Disclaimer: So I had this idea the other day. What if we clone Spike, and then sell him on ebay! Great idea, no? Well Joss seems to think that, that's an invasion of James Marsters and his rights, and he will in no way contribute to my vision. So I'm thinking we all get together, collect a lot of money and buy James into the plan! Is everyone with me!?
Authors Note: Thank you all for your great reviews, it makes me feel all tingly inside. Yeah you know what I mean! Please keep it up guys, I love it!! The quote below is from Evanescence, and coincidently so is the title. So enjoy Chapter 4 my lovelys!
Better Man
Chapter 4
Taking Over Me
I Believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live
To breathe
You're taking over me
He opened his eyes, yawning from the nap he had just woken from. He wasn't sure how many times he had dozed off during the day. After he had found some food not too far from the cave, he'd eaten quickly and fallen back asleep, as if his body was trying to recuperate from some kind of massive injury. The thing was, he didn't see any cuts or bruises, didn't feel any broken bones. He was however sore, as if his body hadn't moved in years, it took so much effort to move around and most times he caught himself feeling faint or dizzy.
It didn't take long before he figured out that he wasn't breathing.
The concept seemed so foreign to him, that for moments at a time, he simply forgot to actually inhale and exhale. Once he practiced for awhile, he got the hang of it, and felt almost electrified by how alive the air coursing through his lungs made him feel.
The longer he rested under the sun, the easier it got for him to move around, and venture farther from his surroundings. He had no idea where he was, or how he'd gotten there, but he knew he had landed in some sort of desert. The barren wasteland was colored in nothing but sand and dirt.
He wasn't sure if he should rest more, or try and find some people to help him or tell him where he was. Only he was somewhat afraid to find out, and even more afraid not to.
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The sky was a beautiful azure blue, and the clouds that had been drifting around the sun early this morning, had all but disappeared, leaving the sky cool and clear.
The wind was blowing softly threw Buffy's hair, as she made her way through the Forrest just outside of Sunnydale. The soft breeze made her feel somewhat peaceful as she pushed her way through a group of bushes, near the edge of the woods. Once she reached the other side, she readjusted her shirt, which had been tangled by the twigs when she slid past.
The soft grass beneath her sandals rubbed against her feet, as she made her way to her destination. She could feel a wave of clam wash over her. This was the only place she enjoyed being anymore.
She stopped and knelt down in the grass, breathing out a heavy sigh, a slight smile on her face.
"Hey there....you been ok,"she asked, seemingly speaking more to herself, than anyone else.
"I'm sorry I haven't been by, it's just been so crazy with Dawn's school and my job, and Ange-," she stopped herself realizing he was the last topic she wanted to discuss right then.
"Well anyway, you remember that girl I was telling you about last week? The one that was having trouble with the other girls bullying her? She came to me yesterday and told me that she stood up for herself, finally!! Isn't that great? She took my advice, I mean she broke the girl's nose with her fist and everything, but you know she stood up for herself.......so Yaahhhh," she clapped, enjoying her own success.
She scooted closer to the stone in front of her, leaning on her left side to sit down. She ran her fingers over the smooth marble, feeling the indentation of the letters.
A million thoughts ran through her head, and she couldn't think of one to pick that would be of any interest to talk about.
"I don't know anymore," she breathed out, "I feel like all of the days are just running together, like there's no point to them anymore................I hate feeling like this, but I can't make it stop, I don't know how to make it stop. I can't get you out of my head........and the thing is, I don't want to."
It was so hard to say that aloud, but now that she had done it, she felt the heavy weight on her shoulders lighten some.
"I know you'd say, Buffy don't do this to yourself, but I can't help it, and I know your thinking, that I just want to be miserable, cause ya know I'd get the gold medal in that event, but...........,"she paused a moment, looking at the object sitting before her, small flowers growing all around it, "But I miss you, "she simply whispered, running her fingers over the only word, carved on the small marble grave: WILLIAM, was all that it read
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He didn't know how long he had been walking, until the sun began to set in the east, a tawdry gold filling the sky as a dark blue hovered in the background. He watched the sunsets every time now, thought they were so beautiful, possessed a kind of magic that nothing else compared to. And somehow they constantly reminded him of her.
He shook the thought of her from his head, and focused on the deserted road before him. He had no clue where he was going, or where he would end up, but he knew eventually, in someway it would lead him to her, it always did.
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The week had been so hectic, that Buffy didn't realize it was Friday until Dawn mentioned it to her that morning.
"And it's like I told Carlos, if he wants me to go out with him, then he's gonna have to stop wearing those outrageously ugly shirts, cause ya know, paisley does nothing for his complexion," Dawn piled a scoop of Lucky Charms cereal into her mouth, before resuming her story.
