INTRODUCTION 4
(T.S. QUINT and SILENT BOB once again walk out onto the white background.)
QUINT: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another installment of Mallrats 2: the Next Generation. I am of course FanFic author T.S. Quint, and this is of course Silent Bob. (SILENT BOB nods.) Once again ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, a certain individual, who shall remain nameless (A picture of JAY flashes on the screen for a split second before vanishing again.) is still no longer under my employ. Not that we've been trying to return him to this fic, mind you. It was sort of a mutual thing that Silent Bob's associate parted company with us. (The words "We fired his sorry ass!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) We just wanted to clear up a few things however. (The words "And denounce any lies Jay may have told you about us!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) First of all, we hold no bitterness toward Jay. (The words "Jay was a no talent asshole!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) Second of all, though I may have made a few snide comment about Jay in the previous Intro, it was all in fun. (The words "I meant every word of what I said to that obnoxious, loudmouthed, very gay, stoner. Words cannot describe how much I loathe him!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) We'd like you to know, that I in no way shape or form enjoy being in the spotlight of the intros here. I much prefer to let my work do my speaking for me, and enjoy watching from behind the scenes. We want you to know that I am only a temporary co-host for the intros, and we are diligently searching for a more permanant replacement for Jay. (The words "Screw you all! The intros are ten times better now than they were with Jay, and I'm freakin' loving the spotlight! This fic would be nothing without me! Literally! Bwahahahahaha!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) Well, with that being said, here's the fourth installment to Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoy it. (The words "I don't care if you enjoy it or not, because it's damn good, and much better than anything you moes could come up with!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.)
(And with that, QUINT walks off screen, exiting the scene. SILENT BOB blinks, a little shocked at what was scrolling across the bottom of the screen. He finally shakes his head, and exits the scene as well.
END OF INTRODUCTION
INT. MALL
(Scene opens showing COREY walking slowly through the mall alone. A somber expression is on his face, and he can't help but let a sight escape his lips, as the events of the previous day have once again caught up to him. Off screen, a smack is heard, and JARRETT stumbles on camera, followed by an extremely angry looking, attractive young woman. She angrily shoves past COREY and JARRETT, and exits the scene.)
JARRETT: (Not yet noticing COREY, he shouts after the ANGRY GIRL.) Hey! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it! (Nods and says more quietly, to himself.) She'll be back... (He turns and notices, for the first time, COREY, who has been watching him this whole time.) Oh, heya, Corey. Didn't see ya standing there. What's up?
COREY: (In a somber tone, of course.) Not much. (Sighs and continues on his way.)
JARRETT: (Following him.) You okay? You seem kinda down...
COREY: You don't know? Sheesh I thought everyone in the whole friggin' town knew by now...
JARRETT: Oh, is this about that whole Sheila thing?
COREY: (Throwing his hands up and sighing, speaking to no one in particular.) Jeez, the whole friggin' town does know!
JARRETT: Cousin, you really need to loosen up. I mean, look at me! Girls are turnin' me down, smacking me in the face right and left! But do I let it get me down? Hell no! Cause I know one day, they'll all come crawling back. (Watches a particularly pretty girl walk past him.) And if not, hey, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. You know what I'm saying?
COREY: (Not really listening.) I just... I wish I knew why... I mean... what's Sean Williams got that I don't?
JARRETT: Hmmm... Sounds to me like you need relationship advice.
COREY: No thanks. Somehow I doubt you'd be able to give me the advice I'm looking for.
JARRETT: Of course not. This is waaaay out of my juristiction. You wanna know what's going on in this mall, I'm your man. However, if you're in need of emotional and/or spiritual advice, you ask Brandy.
COREY: (Gives JARRETT a quizical look) Who?
JARRETT: (Gives COREY a sly grin and puts an arm around his shoulders.) Walk with me, my friend.
(The camera stops following the two, and they walk off screen, exitting the scene.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, OUTSIDE ARCADE
(Scene opens showing PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing in front of the Arcade as usual. PAUL is fidgeting around, while SILENT ZACH just stares straight ahead with a bored look on his face.)
PAUL: Jeez, Silent Zach, I'm fuckin' bored. Wish I had some fuckin' cash. (SILENT ZACH sighs and points to one of PAUL's pockets. PAUL glares at him.) Don't even fuckin' think of touchin' me there, tons a fun, or I'll knock your fuckin' lights out! (SILENT ZACH rolls his eyes, sighing again, still pointing. PAUL finally takes the hint and reaches into his pocket, producing the five dollar bill LYLE gave him earlier.) Holy fuck! Magic money! Do that again!
(SILENT ZACH slaps himself on the forehead, silently "grumbling".)
PAUL: What?!
SILENT ZACH: Lyle gave that to you earlier!
PAUL: (Smacks SILENT ZACH across the face) Dude! Silent! You're supposed to be Silent Zach! As in no fuckin' talking! How're we supposed to be like my awesome uncle Jay and your big, fat, dumbass uncle Bob, if you keep fuckin' talking all the time?! From now on, if you wanna tell me something, do it silently!
SILENT ZACH: But you were-
PAUL: (Cutting him off.) What did I just say?! Silently! (SILENT ZACH sighs deeply, falling silent, and shoving his hands into his pockets, glaring at PAUL. After a moment, PAUL looks at the five dollar bill quizically.) Why the fuck would Lyle give me five bucks?
(SILENT ZACH glares at him for a moment, opening his mouth to speak.)
PAUL: Silently!
(SILENT ZACH gives him a withering look, then pauses, a thoughtful look on his face, as he thinks of a way to "silently" explain this. After a moment, he finally puts on a dazed, happy look, and smiles dreamily, putting his hands together above his head, forming a heart shape with them. After a moment, he pulls his hands apart and makes a sad face, sniffling.)
PAUL: He was happy, then his heart exploded?! Awesome!
(SILENT ZACH sighs, shaking his head, and rolling his eyes. He pauses thinking again, then after a moment holds his hand out, palm down, about waist height.)
PAUL: Little? Small? Short? (When he says short, SILENT ZACH points at him, nodding excitedly.) It has something to do with... ah... shortness.
(SILENT ZACH nods again, then pauses, holding up his hand. He suddenly just starts staring at a randomly passing girl.)
PAUL: Uh... stares at girls? Me? That Jarrett kid? A peeping tom? (SILENT ZACH shakes his head after every one of these guesses.) Uhhh... stares at.... obsessed with girls? (SILENT ZACH looks at him, nodding, and holds up one finger.) One? Hm... obsessed with girls... one... obsessed with one girl?
(SILENT ZACH nods excitedly.)
PAUL: (Thoughtfully, rubbing his chin) Hmmm... short, obsessed with one girl... (snaps his fingers.) That Corey kid! Thats right! We're supposed to beat the shit outta him! (SILENT ZACH slaps himself on the forehead, sighing again. PAUL pauses thinking for a moment.) No... wait... that ain't right. It had somethin' to do with him, I think... something about him... and a girl... (Snaps his fingers again.) Now I remember! We're supposed to keep that prep, Sean, from kicking his ass for likin' that one chick!
