INTRODUCTION 3
(Once again, standing against a white screen, smoking a cigarette, is SILENT BOB. Only this time, JAY is not with him. Instead, standing next to SILENT BOB is FanFiction.net author, T.S. QUINT. QUINT smiles toward the proverbial audience.)
QUINT: Hello. Welcome to the third installment of my fan fic, Mallrats 2. I apologize for the lengthy hiatus... writer's block is a severe pain in the ass. But I'm back, and I've updated Mallrats 2, and my other stories are sure to follow. (At this point, everything freezes, and a dubbed in voice cuts in.)
DUBBED VOICE: Don't miss other great fic's by T.S. Quint, such as Legacy of the Slayer, Ministry of Darkness, and, coming soon, Metal Gear Revelation: Cry of the Wolf! (Dubbed voice-over ends, and everything unfreezes.)
QUINT: (Shaking his head) I'm such a shameless bastard... anyway, I'm sure you've all been wondering, "Where's Jay?" Isn't it usually he and Silent Bob who do the intros? Why are we stuck with you and Silent Bob?" Well, the answer is pretty simple. Jay and I kind of had a disagreement, and Jay is no longer under my employ. (SILENT BOB nods at this and takes a long drag from his cigarette.) So, I've decided to fill in for Jay. I've been practicing, and I don't even think you'll notice a difference. Here I go.(Clears his throat, then speaks in a tone, that is obviously supposed to sound like JAY's.) Snoootchy bootchy! Fuck fuck fuck! I wanna do some sluts and smoke some weed! Snootch to the nootch! I'm so blatantly homosexual it's not funny... but I ain't gay! I hate guys! I like da pussy! Noinch noinch noich! I speak nonsense baby words! I'm a jackass to everybody, but I can't understand why no one likes me. Fuck fuck fuck! (He stops talking. By this point, SILENT BOB is cracking up. QUINT continues speaking, in his normal voice now.) See? Basically a monkey's job. Any idiot could have done that. I'm not sure why I was paying Jay to do it. Anyway, here's the third installment, of Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoy it. (SILENT BOB nods, and he and QUINT exit the scene.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL
Just outside the Arcade
(Scene opens with PAUL and SILENT ZACH once again standing in front of the arcade. A small group is gathered around them.)
PAUL: (To the group) Yeah. So I was playin' Soldiers of Fortune last night. Dude, that game is the fuckin' shits! I was on the second level, blowin' peoples' brains out, and blowin' shit up! It was awesome!
(A MALL WORKER walks up.)
MALL WORKER: Now that's exactly what's wrong with today's society!
PAUL: What the shit are you talking about?
MALL WORKER: It's because of video games that today's society is so corrupt!
PAUL:(To SILENT ZACH) Can you believe this queer? (To MALL WORKER) So you mean to tell me, that fuckin' Pac-Man is a corruption?
MALL WORKER: *All* video games.
PAUL: Now *that* is fuckin' bullshit! If people went around imitatin' Pac- Man , they'd be sittin' in dark rooms, poppin' pills, while listenin' to repetitive music all the time!
MALL WORKER: (Pauses for a second) Isn't that what ravers do?
PAUL: Bitch, shut the fuck up, before I frag your ass, Quake style!
GUY FROM CROWD: Yeah, you tell 'em!
GIRL FROM CROWD: (To MALL WORKER) Yeah, fuck you, jerk-off!
(MALL WORKER shakes his head, and exits scene. The camera pans way back to show BENNTING and HICKS walking past. BENNTING is currently running a wet paper towel through his hair, and is still carrying the black back pack that is eerily similar to LYLE's. They stop, about a dozen feet in front of the Arcade. Unseen to them, PAUL and SILENT ZACH begin pointing and laughing at them.)
BENNTING: (With a disgusted look on his face) Did I get it all out?
HICKS: (Looking closely) I think so, sir.
BENNTING: Good. (His eyes narrow) I just know Lyle Grant had something to do with this! Why, he probably paid that delinquent to spit in my hair!