"And Carlos is like, 'Oh Dawn don't be so shallow,'" she continued, attemping to mock in a male voice, "And I was like, 'I'm just kidding, I don't judge people on their clothes, just on their ability to accessorize well,' and then he laughed, and then I laughed and it was going great, until his weird friend Maddox came by and started oogling my goodies."
At this comment Buffy perked right up, looking her sister in the eyes. For the last 20 minutes Dawn had babbled on about the troubles of teenage boys and the inevitable angst, and Buffy wanted to join her sister in her complaint-fest, but couldn't quite seem to control her thoughts, or focus, her mind kept drifting.
She looked at Dawn straight on, trying to make sure she had heard her statement correctly. "What, how, what?"
"The guy, Maaaaddddooooxxxx," she said slowly for emphasis, "Carlos' friend, he was totally staring at me, it was creepy, he kept oogling my goodies."
"Oggling your what," Buffy asked somewhat appalled.
"My goodies, for the third time now, God, have you gone deaf for something."
"Ok first off, if this kid's bothering you, just let me know, and me and him will have a chat. Secondly, never, and I mean ever, say oogling in the same sentence with goodies again, ok?"
Dawn glanced up from her cereal bowl, and rolled her eyes," Whatever, it's fine, I can deal," she said getting up from the table, and gathering her books from the counter, putting them into her backpack.
Buffy began rubbing her temples, thinking about all the things she had to get done that day. Moments later Willow strolled into the kitchen, a cheery smile covering her face.
"Hey there friends of mine," she singsonged.
"Hi Wills."
"Hey," Dawn smiled, getting ready to walk out of the kitchen.
"Buff I wanted to ask you something. I'm going to this concert tonight with some girls from that internship I've been doing, do you want to come? It'll be crazy fun!," she watched her friend for a moment grabbing a yogurt out of the refrigerator.
"I can't Will, sorry, I gotta help Dawn with her history project."
"Totally Friday Buffy, hello, wake up," Dawn said waving her hand in front of her sisters face. "Anyways, I won't be around, I'm staying over at Janis' remember?"
Buffy nodded half-heartedly waved goodbye as Dawn grabbed her bag, and walked out the kitchen, yelling, "See you tomorrow guys, don't party to hard while I'm gone."
Willow sat down across the island from Buffy, scooping some yogurt on to her spoon.
"You sure you don't wanna come, Xander's going?"
"Thanks for the offer, but I think it might be nice to spend the night by myself, have a little Buffy time, you know. Just me, some pizza, and pre-Jennifer-Aniston-post-Legends-of-the-Fall Brad Pitt movie night."
Willow laughed at this comment, happy to see her friend in a better mood.
"Well if your positive you don't wanna come," she paused mid thought then asked, "Hey what about Angel?"
"He had to go to L.A. for the week, something about left over business with the Angel Invesigations, he left late last night, didn't have a whole lot of time to explain before he went," Buffy said as she put the dishes from the island, and around the kitchen into the sink.
"Wow, all alone on your lonesome this weekend, sure you'll be ok?"
"Of course, you know me Wills," she said flashing a smile at her before she walked into the other room.
Willow sat there for a moment, contemplating what her friend had said. Yeah, she thought, I do know you Buffy, and that's why I'm worried.
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The evening had started off good enough, but as time progressed, Buffy slowly felt herself becoming restless, in search of something to do. She looked around the living room, seeing remnants of the cheese pizza she had ordered, and the empty carton of chocolate fudge ice cream she had chosen for desert.
Yeah, she could say she had had a pleasant evening to herself. But somewhere between Meet Joe Back, and Fight Club, Buffy felt herself drifting again. She tried to refocus her attention on the movie, but it was almost impossible. By this point Edward Norton's character was giving his all-important speech about why he was his own man, and Buffy didn't have a clue about what was going on.
She flipped off the t.v. and sat there for a few moments, debating what she could do to occupy her. She began mentally checking off the things to do in her mind, I could clean.........yeah right, or maybe go grocery shopping.......to late, could do laundry.......not enough detergent, or call and check on Dawn...........nah, call Angel...no.
She slumped further into the couch, annoyed at the fact that she was ruining her own evening. Well, actually, he's ruining my evening, she reflected for spilt second, he won't get out of my head.
She grabbed the remote off the side table, by the couch, and turned the t.v. on again, determined to not let her thoughts of him make her feel lonely. She pulled the blanket from off the back of the sofa and draped it around her body, as she stretched herself until she was lying down.
Only a few moments later she fell into slumber, assured he couldn't haunt her thoughts if she was asleep, and yet knowing her dreams, were the one place he could always follow.