(SILENT ZACH breaths a sigh of relief, looking skyward as if to say "Finally!")
PAUL: Finally got somethin' to do! Come on, Lunchbox. Time to go to work! (He walks offscreen, exitting the scene.)
SILENT ZACH: (Watches him go then says quietly.) Woulda had something to do a long time ago if you'd just let me talk sometimes, dumbass. (Then he follows PAUL, exitting the scene.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, FOOD COURT
(Scene opens showing LYLE still sitting at the same table, still leaning back with his feet up. The camera pans over, showing BENNTING and HICKS sitting at another table in the food court, not too far away from LYLE, but far enough away that he wouldn't easily notice them. BENNTING is currently glaring darkly in LYLE's direction.)
BENNTING: (Speaking in a soft, angry tone, still glaring at LYLE) Finally... finally you shall pay for what you did to me, oh so many years ago! Finally, you shall get your comeupance, you worthless, going-nowhere- in-life, slacker! You will learn to fear and respect the name of Quentin T. Bennting!
HICKS: (Making a contemplative face) Sir... I've been wondering... what does the "T" in your name stand for?
BENNTING: Doesn't matter! The time to act is at hand, my wretched lapdog! (Stands and grabs HICKS by the scruff of his neck, and pulls him into a two- man huddle. The camera changes to show a from-the-ground-looking-up view of BENNTING and HICKS from the middle of their huddle.) Now, what I want you to do, is go and find some mall security. Bring them to the edge of the food court. I'll be standing by Lyle. When I give you the signal, bring them over. Am I making myself quite clear on what I want you to do? (HICKS nodds hastily.) Good.
(At that moment, the camera shifts to show a normal view of HICKS and BENNTING. From the outside, their "two-man huddle" looks very much like an embrace. SEAN and SHEILA walk up, arm in arm. They pause a few feet away from BENNTING and HICKS.)
SHEILA: (Looking at the two with a disgusted look on her face.) Ewww...
SEAN: Jeez, get a room, ya gays! (And he and SHEILA walk offscreen, exitting the scene.)
BENNTING: (Growls and shoves HICKS away.) Get to work! (HICKS nods and hastily scurries away, exitting the scene for now. BENNTING then turns and strides over to where LYLE is sitting. He stands for a moment, unnoticed, until finally, he clears his throat loudly. LYLE, who's eyes have been closed, snaps away, quickly sitting up.)
LYLE: What the-?! (Sees BENNTING, who now has a sinister grin on his face.) Oh... it's you. What the hell do you want?
BENNTING: (Still smiling evilly.) Greetings and salutations, my dear Lyle. However are you on this fine Saturday morning?
LYLE: Call me your dear anything again, and I'll kick your flaming teeth down your throat.
BENNTING: (Chuckles.) My, my. Aren't we on edge today? Here I am trying to strike up a friendly conversation, and you're making threats! It's almost as if your nervous about something.... hiding something maybe.... or perhaps, feeling guilty?
LYLE: What in God's name are you talking about? Trying to start up a friendly conversation, my ass! You know, and I know that you hate me! You're up to something.
BENNTING: Me? Up to something? Heavens, no! I just came over here to see how my favorite student was doing.
LYLE: Now that's the biggest load of bullsh-
BENNTING: (Snatching the black back pack from where it's been resting near LYLE's feet, and interrupting.) You know, I've always been curious as to what you carry around in this book bag that you constantly have with you. You don't mind if I have a look, do you?
LYLE: Yeah, I mind! (He makes a grab for the back pack, but BENNTING keeps it just out of his reach.)
BENNTING: Goodness! Why so testy? Is there something in here you don't want me to see? Are you hiding something perhaps?
LYLE: No, I just don't want you queering up my stuff with your cancerous touch!
BENNTING: Well, if you're not hiding anything, why should you mind if I just have one quick look? (He quickly unzips the bookbag. The three signature comics fall out and onto the ground. BENNTING looks down at them, then up at LYLE, an insidious look on his face.) Why... are those what I think they are? And in your backpack?!
LYLE: (Looking down at the comics, a look of disbelief on his face.) How in the... (He slowly looks up and sees BENNTING grinning. Over BENNTING's shoulder, a ways off, is HICKS at the edge of the food court, with two security guards, waiting for BENNTING's signal.) You! You set me up, you coniving asshole!
BENNTING: (Grinning.) The only description given of the comics' theif was that of a teenage young man. Why... you're a teenage young man, aren't you, Mr. Grant?
LYLE: (Glaring.) You'll never get away with this!
BENNTING: (Chuckling.) I'm afraid I already have!
LYLE: (Pauses.) Well then I guess there's just one thing left to do. (He suddenly grabs BENNTING by the shoulders and knees him hard in the groin. BENNTING lets out a yelp and keels over in pain. LYLE darts away, exitting the scene.)
(The camera then shifts to show HICKS standing with two security guards.)
GUARD #1: So, you're saying that your friend has the comics' theif?
HICKS: Yup. And when he gives the signal, we're gonna rush over there, and you guys can arrest the theif.
GUARD #2: (Squinting, looking at something off camera.) Uh... it looks like the perp just kneed your friend in the crotch. Maybe we should go over there now...
HICKS: Nope. Mr. Bennting was very specific. He said to wait until he gives the signal.
GUARD #1: I think the perp just got away. What exactly is this signal he's supposed to give?
BENNTING: (Screaming in a high-pitched tone from off camera.) Hicks, you blithering idiot! What the hell are you waiting for?!
HICKS: (Answering GUARD #1.) Uhhh... I think that counts. (The two GUARDS rush off camera, exitting the scene, while HICKS, who swallows nervously, hesitantly follows.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, FOOD COURT
(Scene opens showing SEAN and SHEILA sitting at one of the tables in the food court. There are two sodas and burgers on the table.)
SHEILA: (Talking to SEAN, just finishing a story.) And then the little chiuauah actually had the gull to ask me out! Can you believe that?
SEAN: Ugh... that's disgusting. The little waste actually had the nerve to speak to you. Unbelievable.
SHEILA: Ah well. With the send off I gave him, I don't think I'll have to wory about him talking to me again for a while.
SEAN: (Grinning.) Oh, really? What'd you say to him?
SHEILA: I told him I'd rather be gutted by a chainsaw, have my head crushed in a vice, aaaaand... (pauses, thinking.) chew glass, I think... than go out with him. Oh yeah, and I said he was beneath me.
SEAN: (Laughing.) Niiice... (Pauses.) Wait a second... he's *beneath* you?
SHEILA: (Not really listening to him.) In any case, I'm glad I said that to him. I talked to Mary Sloan earlier, and she said she saw him here with his loser friends. I wouldn't want him talking to me or anything.
SEAN: He's here? Well, he's lucky as hell I haven't seen him. I'd kick his ass again!
SHEILA: Wait, what?
SEAN: I said I'd kick his ass again.
