Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the creator of all good, he is a man among men, the one true hero of our time!!! Or he could possibly be the devil incarnate, but I'll choose the latter.

A/N: Sorry I didn't update as soon as I said I would, but I've had tons of homework ( damn teachers, making us learn), and I also  went to a Guster concert this week. And if you've never heard of them you must right away, because they seriously rawk!!! Alright here's a spankin' new chappy for you, hope you enjoy, and remember to review!! The quote below is by Dana Glover.

Better Man

Chapter 13

My Own Private Iowa

I can't really tell you

What I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down

And one road to choose

So I'm thinking over

The things that you've said

Buffy had tried to delay the inevitable conversation she was supposed to have with her sister, by taking as long as humanly possible to put clothes on and go downstairs. As she made her way into the living room she saw to her surprise that Dawn was accompanied not just by Willow, but with Xander as well. She gave them all a rather skeptical look before settling her eyes on Dawn.

"What's going on?"

"Well me and Xan and Will had a Scooby meeting and decided that we needed to talk about what happened the other night," Dawn answered, looking back and forth between Buffy and her friends.

"You had a what?"

"A Scooby meeting," she repeated.

"Without me," Buffy quirked up her brow in question.

"Yeah."

"That's not allowed," she huffed crossing her arms over her body, pacing back in forth.

"Why not," Dawn glared at her.

"Because...because it's my house and I say so dammit," she threw back in lame defense.

Dawn chortled, shaking her head, "Oh, well since you put it that way."

"And, when did what happens between me and Spike, become common knowledge, and susceptible to public scrutiny," Buffy flung back at her sister, wondering when had everything gone so backwards in her life that her sister was having interventions for her relationship follies.

"Mostly because he's alone and sad and heartbroken, and you don't seem to care one bit, not too mention the fact that for the last week this house has been like living in a friggin' morgue. Your not happy Buffy, I can see that, Xander can see that, Willow can see that, why can't you," she pleaded to her sister, hoping to get through that all too tough exterior she knew Buffy put up in situations like this.

"That's not true I'm doing fine, really, this whole situation with Spike, was just a......it's better this way, with you and me and Angel things aren't complicated," Buffy perjured.

"Well I think you're making a gigantic-enormous-colossal mistake, and I'm not gonna let Spike walk out of both of our lives because you're afraid to show your feelings," Dawn stated with conviction.

Buffy looked to her friends for support, but when she found that their eyes averted away from her own, she knew she had to tell them the truth.

"It's not about what I feel......... it's about what Angel feels."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I don't want to hurt him Dawn," Buffy asserted.

"And what about Spike's feelings, huh? Do they matter at all to you, because you sure don't act like it," the brunette cried, throwing her hands up in the air.

Buffy watched the occupants of the room, afraid to finally be honest with herself or them about her feelings for a certain peroxide blonde man. She wondered over to the sofa and took a seat in the corner, fiddling with her hands nervously. She mulled over different ways to explain her thoughts, stopping when one in particular stuck.

"It might not seem like it," Buffy explained, " but I've thought about all of this about a thousand times a day, since Spike got back, and every time I think I've come to a final decision I realize that someone is going to get hurt and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

"But don't you think it's better to hurt someone a little now, then to hurt them more in the long run," Willow finally spoke out.

"I guess you're right. I don't know, I just have this feeling of total and utter confusion whenever I think about what I should, I don't know how to explain it."

"Well try," Dawn pleaded to her.

"Have you ever been in a situation," she began a moment later," where you feel like everything you've ever learned, all the advice everyone's ever given you is completely worthless. Because this one decision is something you're going to have to make on your own. And you know what you want, and you know what is right despite all the insecurities in your mind, but you still want to find the easy way out?"

Dawn shook her head in agreement, understanding her sister's words.

