Disclaimer: I don't own the Fellowship of the Rings.DUI!!! ^_^
More nonsense from baby fellowship members!!! I'm not begging, but I wanted to know if y'all had any ideas. I know I've read some fanfics and been saying in my mind 'Oh, if they did this next it'd be so GREAT!' and I'd like to know if any of y'all had any of those feelings! ^_^
Teacher stood up with an annoyed look on his face. He turned to the mini- people and scowled. "It is now time for Show and Tell. You show and tell, got it?" he demanded with a cross look on his face. The little kids nodded except for Gimli who still can't understand English. Teacher pointed at Aragorn. "You first." he demanded. Aragorn stood up with a childish smile.
"K, my name's Aragorn, Estel, Strider, Dunadain,." he was cut off by the yells of many small, but significant people.
"WE KNOW ALREADY!!" Aragorn grinned some more and then put a bunch of crumpled up tin foil on the table. Everyone leaned forward and stared in awe of the shiny little pieces of cheap metal. Then they got bored of the shiny and wanted something new.
"These are the shards of Narsis.no, wait. Maybe it was Silmaril. Nope, that was the other shiny thing. Narisel? NO! THAT'S NOT IT EITHER!!" Aragorn was very disappointed in himself and tried not to think of what his father would say. 'Probably wouldn't say anything, he'd just kill me. Oh, that's a lot better.' With a bright flash of knowledge, Aragorn, son of Arathorn remembered the forgotten name. "Narsil! That's it!" He looked extremely pleased with himself and his memory skills. Too many games of Disney Memory will do that to you. Merry stared at the pile of tin foil.
"No, tat's tin foil." He said and gave Aragorn a you-are-SO-helpless look. Aragorn shrugged, not really caring.
"My Mommy wouldn't let me bring the real ones so I thought I'd bring the r- r-repal-l-lica I made!" The little hope of man stumbled over the mighty word of 'replica'. Legolas smirked as he tilted his seat back, twined his hands behind his head, and put his feet on the table.
"Nice copy, vvvvery r-rea-al-list-tic." Legolas daringly plucked the word from his mind, trying to outdo the young ranger. Aragorn scowled at his best friend.
"Well, what'd you bring, Blondey?" Aragorn growled as he collected his pile of tin foil and put them back in his pocket along with his dwarf-made yo-yo and a broken arrow head. Legolas smile grew and there was more than a hint of mischief in that simple expression.
"Not little pieces of pa-pathe-ti-tic tin foil!" The elf exclaimed as he raced to the front of the room. He pulled out an armada of arrows, daggers, plus a bow and laid them on the table. "These are my training weapons!" Legolas told the group with a serious expression. He turned to Teacher with an innocent look. "Can I show my friends how they work?" Legolas asked politely, face wiped clean of any evil intention. Teacher nodded and said the magic word that would bring doom upon all of Middle Earth Preschool Class number 00004.
"Sure." Legolas turned around with a warlike appearance and a malicious glint in his eyes.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Legolas laughed as he proceeded to shoot arrows, throw daggers and hitting everyone with his bow between shooting arrows. Screaming, the classroom immediately erupted as if a volcano had gone off. Long hair was unceremoniously cut off by whizzing arrows, clothes were ripped by whirling daggers, and many bruises were sported for weeks after, resulting from the bow whacks. Haldir sported a rather lovely bruise the shape of the gate of Moria (including words) and would not forgive Legolas for the longest time. Eomer swore vengeance on the Sindarin elf when his prize toy horse, Blacky with White Stripe, was smote by an arrow of doom. After school the preschoolers held a small funeral for the brave and valiant plastic horse whose life was cut short by an elvish arrow.
"HAS HE GONE MAD?!" Elrond yelled as he dived under his plastic Playskool chair, trembling. One of the lordling's knots had been sliced off by a flying knife and he wasn't happy. It was then that he began to plot a council in which he would find a way to have Legolas, shall we say, fade more quickly than he would have liked. Of course, this council did not occur until many ages later when all the preschoolers had grown up and were very important big people. So, the Council of Elrond was not a council to get rid of the Ring! YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!!! It was all Lord Elrond's elaborate plot to 'fade' Legolas quickly. That's why Legolas went on the quest! NOOO!!! Come back Legolas!