SHEILA: What do you mean, again?
SEAN: After I saw him talking to you at school yesterday, I beat an insurance policy into him to make sure that he stays away from you.
SHEILA: (Sighs.) God, that macho bullshit irritates me!
SEAN: (In an exasperated tone.) Oh, what?!
SHEILA: I told him to stay away from me. That was enough. Look, I don't like him, but I don't want you beating him up!
SEAN: Would you relax? I didn't really hut him that bad. I just pushed him around a little, that's all.
SHEILA: Well, you'e not gonna "push him around" at all aound me. Alright?
SEAN: (Looks at her for a minute, then sighs.) Alright, fine.
SHEILA: Good.
(The scene then changes to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing somewhere in the food court. PAUL is currently writing on a piece of paper, while SILENT ZACH stands next to him, holding a brick.)
PAUL: (Finishing.) There. I finished writing the letter, threatening Williams's life unless he leaves Corey alone. Now, we're gonna tie this note to that brick, chuck it over there-(points off camera)- where Williams and that Sheila chick are sittin', then fuckin' make tracks. Got it? (SILENT ZACH nods, then chucks the brick off camera, in the direction PAUL pointed. A crash is heard.)
SEAN: (From off camera.) What the fuck?!
PAUL: (Smacks SILENT ZACH.) What the fuck are you doing?! I'm supposed to tie the note to the brick *before* you throw it! (SILENT ZACH grits his teeth and smacks himself on the forehead.) Well, fuck it now! We gotta scatter before Williams sees us! (And he and Silent Zach run off camera, exitting the scene.)
(The camera pans back to show SEAN and SHEILA. Both are now standing. The brick SILENT ZACH threw is in the middle of the table they were sitting at. Both of the sodas on the table are overturned, obviously knocked over by the brick, and, judging by the big wet mark on the front of SEAN's shirt and pants, his soda was knocked into his lap.)
SEAN: (Looking down at the soda he's covered in.) Son of a bitch!
SHEILA: (Looking at the brick on the table. In a confused tone.) I think someone threw a brick at us...
SEAN: (Looking up slowly, a dark look on his face.) I'll bet it was that little prick, Corey...
SHEILA: (Looking at him incredulously.) What?! Anyone could've thrown that! You have no proof Corey did it!
SEAN: I don't need proof! I know it was him! And I'm gonna kick his ass so bad, they're gonna need dental records to identify him! (And he storms off, exitting the scene.)
SHEILA: Sean! Would you wait a second! (She groans in annoyance, and follows him, exitting the scene as well.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, OUTSIDE THE BOOKSTORE
(Scene opens showing a booth located in front of the Mall's bookstore, D. Balton Books. There is a young woman sitting at the booth, with an extremely bored expression on her face. She is dressed in a grey skirt and business jacket, and has long brown hair, and dark brown eyes. She is very professional looking. This young woman is BRANDY. There is a sign above the booth that reads "Ask Brandy! Emotional/Spiritual Advice Counselor" in large print and "$5 per Question" below it in smaller print. Standing in front of the booth, talking, is the ever annoying MELANIE. And judging by the annoyed/bored expression on BRANDY's face, MELANIE has been jabbering on for some time now.)
MELANIE: (Just finishing up.) I leave love letters in his locker, I follow him around and make absolute sure he knows I love him, and still Corey ignores me! And even worse, he sometimes acts like he hates me! I know he and I were meant to be together, I just wish I knew how to get him to realize this. What do you think I should do?
BRANDY: (Sighing.) Well, I dunno. This guy really seems to hate you.
MELANIE: No, no, no! He doesn't hate me! He just doesn't know he's in love with me!
BRANDY: (In a less than enthusiastic tone.) Uh huh...
MELANIE: Soooo... what should I do?
BRANDY: You really wanna know what I think you should do?
MELANIE: Of course!
BRANDY: (Sighs.) Fine... I think this Corey character hates you. My advice? Get over it. Quit obsessing, and find someone else. Leave this poor guy alone.
MELANIE: (Angry now.) That's it?! That's what you think I should do?! That's the worst so-called "advice" I've ever heard! How did you ever break into this professionally?! You obviously have no idea what you're talking about!!
BRANDY: (In a bored tone.) Five dollars, please.
MELANIE:....What?
BRANDY: You asked a question. Now you owe me money. Five dollars, please.
MELANIE: (Glares for a moment.) Fine... fine! (Reaches into her pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. She slams it down in front of BRANDY then turns to storm away... right into COREY and JARRETT.)
JARRETT: (To MELANIE, not really looking at her.) Hey bab- (Get's a good look at her.) Woah! Nevermind! (MELANIE pauses, staring at him. Slowly she smiles.)
COREY: (To JARRETT.) Now you've done it. You're marked.
JARRETT: (Sarcastically.) Oh, goody. Well, as much as I'd love to stay and find out what happens.... (pauses, watching a pretty girl pass. He smiles.) I've got... things... to do. Catcha later. (And he exits the scene, heading the same direction as the girl that passed by.)
MELANIE: (Calling after him.) Wait! Who are you? (She follows, exitting the scene as well. COREY watches, shaking his head.)
BRANDY: (Looks at COREY.) ... And you are?
COREY: (Turning to her.) Leaving... this is a waste of my time. (He turns, and starts to walk away.)
BRANDY: (Calling after him.) Hmm... I sense rejection. Lemme guess... got turned down by a girl you like.
COREY: (Pauses, and slowly turns to her.) How did you....?
BRANDY: (Smiling.) How did I know? I know everything. You're the guy that got shot down by Sheila Portmann, correct?
COREY: (Sighs and says in an exasperated tone.) How in the hell did you know that?
BRANDY: (Shrugs.) Everybody knows that.
COREY: (Sighs.) Of course they do...
BRANDY: So... you got a question, or what?
COREY: (Pauses a moment, before sighing.) Yeah, I guess I do. (He walks forward a bit, until he's right in front of the booth.) Okay, you see... I've liked this girl, Sheila, for about two years now. But I've always been too nervous to even talk to her. Then to make matters worse, the other day, when I saw her-
BRANDY: (Interrupting.) You ran into a locker? (COREY pauses a moment, staring at her. BRANDY simply grins at him in return.)
COREY: How did you...? (Shakes his head.) Nevermind... I'm sure everyone knows that too... Anyway, I finally garnered up enough guts to ask Sheila out yesterday, but not only did she decline, she told me off, and said I was beneath her... (He sighs, remembering.)
BRANDY: Wow... wait a sec, beneath her?!
(The camera suddenly shifts to show MALLRATS 2's DIRECTOR, and a CAMERA MAN. The DIRECTOR is sitting in a chair, while the CAMERA MAN is standing behind a large camera. The part of these two is played by the actual director and a camera man, so their appearance, is really irrelevant.)
CAMERA MAN: (To the DIRECTOR.) Ummm... sir?
DIRECTOR: Yes?
