The man's name was Paul Larson. He had been born on the shores of Junon at seven pounds, three ounces, to the proud parents Jack Larson, and Doll Larson- maiden name Chang. When he was seven, he had broken his left fibula the first time he had tried to ride a bike through an oak tree, and had managed to reaggravate the injury on the following eight attempts, leaving a highly operated upon bone that ached when it rained and would get sore at the slightest provocation.
So it was probably lucky that the rail road spike, which was staying upright by what seemed to be only the gravitational pull caused by Paul's terrified shaking, had been positioned over his right hand as opposed to near the oft injured skeletal component. Lucky in the same form that finding a dollar on the street because you were thrown ten feet through the air by a semi truck only to land on top of it, but lucky nonetheless.
"How hard," Reno said, pausing only for effect as he continued to pace around the terrified Paul. His ordeal with Rude had awakened a hunger for this sort of work again, so when the well endowed stewardess had come in demanding they find out where her husband went while she was away on her job only to find Tseng out of the office, Reno had been nice enough to step in and take the job at half his usual fee. Though she had been a bit uncomfortable performing a sexual favor in order to find out whether or not her spouse was being faithful, she had been appreciative that she hadn't had to do it on video tape. Suddenly, Reno snapped out of that happy memory, and realized he was in the middle of a threat. "Do you think I would need to swing this to drive it clean through the table?"
The question was purely rhetorical, of course. It didn't have to be, but considering that Paul's mouth was currently stuffed full of some rapidly unpleasant textured panty hose, that is the way the question stood in this particular situation. Eyes white in fear, Paul let loose with a half hearted mumble and continued to count the steps of his captor in his head, hoping that the inane exercise would keep his mind off the massive sledge hammer Reno had clutched in his hands.
The sledge hammer wasn't necessary, of course. In fact, it was almost counter productive to the cause of driving spikes through something as vulnerable as flesh, bone, and wood, due to the fact that after it put the spike through the hammer itself would almost certainly follow suit, producing a much larger hole than the spike had intended. Still, Reno thought, he had just been begging for someone to direct the words 'over compensation' at him all this week. Just begging.
After placing his foot distinctly on Paul's right leg, Reno leaned in close, his blood shot eyes narrowing as an evil smile split his face. He whispered a quick, alcohol infused goodbye to the man's ability to shoot a bow and arrow, before lifting the hammer high up and above his head, not feeling bothered for a second that the gag's continued stay in his captive's mouth prevented all possible halt to what was about to happen.
"DAMNIT TURKEY!" Yuffie stormed into the room wearing nothing but a towel and a frown, her hair sopping wet and precipitation dripping from her skin, giving her the distinct look of someone who had recently been in the presence of liquid. "YOU USED UP ALL THE HOT WATER IN THE SHOWER AGAIN!"
The Shin-Ra headquarters bathroom was a thing of legend. Open to anyone in a blue suit who needed it, Tseng's incessant attention to detail and utter inability to exist in an enviroment that ranked below spotless had long since lead to the hiring of a cleaning service that focussed on that room alone. Though Reno had been doing his best to counter act the irritating shine that the entire room seemed to hold with frequent usage, it appeared his extra long shower after receiving his latest clients payment had a side effect besides cleaning him off and dirtying up the place. And, since the bathroom was clean on the other side of the building, it meant Yuffie was pissed enough about it to march all the way across the place while half naked.
Reno blinked at her disbelievingly, not just because she was currently showing more leg than he thought she actually had, but because she had interrupted the big dramatic moment before he 'accidentally' knocked the mans gag out and received not only the exact details of the mans travels while his wife was at work, but definitely enough offered money that he could afford to rewire his whole EMR. The thing had started shooting an extra puff of sparks out after electrocuting someone, a fact which he found revoltingly similar to orgasm, and the last thing he needed in life was another connection between sex and murder.
"Uh, Yuffie," he said slowly, "I'm sort of busy right now."