HICKS: Sir, may I ask you something?
BENNTING: (Out of the corner of his eye) That depends...
HICKS: I know why *I* hate Grant. It's because he's picked on me every day of my life since the first grade. But why do *you* hate him so much?
BENNTING: (An angry look crosses his face.) I remember the exact moment I grew to hate him... I remember it vividly!
(Dreamy flashback music plays. Flash back scene begins. BENNTING is standing at the counter in the comic book store, a big grin on his face. JASON hands him a large box that says Magic: The Gathering on the side. BENNTING's voice is heard, giving the voiceover.)
BENNTING: It was four years ago. At that time, I was an avid Magic player. I had entered a contest at the comic store, and won a whole box full of very rare and valuable Magic cards. Not a single card in it was worth less than fifty dollars!
(BENNTING still has a big broad grin on his face, as he turns from the counter and starts towards the exit of the comic store.)
BENNTING: (Still giving the voiceover) That's when that cursed slacker showed up!
(As BENNTING is walking out of the comic store, LYLE comes running up. He runs straight into BENNTING and the box of Magic cards explodes open. The cards fly out and over the 2nd level saftey railing, fluttering to the level below. As they hit the ground, PAUL and SILENT ZACH casually walk over to them, look left and right, then quickly snatch them all up and run away. BENNTING stares in disbelief.)
LYLE: (Looking over the railing) Oops. (Shrugs) Oh, well. (Walks away. Flashback scene ends.)
HICKS: (Aghast) That's... that's horrible!
BENNTING: Yes. It is. But he shall pay for it soon enough! (Glances at his watch) Egads! The convention is starting! Come, my lackey! (They dash off, exiting the scene. Camera pans back up to PAUL and SILENT ZACH, who had been standing in the background the whole time.)
PAUL: What a couple of queers. (SILENT ZACH nods in agreement.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL
The comic book convention
(Scene opens showing a crowd of people gathered around the yellow tape that is blocking off the comics convention. Standing behind the tape are ERIK, JASON, and PONTI. ERIK and JASON are addressing the crow, while PONTI is arranging comics on the table.)
JASON: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. The convention will be opening momentarily. We apoligize, as you will not be able to see the signature comics, do to an unforeseen occurance. (As he is speaking, ERIK picks up one of the comics on the table, removes it from its plastic cover, and begins leafing through it.) We ask that you do not remove the comics from their plastic covering, unless you plan on buying them.
GUY FROM CROWD: (Same GUY FROM CROWD as earlier) Hey! (Points to ERIK) That guy's reading the comics!
GIRL FROM CROWD: (Same GIRL FROM CROWD as earlier) Yeah!
JASON: (Turns and sees ERIK) Erik!
ERIK: What?!
JASON: Did you hear what I just said?!
ERIK: Yeah, so?
JASON: I told these people that the comics were not to be taken out of their packages unless they were bought!
ERIK: That doesn't apply to me.
JASON: Oh, doesn't it? (Crosses his arms) And just why not?
ERIK: Because I'm obviously not as stupid or careless as these people. I actualy know how to handle things that don't belong to me!
GUY FROM CROWD: Hey!
GIRL FROM CROWD: Fuck you, jerk-off!
(The GUY and GIRL FROM CROWD both storm off, exiting scene.)
ERIK: Hey! (Shouts after them) You can't shop here anymore!
JASON: (Sighs and thumps his head against one of the tables) Why me... why? (PONTI walks up and pats him on the back. Just then a LITTLE KID walks up.)
LITTLE KID: Are Pokemon comics sold here?
PONTI: (Turns to the LITTLE KID and hisses) Die! (Vaults the caution tape. The LITTLE KID screams and runs off, with PONTI in hot pursuit.)
JASON: (Watching) Yup... God hates me.
ERIK: He should join the club.
(JASON shoots him a dirty look as LYLE, COREY, and KATJA walk up.)