CAMERA MAN: I know this is "your vision" and you're the "genius" and all, but... don't you think we've about run this "beneath her" joke into the ground?
DIRECTOR: Nonsense! Statistics show that kids love those kinds of running jokes! And that equals good ratings!
CAMERA MAN: Sir, this is a movie... movies don't get ratings.
DIRECTOR: Sure they do! There's G, PG, PG-13, R-
CAMERA MAN: Sir, those are content ratings. What you're thinking of are Nielson ratings, which are what TV shows get. Not movies.
DIRECTOR: (Smiling.) Excellent, make it so!
CAMERA MAN: (Bewildered.) Ex....cuse me?
DIRECTOR: (Turns and glares at him.) ...You heard me...
(The CAMERA MAN stares at him for a moment longer, then sighs, rolling his eyes, and shaking his head, before going back to filming the movie. The scene switches back to COREY and BRANDY.)
COREY: Anyway, as if that weren't bad enough, right after I got done talking to her, this prep named Sean Williams, who apparently has been going out with her, shows up, beats the crap outta me, and stuffs me into a locker, coincidentally, the same locker I ran into before.
BRANDY: Yeesh...
COREY: Oh, it gets better! In order to try and get me to cheer up, my two best friends brought me here for this idiotic comic book convention. No sooner do we arrive, than guess who shows up? Sean and Sheila! Together! (He sighs.) Sometimes I think God is taunting me...
BRANDY: Oh, I'm sure he's not, *taunting* you, per say... sooo anyway, what's your question?
COREY: (Pauses momentarily.) I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't Sheila like me?
BRANDY: Well, from what you've told me, you haven't done anything wrong. You seem like an okay guy to me. And this Sheila girl? She sounds like a huge snob. You're most likely better off without her. I'd say, the only thing you've been doing wrong, is looking for female companionship in the wrong place. Now, I'm not going to tell you you should stop looking for a girl all together. You're obviously the type that almost desperately needs companionship.
COREY: (Sarcastically.) Wow. Thank you.
BRANDY: Tell me, have you ever even considered asking another girl out, besides Sheila?
COREY: (Pausing.) Well... no, actually. To tell you the truth, I haven't really ever thought about it. I... I guess I've been too busy trying to get Sheila. I haven't really noticed any other girls...
BRANDY: And therein lies the real problem.
(Before BRANDY can continue, she is interrupted by KATJA's voice, calling for COREY somewhere off camera. She suddenly rushes into the scen, next to COREY, out of breath.)
KATJA: (To COREY.) There you are! Jeez, I've been looking everywhere for you! When Lyle and I came back to the table and saw that you were gone, we... well, at least *I* was worried about you!
COREY: It's okay, I'm fine... I just needed to think about some stuff...
BRANDY: (Looking back and forth between COREY and KATJA. Slowly, a smile forms on her face. To COREY.) Who's she?
COREY: Oh, this is Katja. She's one of the friends I was telling you about. Katja, this is Brandy.
KATJA: (To BRANDY.) Hi.
BRANDY: Hello. So I hear you came for the comics convention?
KATJA: Oh, no. I'm not really all that into comics. I just came along to help Corey here cheer up. He kinda had a bad day yesterday.
BRANDY: So I've heard. (To COREY.) What time did you say you guys got here again this morning?
COREY: Nine o' clock. As soon as the mall opened. Lyle wouldn't settle for anything less.
BRANDY: I see... so this girl gets up at nine o' clock, on a Saturday morning, to go to a comics convention that doesn't interest her, just to be with you... (BRANDY smiles, as COREY doesn't quite follow.) Tell you what. You know that thing you've been looking for? Well, maybe you've been looking to hard for it. It's most likely a lot closer than you think. (As she speaks, she tilts her head toward KATJA.) Get it?
COREY: (Slowly, his face brightens as it dawns on him. He looks at KATJA, who is just confused now. To BRANDY.) Yeah... yeah, I think I do. (He looks at BRANDY.) Wow... thank you! You've really been a big help. How much do I owe you?
BRANDY: Ah, don't worry about it. I only charge obnoxious people. So far, I'm making a fortune.
COREY: Alright... well, thanks again.
BRANDY: No problem. You just remember what I told you.
COREY: I will. (He and KATJA begin walking away. The camera follows them.)
KATJA: So, what did you ask her about, anyway?
COREY: (Shrugs.) Relationship stuff.
KATJA: (Smiling and shaking her head.) Gee, go figure. Well, did you get the answer you were looking for?
COREY: (He looks at KATJA, and smiles, seeing her in a new light. After a moment he says.) Yeah.... yeah, I think I did. (The camera stops following them, and they walk off screen, exitting the scene.)
TO BE CONTINUED....
(SILENT BOB is shown once again standing against a white screen. This time, however, instead of being joined by fanfic author T.S. QUINT, HOLDEN McNEIL is standing with him.)
HOLDEN: Hi, I'm Holden McNeil. You may know me as former writer for the Bluntman and Chronic comic book. Anyway, I'll bet you're wondering, where's Mr. Quint? (SILENT BOB shrugs.) Well, you see, it was discovered, that Mr. Quint seems to be suffering from a severe egotistical mental defect. He is currently getting the proffessional help, he quite obviously needs....
(Suddenly a screaming is heard, and two men in white coats walk on camera, dragging with them, a violently kicking and screaming QUINT, who is bound in a straight jacket.)
QUINT: (Shouting.) You can't do this to me!! Ich bin der fuhrer! Deutschland uber alles!!! Deutschland uber alles!!!!
MAN IN WHITE COAT #1: Come along Mr. Quint. We're taking you to a nice place out in the country.
QUINT: I am the alpha and the omega! I am that which is, was and shall be again!
MAN IN WHITE COAT #2: Of course you are. Right this way, Mr. Quint.
(And QUINT is then lead off camera, exitting the scene.)
HOLDEN: (Shaking his head.) Truly sad business... anyway, you might be wondering, "what's going to happen to Mallrats 2, now that it's writer has gone insane?" Well, we here at FanFiction.net would like to assure you, that a team of writers is being pooled to help finish this fic. And there's been talk of an ongoing Mallrats 2 the series, depending on how the public reacts. So rest assured, despite the fact that we are currently without an author, this fan fic will be finished, on schedule. Because that's simply how the good folks here at FanFiction.net operate. Quickly, and efficiently. (HOLDEN smiles, broadly as a cash register "chu-ching!" noise, is heard.) So until next time, I'm Holden McNiel. And I'm going off to collect my money, from the good people, at FanFiction.net. (And with that he turns, and walks off screen, exitting the scene.)
SILENT BOB: By the way, he was serious about that Mallrats 2 series thing. It all depends on how many of you guys liked this fic, and like the idea of an ongoing series based on it. Let us know. So until next time, remember: Staying up until all hours of the morning, repeatedly watching low budget movies, like Clerks, and Mallrats, may lead to clinical insanity. Get out there and do something with your life. (He too, then walks off camera, exitting the scene.)
(T.S. QUINT and SILENT BOB once again walk out onto the white background.)