"You," she hissed at him, jabbing a finger at his chest and hoisting the towel up another inch, rapidly nearing the point where she might just want to use it as a turban for all the good it would do her. "Were apparently sort of busy this morning. In the shower. For about a half hour. Now look, I know it takes longer standing up, but maybe you could order some of those Viagrabation pills or something."
From his spot in the chair and behind the gag, Paul chuckled. Reno instantly shot him a look that was both furious and pleased, because it had been a long time since the red haired Turk had felt justified in using the railroad spike with the salt coating. Using that glance as a parting remark, Reno seized Yuffie by the upper arm and drug her from the room, slamming the door behind them.
"I can't believe," he snarled at her, "you just ruined my interrogation."
"And I can't believe," she snarled back, "I had to take a shower using cold water."
Idly, Reno glanced down at her towel, then looked back up with a triumphant smirk. "The basic laws of human anatomy beg to differ."
Even later, when the spot she had smacked him had started to swell, Reno was particularly proud of catching her off guard with that statement.
"You are so inconsiderate!" she yelled at him.
"And you are such a brat!" he yelled right back.
"Turkey," she growled.
"Klepto," he retorted.
"Jerk!"
"Jail bait!"
"Asshole!"
"Cheerleader!"
Yuffies eyes widened. "That was low," she muttered, not because she didn't want him to hear but because the low murmur was all he needed to do so. The two had gotten closer together in the course of their yelling, and were both currently experiencing the unpleasant sensation of having your forehead pressed against the forehead of another human being, and were thus forcing themselves to remember that no matter what their vision currently told them, the other person was not really a cyclops.
They decided to rectify the temporary illusion by seeing if the other one happened to taste like a cyclops, but after several minutes of frantic, flushed kissing that featured Reno cursing the God that made towels so hard to send fluttering into non-existence, Yuffie realized she still didn't feel any better about the fact she had woken up to a brisk morning ice bath. Besides, the light was bouncing off something in Reno's ear, and it was getting really distracting when she tried to nibble the lobe. Angrily, she pushed him back away, and he leered at her. "If we are going down this route again," he said, "I'm going to need to go find some handcuffs."
"Reno," she asked, her voice falling in sudden surprised recognition, and utterly ignoring his lewd statement, "why are you wearing one of my earrings?"
He blinked at her once, then again. For some reason that question seemed odder than her bursting in on him half naked while he tortured a potentially unfaithful husband, a service his wife had paid with via a service of her own. "I damn well better not be."
"Funny," she said, "I thought the same thing as that. Except you are. Right now."
Idly, he reached up and grabbed his ear, expertly uncinched the jewelry from it and pulled it down for closer inspection. He dangled it in front of the light for a moment, and then gave a surprised sort of snort. "Huh, that's odd."
"Why were you in my jewelry box?" Yuffie asked him icily.
"Why would you say that?" Reno asked, and then realized a denial might have been a better response.
"Well, call me crazy," Yuffie said slowly, "but when I keep something in a little box, and then I see someone else with that something, I assume that someone interacted with the little box in some form or another."
Reno paused, giving her a speculative look. "Are you coming onto me?" he asked.
"Oh shut up!" she yelled. "I want to know what you were doing in my stuff, and I want to know now!"
"Are you sure?" he asked, voice rising almost as if he were challenging her.
"Yes!" she screamed at him, grabbing the front of his shirt in both hands and shaking him, only stopping when she saw him produce a dark black velvet box and hold it out in front of her nose.
"Well," he said, "I was trying to find out what size to have this made in."
Hands shaking, Yuffie reached up and seized the box, pulling it to her as if the container itself was what she coveted. A moment later, she snapped it open, revealing a sparkling golden band riddled with small red jewels that were so obviously...
"...summon materia," she said breathlessly, "my favorite." She paused for a moment, looking almost sick, and then dove into Reno's arms, wrapping her own around his neck and pulling him tight to her in a truly involving outburst, though the fact she tucked the ring safely away in her towel first was not lost on the red haired Turk. "Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes!"
