Chapter: 6/15
Well, I will go down with this ship
And I won't raise my hands
And surrender
~White Flag by Dido
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Chapter 6- Leaving and Gone
Finally, the transformation stopped and it was no longer Remus standing there, but the full grown wolf she remembered all too well from the night she had met Sirius Black.
And he was between her and the stairs.
Hermione froze, fear and panic flaying her. She knew if she wanted to escape this, she was going to have to keep a calm head, but every ounce of her body was wanting to flee from Remus screaming. No, she must not think to the wolf as Remus. If she was going to survive this, she was going to have to think of him as a monster, no matter how much it pained her.
The wolf did not attack her instantly, perhaps because it was shocked to suddenly find prey standing in front of it. However, it was quickly recovering its shock and Hermione could see it preparing to pounce. She made herself wait until the very moment that its front legs left the ground, before dashing aside, putting the table between them. He landed smoothly and turned easily to face her again. Cautiously, holding her entire body stiff, she edged around so that the table was still between them, but she was nearer to the stairs.
With a snarl, the wolf lunged into the table. It flew with his body weight directly at her. Before she could react, she was pinned beneath the table. She writhed and twisted, but she was stuck fast. The werewolf easily untangled himself and began drooling in anticipation of what was now undoubtably a feast. "Remus, please don't do this," she begged, hoping against hope that some part of the werewolf was still under control of Remus.
For a moment, she almost thought she saw the wolf hesitate, but he was quickly moving again, still towards her. A deep growl thundred from his throat and she knew her plea to Remus had failed. Her brain shot forward frantically. She knew for a fact that Remus had never harmed anyone as a werewolf. To have his first victim be someone he truly cared for, would kill him as surely as this wolf was about to kill her. Her mind was suddenly flooded with images of Remus coming back to himself to find her dead body in the kitchen.
She angrily banished the images to the back of her mind. She didn't need to worry about Remus right now, she needed to worry about the fact that there was a hungry werewolf slowly climbing over the wreckage she was pinned under. She twisted a bit so she could reach her wand. As her hand closed around the smooth wood, she suddenly felt one hundred times more sure of herself. Just as the wolf lunged again, she tore it from her pocket and screamed. "Immoblius!" The wolf froze in midair.
Her breathing slowed as a form of calm fell over her. She carefully picked herself out of the rubble of the table and frowned around the kitchen. They had made quite a mess. There was probably no way even magic could salvage the ruined kitchen table. Why had Remus not gone into his room the way he had said he would? Just as she tried to ponder out the answer to this, something shining caught her eye.
There was silver in with the wreckage of the table. Hastily she tore the pieces of wood away and picked out the silver crowbar. "Remus!" she cried, exasperated. He had promised her. Tears pricked at her eyes. What was she going to do with him? How could she make him see that she cared about him and wouldn't know what to do if he was gone. "I am going to give you a serious talking to, Remus Lupin," she promised. She pointed her wand at the crowbar and whispered a spell. "Aheneus." The silver cross bar fell from her hands, now harmlessly bronze.
She just caught the wolf moving from out of the corner of her eye before it was upon her. Screaming, she instinctively threw up her hands, latching around his throat. She struggled desperately to keep his snapping jaws away from her, but she knew it would do no good. The wolf was about twenty million times stronger her. Taking a risk, she lifted her leg and kneed the wolf in the stomach. He howled in pain and for a moment, ceased his attempt to reach her throat.
Taking full advantage of that single moment, Hermione heaved him off of her with all of her strength. She did not turn again to see if he would follow, but fled from the kitchen as quickly as she could. Her feet instinctively led her to the stairs. She caught the sound of paws following her and knew she did not have a very big lead on the wolf. She crested the top of the stairs and dashed to the closest door- Remus'. She rushed in and threw herself into the door, slamming it shut. The wolf whinned as his paw got trapped in the slamming door. She rapped it smartly with her wand and snapped "Flagellum!" A spark snapped off of the wolf's paw and he hastily jerked it back, allowing her to close the door freely.
Breathing heavily, she collapsed heavily against the door, tears of fear streaming unchecked down her flushed cheeks. Something banged against the door and it opened a crack. She shouted a curse, before hastily locking the door. Remus was apparently a very determined werewolf. The door bulged again as he rammed his heavy body into it again. "Accio wardrobe!" Hermione commanded. The wardrobe floated over to her and she directed it to block the door.
After a few more jarring shakes from the door, the wolf apparently gave its prey up for a lost cause. Hermione heard it venture down the stairs, undoubtably looking for easier meat. She had learned her lesson well though and was not about to venture out of Remus' room until the sun was high in the sky.
Wearily, she dragged herself over to Remus' bed and climbed in, wrapping the covers around her. The smell of Remus was all around her and she could almost feel him protectively hugging her to him. She began shaking uncontrollably, for the first time coming to terms with how great her danger had been. Tears still streaming down her face, she fell into a fitful sleep.