"I'm not sure, though it is possible; he -is- an Elf you know." Gandalf replied calmly as an arrow glanced off his hat. It flew backwards and smote another one of Eomer's ponies, this one named Redy With Gold Mane and Tail. Eomer stared at the two fallen horses and doubly swore to get even with the Elf one day. For now the boy went to the small wizard Radagast who was sitting on a rock in the middle of the room, surrounded by woodland creatures. Together, the preschoolers tried to use magic to revive the late Redy With Gold Mane. In the meantime, Elrond stared at Gandalf with huge, bulbous blue eyes.
"TAKE THAT BACK!!" he yelled, knotty hair (minus one knot) flying from side to side. It is said that this is the real way Elrond battled; his hair did all the work. Gandalf shook his head, gray hair flopping back and forth in a similar pattern.
"No! Elves are stupid! Wizards are soooo much BETTER!!!" He announced loudly. Nearby, Saruman raised a small tankard of applejuice.
"Hear, hear!" Gandalf tossed a lit sparkler at him. Gandalf always had a sparkler with him, though it was usually unlit.
"BE GONE, FLAME OF SOMETHING OR OTHER!" He roared in his squeaky little kid voice. Saruman jumped backwards, but there was no need. A little Balrog had snatched the sparkler out of the air and had begun munching on it. Saruman stared at the Balrog and then hugged it, never mind the 3rd degree burns he was going to get.
"I love you!!" The little evil wizard cried. He then began to yelp in pain since the Balrog was on fire and smoke was getting in his eyes. The Balrog grinned at him with a mouth that only had one tooth made of brimstone. "You shall be my friend! Your name's gonna be Flufalicious, but Fluffy for short." Saruman steered the baby Balrog to the left, off towards the play bricks. Meanwhile, Elrond and Gandalf were glowering at each other until Gandalf finally yelled.
"You're still a stupid Elf, Elrond Half-elven!!!"
"ARGH!!" Elrond shouted and attacked the boy with the huge hat. They fell to the ground and were immediately surrounded by short children in strange clothing yelling 'BATTLE! BATTLE! Get 'im Elly! Fight, Gandy, fight! Smash 'is head in! You elves punch like girls! Take that back!' Meanwhile, Legolas was starting to run out of pointy objects to hurl at everyone, but he was still going on even though he was running low on supplies. Also, everyone was beginning to ignore him, which annoyed the little elf to no end.
"MUHAHAHAHAHA!!" he roared, hurling less pointy objects like paper-cutting scissors and trash bags at everyone. They ducked and ran away pouting except for Elrond and Gandalf. The two sat where they were, plotting the 'quick fading' of each other. Elrond decided to form yet ANOTHER council, but this evolved into the same council as the one that was made to 'quick fade' Legolas, better known as the Council of Elrond. Yet again, YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!! That was another plot to kill Gandalf, yet it only half- worked. Poor Elrond.
"That's my laugh!" pouted Sauron unhappily, flicking a bogger at Legolas. Legolas flung a teddy bear at him and smote him to the ground. This made the little orcs unhappy so they all went to Saruman and Fluffy in the play brick castle that had been named 'Orcbank'.
"TAKE THAT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Legolas began to laugh again while searching for more objects. The preschool Middle Earth took this time to run around and grab stuff so Legolas couldn't get it. It is also said that during this time, Legolas took it upon himself to throw Galadriel's favorite clay-model of Celeborn's head (even if it did look like a Gollum) at Arwen. This is when Galadriel and Arwen began to ALSO plot the 'quick fading' of Legolas. Hidden next to Gollum's cage, the two females brainstormed ideas for the doom of the blonde elfing. Poor Legolas, everyone's against him.
"Blonde elf's gone kawayzi!" Pippin stated from where he was under a table. The baby hobbit was hugging his stuffed oliphaunt tightly while sticking his lower lip out, giving him that adorable, irresistible baby look. Beside him, Merry nodded, a terrified look in his eyes.
"Yeah, let's weave befores we gets killed'd!!" Merry replied in baby language. The hobbits nodded and the two of them began to crawl away. Suddenly, the barrage of not-so-pointy-objects and totally-not pointed objects stopped.
