Adam took a seat on the small stool that he had brought in, watching Shalimar as if he might find the key to something larger in her face.

"I tried to warn her." He spoke at last. "I should have said more. I should"

"PLEASE DON'T!" Emma cried, realising her volume only after her outburst and stepping back, swaying slightly. "Please don't, I don't think I can stand any more 'should have's' tonight." They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of Jesse and Brennan moving about Sanctuary reaching them through the open doors. "Is it ferals in general or is it just her?" She asked softly.

"It's ferals. It's unlikely we will ever see a second generation feral population. They're always either infertile or unable to carry a child to term. The genetics just aren't right. You can cross a horse with a donkey, but the mule is always infertile." Emma didn't know what to do with that comparison.

"You didn't cross a horse with a donkey Adam." She spat. "You crossed a human with something far more dangerous." She stormed out of the room, wishing she didn't have to and mentally apologising to Shalimar for leaving her alone. She needed room, she needed space. She hadn't realised quite what this potential child had meant to her. Shalimar had been projecting sadness and anguish all day and it was wearing her down. The constant emotions. She stepped out of the door and sat down on soft grass, laying back and giving in to her mental tiredness.

She felt grief - her own grief - at the loss of this, 'their' child. Though she had no genetic claim on the baby, it would have been undoubtedly theirs. She was filled with pity for Shalimar, she was so desperate for her own child and yet she could never truly get there. A little relief perhaps, that Shalimar was OK and the she had a little more time before she became a mother - or was that father? She shook the confusing thought off.

"I'm sorry Emma." She had known that he had been standing there, but his voice still made her jump. "I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry. I'm just annoyed that she would put herself at risk like that again, despite what she knew. And I'm angry that she didn't trust me enough to take my advice or at least come to me to talk about it."

"Again?"

"Yes this is her third miscarriage didn't you know?"