Feeling suddenly a bit dry throated, Reno opened his mouth to say something in response, but was instantly cut off by another stream of ecstatic babble. "You have no idea what a turn on little bits of crystallized mako are. Seriously. As soon as I some clothes on I'm going to get this validated as real at the local pawn shop, and then confirm its not stolen at the police station, and then I am going to wear your pelvis clean through."
And with that she was gone, in a cloud of youthful bubliness and matured greed, leaving Reno looking after her with a rather dazed expression. He remained that way for some time until Tseng walked up behind him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders, still quite stunned himself at what he had viewed and overhead over the headquarters security system.
"Did you just give her the engagement ring Rudes trying to keep hidden from Elena?" he asked Reno calmly.
"Yep."
"So you're going to have to pay to get him a new one." Tseng continued.
"Yep."
"One that's more expensive to appeal the fact that you gave it away," Tseng went on, though he was fairly sure financial situations were the least of his employees problem.
"Yep."
"But still looks worse so Yuffie doesn't demand a better one," Tseng said, thinking aloud.
"Uh-huh."
"And there is, of course, the whole part where you need to get out of this marriage, probably bringing down kicks to the genitals and possibly being lit on fire as you sleep," Tseng said in one breath, nearly shaking pity.
"Maybe..."
"Or you could submit yourself to a life where you get everything you get now, except your taxes are higher and you never get to be alone."
"Yes," Reno said, his shoulders slumped, "That is what I meant by maybe."
Tseng nodded, content to simply bask in the misery of his friend, but then a sudden bout of curiosity overcame him that he couldn't ignore. "What were you *really* doing in her jewelry box?"
Reno shrugged, "Looking for a place to store crystal meth."
Tseng raised an eyebrow, having not really asked the question that occurred to him, "May I ask...?"
Reno glanced over at him with the empty eyes of a damned man. "For the love of God why I gave her the ring?"
"That's what I was going to ask, yes."
With a resigned look upon his face, Reno briefly wondered if he could talk Paul into shooting him, especially after he told him how he'd got to third base with his wife about two hours ago. "...it seemed easier than arguing with her"
So it was probably lucky that the rail road spike, which was staying upright by what seemed to be only the gravitational pull caused by Paul's terrified shaking, had been positioned over his right hand as opposed to near the oft injured skeletal component. Lucky in the same form that finding a dollar on the street because you were thrown ten feet through the air by a semi truck only to land on top of it, but lucky nonetheless.
"How hard," Reno said, pausing only for effect as he continued to pace around the terrified Paul. His ordeal with Rude had awakened a hunger for this sort of work again, so when the well endowed stewardess had come in demanding they find out where her husband went while she was away on her job only to find Tseng out of the office, Reno had been nice enough to step in and take the job at half his usual fee. Though she had been a bit uncomfortable performing a sexual favor in order to find out whether or not her spouse was being faithful, she had been appreciative that she hadn't had to do it on video tape. Suddenly, Reno snapped out of that happy memory, and realized he was in the middle of a threat. "Do you think I would need to swing this to drive it clean through the table?"
The question was purely rhetorical, of course. It didn't have to be, but considering that Paul's mouth was currently stuffed full of some rapidly unpleasant textured panty hose, that is the way the question stood in this particular situation. Eyes white in fear, Paul let loose with a half hearted mumble and continued to count the steps of his captor in his head, hoping that the inane exercise would keep his mind off the massive sledge hammer Reno had clutched in his hands.
The sledge hammer wasn't necessary, of course. In fact, it was almost counter productive to the cause of driving spikes through something as vulnerable as flesh, bone, and wood, due to the fact that after it put the spike through the hammer itself would almost certainly follow suit, producing a much larger hole than the spike had intended. Still, Reno thought, he had just been begging for someone to direct the words 'over compensation' at him all this week. Just begging.