"Wha happen to points?" asked a confused Merry to his cousin. Pippin shrugged, an endearing movement on his part.
"Don know, maybe Elf ain't kawayzi after all." He suggested, crawling out from under the table. Both hobbits shook their red-haired heads.
"NAH!"
At this point, our esteemed Legolas is being held upside down by his foot by Teacher who is grumbling about his job. Legolas is trying valiantly to kick Teacher, but it doesn't seem to be working.
"LET GO, YOU CAVE TROLL!!!" Legolas screeched in his high-pitched voice. Teacher was unaffected of course.
"Cave Troll?! He has one? AND I DIDN'T KNOW?!?! WAAAHHHH!!!" Boromir cried and sat down on the ground. This was not a good day for the doomed future steward of Gondor. This morning his Mama had packed him an acorn and squid sandwich along with a thermos of hot water. Then his Daddy wouldn't let him ride the BIG horse to school, noo he had to take the pony! Did his father know how degrading it was to ride a pony to school when the little elves and Aragorn, the big, bad KING of Gondor, got to ride horses?! NOOOOO! And now his teacher had a cave troll, his favorite demon of the ancient world, and no one TOLD HIM!!! This was just too much!
"WAAAAAHHHHH!!" Boromir wailed uncontrollably. Faramir rolled his eyes in the annoyed little brother way.
"Suck it up will ya?" the younger of the brothers shouted. Boromir stared with water-filled eyes and scowled.
"Daddy likes me more than you anyway!" he stated, crossing his arms. Faramir grinned wickedly. He began to bounce around his brother in a taunting manner.
"That's okie-dokie because Daddy kills himself!!!" Faramir yelled and began jumping up and down. "NO MORE FAVORITES!!!" Faramir roared in his brother's face. Boromir smiled unexpectedly.
"I get to be in the Fellowship, so HA!" he told a now angry Faramir who crossed his arms.
"I don't care." Faramir hissed, but it was easy to tell that he did. Boromir grinned a five tooth grin.
"Fary's angry!" he exclaimed, doing a dance of joy.
"DON'T CALL ME FARY!!!!" Faramir screeched, launching himself at his bewildered older brother. The two rolled wrestled for a long time and when they finally stopped, Boromir's strawberry blonde hair was in a buzzcut and Faramir's favorite stuffed bear was nothing but a cloth skin. Brotherly love, how sweet.
((Back to Legolas' dilemma and off the sidetrack))
"LEMME GO!!!" Legolas screamed while punching and kicking. "MY DADDY WILL GET HIS ELVES AND THEY'LL HURT YOU WITH ARROWS AND STUFF!!" Legolas informed Teacher who just rolled his eyes.
"You're going to Mordor and you will stay there, got it?" Teacher ordered the young wood elf who crossed his arms while upside-down.
"No, I will not." He replied and then he began to sniffle. Teacher sighed.
"What's wrong now?" he asked, holding Legolas up until he could see his face. Legolas gave a sob and then shouted at the top of his little immortal lungs.
"YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING ME AND MY FOOT HURTS!! PUT ME DOWN!!!!" Legolas roared, almost spitting in Teacher's face. Teacher glared, put him down, and walked the tiny elf to Mordor. Aragorn stood there and watched as Legolas was tossed into Mordor. He ran over to the craft table and began to empty his pockets out.
"I will avenge my friend!!" Aragorn exclaimed and began trying to put his pieces of tin foil back together. "I WILL MAKE ANDY, THE PURPLE SWORD OF GRIFFIN!!!!!" Aragorn shouted and started to glue the pieces together. Arwen came over from her plotting and patted his arm.
"Sure you will, Estel, sure you will." She soothed in that I-am-girl-you- must-listen manner that she commands. Aragorn ignored her, which made her mad. She stormed back towards Galadriel in an awful mood. After working feverishly with glue and staples for fifteen minutes, Aragorn gave a shout of jubilation.
"I HAVE IT!!" he roared and began to run around the room, swinging the sticky mass of metal around in circles above his head.
"Have what? GIVE IT BACK!!!" yelled Saruman from Orcbank, wondering if it was his lost Palantir that someone had stolen.
