Disclaimer: If anyone's worried I just want you to know that I'm safe and secure for the moment, although I've heard from sources that Joss is out looking for me day and night. See I knew he would cave in eventually, it was only a matter of time before he fell victim to my sinister charms. Muuwaahh ha ha ha!
A/N: Not much is new at the moment, thank you all again for your lovely reviews, it makes me a happy happy girl. Enjoy Chapter 7 my pretties!! The quote below is by Johnny Rzeznik. And from the last chapter it was Matchbox Twenty.
Better Man
Chapter 7
Second Chances
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same.
I'm the one now,
Cause I'm still here
The following morning Spike awoke to the distinct smell of bacon. It wasn't so much that he loved bacon, but more that his stomach had sensed food from the other room, and then declared that sleep was no longer an option.
Slowly he pulled himself up from the couch he had been sleeping on since the previous night. At first he was surprised that Buffy had offered him the couch, certain she would want him to return to the basement or otherwise. But when she had thrown him a pillow and blanket, ordering him to sleep at 10 p.m. sharp, he didn't even pretend to protest. Instead simply followed her orders in silent merriment.
Presently he was searching for his shirt which he had discarded sometime during the night. When he found the black t-shirt he'd been looking for, he quickly fitted it over his head, and then ran a hand through his messy blonde curls.
As he made his way into the kitchen, he was surprised to find Buffy standing at the oven, flipping slices of bacon, while pouring pancake mix into the pan on the next burner. On the counter top of the island he saw an array of already cooked breakfast food, consisting of eggs, fruit, a pile of pancakes, and a few frozen waffles from the toaster.
Spike smirked, as he came up behind Buffy, resting his body on the sink a few feet away.
"So when did you go all Julia Child, pet?"
Buffy jumped back a bit, not noticing he was in the room.
She looked over at him, and gave a quick pout before holding her head up high in defiance. "I've always been a fabulous cook, you were just never around to experience my talent."
He laughed out loud at that, and just shook his head. Who's this chit trying to fool.
"Ok maybe not, but I sure as hell try, and I can at least do breakfast food, so sit down and shut up, or no food for you, " she smiled teasingly.
"Yes ma'am," he saluted, grabbing a plate on his way.
Buffy finished frying what was left of the bacon, and turned around placing the remaining pieces on the plate with the others. She then switched off the oven and grabbed the spatula nearby. "So what's your fancy?"
"Hmmm, I'll take two pancakes, two waffles, six bacon slices, and a cup of tea if you don't mind."
"So that rumor about the English and their tea is true, you really do drink it with every meal," she joked, gathering the food and placing it on plates for each of them.
"Well, I think the Watcher abused his tea drinking privileges, but for all intents and purposes, yeah, we British blokes love our spot of tea. Although I do suggest that you keep this little secret between you and me," he said while shoving a mouthful of maple syrup drenched pancake into his mouth.
"Cross my heart," she replied, a look of sadness creeping over her face.
Spike watched her for a second, realizing what he'd said. "You still miss him, don't you?"
"It's hard not to. He was the only father I had for so long.......it feels so strange without him now," she said apprehensively.
Spike nodded, "I understand luv, he was a part of your family."
She looked at him thoughtfully, knowing full well that he understood what it felt like to lose someone you loved. He had lost so much in his life, Buffy didn't know how he handled it all sometimes. Probably the same way she did, she figured, by killing things, or being overly self-destructive. But that was in the past. And so she pushed the unpleasant thoughts from her head, bringing a piece of bacon up to her mouth to eat.
"What do you wanna do today?"
He raised an eyebrow at her curiously, knowing all too well the diversionary tactics of Buffy Summers, and deciding it best to let her change the topic of conversation. "Don't know figured I stick around here for awhile, it's alright with you, yeah?"
"No I mean, what would you like to do today? All the guys said they could meet up here tonight to research, but that's not until like seven or eight. So what would you like to do for your semi-first normal day, as a human," she asked, a hint of excitement in her voice that Spike couldn't remember hearing for a long time.
He sat there for a moment thinking about the question presented before him. It seemed like such an odd idea to him. Spike, a human........and normal? What was the world coming to? He sat there for a moment, until a slow evil grin appeared across his face.
"Can I do anything I want," he asked, looking up at her with a innocent expression.
"Anything at all," Buffy answered, putting the dirty dishes in the sink.
Spike began to laugh more to himself than anyone, but it was a mischievous laugh, and Buffy could tell. She stopped suddenly, knowing he was up to something.
"Why," she faced him," what do you have in mind?"
