A/N I forgot to answer VMorticia'a second question which is an obvious yes, but not for a while. And to clarify things for Shalemni, the third Malcolm was only temporary, hence the closing remark: "Tonks."



CHAPTER FOUR: TOO MANY DEWEYS


"REESE, GET IN HERE."

"I didn't do it," Reese said as he walked into the room.

"Didn't do what?" Lois asked suspiciously.

"Whatever you're about to accuse me of."

"I'm not going to accuse you of anything. What did you think I was going to accuse you of?"

"I wasn't thinking of anything," Reese said as a small explosion was heard above them. "Not even that."

*

"You look lost," the old Eskimo said.

Francis looked up in surprise. "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

The Eskimo laughed. "I should be asking you those questions. I should also ask why. Winter is coming and Alaska is not known for its tropical weather."

"It's my fault," Francis admitted. "I knew it would be cold but I never realized how cold. I'm Francis."

The Eskimo raised a gloved hand. "I'm Ralph. I'm the local shaman. I noticed you wandering around and I smelled magic on you."

"On me? That would be my brother. He's studying to be a wizard." Francis paused. "It is alright to tell you that?"

"Sure, I'm in the business," Ralph said as he waved his arm. "You should feel better now. I moved the wind away from you."

"That does help," Francis admitted. "Maybe you can tell me where I need to go. I'm looking for a logging camp near here. Some lady named Lavernia . . ."

Ralph began laughing as hard as he could. "You're going to work for Lavernia? That old battleaxe will spit you out in five minutes. You can find her down the road about a half mile."

"Thanks," Francis said dubiously. He trudged up the road until he found the trading store and walked in.

"Who the hell are you?" A woman screamed.

"Cut it, Lady," Francis yelled back. "I'm looking for the owner. Not some over eager clerk."

"I am the owner," the woman hissed.

"Four minutes and thirty seconds," Ralph the Shaman said four minutes and thirty seconds later as Francis hugged the outside of the door.

"That lady is inhuman," Francis admitted as he inched his way from the door. Yelling could still be heard behind him. "The worst part is that I have to go back in there and ask her for a job."

"Is your life that bad?"

"It's terrible. I don't have any money left. My parents were forced to leave the country. My brother was almost killed by some manic magician . . ."

"Hold it, kid. I didn't want a life story. All I wanted was a yes or a no."

"Uh, yes."

"Well," the old Eskimo said as he pondered the snowy sky. "I was looking for an assistant, someone to run chores for me, watch the shop, things like that. I don't pay as much as Lavernia . . ."

"I'll take it," Francis said quickly. "When do I start?"

"How about now?"

"Great."

"Here's a couple of tens," Ralph said handing Francis some money. "Go inside and buy me two rolls of toilet paper."

Francis turned pale as he took the money and turned back toward the door. His only good thought was that he didn't work for that, well, you know what.

*

Lois looked up to see Arthur and Molly Weasley at her back door. "Howdy, neighbors."

Arthur quickly waved his wand. "I'm sorry, Lois, but we don't want your family to know we're here, not all of them. We need to talk to you, and to Malcolm if he's here."

"Sure. MALCOLM," Lois called. "That's funny he usually answers right away, especially since you know what happened."

"Oh yes," Arthur said hurriedly as Molly gave him a funny look. "You mean the flying lessons."

"Arthur, take off the privacy spell that you cast," Molly said.

"Sorry, there you go. Try calling him again."

"MALCOLM."

Draco walked into the kitchen and spotted the Weasleys. "What are they doing here?"

"Is Dewey around?" Arthur asked.

"He's in the bedroom watching one of those picture books," Draco answered.

Molly waved for Lois and Draco to follow her and Arthur. As they walked across the yard she explained the situation. "We need to show you something in the Burrow. If anybody wants to know, we're going on a holiday. Bill will be here watching the place but he can't stay the entire time. Tell them we asked Malcolm to watch our home for us while we're gone."

"I don't understand," Lois said as she entered the Burrow.

"What happened to you," Lois said in surprise. "What are you doing here. Where? What?"