"I KNEW YOU HAD IT!!! MINE!!!! GIVE IT TO ME, ISILDUR'S HEIR!!!" Sauron screeched as he decided Aragorn had stolen the one cardboard ring. Before the nerd could get his finger dislodged from his nose, Aragorn had already dashed away.
"Isss itsss ssaaa Ringsssss?" asked a baby Nazgul, turning slowly to look at Aragorn who held up a bright blue flashlight.
"Don't make me use this Bloom." He told the Nazgul who began yelling his robed head off.
"WHAT!?!? MY NAME ISN'T BLOOM ANYMORE, IT'S GERALD!! Like that dude off Hey Arnold!" Bloom/Gerald roared and stamped off. Suddenly, the evil orc dude from FOTR got in his way.
"Hey Bloom, what's going on?" asked the little orc. Bloom/Gerald let out a wail.
"IITTTSSSS GGEERRALLLDDSSSSS!!!" he whacked the orc in the stomach and kept on screaming. Meanwhile, Aragorn was running around the room again in his happy fashion.
"I HAVE IT! I HAVE IT!!" he sing-songed. He raced up to Sam and Frodo. "I HAVE IT!!" he screamed happily in their cute, little faces. Frodo's lower lip trembled. The curly headed child suddenly burst into tears.
"WWAAAHHH!!!!" Sam gave Aragorn an evil look.
"Stri'er, ook what ou do! Ou make poory Mista Fro-fro cry!" Sam yelled in baby-speech and patted Frodo on the shoulder. "It okay Mista Fro-fro." Sam told Frodo who continued to cry miserably to the utter dismay of Aragorn.
"What's wrong Frodo? What'd I do?" Aragorn asked, slightly confused. Frodo stopped crying and glared at him.
"ARWAGON LELLED IN MINE'S EAR!!!" Frodo screamed and resumed crying, but after a moment he added, "An Sam won't top callin' me Mista Fro-fro!!! BAWAAAAHHH!!!" Eowyn stomped over from the Rohan side of the classroom and poked Aragorn in the chest.
"What are you doing to my poor defenseless hobbits?!" she shouted in a protective mother/deadly banshee tone. Aragorn gave her a bewildered look.
"N-n-nothing! I didn't DO anything!" he told the unbelieving girl.
"Likely story!" Eowyn snarled, glaring daggers at Aragorn who was now totally confused.
"What?!" Aragorn shouted, flinging his arms out wide. "ALL I wanted to say is that I fixed Andy, purple sword of Griffin!" he stated, showing the muscular little girl his metal creation. She gave a scream of horror.
"YOU WERE GOING TO LET MY HOBBITS TOUCH THAT?!?!" She pushed the boy down and grabbed the still wet 'sword'. Screaming like a ringwraith, Eowyn flung it to the ground and began to jump up and down on it. Aragorn watched with eyes as large as Boromir's shield as his only hope of saving his best friend was utterly destroyed. He gaped at Eowyn and then at the sword, back to Eowyn, back to the sword. With a surprising roar, Aragorn tackled the blonde girl like a mini-football player. The two preschoolers rolled around, knocking into chairs, tables, and other preschoolers. Frodo and Sam stared as their beloved protector began to rip out Aragorn's dark brown hair. Across the room, Eomer saw the future king of Gondor attack his little sister. Yelling an ancient Rohan warcry, the boy sped to the rescue, pushing stupid, short people out of the way. He flew at Aragorn, crashing both himself and the other boy to the ground. In Mordor, Legolas could hear their battle cries quite nicely, thanks to his elvish hearing. Jumping up from the bench he was sitting on, he walked over to the door and looked out the keyhole. Seeing the very cool fight that was going on, Legolas began yelling for Teacher to let him out. As usual, Teacher ignored the unlucky cries of the misfortunate and continued to read Pride and Prejudice.
AN: Shall Legolas escape Mordor and help Aragorn fight Eowyn and Eomer? Will Aragorn be defeated? Will Blacky with a White Stripe ever be avenged? Will Redy with Gold Mane ride again as the living dead? Will Andy, the sword of Griffin be reborn? Will Sam stop calling Frodo Mista Fro-fro? ^_^ Till next chappie!
