Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I live in a doghouse on the side of my parents' house.

I sleep on a rag and eat scraps so I can pay my cable bill which has my internet hooked up to it.

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Remus & Sirius

Summary: I have no clue. I haven't written it yet!

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Dear Journal:

Day 1

Today we were having a picnic out by the lake. The giant squid grabbed Peter and sucked him off for a while. Peter liked it, and then it sucked too hard and let's just say, Peter will never procreate.

Sirius was looking great in his little man thong he wears to go swimming. Yellow polka dots look great on him! Of course anything looks great on him. He makes me want to growl.

Of course the last time I growled, in front of the guys, at his sexiness he ran away. Of course they were screaming that I was turning into a werewolf because Snape's pants fell down and the full moon was showing.

I wonder if Siri likes me. One can only hope.

Remus Black (hopefully)

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Dear Journal:

Day 1

I can't believe that Dumbledore wants us to write in these things.

They treat us like inmates. If I really was an inmate do you think Remus would be my bitch? I mean since he is a werewolf and they're part of the dog family and I'm a dog sometimes (literally) maybe we could. . .

Nahhh. . . Remus wouldn't like me he's smart, kind, generous, always on time, absolutely gorgeous. He's across from me writing in his stupid journal. I wonder what he writes about. Maybe I'll steal it when he goes to sleep.

Sirius Lupin (I wish)

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Day 1 - Night 1

Dear Journal:

Those two idiots are absolutely in love with each other and both are scared to ask if the other likes them.

I was with Lily, doing some naughty things in the closet, when I over heard Moony going on and on about Sirius and his yellow polka dotted thong and his sexiness. Then Sirius starts talking about Remus being his bitch.

I caught Sirius trying to steal Remus' journal, but I made sure he didn't get it.

They're weird maybe I should just make them kiss. That would horrify them. Especially if it was in front of everyone in the Great Hall. Wait I should write that down and make Malfoy and Snape do it.

Ewwwwwwww. . . Malfoy and Snape doing it! I'm so gross.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter (Yeah right like Lily'd ever marry me)

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Dear Journal:

Day 1

You know how much I like Potter. My passion for his body exceeds anything that little bitch could do for him. Why do I torture him so?

He thinks I hate him, but I don't. Well anyway he apparently found a curse that makes you kiss the nearest person to you. I can't believe I snogged Lucius! The man never washes his hair he just gels it so he smells horrible.

Then he complained about my greasy hair. Can I help it if my hair gets greasy if I don't wash it every two seconds?

They will hold a funeral for Pettigrew's balls tomorrow morning. They'll be buried next to Hilda Harrison's implants that exploded last year.

Severus Potter (That'll never happen)

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Dear Journal:

Day 1

*Like a Valley Girl* Hey, guess what like totally happen! Believe me you will like totally never believe this!

James and I were like making out in a closet when like Sirius says he like LOVES Moony.

I was like well duh, you've just been like crushin' on him sense, like, forever! Remus Like is totally crushin' too but he's too shy to like say anything.

I find that so adorable! Like myself!

I want to have James's baby. I'll name it Harry. Because James is really hairy down there.

(Hopefully) The Mother of James' Legitimate Child

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I'm weird this was in my head. ^-^