QUINT: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another installment of Mallrats 2: the Next Generation. I am of course FanFic author T.S. Quint, and this is of course Silent Bob. (SILENT BOB nods.) Once again ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, a certain individual, who shall remain nameless (A picture of JAY flashes on the screen for a split second before vanishing again.) is still no longer under my employ. Not that we've been trying to return him to this fic, mind you. It was sort of a mutual thing that Silent Bob's associate parted company with us. (The words "We fired his sorry ass!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) We just wanted to clear up a few things however. (The words "And denounce any lies Jay may have told you about us!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) First of all, we hold no bitterness toward Jay. (The words "Jay was a no talent asshole!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) Second of all, though I may have made a few snide comment about Jay in the previous Intro, it was all in fun. (The words "I meant every word of what I said to that obnoxious, loudmouthed, very gay, stoner. Words cannot describe how much I loathe him!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) We'd like you to know, that I in no way shape or form enjoy being in the spotlight of the intros here. I much prefer to let my work do my speaking for me, and enjoy watching from behind the scenes. We want you to know that I am only a temporary co-host for the intros, and we are diligently searching for a more permanant replacement for Jay. (The words "Screw you all! The intros are ten times better now than they were with Jay, and I'm freakin' loving the spotlight! This fic would be nothing without me! Literally! Bwahahahahaha!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.) Well, with that being said, here's the fourth installment to Mallrats 2. I hope you enjoy it. (The words "I don't care if you enjoy it or not, because it's damn good, and much better than anything you moes could come up with!" scroll across the bottom of the screen.)
(And with that, QUINT walks off screen, exiting the scene. SILENT BOB blinks, a little shocked at what was scrolling across the bottom of the screen. He finally shakes his head, and exits the scene as well.
END OF INTRODUCTION
INT. MALL
(Scene opens showing COREY walking slowly through the mall alone. A somber expression is on his face, and he can't help but let a sight escape his lips, as the events of the previous day have once again caught up to him. Off screen, a smack is heard, and JARRETT stumbles on camera, followed by an extremely angry looking, attractive young woman. She angrily shoves past COREY and JARRETT, and exits the scene.)
JARRETT: (Not yet noticing COREY, he shouts after the ANGRY GIRL.) Hey! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it! (Nods and says more quietly, to himself.) She'll be back... (He turns and notices, for the first time, COREY, who has been watching him this whole time.) Oh, heya, Corey. Didn't see ya standing there. What's up?
COREY: (In a somber tone, of course.) Not much. (Sighs and continues on his way.)
JARRETT: (Following him.) You okay? You seem kinda down...
COREY: You don't know? Sheesh I thought everyone in the whole friggin' town knew by now...
JARRETT: Oh, is this about that whole Sheila thing?
COREY: (Throwing his hands up and sighing, speaking to no one in particular.) Jeez, the whole friggin' town does know!
JARRETT: Cousin, you really need to loosen up. I mean, look at me! Girls are turnin' me down, smacking me in the face right and left! But do I let it get me down? Hell no! Cause I know one day, they'll all come crawling back. (Watches a particularly pretty girl walk past him.) And if not, hey, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. You know what I'm saying?
COREY: (Not really listening.) I just... I wish I knew why... I mean... what's Sean Williams got that I don't?
JARRETT: Hmmm... Sounds to me like you need relationship advice.
COREY: No thanks. Somehow I doubt you'd be able to give me the advice I'm looking for.
JARRETT: Of course not. This is waaaay out of my juristiction. You wanna know what's going on in this mall, I'm your man. However, if you're in need of emotional and/or spiritual advice, you ask Brandy.
COREY: (Gives JARRETT a quizical look) Who?
JARRETT: (Gives COREY a sly grin and puts an arm around his shoulders.) Walk with me, my friend.
(The camera stops following the two, and they walk off screen, exitting the scene.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, OUTSIDE ARCADE
(Scene opens showing PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing in front of the Arcade as usual. PAUL is fidgeting around, while SILENT ZACH just stares straight ahead with a bored look on his face.)
PAUL: Jeez, Silent Zach, I'm fuckin' bored. Wish I had some fuckin' cash. (SILENT ZACH sighs and points to one of PAUL's pockets. PAUL glares at him.) Don't even fuckin' think of touchin' me there, tons a fun, or I'll knock your fuckin' lights out! (SILENT ZACH rolls his eyes, sighing again, still pointing. PAUL finally takes the hint and reaches into his pocket, producing the five dollar bill LYLE gave him earlier.) Holy fuck! Magic money! Do that again!
(SILENT ZACH slaps himself on the forehead, silently "grumbling".)
PAUL: What?!
SILENT ZACH: Lyle gave that to you earlier!
PAUL: (Smacks SILENT ZACH across the face) Dude! Silent! You're supposed to be Silent Zach! As in no fuckin' talking! How're we supposed to be like my awesome uncle Jay and your big, fat, dumbass uncle Bob, if you keep fuckin' talking all the time?! From now on, if you wanna tell me something, do it silently!
SILENT ZACH: But you were-
PAUL: (Cutting him off.) What did I just say?! Silently! (SILENT ZACH sighs deeply, falling silent, and shoving his hands into his pockets, glaring at PAUL. After a moment, PAUL looks at the five dollar bill quizically.) Why the fuck would Lyle give me five bucks?
(SILENT ZACH glares at him for a moment, opening his mouth to speak.)
PAUL: Silently!
(SILENT ZACH gives him a withering look, then pauses, a thoughtful look on his face, as he thinks of a way to "silently" explain this. After a moment, he finally puts on a dazed, happy look, and smiles dreamily, putting his hands together above his head, forming a heart shape with them. After a moment, he pulls his hands apart and makes a sad face, sniffling.)
PAUL: He was happy, then his heart exploded?! Awesome!
(SILENT ZACH sighs, shaking his head, and rolling his eyes. He pauses thinking again, then after a moment holds his hand out, palm down, about waist height.)
PAUL: Little? Small? Short? (When he says short, SILENT ZACH points at him, nodding excitedly.) It has something to do with... ah... shortness.
(SILENT ZACH nods again, then pauses, holding up his hand. He suddenly just starts staring at a randomly passing girl.)
PAUL: Uh... stares at girls? Me? That Jarrett kid? A peeping tom? (SILENT ZACH shakes his head after every one of these guesses.) Uhhh... stares at.... obsessed with girls? (SILENT ZACH looks at him, nodding, and holds up one finger.) One? Hm... obsessed with girls... one... obsessed with one girl?
(SILENT ZACH nods excitedly.)
PAUL: (Thoughtfully, rubbing his chin) Hmmm... short, obsessed with one girl... (snaps his fingers.) That Corey kid! Thats right! We're supposed to beat the shit outta him! (SILENT ZACH slaps himself on the forehead, sighing again. PAUL pauses thinking for a moment.) No... wait... that ain't right. It had somethin' to do with him, I think... something about him... and a girl... (Snaps his fingers again.) Now I remember! We're supposed to keep that prep, Sean, from kicking his ass for likin' that one chick!