TELWAR! (elvish 'late' with an r. ^_~)
More nonsense from baby fellowship members!!! I'm not begging, but I wanted to know if y'all had any ideas. I know I've read some fanfics and been saying in my mind 'Oh, if they did this next it'd be so GREAT!' and I'd like to know if any of y'all had any of those feelings! ^_^
Teacher stood up with an annoyed look on his face. He turned to the mini- people and scowled. "It is now time for Show and Tell. You show and tell, got it?" he demanded with a cross look on his face. The little kids nodded except for Gimli who still can't understand English. Teacher pointed at Aragorn. "You first." he demanded. Aragorn stood up with a childish smile.
"K, my name's Aragorn, Estel, Strider, Dunadain,." he was cut off by the yells of many small, but significant people.
"WE KNOW ALREADY!!" Aragorn grinned some more and then put a bunch of crumpled up tin foil on the table. Everyone leaned forward and stared in awe of the shiny little pieces of cheap metal. Then they got bored of the shiny and wanted something new.
"These are the shards of Narsis.no, wait. Maybe it was Silmaril. Nope, that was the other shiny thing. Narisel? NO! THAT'S NOT IT EITHER!!" Aragorn was very disappointed in himself and tried not to think of what his father would say. 'Probably wouldn't say anything, he'd just kill me. Oh, that's a lot better.' With a bright flash of knowledge, Aragorn, son of Arathorn remembered the forgotten name. "Narsil! That's it!" He looked extremely pleased with himself and his memory skills. Too many games of Disney Memory will do that to you. Merry stared at the pile of tin foil.
"No, tat's tin foil." He said and gave Aragorn a you-are-SO-helpless look. Aragorn shrugged, not really caring.
"My Mommy wouldn't let me bring the real ones so I thought I'd bring the r- r-repal-l-lica I made!" The little hope of man stumbled over the mighty word of 'replica'. Legolas smirked as he tilted his seat back, twined his hands behind his head, and put his feet on the table.
"Nice copy, vvvvery r-rea-al-list-tic." Legolas daringly plucked the word from his mind, trying to outdo the young ranger. Aragorn scowled at his best friend.
"Well, what'd you bring, Blondey?" Aragorn growled as he collected his pile of tin foil and put them back in his pocket along with his dwarf-made yo-yo and a broken arrow head. Legolas smile grew and there was more than a hint of mischief in that simple expression.
"Not little pieces of pa-pathe-ti-tic tin foil!" The elf exclaimed as he raced to the front of the room. He pulled out an armada of arrows, daggers, plus a bow and laid them on the table. "These are my training weapons!" Legolas told the group with a serious expression. He turned to Teacher with an innocent look. "Can I show my friends how they work?" Legolas asked politely, face wiped clean of any evil intention. Teacher nodded and said the magic word that would bring doom upon all of Middle Earth Preschool Class number 00004.
"Sure." Legolas turned around with a warlike appearance and a malicious glint in his eyes.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Legolas laughed as he proceeded to shoot arrows, throw daggers and hitting everyone with his bow between shooting arrows. Screaming, the classroom immediately erupted as if a volcano had gone off. Long hair was unceremoniously cut off by whizzing arrows, clothes were ripped by whirling daggers, and many bruises were sported for weeks after, resulting from the bow whacks. Haldir sported a rather lovely bruise the shape of the gate of Moria (including words) and would not forgive Legolas for the longest time. Eomer swore vengeance on the Sindarin elf when his prize toy horse, Blacky with White Stripe, was smote by an arrow of doom. After school the preschoolers held a small funeral for the brave and valiant plastic horse whose life was cut short by an elvish arrow.
"HAS HE GONE MAD?!" Elrond yelled as he dived under his plastic Playskool chair, trembling. One of the lordling's knots had been sliced off by a flying knife and he wasn't happy. It was then that he began to plot a council in which he would find a way to have Legolas, shall we say, fade more quickly than he would have liked. Of course, this council did not occur until many ages later when all the preschoolers had grown up and were very important big people. So, the Council of Elrond was not a council to get rid of the Ring! YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!!! It was all Lord Elrond's elaborate plot to 'fade' Legolas quickly. That's why Legolas went on the quest! NOOO!!! Come back Legolas!
