Act 1 Scene 3
At Hogwarts in Snape's dungeon
Snape: September 1, whatever year it is, a day that will live in infamy.
McGonagall: Because yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that beat you to a job starts then?
Snape: No. Those damned students come back.
McGonagall: If I didn't know better, I would say that you just pretend to hate them out of insecurity.
Snape: Oh, quit being so jealous.
McGonagall: Just checking.
Snape looks at his arm.
Snape: That's odd.
McGonagall: What's odd besides your flimsy cover?
Snape: Quiet you. The Dark Lord has been replacing the Dark Mark with obscene messages.
McGonagall comes over and looks at his arm.
McGonagall: O_O Oh my.
Snape: O.O I never would have known!
McGonagall: How much does the Daily Prophet pay for articles again?
Snape: A hell of a lot.
McGonagall: Then I'm going to get rich on your day of infamy.
Snape: And how do you plan on doing that?
McGonagall whispers in Snape's ear.
Snape: Ha ha. I never did like that girl. So arrogant of her to trap another person when the same could just as easily have been done to her. But isn't the time period over?
McGonagall: Yes, but luckily in these stories no one notices details like that unless it's their tenth time reading it.
Snape: That works. But since you got the information through MY Dark Mark, you'll give me some of the money, right?
McGonagall: Yeah, whatever.
Snape: Yes! I can finally but that set of Star Trek figures!
McGonagall: You're a Trekkie? I'll be sure to add that in too!
Snape: No you won't! But do you want to do this or not? I can only stand looking at you for so long.
Guess what happens there. Then see the scene at 4 Privet Drive.
Harry: Okay, okay. Now write "Dudley Dursley works for the mob."
Aphrodite: But why would they hire him?
Harry: I don't know, just write it!
Aphrodite: Okay, okay.
Aphrodite changes the message on her/his arm.
Meanwhile in Azkaban, the prison is empty except for the Death Eaters.
Malfoy: Dudley Dursley works for the mob?
Nott: Who's Dudley Dursley? And what is this "mob" thing?
Crabbe: Beats me.
Goyle: He sounds cool.
Malfoy: As usual, you two don't know anything.
Macnair: Where do you think the dementors are?
Bellatrix: Didn't the Dark Lord say he was using them to get Harry Potter?
Macnair: Yes, that would explain a lot.
Ten minutes pass. Crabbe and Goyle are staring off into space, Malfoy plays tic-tac-toe on the wall and Macnair fantasizes about blood while drooling in a steady stream down his chin.
Macnair: Mmm..death.
Bellatrix: Did it ever occur to you that we could just leave whenever we wanted? There's no dementors to stop us.
Malfoy: They locked the door before they left.
Bellatrix: What?! Why would they do that?! Doesn't the Dark Lord want us anymore? Nott: Maybe he doesn't like us anymore because we abandoned him to save our asses, then allowed a malnourished excuse for a preteen, or teen more recently to stop him from returning to power five times in the same amount of years, then almost let him get caught by Dumbledore. It's not like we really helped him in the first place. He's almost better off with us in here.
Malfoy: That was just depressing, man. Why do you have to be so melodramatic? All except Nott start crying.
Macnair: Nooo!! I'm not seriously detrimental to human existence any longer! I've lost my will to live!
Rookwood: Anybody got a razor? I've got some musically accompanied self mutilation to do.
Nott: Here you go.
Nott digs into his robes and takes out about twenty razors, guns, all of their wands and anything else a character destined for suicide would need.
Nott: I never thought being a kleptomaniac would pay off so.
Malfoy: Excellent.
Malfoy gets up on the bench/bed.
Malfoy: And now, my last musical number. FOREVER!!! Or at least until I get resurrected or return as a ghost, depending on how the plot goes.
(Last Resort by Papa Roach)
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Macnair: This is my last resort
Rookwood: Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Bellatrix: Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
All: Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nott: Nothing's alright
Crabbe: Nothing is fine
All: I'm running and I'm crying
Goyle: I never realized I was spread to thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral
Where do I begin?
Malfoy: It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching, to find a love upon a higher level
Finding, nothing but questions and devils
All: Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nott: Nothing's alright
Crabbe: Nothing is fine
All: I'm running and I'm crying
Bellatrix: I
Rookwood: Can't
Goyle: Go
Lestrange: On
Malfoy: Li-
Macnair: Ving
Nott: This
Crabbe: Way
Bellatrix: Can't
Rookwood: Go
Goyle: On
Malfoy: Li-
Macnair: Ving
Nott: This
Crabbe: Way
Bellatrix: No-
Rookwood: Thing's
Goyle: All
All: RIGHT!!
Malfoy shot himself after mysteriously having found out how to work a gun, Nott hung himself and all the others used Avada Kedavra on themselves. If only they had waited for one more minute.
Outside the cell.
Dementor #1: What was that sound?
Dementor #2: That, was the sound of an angsty songfic gone wrong.
Dementor #1: O_O HOLY S***!! I think I'm going to be sick.
Dementor #2: Might as well. No one else bothers coming here, so we're going to have to clean up the bodies too before the flies come.
Dementor #1 gets sick on the floor and the flies start their migration from their vacation spot in Japan.
End Scene 3
Review damnit.