"Hi, Mom," Dewey said as he looked up from the book he was reading.

Draco was stunned.

[This is impossible. I just left Dewey five minutes ago.]

"Can we talk in private," Dewey asked, and the Weasley's excused themselves.

"What happened to you," Lois exclaimed. "Where did you get those clothes. Why are you three inches taller?"

"Mom, Draco, there was an accident."

"You know I'm Draco?"

"Shut up, Malcolm. Dewey, what kind of accident?"

"A time accident," Dewey explained. "I fell a year back in time."

"You have to explain that."

"Mr. Weasley said I can't. It'll cause problems. All I'm allowed to tell is that something will happen a year from now and I'll be sent back in time."

Lois was stunned. "Arthur, please come in here. Do you know what happened?"

"Enough to know what happened," Arthur admitted.

"Can't you do anything?"

"Yes, we can but . . . not for a year. There's a small problem with causality."

"How did it happen?"

"It's Malcolm's fault," Dewey said. "If you want, Mom, you can punish him before it happens. I don't mind."

Lois walked around the room. "I can't handle this. I don't know what to do."

[This is great. Mom's never admitted that there was something she couldn't handle. Malcolm's going to be mad that he missed it.]

"Mom, I think the Weasley have already figured it out."

Lois looked at Draco and smiled. "That's right. That's why they want you to house sit."

"Exactly," Arthur said with a grin. "Dewey can stay here. He knows to keep out of sight. And Dewey also knows not to come into our house, the other Dewey that is. This will be great. I have my own personal muggle to explain things. Of course I won't be here most of the time. We're doing some house cleaning for (He glared at Draco) a cousin."

"That's great," Lois said. "And if you need an extra hand, Dewey loves to help clean."

"What?" Dewey exclaimed.

Lois turned to look at Dewey. "Did you really expect me to take your word for it. I'll believe it was an accident when it happens." Turning back to Arthur she said, "Feel free to use his help. He's just like a regular house elf when it comes to work."

"That is a wonderful idea. I'll tell Molly." Arthur left, and Lois turned back to Dewey. "You better help them, mister. They're doing you a big favor." She looked at Dewey then at Draco. "What is it with you kids? Why can't you have normal problems?"

"Mom," Draco began.

"You don't have to call me that, Draco."

[She always tries to make things difficult.]

"Yes I do, Mom. Whatever Nob did made me Malcolm and Malcolm calls you Mom. I have to do whatever Malcolm would do, at least what I think he would do."

"Is that why you were never nice to me?" Dewey asked.

"Of course it is, you moron. All you ever do is cause trouble. I can't go anywhere without you butting in."

Lois held up her hand. "You proved your point . . . Malcolm."

Draco clenched his hands in frustration. "When is he ever going to get back? I could be on the beach right now."

Lois smiled. "His class won the regional competition, and Saturday is the national finals. If they win that, they enter the international competition, but that won't be until after Dewey's Birthday. He'll be ten . . ."

"And eleven," Dewey added.

Lois nodded. "I'd say three more weeks should do it." She gave Draco a compassionate smile as his shoulders slumped in defeat.

*

"This is the best time I've ever had," Malcolm said, as he walked out of the Smithsonian Museum of American History.

"Me . . . too," Stevie replied, as he rolled along side of his friend.

"It has been interesting," Albus Dumbledore admitted as he followed them out. "And traveling in the muggle fashion to your nation's capital makes one realize exactly how big your country is, Stevie. Next time, however, I will arrange for us to use a portkey."

"We had to do it, Professor. Travel with the Krelboynes. You were right about my being here giving them confidence. Even Dabney wasn't nervous. As nervous."

"That's . . . because his . . . mother . . . yelled . . . at him . . .while . . . he was . . . on stage."

"Exactly," Malcolm acknowledged. "And I feel great about this whole thing. I'm doing something to actually help other people."

Albus frowned at Malcolm. "And the fact that you are not under your parents supervision has nothing to do with it."

"Seriously, Sir. You're a lot stricter than my parents."