(SILENT ZACH breaths a sigh of relief, looking skyward as if to say "Finally!")
PAUL: Finally got somethin' to do! Come on, Lunchbox. Time to go to work! (He walks offscreen, exitting the scene.)
SILENT ZACH: (Watches him go then says quietly.) Woulda had something to do a long time ago if you'd just let me talk sometimes, dumbass. (Then he follows PAUL, exitting the scene.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, FOOD COURT
(Scene opens showing LYLE still sitting at the same table, still leaning back with his feet up. The camera pans over, showing BENNTING and HICKS sitting at another table in the food court, not too far away from LYLE, but far enough away that he wouldn't easily notice them. BENNTING is currently glaring darkly in LYLE's direction.)
BENNTING: (Speaking in a soft, angry tone, still glaring at LYLE) Finally... finally you shall pay for what you did to me, oh so many years ago! Finally, you shall get your comeupance, you worthless, going-nowhere- in-life, slacker! You will learn to fear and respect the name of Quentin T. Bennting!
HICKS: (Making a contemplative face) Sir... I've been wondering... what does the "T" in your name stand for?
BENNTING: Doesn't matter! The time to act is at hand, my wretched lapdog! (Stands and grabs HICKS by the scruff of his neck, and pulls him into a two- man huddle. The camera changes to show a from-the-ground-looking-up view of BENNTING and HICKS from the middle of their huddle.) Now, what I want you to do, is go and find some mall security. Bring them to the edge of the food court. I'll be standing by Lyle. When I give you the signal, bring them over. Am I making myself quite clear on what I want you to do? (HICKS nodds hastily.) Good.
(At that moment, the camera shifts to show a normal view of HICKS and BENNTING. From the outside, their "two-man huddle" looks very much like an embrace. SEAN and SHEILA walk up, arm in arm. They pause a few feet away from BENNTING and HICKS.)
SHEILA: (Looking at the two with a disgusted look on her face.) Ewww...
SEAN: Jeez, get a room, ya gays! (And he and SHEILA walk offscreen, exitting the scene.)
BENNTING: (Growls and shoves HICKS away.) Get to work! (HICKS nods and hastily scurries away, exitting the scene for now. BENNTING then turns and strides over to where LYLE is sitting. He stands for a moment, unnoticed, until finally, he clears his throat loudly. LYLE, who's eyes have been closed, snaps away, quickly sitting up.)
LYLE: What the-?! (Sees BENNTING, who now has a sinister grin on his face.) Oh... it's you. What the hell do you want?
BENNTING: (Still smiling evilly.) Greetings and salutations, my dear Lyle. However are you on this fine Saturday morning?
LYLE: Call me your dear anything again, and I'll kick your flaming teeth down your throat.
BENNTING: (Chuckles.) My, my. Aren't we on edge today? Here I am trying to strike up a friendly conversation, and you're making threats! It's almost as if your nervous about something.... hiding something maybe.... or perhaps, feeling guilty?
LYLE: What in God's name are you talking about? Trying to start up a friendly conversation, my ass! You know, and I know that you hate me! You're up to something.
BENNTING: Me? Up to something? Heavens, no! I just came over here to see how my favorite student was doing.
LYLE: Now that's the biggest load of bullsh-
BENNTING: (Snatching the black back pack from where it's been resting near LYLE's feet, and interrupting.) You know, I've always been curious as to what you carry around in this book bag that you constantly have with you. You don't mind if I have a look, do you?
LYLE: Yeah, I mind! (He makes a grab for the back pack, but BENNTING keeps it just out of his reach.)
BENNTING: Goodness! Why so testy? Is there something in here you don't want me to see? Are you hiding something perhaps?
LYLE: No, I just don't want you queering up my stuff with your cancerous touch!
BENNTING: Well, if you're not hiding anything, why should you mind if I just have one quick look? (He quickly unzips the bookbag. The three signature comics fall out and onto the ground. BENNTING looks down at them, then up at LYLE, an insidious look on his face.) Why... are those what I think they are? And in your backpack?!
LYLE: (Looking down at the comics, a look of disbelief on his face.) How in the... (He slowly looks up and sees BENNTING grinning. Over BENNTING's shoulder, a ways off, is HICKS at the edge of the food court, with two security guards, waiting for BENNTING's signal.) You! You set me up, you coniving asshole!
BENNTING: (Grinning.) The only description given of the comics' theif was that of a teenage young man. Why... you're a teenage young man, aren't you, Mr. Grant?
LYLE: (Glaring.) You'll never get away with this!
BENNTING: (Chuckling.) I'm afraid I already have!
LYLE: (Pauses.) Well then I guess there's just one thing left to do. (He suddenly grabs BENNTING by the shoulders and knees him hard in the groin. BENNTING lets out a yelp and keels over in pain. LYLE darts away, exitting the scene.)
(The camera then shifts to show HICKS standing with two security guards.)
GUARD #1: So, you're saying that your friend has the comics' theif?
HICKS: Yup. And when he gives the signal, we're gonna rush over there, and you guys can arrest the theif.
GUARD #2: (Squinting, looking at something off camera.) Uh... it looks like the perp just kneed your friend in the crotch. Maybe we should go over there now...
HICKS: Nope. Mr. Bennting was very specific. He said to wait until he gives the signal.
GUARD #1: I think the perp just got away. What exactly is this signal he's supposed to give?
BENNTING: (Screaming in a high-pitched tone from off camera.) Hicks, you blithering idiot! What the hell are you waiting for?!
HICKS: (Answering GUARD #1.) Uhhh... I think that counts. (The two GUARDS rush off camera, exitting the scene, while HICKS, who swallows nervously, hesitantly follows.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, FOOD COURT
(Scene opens showing SEAN and SHEILA sitting at one of the tables in the food court. There are two sodas and burgers on the table.)
SHEILA: (Talking to SEAN, just finishing a story.) And then the little chiuauah actually had the gull to ask me out! Can you believe that?
SEAN: Ugh... that's disgusting. The little waste actually had the nerve to speak to you. Unbelievable.
SHEILA: Ah well. With the send off I gave him, I don't think I'll have to wory about him talking to me again for a while.
SEAN: (Grinning.) Oh, really? What'd you say to him?
SHEILA: I told him I'd rather be gutted by a chainsaw, have my head crushed in a vice, aaaaand... (pauses, thinking.) chew glass, I think... than go out with him. Oh yeah, and I said he was beneath me.
SEAN: (Laughing.) Niiice... (Pauses.) Wait a second... he's *beneath* you?
SHEILA: (Not really listening to him.) In any case, I'm glad I said that to him. I talked to Mary Sloan earlier, and she said she saw him here with his loser friends. I wouldn't want him talking to me or anything.
SEAN: He's here? Well, he's lucky as hell I haven't seen him. I'd kick his ass again!
SHEILA: Wait, what?
SEAN: I said I'd kick his ass again.