LYLE: (To JASON and ERIK) Wow, they got you guys working down here, too?
JASON: Yup... minimum wage... double shifts... working two jobs at once.
ERIK: It's like working for Abercrombie and Fitch, only without the slave drivers and child labor.
LYLE: That's why I work at McDonald's!
COREY: Isn't that basically the same thing?
LYLE: (Pauses for a moment) Hm... ya got a point there. Oh, well. I didn't come here to talk about work! I came here for the comics! And to get mopy here (Points at COREY) to cheer up.
COREY: I'm not moping!
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Ha! (COREY shoots her a dirty look.)
LYLE: (To COREY, while looking at the comics) Puh-lease! All you've done since we got here is sulk! Hanging around you is like watching a soap opera. A badly written, horribly acted soap opera.
KATJA: (To COREY) He's right, you know.
COREY: (Throwing up his hands, and saying sarcastically) I've got good friends.
LYLE: (Now leafing through a Spider-Man comic) Yeah, ya do. (Laughs at something in the comic) Stupid, stupid Parker. He totally wants the Black Cat. But noooo! He had to go and marry that bimbo, Mary Jane! And do you know why?
COREY: Because he loves her?
LYLE: No, jackass! Because she's a supermodel! She makes the big money! Parker needed somebody to pay his bills for him, being that he works as a photojournalist, for the classic jerkface boss, that looks remarkably like Adolf Hitler, he makes jack squat! He needs all the money he can get! Not to mention all the fame and glamour that comes with being the husband of a supermodel.
COREY: So what makes you think he has such a thing for the Black Cat?
LYLE: Come on, man! How could he not?! They're both superheroes, they're kindred spirits! Parker would never have to worry about super villains going after his "helpless" wife, because if they did, she'd kick their asses! Plus, sex with a cat burglar's bound to be more interesting than sex with a washed up supermodel that used to star in a friggin' soap opera called "Secret Hospital"! I mean, what with Parker and the Cat's combined speed and agility... it could make for some pretty hot lovin'!
COREY: (Shakes his head) Why am I discussing this with you?
LYLE: I dunno. Why are you? (Suddenly, BENNTING comes out of nowhere, and runs straight into LYLE causing them both to drop their black book bags.)
LYLE: Who the fu-(Eyes narrow) Oh... it's *you*.
BENNTING: (Quickly, and unnoticably picking up the bag LYLE dropped and leaving the other.) Watch where you're going, slacker!
LYLE: *Me* watch where *I'm* going?! You ran into *me*! (BENNTING says nothing, instead exiting the scene with a devious grin on his face.) Stupid prick... watch where *I'm* going? (Picks up the remaining black bag)
COREY: Did you see the way he was smiling? He did that on purpose!
LYLE: Well of course he did! That asshole's had it in for me forever, and I have no idea why!
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Well it couldn't possibly be because of your "wonderful" personality.
LYLE: Ah, screw him! (Shifts the back pack he's holding) Hm...
COREY: What?
LYLE: This bag doesn't seem as heavy as it was. (Shrugs) Ah, well. I'm hungry. C'mon, we're going to the food court. (He, COREY, and KATJA exit the scene. As soon as they're out of sight, BENNTING walks back out into the open.)
BENNTING: Ah, yes! It's all coming together now! (Starts lauging evilly. The camera pans back to reveal ERIK standing next to BENNTING, watching him.)
ERIK: What's coming together now?
BENNTING: (Turns to ERIK, startled.) What the... none of your business! (Storms off, exiting the scene.)
ERIK: Hey... he can't talk to me like that! (Calls after BENNTING) You can't shop here anymore!
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL
Foodcourt
(Scene opens showing KATJA stading at one of the various resteraunts in the food court. She is just getting done paying for a drink, when LYLE walks up. As he does so, once more, the P.A. System beeps loudly.)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Attention mall shoppers. Would a Mike Rotch please come to the main office. Repeat, Mike Rotch, your son is on the phone... wait, what? ( There's a pause, and slight laughter is heard in the background.) Wait a sec.... okay, jerks, this just isn't funny anymore.
