Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to their
respective studios, authors, and so forth. I just enjoy messing around
with them.
Note: The first bit at the beginning with Gandalf was supposed to be included with chapter one, but I forgot to add it in. So I guess it's a sort of prologue to chapter 3 and I find that it does relate to it a bit better anyhoo.
Many years later, on Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday, Gandalf came for a visit and ate all the babies in the Shire. Then he spit them out a year later, and they were now full-grown cave-trolls with wizard-like powers. Gandalf trained them to use their new abilities and they traveled around Middle-Earth solving mysteries. Please note this chapter is the least politically correct yet (ie: I know the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm is not in Mordor) but just go with it. I don't want people sending me hate mail because of stupid things like this.
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It was a rainy day in Hogwarts castle, and no one was allowed outside. Since they couldn't have any fun outside, Harry Potter and his friends decided to play hide and seek. Harry found an old wardrobe off in a corner somewhere, and figured it would be a good place to hide.
He had only been in there for a few minutes, when he realized he was getting awfully cold. He simply dismissed it as a draft. But soon, Harry started shivering, so he grabbed one of the warm fur coats inside the wardrobe. Nearly twenty minutes had passed and he was getting bored, thinking the game had probably ended by now. He tried to find his way out, but he somehow ended up outside in a forest somewhere.
Harry's immediate reaction was that he had just found a secret passage into the Forbidden Forest just at the edge of the Hogwarts grounds. He knew very well students weren't supposed to be in the woods because of the dangers it presented. So he immediately began to look for a way out. Little did Harry know this wasn't the Forbidden Forest.
A tiny satyr walked up to him and said "Hello, my name is Mr. Tumnus. Welcome to Narnia." Then he offered Harry a cup of tea.
Harry drank some of the tea, and the next thing he knew, he woke up in a castle, but it wasn't Hogwarts. It was the hobbits' castle in the Shire. Bilbo came into the room and said "Who are you?" Harry ran away, into Mordor, where Gandalf and his band of trolls were solving their latest mystery.
Harry walked over to Gandalf and said "I'm a wizard."
"No, you're not." Said Gandalf.
"Yes, I am." Replied Harry, getting annoyed.
"Liar." Muttered Gandalf.
Out of nowhere, the Balrog showed up and said "You guys are stupid. You're both wizards." Then it tried to cross the bridge.
"You shall not pass!" cried Gandalf, raising his staff.
"Why not?" asked the Balrog.
"Because you haven't paid the toll yet." Replied Gandalf.
"Oh, well why didn't you say so? How much is it?" It asked.
"It'll be 25 cents." The Balrog fished in its pocketses for some change. Then he turned to Harry.
"Could I borrow some change? I'll pay you back."
"How much?" inquired Harry.
"A quarter?"
Harry looked bewildered. "What's quarters, precious?" asked Harry. The Balrog threw up its arms in exasperation and walked away.
"Thanks man." Said Gandalf, patting Harry on the back. "I owe you one."
"Then admit I'm a wizard." Harry requested.
"Screw that. I ain't givin no credit for-" Gandalf began.
Suddenly the Balrog came back. "I forgot my purse. Oh look! A wizard fight!" So a bunch of orcs came over to watch. They set up a ring and then the Balrog said into the mic "LET'S GET RREEAAAADDYYYY TO RUUUUUUMMMBBBLLLE!!!!"
Just as they were about to start fighting, Saruman came and said "Wait! I'm Head of the Order and I need to sanction this match!" So they had to sit down and write up a big contract and Saruman volunteered himself to referee the match.
About halfway through the match, someone shouted "Nazgûl!" But it was really Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon.
The orcs started shooting at them. Luke was the first to realize this and cried "Hey! They're shooting at us!" So they started shooting back. However, Luke's team lost, because the orcs had Harry Potter, Gandalf and his super-trolls, and the Balrog on their team. So they flew away in terror.
Note: The first bit at the beginning with Gandalf was supposed to be included with chapter one, but I forgot to add it in. So I guess it's a sort of prologue to chapter 3 and I find that it does relate to it a bit better anyhoo.
Many years later, on Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday, Gandalf came for a visit and ate all the babies in the Shire. Then he spit them out a year later, and they were now full-grown cave-trolls with wizard-like powers. Gandalf trained them to use their new abilities and they traveled around Middle-Earth solving mysteries. Please note this chapter is the least politically correct yet (ie: I know the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm is not in Mordor) but just go with it. I don't want people sending me hate mail because of stupid things like this.
**********************************************************
It was a rainy day in Hogwarts castle, and no one was allowed outside. Since they couldn't have any fun outside, Harry Potter and his friends decided to play hide and seek. Harry found an old wardrobe off in a corner somewhere, and figured it would be a good place to hide.
He had only been in there for a few minutes, when he realized he was getting awfully cold. He simply dismissed it as a draft. But soon, Harry started shivering, so he grabbed one of the warm fur coats inside the wardrobe. Nearly twenty minutes had passed and he was getting bored, thinking the game had probably ended by now. He tried to find his way out, but he somehow ended up outside in a forest somewhere.
Harry's immediate reaction was that he had just found a secret passage into the Forbidden Forest just at the edge of the Hogwarts grounds. He knew very well students weren't supposed to be in the woods because of the dangers it presented. So he immediately began to look for a way out. Little did Harry know this wasn't the Forbidden Forest.
A tiny satyr walked up to him and said "Hello, my name is Mr. Tumnus. Welcome to Narnia." Then he offered Harry a cup of tea.
Harry drank some of the tea, and the next thing he knew, he woke up in a castle, but it wasn't Hogwarts. It was the hobbits' castle in the Shire. Bilbo came into the room and said "Who are you?" Harry ran away, into Mordor, where Gandalf and his band of trolls were solving their latest mystery.
Harry walked over to Gandalf and said "I'm a wizard."
"No, you're not." Said Gandalf.
"Yes, I am." Replied Harry, getting annoyed.
"Liar." Muttered Gandalf.
Out of nowhere, the Balrog showed up and said "You guys are stupid. You're both wizards." Then it tried to cross the bridge.
"You shall not pass!" cried Gandalf, raising his staff.
"Why not?" asked the Balrog.
"Because you haven't paid the toll yet." Replied Gandalf.
"Oh, well why didn't you say so? How much is it?" It asked.
"It'll be 25 cents." The Balrog fished in its pocketses for some change. Then he turned to Harry.
"Could I borrow some change? I'll pay you back."
"How much?" inquired Harry.
"A quarter?"
Harry looked bewildered. "What's quarters, precious?" asked Harry. The Balrog threw up its arms in exasperation and walked away.
"Thanks man." Said Gandalf, patting Harry on the back. "I owe you one."
"Then admit I'm a wizard." Harry requested.
"Screw that. I ain't givin no credit for-" Gandalf began.
Suddenly the Balrog came back. "I forgot my purse. Oh look! A wizard fight!" So a bunch of orcs came over to watch. They set up a ring and then the Balrog said into the mic "LET'S GET RREEAAAADDYYYY TO RUUUUUUMMMBBBLLLE!!!!"
Just as they were about to start fighting, Saruman came and said "Wait! I'm Head of the Order and I need to sanction this match!" So they had to sit down and write up a big contract and Saruman volunteered himself to referee the match.
About halfway through the match, someone shouted "Nazgûl!" But it was really Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon.
The orcs started shooting at them. Luke was the first to realize this and cried "Hey! They're shooting at us!" So they started shooting back. However, Luke's team lost, because the orcs had Harry Potter, Gandalf and his super-trolls, and the Balrog on their team. So they flew away in terror.