SHEILA: What do you mean, again?
SEAN: After I saw him talking to you at school yesterday, I beat an insurance policy into him to make sure that he stays away from you.
SHEILA: (Sighs.) God, that macho bullshit irritates me!
SEAN: (In an exasperated tone.) Oh, what?!
SHEILA: I told him to stay away from me. That was enough. Look, I don't like him, but I don't want you beating him up!
SEAN: Would you relax? I didn't really hut him that bad. I just pushed him around a little, that's all.
SHEILA: Well, you'e not gonna "push him around" at all aound me. Alright?
SEAN: (Looks at her for a minute, then sighs.) Alright, fine.
SHEILA: Good.
(The scene then changes to show PAUL and SILENT ZACH standing somewhere in the food court. PAUL is currently writing on a piece of paper, while SILENT ZACH stands next to him, holding a brick.)
PAUL: (Finishing.) There. I finished writing the letter, threatening Williams's life unless he leaves Corey alone. Now, we're gonna tie this note to that brick, chuck it over there-(points off camera)- where Williams and that Sheila chick are sittin', then fuckin' make tracks. Got it? (SILENT ZACH nods, then chucks the brick off camera, in the direction PAUL pointed. A crash is heard.)
SEAN: (From off camera.) What the fuck?!
PAUL: (Smacks SILENT ZACH.) What the fuck are you doing?! I'm supposed to tie the note to the brick *before* you throw it! (SILENT ZACH grits his teeth and smacks himself on the forehead.) Well, fuck it now! We gotta scatter before Williams sees us! (And he and Silent Zach run off camera, exitting the scene.)
(The camera pans back to show SEAN and SHEILA. Both are now standing. The brick SILENT ZACH threw is in the middle of the table they were sitting at. Both of the sodas on the table are overturned, obviously knocked over by the brick, and, judging by the big wet mark on the front of SEAN's shirt and pants, his soda was knocked into his lap.)
SEAN: (Looking down at the soda he's covered in.) Son of a bitch!
SHEILA: (Looking at the brick on the table. In a confused tone.) I think someone threw a brick at us...
SEAN: (Looking up slowly, a dark look on his face.) I'll bet it was that little prick, Corey...
SHEILA: (Looking at him incredulously.) What?! Anyone could've thrown that! You have no proof Corey did it!
SEAN: I don't need proof! I know it was him! And I'm gonna kick his ass so bad, they're gonna need dental records to identify him! (And he storms off, exitting the scene.)
SHEILA: Sean! Would you wait a second! (She groans in annoyance, and follows him, exitting the scene as well.)
END OF SCENE
INT. MALL, OUTSIDE THE BOOKSTORE
(Scene opens showing a booth located in front of the Mall's bookstore, D. Balton Books. There is a young woman sitting at the booth, with an extremely bored expression on her face. She is dressed in a grey skirt and business jacket, and has long brown hair, and dark brown eyes. She is very professional looking. This young woman is BRANDY. There is a sign above the booth that reads "Ask Brandy! Emotional/Spiritual Advice Counselor" in large print and "$5 per Question" below it in smaller print. Standing in front of the booth, talking, is the ever annoying MELANIE. And judging by the annoyed/bored expression on BRANDY's face, MELANIE has been jabbering on for some time now.)
MELANIE: (Just finishing up.) I leave love letters in his locker, I follow him around and make absolute sure he knows I love him, and still Corey ignores me! And even worse, he sometimes acts like he hates me! I know he and I were meant to be together, I just wish I knew how to get him to realize this. What do you think I should do?
BRANDY: (Sighing.) Well, I dunno. This guy really seems to hate you.
MELANIE: No, no, no! He doesn't hate me! He just doesn't know he's in love with me!
BRANDY: (In a less than enthusiastic tone.) Uh huh...
MELANIE: Soooo... what should I do?
BRANDY: You really wanna know what I think you should do?
MELANIE: Of course!
BRANDY: (Sighs.) Fine... I think this Corey character hates you. My advice? Get over it. Quit obsessing, and find someone else. Leave this poor guy alone.
MELANIE: (Angry now.) That's it?! That's what you think I should do?! That's the worst so-called "advice" I've ever heard! How did you ever break into this professionally?! You obviously have no idea what you're talking about!!
BRANDY: (In a bored tone.) Five dollars, please.
MELANIE:....What?
BRANDY: You asked a question. Now you owe me money. Five dollars, please.
MELANIE: (Glares for a moment.) Fine... fine! (Reaches into her pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. She slams it down in front of BRANDY then turns to storm away... right into COREY and JARRETT.)
JARRETT: (To MELANIE, not really looking at her.) Hey bab- (Get's a good look at her.) Woah! Nevermind! (MELANIE pauses, staring at him. Slowly she smiles.)
COREY: (To JARRETT.) Now you've done it. You're marked.
JARRETT: (Sarcastically.) Oh, goody. Well, as much as I'd love to stay and find out what happens.... (pauses, watching a pretty girl pass. He smiles.) I've got... things... to do. Catcha later. (And he exits the scene, heading the same direction as the girl that passed by.)
MELANIE: (Calling after him.) Wait! Who are you? (She follows, exitting the scene as well. COREY watches, shaking his head.)
BRANDY: (Looks at COREY.) ... And you are?
COREY: (Turning to her.) Leaving... this is a waste of my time. (He turns, and starts to walk away.)
BRANDY: (Calling after him.) Hmm... I sense rejection. Lemme guess... got turned down by a girl you like.
COREY: (Pauses, and slowly turns to her.) How did you....?
BRANDY: (Smiling.) How did I know? I know everything. You're the guy that got shot down by Sheila Portmann, correct?
COREY: (Sighs and says in an exasperated tone.) How in the hell did you know that?
BRANDY: (Shrugs.) Everybody knows that.
COREY: (Sighs.) Of course they do...
BRANDY: So... you got a question, or what?
COREY: (Pauses a moment, before sighing.) Yeah, I guess I do. (He walks forward a bit, until he's right in front of the booth.) Okay, you see... I've liked this girl, Sheila, for about two years now. But I've always been too nervous to even talk to her. Then to make matters worse, the other day, when I saw her-
BRANDY: (Interrupting.) You ran into a locker? (COREY pauses a moment, staring at her. BRANDY simply grins at him in return.)
COREY: How did you...? (Shakes his head.) Nevermind... I'm sure everyone knows that too... Anyway, I finally garnered up enough guts to ask Sheila out yesterday, but not only did she decline, she told me off, and said I was beneath her... (He sighs, remembering.)
BRANDY: Wow... wait a sec, beneath her?!
(The camera suddenly shifts to show MALLRATS 2's DIRECTOR, and a CAMERA MAN. The DIRECTOR is sitting in a chair, while the CAMERA MAN is standing behind a large camera. The part of these two is played by the actual director and a camera man, so their appearance, is really irrelevant.)
CAMERA MAN: (To the DIRECTOR.) Ummm... sir?
DIRECTOR: Yes?