"I'm not sure, though it is possible; he -is- an Elf you know." Gandalf replied calmly as an arrow glanced off his hat. It flew backwards and smote another one of Eomer's ponies, this one named Redy With Gold Mane and Tail. Eomer stared at the two fallen horses and doubly swore to get even with the Elf one day. For now the boy went to the small wizard Radagast who was sitting on a rock in the middle of the room, surrounded by woodland creatures. Together, the preschoolers tried to use magic to revive the late Redy With Gold Mane. In the meantime, Elrond stared at Gandalf with huge, bulbous blue eyes.
"TAKE THAT BACK!!" he yelled, knotty hair (minus one knot) flying from side to side. It is said that this is the real way Elrond battled; his hair did all the work. Gandalf shook his head, gray hair flopping back and forth in a similar pattern.
"No! Elves are stupid! Wizards are soooo much BETTER!!!" He announced loudly. Nearby, Saruman raised a small tankard of applejuice.
"Hear, hear!" Gandalf tossed a lit sparkler at him. Gandalf always had a sparkler with him, though it was usually unlit.
"BE GONE, FLAME OF SOMETHING OR OTHER!" He roared in his squeaky little kid voice. Saruman jumped backwards, but there was no need. A little Balrog had snatched the sparkler out of the air and had begun munching on it. Saruman stared at the Balrog and then hugged it, never mind the 3rd degree burns he was going to get.
"I love you!!" The little evil wizard cried. He then began to yelp in pain since the Balrog was on fire and smoke was getting in his eyes. The Balrog grinned at him with a mouth that only had one tooth made of brimstone. "You shall be my friend! Your name's gonna be Flufalicious, but Fluffy for short." Saruman steered the baby Balrog to the left, off towards the play bricks. Meanwhile, Elrond and Gandalf were glowering at each other until Gandalf finally yelled.
"You're still a stupid Elf, Elrond Half-elven!!!"
"ARGH!!" Elrond shouted and attacked the boy with the huge hat. They fell to the ground and were immediately surrounded by short children in strange clothing yelling 'BATTLE! BATTLE! Get 'im Elly! Fight, Gandy, fight! Smash 'is head in! You elves punch like girls! Take that back!' Meanwhile, Legolas was starting to run out of pointy objects to hurl at everyone, but he was still going on even though he was running low on supplies. Also, everyone was beginning to ignore him, which annoyed the little elf to no end.
"MUHAHAHAHAHA!!" he roared, hurling less pointy objects like paper-cutting scissors and trash bags at everyone. They ducked and ran away pouting except for Elrond and Gandalf. The two sat where they were, plotting the 'quick fading' of each other. Elrond decided to form yet ANOTHER council, but this evolved into the same council as the one that was made to 'quick fade' Legolas, better known as the Council of Elrond. Yet again, YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!! That was another plot to kill Gandalf, yet it only half- worked. Poor Elrond.
"That's my laugh!" pouted Sauron unhappily, flicking a bogger at Legolas. Legolas flung a teddy bear at him and smote him to the ground. This made the little orcs unhappy so they all went to Saruman and Fluffy in the play brick castle that had been named 'Orcbank'.
"TAKE THAT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Legolas began to laugh again while searching for more objects. The preschool Middle Earth took this time to run around and grab stuff so Legolas couldn't get it. It is also said that during this time, Legolas took it upon himself to throw Galadriel's favorite clay-model of Celeborn's head (even if it did look like a Gollum) at Arwen. This is when Galadriel and Arwen began to ALSO plot the 'quick fading' of Legolas. Hidden next to Gollum's cage, the two females brainstormed ideas for the doom of the blonde elfing. Poor Legolas, everyone's against him.
"Blonde elf's gone kawayzi!" Pippin stated from where he was under a table. The baby hobbit was hugging his stuffed oliphaunt tightly while sticking his lower lip out, giving him that adorable, irresistible baby look. Beside him, Merry nodded, a terrified look in his eyes.
"Yeah, let's weave befores we gets killed'd!!" Merry replied in baby language. The hobbits nodded and the two of them began to crawl away. Suddenly, the barrage of not-so-pointy-objects and totally-not pointed objects stopped.