After placing his foot distinctly on Paul's right leg, Reno leaned in close, his blood shot eyes narrowing as an evil smile split his face. He whispered a quick, alcohol infused goodbye to the man's ability to shoot a bow and arrow, before lifting the hammer high up and above his head, not feeling bothered for a second that the gag's continued stay in his captive's mouth prevented all possible halt to what was about to happen.
"DAMNIT TURKEY!" Yuffie stormed into the room wearing nothing but a towel and a frown, her hair sopping wet and precipitation dripping from her skin, giving her the distinct look of someone who had recently been in the presence of liquid. "YOU USED UP ALL THE HOT WATER IN THE SHOWER AGAIN!"
The Shin-Ra headquarters bathroom was a thing of legend. Open to anyone in a blue suit who needed it, Tseng's incessant attention to detail and utter inability to exist in an enviroment that ranked below spotless had long since lead to the hiring of a cleaning service that focussed on that room alone. Though Reno had been doing his best to counter act the irritating shine that the entire room seemed to hold with frequent usage, it appeared his extra long shower after receiving his latest clients payment had a side effect besides cleaning him off and dirtying up the place. And, since the bathroom was clean on the other side of the building, it meant Yuffie was pissed enough about it to march all the way across the place while half naked.
Reno blinked at her disbelievingly, not just because she was currently showing more leg than he thought she actually had, but because she had interrupted the big dramatic moment before he 'accidentally' knocked the mans gag out and received not only the exact details of the mans travels while his wife was at work, but definitely enough offered money that he could afford to rewire his whole EMR. The thing had started shooting an extra puff of sparks out after electrocuting someone, a fact which he found revoltingly similar to orgasm, and the last thing he needed in life was another connection between sex and murder.
"Uh, Yuffie," he said slowly, "I'm sort of busy right now."
"You," she hissed at him, jabbing a finger at his chest and hoisting the towel up another inch, rapidly nearing the point where she might just want to use it as a turban for all the good it would do her. "Were apparently sort of busy this morning. In the shower. For about a half hour. Now look, I know it takes longer standing up, but maybe you could order some of those Viagrabation pills or something."
From his spot in the chair and behind the gag, Paul chuckled. Reno instantly shot him a look that was both furious and pleased, because it had been a long time since the red haired Turk had felt justified in using the railroad spike with the salt coating. Using that glance as a parting remark, Reno seized Yuffie by the upper arm and drug her from the room, slamming the door behind them.
"I can't believe," he snarled at her, "you just ruined my interrogation."
"And I can't believe," she snarled back, "I had to take a shower using cold water."
Idly, Reno glanced down at her towel, then looked back up with a triumphant smirk. "The basic laws of human anatomy beg to differ."
Even later, when the spot she had smacked him had started to swell, Reno was particularly proud of catching her off guard with that statement.
"You are so inconsiderate!" she yelled at him.
"And you are such a brat!" he yelled right back.
"Turkey," she growled.
"Klepto," he retorted.
"Jerk!"
"Jail bait!"
"Asshole!"
"Cheerleader!"
Yuffies eyes widened. "That was low," she muttered, not because she didn't want him to hear but because the low murmur was all he needed to do so. The two had gotten closer together in the course of their yelling, and were both currently experiencing the unpleasant sensation of having your forehead pressed against the forehead of another human being, and were thus forcing themselves to remember that no matter what their vision currently told them, the other person was not really a cyclops.
They decided to rectify the temporary illusion by seeing if the other one happened to taste like a cyclops, but after several minutes of frantic, flushed kissing that featured Reno cursing the God that made towels so hard to send fluttering into non-existence, Yuffie realized she still didn't feel any better about the fact she had woken up to a brisk morning ice bath. Besides, the light was bouncing off something in Reno's ear, and it was getting really distracting when she tried to nibble the lobe. Angrily, she pushed him back away, and he leered at her. "If we are going down this route again," he said, "I'm going to need to go find some handcuffs."