At Hogwarts in Snape's dungeon
Snape: September 1, whatever year it is, a day that will live in infamy.
McGonagall: Because yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that beat you to a job starts then?
Snape: No. Those damned students come back.
McGonagall: If I didn't know better, I would say that you just pretend to hate them out of insecurity.
Snape: Oh, quit being so jealous.
McGonagall: Just checking.
Snape looks at his arm.
Snape: That's odd.
McGonagall: What's odd besides your flimsy cover?
Snape: Quiet you. The Dark Lord has been replacing the Dark Mark with obscene messages.
McGonagall comes over and looks at his arm.
McGonagall: O_O Oh my.
Snape: O.O I never would have known!
McGonagall: How much does the Daily Prophet pay for articles again?
Snape: A hell of a lot.
McGonagall: Then I'm going to get rich on your day of infamy.
Snape: And how do you plan on doing that?
McGonagall whispers in Snape's ear.
Snape: Ha ha. I never did like that girl. So arrogant of her to trap another person when the same could just as easily have been done to her. But isn't the time period over?
McGonagall: Yes, but luckily in these stories no one notices details like that unless it's their tenth time reading it.
Snape: That works. But since you got the information through MY Dark Mark, you'll give me some of the money, right?
McGonagall: Yeah, whatever.
Snape: Yes! I can finally but that set of Star Trek figures!
McGonagall: You're a Trekkie? I'll be sure to add that in too!
Snape: No you won't! But do you want to do this or not? I can only stand looking at you for so long.
Guess what happens there. Then see the scene at 4 Privet Drive.
Harry: Okay, okay. Now write "Dudley Dursley works for the mob."
Aphrodite: But why would they hire him?
Harry: I don't know, just write it!
Aphrodite: Okay, okay.
Aphrodite changes the message on her/his arm.
Meanwhile in Azkaban, the prison is empty except for the Death Eaters.
Malfoy: Dudley Dursley works for the mob?
Nott: Who's Dudley Dursley? And what is this "mob" thing?
Crabbe: Beats me.
Goyle: He sounds cool.
Malfoy: As usual, you two don't know anything.
Macnair: Where do you think the dementors are?
Bellatrix: Didn't the Dark Lord say he was using them to get Harry Potter?
Macnair: Yes, that would explain a lot.
Ten minutes pass. Crabbe and Goyle are staring off into space, Malfoy plays tic-tac-toe on the wall and Macnair fantasizes about blood while drooling in a steady stream down his chin.
Macnair: Mmm..death.
Bellatrix: Did it ever occur to you that we could just leave whenever we wanted? There's no dementors to stop us.
Malfoy: They locked the door before they left.
Bellatrix: What?! Why would they do that?! Doesn't the Dark Lord want us anymore? Nott: Maybe he doesn't like us anymore because we abandoned him to save our asses, then allowed a malnourished excuse for a preteen, or teen more recently to stop him from returning to power five times in the same amount of years, then almost let him get caught by Dumbledore. It's not like we really helped him in the first place. He's almost better off with us in here.
Malfoy: That was just depressing, man. Why do you have to be so melodramatic? All except Nott start crying.
Macnair: Nooo!! I'm not seriously detrimental to human existence any longer! I've lost my will to live!
Rookwood: Anybody got a razor? I've got some musically accompanied self mutilation to do.
Nott: Here you go.
Nott digs into his robes and takes out about twenty razors, guns, all of their wands and anything else a character destined for suicide would need.
Nott: I never thought being a kleptomaniac would pay off so.
Malfoy: Excellent.
Malfoy gets up on the bench/bed.
Malfoy: And now, my last musical number. FOREVER!!! Or at least until I get resurrected or return as a ghost, depending on how the plot goes.
(Last Resort by Papa Roach)
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Macnair: This is my last resort
Rookwood: Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a f*** if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Bellatrix: Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
All: Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nott: Nothing's alright
Crabbe: Nothing is fine
All: I'm running and I'm crying
Goyle: I never realized I was spread to thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral
Where do I begin?
Malfoy: It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching, to find a love upon a higher level
Finding, nothing but questions and devils
All: Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nott: Nothing's alright
Crabbe: Nothing is fine
All: I'm running and I'm crying
Bellatrix: I
Rookwood: Can't
Goyle: Go
Lestrange: On
Malfoy: Li-
Macnair: Ving
Nott: This
Crabbe: Way
Bellatrix: Can't
Rookwood: Go
Goyle: On
Malfoy: Li-
Macnair: Ving
Nott: This
Crabbe: Way
Bellatrix: No-
Rookwood: Thing's
Goyle: All
All: RIGHT!!
Malfoy shot himself after mysteriously having found out how to work a gun, Nott hung himself and all the others used Avada Kedavra on themselves. If only they had waited for one more minute.
Outside the cell.
Dementor #1: What was that sound?
Dementor #2: That, was the sound of an angsty songfic gone wrong.
Dementor #1: O_O HOLY S***!! I think I'm going to be sick.
Dementor #2: Might as well. No one else bothers coming here, so we're going to have to clean up the bodies too before the flies come.
Dementor #1 gets sick on the floor and the flies start their migration from their vacation spot in Japan.
End Scene 3
Review damnit.