"You know this is a huge choice you're making, something that will change your life, and maybe the future will be better than you ever imagined, maybe it will be the biggest let down you've ever experienced, but all you really want to do is get back to normal, because that's what's safe," Buffy said, contemplating her thoughts, chuckling a little at the memory. "It's funny, but I remember this thing Riley told me once when he was homesick. He said that joining the military was one of the scariest things he had ever done, because it took him into this whole knew world filled with some of the worst beings imaginable. And whenever he would get too overwhelmed, too overcome by this new reality he'd been shown, that he would step back and remember his home. A place that would always live in his heart, something he could take anywhere he went. And I guess in this long drawn out speech, all I'm trying to say is that maybe I need to find my own private Iowa., my own home."

"Maybe you already have found it, but you're to scared to hold onto it Buffy," Dawn seethed, shaking her head in frustration. She then moved off of the chair she was sitting on, and with a quick glance to her sister, morosely retreated out of the room.

"Dawn wait," Buffy called out, going to follow her upset sibling.

"Let her go Buff," comforted Xander, "she wants to be angry with someone, no reason that someone should be you."

"She has a point though, I don't have a clue what I'm doing, in fact I think I may me hurting more people by doing nothing, than I would by doing something," she lamented, feeling that small twinge in her stomach come back to life whenever she knew she was hurting him.

"Very true," Willow nodded.

"Yeah pretty much," Xander shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

Buffy puffed out a sardonic laugh at their response, slumping down again on the couch. " Well it's good to know both of  you guys think I'm doing such a crappy job with my life."

"We so didn't even say that Miss Drama Queen, all we did was agree with you. Dawn's right, you haven't been happy," Xander commented, looking over to the redhead nearby him.

"I mean I thought some of the old Buffy had snuck in for a little while," Willow added," but this last week has been like Buffy version 2.0. We're used to Buffy 5.0, maybe even 6.0, but ever since Spi-, ever since everything happened last week its been strictly version 2.0.. And I guess I'm just worried. Maybe Dawn knows what she's talking about this time, you should think about who's really the right guy for you, who makes you happy."

"Will is right, it's not like Captain peroxide is my favorite person or anything, but I know what I see when your around him. Hell, I've been feelin' a bit of it myself lately," Xander looked away shyly, a slight smile in his eyes, and on his face.

"I know what you're saying," Buffy included, preoccupied with her own thoughts," its just tha- wait what you say," she questioned, looking up at her friends. "You've been feeling what lately?"

"Happy," Xander smiled.

"Happy? About what?"

Xander looked to Willow again, uncertain where to begin. He turned back to the blonde, biting his bottom lip softly. "Well it's kind of a long story...."

".....with a funny outcome," Willow added.

"That kind of resulted in....," Xander continued.

"......a double-date of sorts, that resulted in," furthered Willow.

"......more dates, so to say," finished Xander.

Meanwhile Buffy watched them in speechlessness, her eyes darting back and forth like a veritable tennis match was going on right in front of her. When they had failed to continue, an awkward silence flitted over the room.

"So hold on a second, you guys have been.....dating," she finally said. In response all she received was a silent nod, something she found quite amusing considering they seemed to almost be asking for her blessing.

"New people," Buffy also questioned, and was answered with another nod. "For a while? And that's why your all with the happy lately," she paused considering this. When she knew they couldn't handle the tension any longer, a slow smile, like that of cherish cat spread a crossed her face.

"Well that's great you guys, I mean that's really awesome, I'm glad for you, I am. I hadn't even noticed how cheery you both seemed lately. I'm supposed to notice stuff like that. God I'm a bad friend," she vented, running a hand over her face quickly.

Willow's own smile faded at her friend's current dismay, "No, you're a good friend, going through a rough time."

"That seems to be the perpetual cycle of my life doesn't it," she replied.

"Yeah I think we've all had our turns with the being a crappy-negligent-and-all-around-self-absorbed-friend. It just happens to be you turn again," Xander stated, patting his friend gently on the back.

"And I'm doing a bang up job of it," Buffy retorted.

"Don't' be so hard on yourself Buff, there's always a silver lining," the carpenter smiled.

Buffy looked at him, cocking her head to the side curiously. "Where is Xander and what have you done with him?"