CAMERA MAN: I know this is "your vision" and you're the "genius" and all, but... don't you think we've about run this "beneath her" joke into the ground?
DIRECTOR: Nonsense! Statistics show that kids love those kinds of running jokes! And that equals good ratings!
CAMERA MAN: Sir, this is a movie... movies don't get ratings.
DIRECTOR: Sure they do! There's G, PG, PG-13, R-
CAMERA MAN: Sir, those are content ratings. What you're thinking of are Nielson ratings, which are what TV shows get. Not movies.
DIRECTOR: (Smiling.) Excellent, make it so!
CAMERA MAN: (Bewildered.) Ex....cuse me?
DIRECTOR: (Turns and glares at him.) ...You heard me...
(The CAMERA MAN stares at him for a moment longer, then sighs, rolling his eyes, and shaking his head, before going back to filming the movie. The scene switches back to COREY and BRANDY.)
COREY: Anyway, as if that weren't bad enough, right after I got done talking to her, this prep named Sean Williams, who apparently has been going out with her, shows up, beats the crap outta me, and stuffs me into a locker, coincidentally, the same locker I ran into before.
BRANDY: Yeesh...
COREY: Oh, it gets better! In order to try and get me to cheer up, my two best friends brought me here for this idiotic comic book convention. No sooner do we arrive, than guess who shows up? Sean and Sheila! Together! (He sighs.) Sometimes I think God is taunting me...
BRANDY: Oh, I'm sure he's not, *taunting* you, per say... sooo anyway, what's your question?
COREY: (Pauses momentarily.) I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't Sheila like me?
BRANDY: Well, from what you've told me, you haven't done anything wrong. You seem like an okay guy to me. And this Sheila girl? She sounds like a huge snob. You're most likely better off without her. I'd say, the only thing you've been doing wrong, is looking for female companionship in the wrong place. Now, I'm not going to tell you you should stop looking for a girl all together. You're obviously the type that almost desperately needs companionship.
COREY: (Sarcastically.) Wow. Thank you.
BRANDY: Tell me, have you ever even considered asking another girl out, besides Sheila?
COREY: (Pausing.) Well... no, actually. To tell you the truth, I haven't really ever thought about it. I... I guess I've been too busy trying to get Sheila. I haven't really noticed any other girls...
BRANDY: And therein lies the real problem.
(Before BRANDY can continue, she is interrupted by KATJA's voice, calling for COREY somewhere off camera. She suddenly rushes into the scen, next to COREY, out of breath.)
KATJA: (To COREY.) There you are! Jeez, I've been looking everywhere for you! When Lyle and I came back to the table and saw that you were gone, we... well, at least *I* was worried about you!
COREY: It's okay, I'm fine... I just needed to think about some stuff...
BRANDY: (Looking back and forth between COREY and KATJA. Slowly, a smile forms on her face. To COREY.) Who's she?
COREY: Oh, this is Katja. She's one of the friends I was telling you about. Katja, this is Brandy.
KATJA: (To BRANDY.) Hi.
BRANDY: Hello. So I hear you came for the comics convention?
KATJA: Oh, no. I'm not really all that into comics. I just came along to help Corey here cheer up. He kinda had a bad day yesterday.
BRANDY: So I've heard. (To COREY.) What time did you say you guys got here again this morning?
COREY: Nine o' clock. As soon as the mall opened. Lyle wouldn't settle for anything less.
BRANDY: I see... so this girl gets up at nine o' clock, on a Saturday morning, to go to a comics convention that doesn't interest her, just to be with you... (BRANDY smiles, as COREY doesn't quite follow.) Tell you what. You know that thing you've been looking for? Well, maybe you've been looking to hard for it. It's most likely a lot closer than you think. (As she speaks, she tilts her head toward KATJA.) Get it?
COREY: (Slowly, his face brightens as it dawns on him. He looks at KATJA, who is just confused now. To BRANDY.) Yeah... yeah, I think I do. (He looks at BRANDY.) Wow... thank you! You've really been a big help. How much do I owe you?
BRANDY: Ah, don't worry about it. I only charge obnoxious people. So far, I'm making a fortune.
COREY: Alright... well, thanks again.
BRANDY: No problem. You just remember what I told you.
COREY: I will. (He and KATJA begin walking away. The camera follows them.)
KATJA: So, what did you ask her about, anyway?
COREY: (Shrugs.) Relationship stuff.
KATJA: (Smiling and shaking her head.) Gee, go figure. Well, did you get the answer you were looking for?
COREY: (He looks at KATJA, and smiles, seeing her in a new light. After a moment he says.) Yeah.... yeah, I think I did. (The camera stops following them, and they walk off screen, exitting the scene.)
TO BE CONTINUED....
(SILENT BOB is shown once again standing against a white screen. This time, however, instead of being joined by fanfic author T.S. QUINT, HOLDEN McNEIL is standing with him.)
HOLDEN: Hi, I'm Holden McNeil. You may know me as former writer for the Bluntman and Chronic comic book. Anyway, I'll bet you're wondering, where's Mr. Quint? (SILENT BOB shrugs.) Well, you see, it was discovered, that Mr. Quint seems to be suffering from a severe egotistical mental defect. He is currently getting the proffessional help, he quite obviously needs....
(Suddenly a screaming is heard, and two men in white coats walk on camera, dragging with them, a violently kicking and screaming QUINT, who is bound in a straight jacket.)
QUINT: (Shouting.) You can't do this to me!! Ich bin der fuhrer! Deutschland uber alles!!! Deutschland uber alles!!!!
MAN IN WHITE COAT #1: Come along Mr. Quint. We're taking you to a nice place out in the country.
QUINT: I am the alpha and the omega! I am that which is, was and shall be again!
MAN IN WHITE COAT #2: Of course you are. Right this way, Mr. Quint.
(And QUINT is then lead off camera, exitting the scene.)
HOLDEN: (Shaking his head.) Truly sad business... anyway, you might be wondering, "what's going to happen to Mallrats 2, now that it's writer has gone insane?" Well, we here at FanFiction.net would like to assure you, that a team of writers is being pooled to help finish this fic. And there's been talk of an ongoing Mallrats 2 the series, depending on how the public reacts. So rest assured, despite the fact that we are currently without an author, this fan fic will be finished, on schedule. Because that's simply how the good folks here at FanFiction.net operate. Quickly, and efficiently. (HOLDEN smiles, broadly as a cash register "chu-ching!" noise, is heard.) So until next time, I'm Holden McNiel. And I'm going off to collect my money, from the good people, at FanFiction.net. (And with that he turns, and walks off screen, exitting the scene.)
SILENT BOB: By the way, he was serious about that Mallrats 2 series thing. It all depends on how many of you guys liked this fic, and like the idea of an ongoing series based on it. Let us know. So until next time, remember: Staying up until all hours of the morning, repeatedly watching low budget movies, like Clerks, and Mallrats, may lead to clinical insanity. Get out there and do something with your life. (He too, then walks off camera, exitting the scene.)