"Then your mother never threatens to turn you into a toad when you misbehave."

"She does, but she doesn't have the magic to back it up. And besides, I didn't even know it was there. The fact that it broke into so many pieces . . ."

"If you don't stop, Malcolm, you may hop the rest of the way back to your hotel room."

[Well, maybe it was my fault a little. I was throwing the frisbee at the time.]

"Hey," Malcolm asked. "What happened to Dennis?"

*

"Excuse me," Dennis Creevey asked a fellow tourist. "Could you take our picture?"

The man smiled and waited as Dennis settled himself into the Captains Chair on the Starship Enterprise. Lloyd stood behind him giving the Vulcan hand greeting. Then they traded places for the second picture.

"Thanks, Lloyd. The Air and Space Museum was a great idea."

*

Malcolm and Stevie went back to their hotel, while Albus left to take care of business.

"I'll be back," Malcolm told Stevie.

"You can't . . . go . . . outside," Stevie pointed out.

"Sure I can," Malcolm told his friend. "I planned for this." He pulled a leather jacket out of his suitcase along with some hair gel and went into the bathroom. He came out fifteen minutes later wearing the jacket over jeans and a T-shirt with his hair greased back.

"What do you think?"

"You . . . look . . . stupid."

"As long as I don't look exactly like me. This way, I look like Louis Renault."

"Who's . . . Louis?"

"It's my alter ego. I pretended I was somebody else so that people would think there's somebody who looks like me. And now, when I want to, I can pretend I'm somebody else and they'll think I'm telling the truth."

"You still . . . look . . . stupid."

"Do you want to come?"

"I'll . . . pass."

Malcolm walked down the stairs to the lobby near the side exit. Seeing the coast was clear, he stepped out of the stairwell and began walking toward the front desk.

"You're not allowed out of the hotel," the clerk said.

"Waddaya mean? I just walk in here. I'm looking for a guy."

The clerk looked amused. "You're looking for someone. Would he happen to be your age and your height?"

Malcolm smirked. "You're pretty smart for a jerk. Yeah, it's my friend Malcolm. What's his room?"

The clerk returned the smirk. "I'll check on that." He called Lionel Herkabe's room.

"What?" came the sharp reply."

"Sir, we have a guest who claims he's looking for Malcolm . . ."

"Send him away. Malcolm's too busy studying to see anybody. He has too many friends as it is."

The clerk looked surprised when he turned back to Malcolm. "Your friend is busy. May I take a message for him."

"Naw, I'll catch him tomorrow. Thanks anyway."

Malcolm turned around and walked out of the hotel despite everyone being told to keep him inside.

[Great. Here I am in the Nation's Capitol and I can do anything I want. Except I forgot that I don't have any money.]

Malcolm chose his moment and snuck back into the hotel.

"Welcome . . . back," Stevie said upon his return.

*

The next morning, they were ready for the national finals of the Academic Olympics, when Albus took Malcolm aside.

"Malcolm, things have become serious. I will not be able chaperone you anymore after today. I know you've sworn an oath, but how good are the chances of you're winning this competition?"

"We'll probably lose," Malcolm assured the headmaster. "It's almost guaranteed."

"But you will be trying your best."

"I have to, Sir. Even without the Oath I would still try. I haven't even let anything distract me."

"Excuse . . . me," Stevie said as he interrupted. "Malcolm is . . . wanted . . . in the . . . competition . . . room . . . in ten . . . make that . . . five . . . minutes."

"Thank you, Stevie," Albus said. "And Malcolm, before you go, I need to tell you something. I was going to wait until you returned to school but I think this is a more appropriate time. It concerns Gabrielle Delacour . . ."

"And her boyfriend, Jean Paul," Malcolm muttered.

"And her brother, Jean Paul," Albus concluded.

"Her brother?" Malcolm asked as he felt his blood race. "Jean Paul is her brother? That means she does like me after all. I've been an idiot."

"We can call her after this is over, Malcolm. You are needed in the competition room."