"Oh he's in the wonderful, yet dreadful world of dating, but doing quite nicely considering," he answered with a charming grin.

Buffy and Willow looked to each other, and chuckled, "Well I think I like this new Xander, despite his penchant for over the top cheesy metaphor's."

"Hey I like that one," he solemnly declared.

"You would," Buffy retaliated, with another laugh.

************************************************

Ten days later, Dawn and Maddox found themselves treading along a deserted street. The sun was just going down over the orange painted horizon when they reached a small building on the edge of Sunnydale. At first glance it would seem as if it was abandoned, but the closer the pair got, the more they could see that what first appeared like a desolated apartment building, was really just a decrepit old motel.

"Are you sure he's here Dawn, cause this just doesn't seem like some place Spike would go," Maddox said his eyes shooting this way and that at every unusual noise.

"I'm sure," Dawn waved him off, looking again at the small piece of paper in her hand," this is the place he told me on the phone," she maintained, pointing to a large neon sign just above their heads, dirt and grime covered the dimly lit letters that read: St. Mary's Motel, "See it's religious Maddox.

He smiled at her uneasily as they came up to the front desk, a large piece of plexy glass surrounding it to prevent intruders from stealing or harming anyone inside. When neither of them noticed anyone around, Dawn knocked on the glass for a minute, until she noticed a rather unclean, overweight, and very drunk man step right in front of the small dotted circle in the glass for speaking.

"Can I help you," he burped , scratching his belly underneath his sweat stained cut-off shirt.

"Yeah, we need a-."

"$17.50 a night for the room, $10.00 deposit for the sheets....You go straight to the top of the-."

"Actually we were just looking for our friend Spike, we think he might be staying here, do you know him" Maddox interjected.

"Never heard of 'em," he answered disinterested.

Dawn pulled out a twenty dollar bill from her pocket, holding it up in front of the man enticing. "He's got white blonde hair, British accent, medium build, wears a lot a black, not too social."

The man watched the money sway back and forth until it landed on the counter before him, " Just outside, three doors down to your right, room number 215."

"Thank you" Dawn nodded, grabbing her companion by the arm, and escorting him outside with her.

"Well that's a handy trick you did there," Maddox mused.

"Yeah and it only cost me twenty bucks," she huffed, knocking on the green chipped door marked 215.

The couple waited quietly for a few moments, until they heard rustling on the other side of the door. As the figure came closer they could hear his voice mutter, "I already told you twice today I don't need any bloody housekeeping."

Spike swung the door open quickly, halting abruptly when he saw Dawn in front of him, instead of the short pudgy woman in an apron he had come so accustom too.

"Well that's good, because Hell would have to freeze over before I'd touch your dirty laundry," Dawn quipped, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

Spike shot her an irritated glare, crossing his arms in front of his wrinkled black shirt, something he'd obviously been wearing for days. "What are you doin' here bit?"

Dawn surveyed his appearance noticing his unwashed clothing, and messing blonde locks. The dark circles under his eyes, seeming more apparent in the last rays of sunlight, than they would of in dark of his motel room. But despite his obvious desire not to see her right now, she knew she had a purpose, and she wasn't leaving until he heard everything she had to tell him.

"I was worried about you, I wanted to see if you were ok. And so did Maddox, "she added quickly, "we were both worried sick, right Maddox," she finished, shooting him a quick pleading glance.

"Oh uh yeah, of course, deathly worried," he answered weakly.

"Riiiiight," Spike said sarcastically, looking from Maddox to Dawn amused. "I told you not to come by here pet, I'm fine, and it's not safe for you anyway, what with all the .....burglars and drug people about."

Dawn puffed out a laugh, " Oh yes, you've got to watch out for those random street burglars, they'll swipe your finery before you can blink an eye."

"You know what I mean, " he said sternly.

"Yeah but it's important, just give me 10 minutes ok?"

"Come on in then, and get on with it," he finally resigned, moving away from the door to let her in. When Maddox didn't follow Dawn turned back around.