LYLE: (Looking around.) Dammit! Where the hell is that coming from?!
KATJA: Where's Corey?
LYLE: Ah, he's sittin' down... somewhere... (Gestures vaguely to the left.) out there...
KATJA: Isn't he your best friend? Shouldn't you be comforting him in his time of need?
LYLE: Well, the way I figure it, since Corey isn't gonna be around after today, I need to start getting better aquainted with my other friends.
KATJA: Isn't going to be around?
LYLE: I'm not going to lie. If Sean Williams finds Corey, he's probably going to kill him.
(The two begin walking.)
KATJA: I thought Paul and Silent Zach were protecting him.
LYLE: Are you kidding me?! I made all that stuff up about them taking this seriously. They probably forgot by now.
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Wow... you're such a good friend.
LYLE: I know.
KATJA: (After thinking for a moment.) What's with those two anyway?
LYLE: What two?
KATJA: You know.. Paul and Silent Zach.
LYLE: Oh, them. Well, from what I've pieced together, they're trying to model their personalities after their uncles.
KATJA: Their uncles?
LYLE: Yeah. Paul's Uncle Jay, and Zach's Uncle Bob.
KATJA: Oh. Well... that's kinda cute. Imitating their uncles.
LYLE: Not really. Their uncles are stoners from New Jersey.
KATJA: Oh...
LYLE: Yeah. Paul's uncle's got this whole big mouthed badass thing goin' on. Paul does a pretty good job of maintaining that image, but he does occasionally slip up.
(Scene switches to show PAUL standing in an appliance store, watching one of the TVs.)
VOICE FROM TV: No, Pa... he's my dog... I'll do it. I'm sorry, Old Yeller... this is the way it's gotta be... (A shot is heard. PAUL sniffles and a single tear rolls down his cheek. Scene swtiches back to LYLE and KATJA in the food court.)
LYLE: And Zach's uncle's got this whole dark and silent deal. Zach, for the most part, does a pretty good job of keeping up that appearance. But he occasionally slips up, too.
(Scene switches to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing outside the Arcade.)
SILENT ZACH: (Singing loudly) I'm a Barbie Girl! In a Barbie Woooorld! Made of plastic! It's fantastic! You can- (PAUL smacks him)
PAUL: Shut up!
(Scene cuts back to LYLE and KATJA)
KATJA: Huh... I see... (She and LYLE suddenly come to a stop in front of one of the tables. On it is a drink, and a half eaten sandwich. The chairs are all empty)
LYLE: (With only a hint of interest in his voice) Hmm... this is where I left Corey. He seems to have left. (Plops down into one of the chairs.)
KATJA: (Looking around, with concern evident in her voice) Where do you think he went?
LYLE: (Shrugs) Hell if I know. (Picks up the drink on the table and begins sipping it, putting his feet up on the table, and leaning back)
KATJA: (Looks around for a few seconds more, then sighs) I'm gonna go look for him. (She exits the scene.)
LYLE: (shrugging again, calling after her.) Hey, if it feels good, do it.
END OF SCENE
TO BE CONTINUED....
(QUINT and SILENT BOB walk back onto the white screen.)
QUINT: Well, that was it. The third installment of Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoyed it. The fourth part shouldn't take too long. Now, it's come to my attention, that one or two of you actually want to film this. Have your people call my people, and we'll work something out. As for the rest of you, keep reading, and I'll keep writing. And review as much as possible. Reviews make me happy. (QUINT exits the scene)
SILENT BOB: (Taking the cigarette out of his mouth) For those of you wanting to film this, what he meant by have your people call his people, is you can either email him about it, or Instant Message him. His email address, and AOL screen name are both in his profile. Thanks, and keep watching the skies! (The scene blacks out, as the theme from the X-Files plays.)