Albus followed a dazed Malcolm into the auditorium filled with dozens of people. He took a seat and smiled, knowing he would be free of his young charge in only a few minutes. Malcolm walked up to the stage where four other competitors were waiting for him. All of them were made nervous by his continual rambling about how great it all was.

"Welcome to the mathematics final of the National Academic Olympics," the announcer said and the over three dozen people in the audience cheered. "We have some of the smartest students that America has to offer. And we have some of the toughest questions they'll ever have to answer, thanks to the national capital branch of MENSA."

A covered blackboard was rolled onto the stage. Malcolm looked at it and said, out load, "Gabrielle was wearing a robe exactly that color the last time I saw her."

"That's nice," the commentator said, looking at his sheet, " Malcolm?"

"Yeah, Gabrielle is the most beautiful girl you ever saw, and she actually likes me."

"I'm happy for you, Malcolm, and I'm sure that everyone else here is happy for you as well. But our first question is this. Give the formula to calculate the volume of a sphere in Euclidian N-dimensional space. Kim Lee of Chicago."

The girl in question approached the now uncovered blackboard and wrote: X! = gamma (X + 1).

"I'm sorry, Kim," the commentator said, "you gave us the definition. Anyone else? Malcolm has offered to give it a try."

"It's great," Malcolm said as he approached the blackboard. "I kept thinking that Gabrielle had another boyfriend, but it turns out it was her brother. Do you believe that. Her brother. I was as surprised as anybody. Now I have to find a way to talk to her. I mean, she lives in France, after all. I could fly there, that's not the problem, but . . ."

"Excuse me, Malcolm. The formula?"

"Oh, It's on the blackboard. Isn't that great. I'm actually looking forward to apologizing to her."

Near the back, Albus Dumbledore was smiling.

The commentator announced, " Malcolm's answer of (½ + N) ! = sqrt(pi) ( (2N = 2)!) / ( (N + 1) ! 4 ^ (N + 1) ) is correct. And I'm sure your girlfriend will be proud to know that."

Near the back, Albus Dumbledore was frowning.

"Would you like some popcorn?" Dennis offered.

*

Malcolm was still talking about Gabrielle when he left the auditorium. Finally, when Dumbledore suggested getting something to eat, the boy stopped in his tracks. "The competition! I missed the competition."

"No you didn't," Lloyd said. "You aced it."

"I what?"

"You topped everyone," Dennis added.

"It is true, my dear boy," Dumbledore said. "In between your strong praise of Gabrielle Delacour, you managed to answer every question correctly, even the ones that were not directed at you. You annoyed a great number of people."

"Especially Cynthia," Dabney added.

"You tricked me," Malcolm accused. "You said that to distract me so that I wouldn't think properly. Well, it didn't work."

"Yes it did," Dumbledore insisted. "Unfortunately, you answered every question without even thinking about it."

"You were great, Malcolm," Dabney said. "Now I don't even have to worry about the History Review. We'll win if I just show up."

As everyone ran back to watch the next competition, Malcolm stayed back with Professor Dumbledore. "I messed things up, didn't I?"

"But you did it with style, Malcolm. You didn't let your friends down. I will have to work something out, though." Albus stopped in mid-step. "I am a doddering old fool. I know exactly the person to contact. Your old friend, David Winter. He lives in the Washington area, if I am correct. He will be more than happy to do me a favor."

"Until he finds out what it is," Malcolm added, and they both smiled.

"By the way, Malcolm. I did not lie about Jean Paul."

*

"Hi, Mum," Dennis said into the phone. "I'm fine. I wanted to let you know what was going on. . . . "Oh, I'm in Washington now. Malcolm and his friends are great company. He's been busy so I've been hanging out with a friend of his, Lloyd. He's smart like Malcolm but he's a squib. He's always making fun of muggles. . . . "I know, Mom. It's rude, and I shouldn't say it. Malcolm always uses the word 'normal'.

Dennis paused as his mother laughed.

"Thanks. Bye Mum."

Malcolm looked over as Dennis hung up the phone. "What did you mean that Lloyd's a squib. He's as normal as you and . . . as Reese and Francis."

"Then why does he call people Muggles?"