"Reno," she asked, her voice falling in sudden surprised recognition, and utterly ignoring his lewd statement, "why are you wearing one of my earrings?"
He blinked at her once, then again. For some reason that question seemed odder than her bursting in on him half naked while he tortured a potentially unfaithful husband, a service his wife had paid with via a service of her own. "I damn well better not be."
"Funny," she said, "I thought the same thing as that. Except you are. Right now."
Idly, he reached up and grabbed his ear, expertly uncinched the jewelry from it and pulled it down for closer inspection. He dangled it in front of the light for a moment, and then gave a surprised sort of snort. "Huh, that's odd."
"Why were you in my jewelry box?" Yuffie asked him icily.
"Why would you say that?" Reno asked, and then realized a denial might have been a better response.
"Well, call me crazy," Yuffie said slowly, "but when I keep something in a little box, and then I see someone else with that something, I assume that someone interacted with the little box in some form or another."
Reno paused, giving her a speculative look. "Are you coming onto me?" he asked.
"Oh shut up!" she yelled. "I want to know what you were doing in my stuff, and I want to know now!"
"Are you sure?" he asked, voice rising almost as if he were challenging her.
"Yes!" she screamed at him, grabbing the front of his shirt in both hands and shaking him, only stopping when she saw him produce a dark black velvet box and hold it out in front of her nose.
"Well," he said, "I was trying to find out what size to have this made in."
Hands shaking, Yuffie reached up and seized the box, pulling it to her as if the container itself was what she coveted. A moment later, she snapped it open, revealing a sparkling golden band riddled with small red jewels that were so obviously...
"...summon materia," she said breathlessly, "my favorite." She paused for a moment, looking almost sick, and then dove into Reno's arms, wrapping her own around his neck and pulling him tight to her in a truly involving outburst, though the fact she tucked the ring safely away in her towel first was not lost on the red haired Turk. "Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes!"
Feeling suddenly a bit dry throated, Reno opened his mouth to say something in response, but was instantly cut off by another stream of ecstatic babble. "You have no idea what a turn on little bits of crystallized mako are. Seriously. As soon as I some clothes on I'm going to get this validated as real at the local pawn shop, and then confirm its not stolen at the police station, and then I am going to wear your pelvis clean through."
And with that she was gone, in a cloud of youthful bubliness and matured greed, leaving Reno looking after her with a rather dazed expression. He remained that way for some time until Tseng walked up behind him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders, still quite stunned himself at what he had viewed and overhead over the headquarters security system.
"Did you just give her the engagement ring Rudes trying to keep hidden from Elena?" he asked Reno calmly.
"Yep."
"So you're going to have to pay to get him a new one." Tseng continued.
"Yep."
"One that's more expensive to appeal the fact that you gave it away," Tseng went on, though he was fairly sure financial situations were the least of his employees problem.
"Yep."
"But still looks worse so Yuffie doesn't demand a better one," Tseng said, thinking aloud.
"Uh-huh."
"And there is, of course, the whole part where you need to get out of this marriage, probably bringing down kicks to the genitals and possibly being lit on fire as you sleep," Tseng said in one breath, nearly shaking pity.
"Maybe..."
"Or you could submit yourself to a life where you get everything you get now, except your taxes are higher and you never get to be alone."
"Yes," Reno said, his shoulders slumped, "That is what I meant by maybe."
Tseng nodded, content to simply bask in the misery of his friend, but then a sudden bout of curiosity overcame him that he couldn't ignore. "What were you *really* doing in her jewelry box?"
Reno shrugged, "Looking for a place to store crystal meth."
Tseng raised an eyebrow, having not really asked the question that occurred to him, "May I ask...?"
Reno glanced over at him with the empty eyes of a damned man. "For the love of God why I gave her the ring?"
"That's what I was going to ask, yes."
With a resigned look upon his face, Reno briefly wondered if he could talk Paul into shooting him, especially after he told him how he'd got to third base with his wife about two hours ago. "...it seemed easier than arguing with her"