(Once again, standing against a white screen, smoking a cigarette, is SILENT BOB. Only this time, JAY is not with him. Instead, standing next to SILENT BOB is FanFiction.net author, T.S. QUINT. QUINT smiles toward the proverbial audience.)
QUINT: Hello. Welcome to the third installment of my fan fic, Mallrats 2. I apologize for the lengthy hiatus... writer's block is a severe pain in the ass. But I'm back, and I've updated Mallrats 2, and my other stories are sure to follow. (At this point, everything freezes, and a dubbed in voice cuts in.)
DUBBED VOICE: Don't miss other great fic's by T.S. Quint, such as Legacy of the Slayer, Ministry of Darkness, and, coming soon, Metal Gear Revelation: Cry of the Wolf! (Dubbed voice-over ends, and everything unfreezes.)
QUINT: (Shaking his head) I'm such a shameless bastard... anyway, I'm sure you've all been wondering, "Where's Jay?" Isn't it usually he and Silent Bob who do the intros? Why are we stuck with you and Silent Bob?" Well, the answer is pretty simple. Jay and I kind of had a disagreement, and Jay is no longer under my employ. (SILENT BOB nods at this and takes a long drag from his cigarette.) So, I've decided to fill in for Jay. I've been practicing, and I don't even think you'll notice a difference. Here I go.(Clears his throat, then speaks in a tone, that is obviously supposed to sound like JAY's.) Snoootchy bootchy! Fuck fuck fuck! I wanna do some sluts and smoke some weed! Snootch to the nootch! I'm so blatantly homosexual it's not funny... but I ain't gay! I hate guys! I like da pussy! Noinch noinch noich! I speak nonsense baby words! I'm a jackass to everybody, but I can't understand why no one likes me. Fuck fuck fuck! (He stops talking. By this point, SILENT BOB is cracking up. QUINT continues speaking, in his normal voice now.) See? Basically a monkey's job. Any idiot could have done that. I'm not sure why I was paying Jay to do it. Anyway, here's the third installment, of Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoy it. (SILENT BOB nods, and he and QUINT exit the scene.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL
Just outside the Arcade
(Scene opens with PAUL and SILENT ZACH once again standing in front of the arcade. A small group is gathered around them.)
PAUL: (To the group) Yeah. So I was playin' Soldiers of Fortune last night. Dude, that game is the fuckin' shits! I was on the second level, blowin' peoples' brains out, and blowin' shit up! It was awesome!
(A MALL WORKER walks up.)
MALL WORKER: Now that's exactly what's wrong with today's society!
PAUL: What the shit are you talking about?
MALL WORKER: It's because of video games that today's society is so corrupt!
PAUL:(To SILENT ZACH) Can you believe this queer? (To MALL WORKER) So you mean to tell me, that fuckin' Pac-Man is a corruption?
MALL WORKER: *All* video games.
PAUL: Now *that* is fuckin' bullshit! If people went around imitatin' Pac- Man , they'd be sittin' in dark rooms, poppin' pills, while listenin' to repetitive music all the time!
MALL WORKER: (Pauses for a second) Isn't that what ravers do?
PAUL: Bitch, shut the fuck up, before I frag your ass, Quake style!
GUY FROM CROWD: Yeah, you tell 'em!
GIRL FROM CROWD: (To MALL WORKER) Yeah, fuck you, jerk-off!
(MALL WORKER shakes his head, and exits scene. The camera pans way back to show BENNTING and HICKS walking past. BENNTING is currently running a wet paper towel through his hair, and is still carrying the black back pack that is eerily similar to LYLE's. They stop, about a dozen feet in front of the Arcade. Unseen to them, PAUL and SILENT ZACH begin pointing and laughing at them.)
BENNTING: (With a disgusted look on his face) Did I get it all out?
HICKS: (Looking closely) I think so, sir.
BENNTING: Good. (His eyes narrow) I just know Lyle Grant had something to do with this! Why, he probably paid that delinquent to spit in my hair!