"Wha happen to points?" asked a confused Merry to his cousin. Pippin shrugged, an endearing movement on his part.
"Don know, maybe Elf ain't kawayzi after all." He suggested, crawling out from under the table. Both hobbits shook their red-haired heads.
"NAH!"
At this point, our esteemed Legolas is being held upside down by his foot by Teacher who is grumbling about his job. Legolas is trying valiantly to kick Teacher, but it doesn't seem to be working.
"LET GO, YOU CAVE TROLL!!!" Legolas screeched in his high-pitched voice. Teacher was unaffected of course.
"Cave Troll?! He has one? AND I DIDN'T KNOW?!?! WAAAHHHH!!!" Boromir cried and sat down on the ground. This was not a good day for the doomed future steward of Gondor. This morning his Mama had packed him an acorn and squid sandwich along with a thermos of hot water. Then his Daddy wouldn't let him ride the BIG horse to school, noo he had to take the pony! Did his father know how degrading it was to ride a pony to school when the little elves and Aragorn, the big, bad KING of Gondor, got to ride horses?! NOOOOO! And now his teacher had a cave troll, his favorite demon of the ancient world, and no one TOLD HIM!!! This was just too much!
"WAAAAAHHHHH!!" Boromir wailed uncontrollably. Faramir rolled his eyes in the annoyed little brother way.
"Suck it up will ya?" the younger of the brothers shouted. Boromir stared with water-filled eyes and scowled.
"Daddy likes me more than you anyway!" he stated, crossing his arms. Faramir grinned wickedly. He began to bounce around his brother in a taunting manner.
"That's okie-dokie because Daddy kills himself!!!" Faramir yelled and began jumping up and down. "NO MORE FAVORITES!!!" Faramir roared in his brother's face. Boromir smiled unexpectedly.
"I get to be in the Fellowship, so HA!" he told a now angry Faramir who crossed his arms.
"I don't care." Faramir hissed, but it was easy to tell that he did. Boromir grinned a five tooth grin.
"Fary's angry!" he exclaimed, doing a dance of joy.
"DON'T CALL ME FARY!!!!" Faramir screeched, launching himself at his bewildered older brother. The two rolled wrestled for a long time and when they finally stopped, Boromir's strawberry blonde hair was in a buzzcut and Faramir's favorite stuffed bear was nothing but a cloth skin. Brotherly love, how sweet.
((Back to Legolas' dilemma and off the sidetrack))
"LEMME GO!!!" Legolas screamed while punching and kicking. "MY DADDY WILL GET HIS ELVES AND THEY'LL HURT YOU WITH ARROWS AND STUFF!!" Legolas informed Teacher who just rolled his eyes.
"You're going to Mordor and you will stay there, got it?" Teacher ordered the young wood elf who crossed his arms while upside-down.
"No, I will not." He replied and then he began to sniffle. Teacher sighed.
"What's wrong now?" he asked, holding Legolas up until he could see his face. Legolas gave a sob and then shouted at the top of his little immortal lungs.
"YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING ME AND MY FOOT HURTS!! PUT ME DOWN!!!!" Legolas roared, almost spitting in Teacher's face. Teacher glared, put him down, and walked the tiny elf to Mordor. Aragorn stood there and watched as Legolas was tossed into Mordor. He ran over to the craft table and began to empty his pockets out.
"I will avenge my friend!!" Aragorn exclaimed and began trying to put his pieces of tin foil back together. "I WILL MAKE ANDY, THE PURPLE SWORD OF GRIFFIN!!!!!" Aragorn shouted and started to glue the pieces together. Arwen came over from her plotting and patted his arm.
"Sure you will, Estel, sure you will." She soothed in that I-am-girl-you- must-listen manner that she commands. Aragorn ignored her, which made her mad. She stormed back towards Galadriel in an awful mood. After working feverishly with glue and staples for fifteen minutes, Aragorn gave a shout of jubilation.
"I HAVE IT!!" he roared and began to run around the room, swinging the sticky mass of metal around in circles above his head.
"Have what? GIVE IT BACK!!!" yelled Saruman from Orcbank, wondering if it was his lost Palantir that someone had stolen.