"Are you coming," she asked.

"This seems kind of personal, so I'll just wait her till you're done," he answered.

"You sure?"

"One hundred percent," he smiled.

"I won't be long," she returned his smile, following Spike into his room. She watched him kick a few pieces of clothing to the side of the room, and then picking others up off a nearby chair. All around the room were empty bags of chips, pizza boxes, and other delivered food. What she found most disconcerting though, was the round plastic garbage can, which overflowing with at least 10 or 15 different kinds of empty glass liquor bottles.

Spike took a seat on the edge of the bed, lightning a cigarette, with his newly acquired zippo lighter, and taking a few quick puffs before settling his eyes back on his surrogate sister. "So what do I owe this-."

Dawn cut him off immediately, placing herself in front of him effectively, "Ok here's the deal, two days ago Buffy got a call from Mrs. Autaberry about the Art gallery my mom used to work at. Apparently they hold this annual charity auction to raise money, but this year they want to do a sort of memorial benefit for my mom and all the great work she did when she was alive. The thing is, I wasn't there when the lady called, but I guess she wants Buffy to come and accept some plaque they made with my mom's name on it. So anyway we're all invited to this thingy this weekend, and its supposed to be  all formal, but I think it'll be fun, and I think you should come."

Spike tired to process everything she'd said as quickly as possible, only coming out with, "Why?"

"You know why Spike, it's important, I want you to be there, Buffy would want you to be there," she said, sitting next to him on the bed.

"Nah, she's got the Scoobies, and the poof for that, I'd just get in the way," he replied, running a hand through his hair slowly.

"She's going with Angel," Dawn clipped out, quickly searching his face for a reaction.

He paused, looking up at her so sadly Dawn thought her heart might break, " Throw some more salt on the wound nibblet, that's great."

"I'm not telling you to hurt you Spike, I'm telling you so you'll come," she grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly.

He laughed, shaking his head in mock amusement, "In what world would I want to sit idly by, why they make with the Sonny and Cher act. I think I'll pass this time Bit," he got up off the bed, pacing around the room in frustration, knowing the one thing he cared about the most was slipping away from him.

"No you won't," Dawn declared.

"I won't," he questioned.

"No."

"An why is that?"

"Because she still loves you."

He drew back emotionally as well as physically, looking away from his friend. It hurt too much, all this talking about feelings, he didn't want to feel anymore, if you didn't feel then you couldn't get hurt, and oh God did he not want to hurt anymore. "I think you better go Dawnie," he gestured towards the door.

Dawn looked unswayed by his movement, coming up next to him again, " I know you don't want to talk about this," she soothed, "and I understand, but you need to know that she loves you........You've never given up Spike don't start now. She needs you to give her another chance."

"That's a bloody laugh, I thought I was the one who needed to be given a second chance, or would be a fifth....I've lost track."

"Listen to me, if you care about her half as much as you say you do, then be at that benefit on Saturday in a presentable suit with all your pearly white's showing and sweep my sister off her feet, Angel be damned," Dawn cried, looking at Spike directly in the eyes. When he finally broke a smile after a long pause, she came up to him and kicked him hard in the shin.

"OWWW, what in the bloody hell was that for you bint," he rubbed at his sore leg.

"That was for disappearing on me for days, not telling me were you went, or if you were ok, and for telling Maddox to call me," she stated.

He stared at her for a second, bewildered and confused, but before he got a chance to apologize Dawn wrapped her arms around his middle, and hugged him tightly. When she pulled back, and he looked more confused than before, she simple said, "And that's for telling Maddox to call me." 

Spike let a out a true laugh for the first time in what felt like years, shaking his head at the enigma that was teenage girls. "You women are a mystery I swear I'll never figure out," he uttered, knowing both of the Summer's women had him wrapped around their little fingers, and probably always would.

A/N: Are you dying to find out what happens at the benefit? Then ya gotta review for more!! I'm evil I know, but I live for reviews so please be kind, and review!!!