HICKS: Sir, may I ask you something?
BENNTING: (Out of the corner of his eye) That depends...
HICKS: I know why *I* hate Grant. It's because he's picked on me every day of my life since the first grade. But why do *you* hate him so much?
BENNTING: (An angry look crosses his face.) I remember the exact moment I grew to hate him... I remember it vividly!
(Dreamy flashback music plays. Flash back scene begins. BENNTING is standing at the counter in the comic book store, a big grin on his face. JASON hands him a large box that says Magic: The Gathering on the side. BENNTING's voice is heard, giving the voiceover.)
BENNTING: It was four years ago. At that time, I was an avid Magic player. I had entered a contest at the comic store, and won a whole box full of very rare and valuable Magic cards. Not a single card in it was worth less than fifty dollars!
(BENNTING still has a big broad grin on his face, as he turns from the counter and starts towards the exit of the comic store.)
BENNTING: (Still giving the voiceover) That's when that cursed slacker showed up!
(As BENNTING is walking out of the comic store, LYLE comes running up. He runs straight into BENNTING and the box of Magic cards explodes open. The cards fly out and over the 2nd level saftey railing, fluttering to the level below. As they hit the ground, PAUL and SILENT ZACH casually walk over to them, look left and right, then quickly snatch them all up and run away. BENNTING stares in disbelief.)
LYLE: (Looking over the railing) Oops. (Shrugs) Oh, well. (Walks away. Flashback scene ends.)
HICKS: (Aghast) That's... that's horrible!
BENNTING: Yes. It is. But he shall pay for it soon enough! (Glances at his watch) Egads! The convention is starting! Come, my lackey! (They dash off, exiting the scene. Camera pans back up to PAUL and SILENT ZACH, who had been standing in the background the whole time.)
PAUL: What a couple of queers. (SILENT ZACH nods in agreement.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL
The comic book convention
(Scene opens showing a crowd of people gathered around the yellow tape that is blocking off the comics convention. Standing behind the tape are ERIK, JASON, and PONTI. ERIK and JASON are addressing the crow, while PONTI is arranging comics on the table.)
JASON: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. The convention will be opening momentarily. We apoligize, as you will not be able to see the signature comics, do to an unforeseen occurance. (As he is speaking, ERIK picks up one of the comics on the table, removes it from its plastic cover, and begins leafing through it.) We ask that you do not remove the comics from their plastic covering, unless you plan on buying them.
GUY FROM CROWD: (Same GUY FROM CROWD as earlier) Hey! (Points to ERIK) That guy's reading the comics!
GIRL FROM CROWD: (Same GIRL FROM CROWD as earlier) Yeah!
JASON: (Turns and sees ERIK) Erik!
ERIK: What?!
JASON: Did you hear what I just said?!
ERIK: Yeah, so?
JASON: I told these people that the comics were not to be taken out of their packages unless they were bought!
ERIK: That doesn't apply to me.
JASON: Oh, doesn't it? (Crosses his arms) And just why not?
ERIK: Because I'm obviously not as stupid or careless as these people. I actualy know how to handle things that don't belong to me!
GUY FROM CROWD: Hey!
GIRL FROM CROWD: Fuck you, jerk-off!
(The GUY and GIRL FROM CROWD both storm off, exiting scene.)
ERIK: Hey! (Shouts after them) You can't shop here anymore!
JASON: (Sighs and thumps his head against one of the tables) Why me... why? (PONTI walks up and pats him on the back. Just then a LITTLE KID walks up.)
LITTLE KID: Are Pokemon comics sold here?
PONTI: (Turns to the LITTLE KID and hisses) Die! (Vaults the caution tape. The LITTLE KID screams and runs off, with PONTI in hot pursuit.)
JASON: (Watching) Yup... God hates me.
ERIK: He should join the club.
(JASON shoots him a dirty look as LYLE, COREY, and KATJA walk up.)