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The drive to keep moving had been so strong and he'd walked so long, that by the time dawn began to creep over the horizon, he knew he was no longer in the desert. He wasn't sure, when the road had ended but now as he looked before him he saw the green of the trees all around. He could feel the dewy wet grass under his feet.
Nearby he saw a patch of leaves in the shade of a large oak tree and slowly walked over to it. Laggardly he moved to the ground to lay down, he set his head in crook of his arm, and watched as the sun came up over the trees, resting for the first time in 24 hours.
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Buffy woke up to one of the most obnoxiously loud Pepsi commercial in all of existence. The one in which Britney Spears jumps around in front of a lighted up Pepsi symbol, back up dancers aplenty, as they all git their jiggy on, to the designated theme song.
Buffy's head and body were melted into the couch, her legs tangled in the blanket she had been sleeping under.
Desperately she tried to find the remote on the coffee table, while attempting to keep her face hidden in the sofa pillow. "Rrggg arrggg," were the only sound she uttered.
Annoyed and tired she pushed herself off the couch and walked over to the t.v. to turn it off. Slowly she huffed out a huge breath of air, which then turned into a yawn. As she at back down on the couch rubbing her eyes, "Britney Spears, definitely not what I wanna see first thing in the morning,"
She pulled herself off the couch a few moments later and walked up the stairs intent on taking a long, relaxing shower, in which no one would interrupt her.
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After she finished her shower an hour later, and came out of her room, towel securely draped around her head, she went over to Willow's room and knocked on the door.
No Answer.
I wonder where she is, she didn't say this was an overnight thingy, oh well.
She turned around and walked down the hall towards Dawn's room. She saw the door was open, and went in, seeing that the room was untouched from yesterday. The bed was made, and a couple of clothes strewn about the floor.
When Buffy realized that Dawn wasn't home yet, she had a sudden pang of loneliness. More me time, whoopee. And then she realized that she could go visit Spike.
No one would bother her, or ask he questions, or make her rush, and she wouldn't have to lie.
Over the last few months, Buffy had made trips to Spike's grave more and more frequently. At first it had been too hard, too painful, as soon as she would get there, she would cry. Cry because he was gone, cry because of all of the sadness that had occurred after they defeated the first, and because she lost him, and her friends.
It would be too overwhelming, too difficult to deal with all at once, and so she didn't go near his grave, or his old crypt for months, trying in vain to shut the memory of that day out of her life. But the longer she tried to forget about him, the harder it became. Until finally one day she went, and let years of fighting and death and pain come out. She cried, and screamed and sobbed, and not because she wanted to, or because she was forced to, but because she needed to.
For years she had been the slayer, always wondering if the next day would be her last, and then in a blink of an eye, it was over. They had defeated the first and all of the demons that had fought with it.
All demons that did not have a soul, or weren't human hybrids, were banished to the underworld, and Buffy was free.
Honestly she didn't know whether to laugh or cry . Being the slayer was who she was, or so she thought. For so many years, that had been her place in the world, and now she felt lost. She didn't know where she belonged. And the one person who could tell her the truth, the one person that would show her were she fit in, was gone.
Sometimes she wondered is she missed the thought of Spike, or Spike himself. The last few months between them had been so different, they had become so close......
She shut the last thought out of her mind, as she picked a white and red flowered dress from her closet. She didn't have much time, and if she wanted to visit him before everyone got home she needed to hurry.
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The trips to Spike's grave, had been pleasant, the warm weather from the day before, was still intact, and the semi-cool breeze made Buffy feel tranquil. She carefully pushed her way through the bushes that guarded Spike's grace like a fortress, attempting to avoid thorns.
Once on the other side, she continued with her usual ritual, walking over and onto the soft grass that encircled his gravestone. She took off the sandals she was wearing before she kneeled in front of the tombstone, and then sat on the back of her legs, shifting her weight to the side, as she pulled stray pieces of blonde hair from her face and placing it behind her ear.
Buffy began to speak, she wanted to say something witty, or silly as she usually did, but this time seemed different. She could feel his presence so strongly, and it had caught her voice in her throat. She breathed in and out deeply, as if to calm herself. She lovingly traced her fingers along the letters of his name.
"Buffy," she suddenly heard a voice whisper behind her.
It had taken her by surprise, and at the same time, she knew someone had been there all along. She was afraid to turn around, and see who the voice belonged to, but honestly it didn't matter, because she already knew.
Authors Note: I hope you all enjoyed this long chapter and have many many reviews to write for me, because you know I will give you cookies if you do. What kind of cookies you ask? Well any kind you want of course:)