"He's trying to be clever. He thinks a muggle is someone who isn't English."

Dennis nodded thoughtfully. "Then I shouldn't have given him that photograph?"

"I . . . covered . . . for you," Stevie told him.

*

"How can the two of you move like that?" Dabney asked as he looked at the Photograph of Lloyd playing Captain Kirk to Dennis's Spock.

"Microprocessors," Lloyd explained smoothly. "The entire picture is a computer circuit and power source. Stevie told me that Dennis's dad does research for Kodak."

"Can Dennis get me a camera?"

*

"Malcolm."

David Winter said that one word with so much expression, everyone who heard it could feel the impending doom.

"Mom said to say hello," Malcolm said cheerfully.

"A wonderful woman," David said wistfully, "she made the best coffee I've ever had." Then he frowned. "What exactly am I supposed to do with you?"

"It's not just me. It's Stevie as well. And Dennis. You have to act as our legal guardian in case anything happens."

"Such as the unauthorized use of magic?"

"I don't have my wand."

Davis Winter smiled. "I feel better already. Albus didn't tell me where we are going?"

"The International Academic Olympics, Stockholm, Sweden. Europe is the host continent and Sweden always wins."

"Sweden is nice," David mused.

"We have to use muggle transportation," Malcolm added.

"Muggle?" David Winter muttered as his frown returned. "No wonder Albus punted. I guess he was too busy to travel from London everyday."

"Things are bad, Sir. I'm sure you know."

"You know American policy, Malcolm. If it doesn't affect us directly, it isn't our problem. If you need my help, you have it. If you need OUR help, stand in line."

[That's what makes America better than other countries. At least we have a line you can stand in.]

"Hey . . . Malcolm. Hello . . . Mister . . . Winter . . . Thanks for . . . the improvements . . . on the . . . wheelchair."

"You're welcome, Stevie. Are you looking forward to going to Stockholm?"

"Stockholm? . . . The Swedish . . . team . . . ate some . . . bad fish . . . They had . . . to . . . drop out . . .We're going . . . to . . . London."

David Winter froze in place. He had agreed to watch these two boys for the next two week because Albus Dumbledore had to return to London. Now he had to take them to that very place. If Albus had waited one more day, David could have gone to the beach instead.

"London?"

*

"Oh Goody," Dewey said without excitement. "I get to go to London."

"How do you think we feel?" Fred told him. "We get to go with you."

"And we get to spend the rest of our summer," George added, "cleaning cobwebs out of an old house."

"It is only cobwebs?" Dewey asked hopefully.

"Doxies have infested all the curtains, according to Mum," Ginny said mournfully. "I could have been at the beach with Malcolm."

"You see to much of Malcolm," Ron said. "The change will be good for you."

"Then send him to the house," Hermione Granger said, " and we'll go to the beach instead. Oh, and thanks for inviting me, Ron."

"I didn't expect this," Ron admitted, as he tried to find a way to make it better. "It'll be educational. Like a summer of Hagrid's classes." He smiled wanly. Hermione loved anything educational but she was still going to be cleaning a house.

"I hate my life," Dewey said as the car made a right turn.

"Here we are," Arthur Weasley said cheerfully. "Grimmauld Place."

"This is a grim old place," Dewey muttered as he looked out the window and George nodded in agreement.

*

"Dewey," Draco shouted. "What do you think you're doing?"

"The Weasley's left. We drove them away. They hated us. Ron didn't even say goodbye."

"Then that means they're coming back," Draco said in disgust. "Do you want to go to the beach?"

"Yeah!"

"Great, you can watch Nob."

"Why can't you watch Nob?"

"I'll be busy."

"What about Reese?"

Reese looked up. "I can't look after him. I'll be busy, too."

As they walked to the beach, Reese asked Draco, "Malcolm, what do you want to do when we get there?"

"I don't know. What did you want to do?"

"You could watch Nob," Dewey offered.

"I'm really watching you," Nob said. "Malcolm told me."

"Besides," Reese added, "We'll be too busy."

"I hate my life," Dewey muttered.