LYLE: (To JASON and ERIK) Wow, they got you guys working down here, too?
JASON: Yup... minimum wage... double shifts... working two jobs at once.
ERIK: It's like working for Abercrombie and Fitch, only without the slave drivers and child labor.
LYLE: That's why I work at McDonald's!
COREY: Isn't that basically the same thing?
LYLE: (Pauses for a moment) Hm... ya got a point there. Oh, well. I didn't come here to talk about work! I came here for the comics! And to get mopy here (Points at COREY) to cheer up.
COREY: I'm not moping!
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Ha! (COREY shoots her a dirty look.)
LYLE: (To COREY, while looking at the comics) Puh-lease! All you've done since we got here is sulk! Hanging around you is like watching a soap opera. A badly written, horribly acted soap opera.
KATJA: (To COREY) He's right, you know.
COREY: (Throwing up his hands, and saying sarcastically) I've got good friends.
LYLE: (Now leafing through a Spider-Man comic) Yeah, ya do. (Laughs at something in the comic) Stupid, stupid Parker. He totally wants the Black Cat. But noooo! He had to go and marry that bimbo, Mary Jane! And do you know why?
COREY: Because he loves her?
LYLE: No, jackass! Because she's a supermodel! She makes the big money! Parker needed somebody to pay his bills for him, being that he works as a photojournalist, for the classic jerkface boss, that looks remarkably like Adolf Hitler, he makes jack squat! He needs all the money he can get! Not to mention all the fame and glamour that comes with being the husband of a supermodel.
COREY: So what makes you think he has such a thing for the Black Cat?
LYLE: Come on, man! How could he not?! They're both superheroes, they're kindred spirits! Parker would never have to worry about super villains going after his "helpless" wife, because if they did, she'd kick their asses! Plus, sex with a cat burglar's bound to be more interesting than sex with a washed up supermodel that used to star in a friggin' soap opera called "Secret Hospital"! I mean, what with Parker and the Cat's combined speed and agility... it could make for some pretty hot lovin'!
COREY: (Shakes his head) Why am I discussing this with you?
LYLE: I dunno. Why are you? (Suddenly, BENNTING comes out of nowhere, and runs straight into LYLE causing them both to drop their black book bags.)
LYLE: Who the fu-(Eyes narrow) Oh... it's *you*.
BENNTING: (Quickly, and unnoticably picking up the bag LYLE dropped and leaving the other.) Watch where you're going, slacker!
LYLE: *Me* watch where *I'm* going?! You ran into *me*! (BENNTING says nothing, instead exiting the scene with a devious grin on his face.) Stupid prick... watch where *I'm* going? (Picks up the remaining black bag)
COREY: Did you see the way he was smiling? He did that on purpose!
LYLE: Well of course he did! That asshole's had it in for me forever, and I have no idea why!
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Well it couldn't possibly be because of your "wonderful" personality.
LYLE: Ah, screw him! (Shifts the back pack he's holding) Hm...
COREY: What?
LYLE: This bag doesn't seem as heavy as it was. (Shrugs) Ah, well. I'm hungry. C'mon, we're going to the food court. (He, COREY, and KATJA exit the scene. As soon as they're out of sight, BENNTING walks back out into the open.)
BENNTING: Ah, yes! It's all coming together now! (Starts lauging evilly. The camera pans back to reveal ERIK standing next to BENNTING, watching him.)
ERIK: What's coming together now?
BENNTING: (Turns to ERIK, startled.) What the... none of your business! (Storms off, exiting the scene.)
ERIK: Hey... he can't talk to me like that! (Calls after BENNTING) You can't shop here anymore!
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL
Foodcourt
(Scene opens showing KATJA stading at one of the various resteraunts in the food court. She is just getting done paying for a drink, when LYLE walks up. As he does so, once more, the P.A. System beeps loudly.)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Attention mall shoppers. Would a Mike Rotch please come to the main office. Repeat, Mike Rotch, your son is on the phone... wait, what? ( There's a pause, and slight laughter is heard in the background.) Wait a sec.... okay, jerks, this just isn't funny anymore.