"I KNEW YOU HAD IT!!! MINE!!!! GIVE IT TO ME, ISILDUR'S HEIR!!!" Sauron screeched as he decided Aragorn had stolen the one cardboard ring. Before the nerd could get his finger dislodged from his nose, Aragorn had already dashed away.
"Isss itsss ssaaa Ringsssss?" asked a baby Nazgul, turning slowly to look at Aragorn who held up a bright blue flashlight.
"Don't make me use this Bloom." He told the Nazgul who began yelling his robed head off.
"WHAT!?!? MY NAME ISN'T BLOOM ANYMORE, IT'S GERALD!! Like that dude off Hey Arnold!" Bloom/Gerald roared and stamped off. Suddenly, the evil orc dude from FOTR got in his way.
"Hey Bloom, what's going on?" asked the little orc. Bloom/Gerald let out a wail.
"IITTTSSSS GGEERRALLLDDSSSSS!!!" he whacked the orc in the stomach and kept on screaming. Meanwhile, Aragorn was running around the room again in his happy fashion.
"I HAVE IT! I HAVE IT!!" he sing-songed. He raced up to Sam and Frodo. "I HAVE IT!!" he screamed happily in their cute, little faces. Frodo's lower lip trembled. The curly headed child suddenly burst into tears.
"WWAAAHHH!!!!" Sam gave Aragorn an evil look.
"Stri'er, ook what ou do! Ou make poory Mista Fro-fro cry!" Sam yelled in baby-speech and patted Frodo on the shoulder. "It okay Mista Fro-fro." Sam told Frodo who continued to cry miserably to the utter dismay of Aragorn.
"What's wrong Frodo? What'd I do?" Aragorn asked, slightly confused. Frodo stopped crying and glared at him.
"ARWAGON LELLED IN MINE'S EAR!!!" Frodo screamed and resumed crying, but after a moment he added, "An Sam won't top callin' me Mista Fro-fro!!! BAWAAAAHHH!!!" Eowyn stomped over from the Rohan side of the classroom and poked Aragorn in the chest.
"What are you doing to my poor defenseless hobbits?!" she shouted in a protective mother/deadly banshee tone. Aragorn gave her a bewildered look.
"N-n-nothing! I didn't DO anything!" he told the unbelieving girl.
"Likely story!" Eowyn snarled, glaring daggers at Aragorn who was now totally confused.
"What?!" Aragorn shouted, flinging his arms out wide. "ALL I wanted to say is that I fixed Andy, purple sword of Griffin!" he stated, showing the muscular little girl his metal creation. She gave a scream of horror.
"YOU WERE GOING TO LET MY HOBBITS TOUCH THAT?!?!" She pushed the boy down and grabbed the still wet 'sword'. Screaming like a ringwraith, Eowyn flung it to the ground and began to jump up and down on it. Aragorn watched with eyes as large as Boromir's shield as his only hope of saving his best friend was utterly destroyed. He gaped at Eowyn and then at the sword, back to Eowyn, back to the sword. With a surprising roar, Aragorn tackled the blonde girl like a mini-football player. The two preschoolers rolled around, knocking into chairs, tables, and other preschoolers. Frodo and Sam stared as their beloved protector began to rip out Aragorn's dark brown hair. Across the room, Eomer saw the future king of Gondor attack his little sister. Yelling an ancient Rohan warcry, the boy sped to the rescue, pushing stupid, short people out of the way. He flew at Aragorn, crashing both himself and the other boy to the ground. In Mordor, Legolas could hear their battle cries quite nicely, thanks to his elvish hearing. Jumping up from the bench he was sitting on, he walked over to the door and looked out the keyhole. Seeing the very cool fight that was going on, Legolas began yelling for Teacher to let him out. As usual, Teacher ignored the unlucky cries of the misfortunate and continued to read Pride and Prejudice.
AN: Shall Legolas escape Mordor and help Aragorn fight Eowyn and Eomer? Will Aragorn be defeated? Will Blacky with a White Stripe ever be avenged? Will Redy with Gold Mane ride again as the living dead? Will Andy, the sword of Griffin be reborn? Will Sam stop calling Frodo Mista Fro-fro? ^_^ Till next chappie!
TELWAR! (elvish 'late' with an r. ^_~)