She peered at him sternly, crossing her arms over her chest, as if already in protest.
And all Spike could do was flash her his most charming smile.
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"I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS," Buffy screamed into Spike's ear.
"OH COME ON SLAYER, LIVE A LITTLE......THIS IS GREAT," he yelled back to her.
"BUT MY HAIR'S GETTING ALL WIND BLOWY AND I REALLY NEED A BATHROOM BREAK, SO CAN WE STOP FOR FIVE MINUTES, PLEASE."
Spike frowned, and although Buffy couldn't see his pouting, she knew he wasn't happy about this.
Earlier that day Spike had convinced her that one of the most exhilarating and relaxing things you could do was take a bike ride. However, he failed to mention that this "bike" would be a rented Harley Davidson motorcycle, and that Buffy would be riding said motorcycle with Spike, on the back roads of the Sunnydale Valley, at 90 miles per hour.
She had to admit the wind blowing in her hair had been fun at first, the sights were absolutely gorgeous, and the feeling of flying down the open road, freedom all around her, was a great adrenaline rush. Plus having an excuse to be so close to Spike, to hold onto him was nice as well, but now Buffy had had enough. After three hours and 12 hair knots later, she was ready to be back inside, where people didn't have to worry about bugs flying at their face.
Once they had rested from the exciting after noon, Buffy had decided to take Spike to her favorite Italian restaurant. And for the remainder of the day they had talked about anything and everything that had happened over the last year and before.
Everything seemed to be going so well, and oddly enough they hadn't received any interferences, even from the rest of the gang. And so she told Spike about how she'd opened her own self-defense school for kids and adults. She taught during the late afternoons and evenings, and switched off with other girls that had offered to teach at the school as well. That way she had time to spend with Dawn and the gang during her free time.
They also discussed Dawn's recent adventures, and this new situation she had with a boy named Maddox. Suddenly Spike felt the need to meet this boy, and make him feel very nervous, for even thinking about wanting to bee seen with his lil' bit.
They talked for hours, and it seemed so natural to both of them, that to watch them, you would have thought they were old friends. But they weren't, and that's what was so difficult. Because they continued to avoid the one conversation they knew needed to be had. The one conversation that would change the their lives forever.
**********************************
When the rest of the gang came over that night to research Spike's new leap into humanity, Spike could feel himself become apprehensive about the whole situation. Buffy had been in and out of the kitchen for the past half hour getting snacks ready for when they began to research. Dawn mean while sat in front of the television, throwing out sarcastic remarks at the occupants of the Real World and how everyone seemingly felt the need to "hook up" with everyone else in the house.
Spike watched her for a moment, considering joining her in her rant against the MTV-generation, until he saw Willow and Xander walk into the room, laughing about something they were talking about.
"So then, he comes in and says to me 'Harris I need you to grab my pills,' and I go 'sure,' and then I hear Luiz in the back ground say,'yeah, wouldn't to forget to take you're daily Viagra,'" Xander finishes, trying to poorly imitate a Spanish accent.
Willow looks at him shocked."Are you serious," she asks laughing as the two of them walk into the living room.
"Totally and completely my little redheaded friend."
As they came in and sat their supplies down on the coffee table, Buffy walked in from the kitchen holding a bowl of popcorn in one arm, and a bag of chips in the other. Once she saw everyone around the table she smiled, until she began to lose grip on the bowl she was holding. Quickly Spike jumped from his position and over to her catching the bowl before it fell.
"Aww isn't that sweet, and I thought chivalry was dead," Xander said jokingly.
Buffy smiled at Spike quickly, but before she could say anything Spike responded. "Yeah and you would know wouldn't you mate."
"Ok enough with the idiotic banter, I came barring food for our party," Buffy interjected, sitting down the bag of chips.
"I wouldn't really call this a party pet,"Spike said, situating himself next to Buffy.
"Hey, it definitely beats out watching Deep Space Nine in my underwear," Xander replied with a nod, grabbing a handful of M&M's from the bag.
"Ok that's way too much information, but see, he agrees with me," Buffy piped, nudging Spike with her left elbow.
Xander scratched his head in concentration,"Well ya know, except for that one episode when that hot chick was with those Vulcan's and..........WHAT," he stopped mid thought, when he saw everyone staring at him.
"What did I tell you," Dawn asked, bring her hand up and sticking it out in front of him palm up.
He watched her for a moment, confused about what she was doing. "What? What did I do," he looked helplessly at the others.