LYLE: (Looking around.) Dammit! Where the hell is that coming from?!
KATJA: Where's Corey?
LYLE: Ah, he's sittin' down... somewhere... (Gestures vaguely to the left.) out there...
KATJA: Isn't he your best friend? Shouldn't you be comforting him in his time of need?
LYLE: Well, the way I figure it, since Corey isn't gonna be around after today, I need to start getting better aquainted with my other friends.
KATJA: Isn't going to be around?
LYLE: I'm not going to lie. If Sean Williams finds Corey, he's probably going to kill him.
(The two begin walking.)
KATJA: I thought Paul and Silent Zach were protecting him.
LYLE: Are you kidding me?! I made all that stuff up about them taking this seriously. They probably forgot by now.
KATJA: (Sarcastically) Wow... you're such a good friend.
LYLE: I know.
KATJA: (After thinking for a moment.) What's with those two anyway?
LYLE: What two?
KATJA: You know.. Paul and Silent Zach.
LYLE: Oh, them. Well, from what I've pieced together, they're trying to model their personalities after their uncles.
KATJA: Their uncles?
LYLE: Yeah. Paul's Uncle Jay, and Zach's Uncle Bob.
KATJA: Oh. Well... that's kinda cute. Imitating their uncles.
LYLE: Not really. Their uncles are stoners from New Jersey.
KATJA: Oh...
LYLE: Yeah. Paul's uncle's got this whole big mouthed badass thing goin' on. Paul does a pretty good job of maintaining that image, but he does occasionally slip up.
(Scene switches to show PAUL standing in an appliance store, watching one of the TVs.)
VOICE FROM TV: No, Pa... he's my dog... I'll do it. I'm sorry, Old Yeller... this is the way it's gotta be... (A shot is heard. PAUL sniffles and a single tear rolls down his cheek. Scene swtiches back to LYLE and KATJA in the food court.)
LYLE: And Zach's uncle's got this whole dark and silent deal. Zach, for the most part, does a pretty good job of keeping up that appearance. But he occasionally slips up, too.
(Scene switches to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing outside the Arcade.)
SILENT ZACH: (Singing loudly) I'm a Barbie Girl! In a Barbie Woooorld! Made of plastic! It's fantastic! You can- (PAUL smacks him)
PAUL: Shut up!
(Scene cuts back to LYLE and KATJA)
KATJA: Huh... I see... (She and LYLE suddenly come to a stop in front of one of the tables. On it is a drink, and a half eaten sandwich. The chairs are all empty)
LYLE: (With only a hint of interest in his voice) Hmm... this is where I left Corey. He seems to have left. (Plops down into one of the chairs.)
KATJA: (Looking around, with concern evident in her voice) Where do you think he went?
LYLE: (Shrugs) Hell if I know. (Picks up the drink on the table and begins sipping it, putting his feet up on the table, and leaning back)
KATJA: (Looks around for a few seconds more, then sighs) I'm gonna go look for him. (She exits the scene.)
LYLE: (shrugging again, calling after her.) Hey, if it feels good, do it.
END OF SCENE
TO BE CONTINUED....
(QUINT and SILENT BOB walk back onto the white screen.)
QUINT: Well, that was it. The third installment of Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoyed it. The fourth part shouldn't take too long. Now, it's come to my attention, that one or two of you actually want to film this. Have your people call my people, and we'll work something out. As for the rest of you, keep reading, and I'll keep writing. And review as much as possible. Reviews make me happy. (QUINT exits the scene)
SILENT BOB: (Taking the cigarette out of his mouth) For those of you wanting to film this, what he meant by have your people call his people, is you can either email him about it, or Instant Message him. His email address, and AOL screen name are both in his profile. Thanks, and keep watching the skies! (The scene blacks out, as the theme from the X-Files plays.)