"We agreed that the next time you mentioned Deep Space Nine, Star wars, and/or your philosophical interpretations of Lord of the Rings, that you pay me one geek dollar, now go on pay up," she said, swinging her hand back and forth.
"Hey now....I was just saying-."
"Nuuh uh uh, what did we agree," Dawn questioned, cutting him off.
"FINE. HERE," he huffed out with a look of defeat, pushing the dollar bill from his wallet into her outstretched hand. All the while Buffy and Willow continued to laugh, and Spike had a curious smirk across on his face.
Xander returned all their smiles with a bewildered pout, and turned to pick up a book from the small pile they had brought.
"Sorry we couldn't find more to bring,"Willow said, also picking up a couple from the pile, "but since the counsel was destroyed, and everything else......we didn't have a lot to choose from."
Buffy gave her a reassuring smile, "It's ok Will, I know."
Dawn sat there for the last few moments watching everyone's good mood descend at the mere mention of their lost friend. She decided now was not the time to get down, especially when Spike had just come back, there was so much to be grateful for. Snapping out of her thoughts, she grabbed one of the thicker volumes from the pile and slammed it on the table. Surprised by the abrupt outburst, everyone looked up at her alarmed.
"Come on guys, lets get some energy back in this room, we're gonna need it, we've got a lot of work to do."
********************************************
It was around 1 a.m. when Buffy woke up to hear the sound of a women's hair removal infomercial on the television. She scanned the room, and saw Xander laying spread out across the floor, one arm supporting his head as he slept. Willow and Dawn sat opposite each other in separate sofa chairs, each girl in deep slumber.
She looked to the end of the couch where she had expected to see Spike sprawled out, both arms stretched out behind him in his usual state of sleep. But instead all she found was a crease in the couch from where he had been.
For a moment she felt herself begin to panic, afraid the last 24 hours had only been another one of her dreams. She moved to wake up Dawn, to see if she remembered everything that had happened, when she felt a cool gust of wind come in from the kitchen. He was outside.
Buffy patted her way into through the kitchen and onto the porch, noticing him sitting there, his head placed in his hands. For a moment she watched him, wondering what was going through his mind, if he was thinking of her.
"Something wrong pet," he asked softly, never once moving from his position.
She gave a little jump of surprise and then sat down beside him, concern written all over her face. "I could ask you the same thing."
He chuckled to himself, and thought of how loaded a question like that really was.
"Why are you out here alone?"
"I dunno, I couldn't sleep, guess I have a bit much on my mind," he paused for a moment hesitant to share more," been havin' some nasty dreams ever since I came back, so I don't sleep much during the night."
"Dreams about what happened before," she asked, looking deeply into his eyes.
He watched her face, saw her emotions changing constantly, from concern, to worry, to understanding. Wanting so badly to brush his fingers across the smooth surface of her skin, touch her lips with his own. But he didn't, instead he looked back at his own hands, the feeling of loneliness creeping over him again.
"Yeah, pretty much," he finally replied.
Buffy watched his expression switch for a moment, saw the glimmer in his eyes come alive as he gazed upon her face. But as soon as it had come, it was gone, and Buffy felt the loss of his eyes upon her. She so badly wanted to figure out what was going on, so they both could understand why he had returned, and for what purpose.
"Everything's going to be ok Spike. I don't know how, but it will be, I promise."
It was the last two words that surprised him, making his heart jump inside, and the instant she said it, he looked up at her really smiling for the first time that night.
It wasn't so much that he smiled at her that made her reach out and touch him, lightly tracing the outline of his face with her fingers, then rubbing her thumb slowly over his bottom lip. It was that when he smiled at her that way, she knew he had hope, and in doing that it gave her back a little bit of the hope she'd lost.
As she continued to caress him his only thoughts were of how much he missed her. He missed her eyes, and her hair, the way she smelled at night, the way she would smile at you and give you faith that everything would work out, because she wouldn't have it any other way. And slowly before he knew it he brought his hand up to the side of her cheek, and pulled her lips to his. It was the most gentle kiss, barely a kiss at all. But oh could he feel it. The softness of her lips grazing his, it was ecstasy, exactly like he remembered, and in some ways it was like their very first time. He moved to deepen the kiss when he felt her slowly move back.
She looked at him affectionately, grabbing his hand lightly, running her fingers over the tops of his.
"I just....I-I need more...um.," she stuttered trying to convey her thoughts to him properly.
"I understand," he simply said, lacing his fingers through hers. And so they sat, until the pinks and oranges mixed with the blues of the night the night and sunrise came over the horizon in the early morning.