"Go now, my faithful Death Eaters," Voldemort smirked. "Do as I have instructed you and your rewards will be great. Fail and your punishment will be even greater. You are dismissed."
With many popping sounds, the Death Eaters began Disapparating. Snape did not even stay behind to speak with Voldemort as he would have normally done. He did not care if it was irregular behaviour, he was too worried over Hermione to care. If Remus had bit her, he would never forgive himself. He may not like her, but he would not lay that curse on her. Only Sirius Black and James Potter deserved that and he had outlived them both, more than enough to reconcile him. He Apparated into Remus Lupin's bedroom.
He first looked out the window. The moon was low in the sky and he guessed it was about three o'clock in the morning. He cast his gaze around the room, taking in everything. The heavey wardrobe was pushed against the door. Claw marks on the wall near the opening of the door indicated a struggle, but there was no blood from what he could see.
His eyes fell on the bed and he saw with a leap of heart that Hermione was sleeping peacefully in the bed. He hurried over to her and tore off the covers. He inspected her closely. There was no blood on her clothes, or the covers. He hastily rolled up her sleeves and pants, discovering with relief that there were no bite marks. He was just about to lower her collar to inspect her neck, when she awoke. "Professor?" she frowned, apparently confused to why he would be fiddling with her clothes. However, she seemed to forget that as soon as her memories came back to her. "Remus! Oh, Professor, Remus he...why didn't he have the potion?" Crying out of sheer fear, Snape was sure, she flung her arms around him.
Normally Snape would have extricated her immediately, but he knew how terrifying it was to come into contact with a werewolf, having experienced it himself. Remus had only been a teenager and he had not really had to face off with him. Now, as a grown werewolf, he could only pray Hermione had not come into contact with Remus. "I am sorry, Miss. Granger," he apologised, shocked by the sincerity in his voice. "Voldemort summoned all the Death Eaters. I could not get away, no matter how hard I tried. And I did try, several times. What happened here? Did you come into contact with Remus? Did he bite you?"
Hermione sighed and untangled herself from Snape. She leaned wearily against the headboards, and pulled the covers up around her chin, apparently reliving the events of the night, if the distant fear in her eyes was any indication. "I knew he didn't have his potion, so I locked myself in my room," she began. "I thought he had done the same. I realised I had left my book downstairs. The moon was barely up and I figured he was in his room, so I ventured out to get it quickly. Remus was still down in the kitchen. He was furious when he saw me. I grabbed my book and started upstairs, but he started transforming before my eyes. I...I knew I should have run then, but I just couldn't. It was too awful the way he..." She trailed off, shuddering. "Anyways, he came after me, but after a bit of a scuffle, I froze him with the Immobile charm. I figured he was frozen for the night, so when I saw something silver glinting under the table, I went to investigate. It was a silver crow bar. I'm not sure, but I think he was going to commit suicide."
Snape blanked, his own words coming back to him. "Then don't hurt her. Or do, and get on with the suicidal bit." Never in his wildest dreams had he suspected Remus might actually be suicidal. This was all too much. Hermione was still talking though, so he forced himself to listen.
"I turned the silver into bronze, but then the Immobile charm somehow...broke," she recounted. "I guess using it on Cornish Pixies isn't quite as stable as using it on a werewolf. I should have thought of that. I got away again and came in here. He tried to break down the door. I put the wardrobe over it and then fell asleep. Oh, Professor...I want to see him right now. What time is it? Will he be normal again?"
"No, Remus is still a wolf," Snape answered. "You've had a horrible ordeal, so I think it is best if you went back to sleep. I just stopped by to make sure he had not bitten you. Remus should be Remus again around seven thirty. I want you to promise you won't go back downstairs until eight o clock at the earliest."
"I promise," aqquited Hermione, reluctantly. She did want to see Remus, but not as much as she did not want to see that wolf ever again. "Do you have to go?"
"Yes, I'm afraid," he answered. "I promised Dumbledore I would give him my report as soon as possible, no matter the hour."
"Well, I'll see you in school then, Professor," she said, tiredly.
Snape thought back to his days at school with Remus and thought on the qualities of Remus he knew. "I have a feeling I'll be seeing you around Black Manor before that," he said wearily. There was no doubt in his mind that the days of Hermione residing at Remus' were over. Even if Remus let her stay, there was no way Dumbledore could allow it any longer. "Until then, Miss. Granger." And he Disapparated, leaving Hermione alone with her thoughts.
By the time seven thirty rolled around, Hermione was watching the clock. The seconds dragged by and every minute seemed like a full hour. She had not been able to get back to sleep after Snape had left. She truly appreciated his visit. She hoped he didn't blame himself for this entire episode. In all truth, it was her fault. Risking everything for a book! How could she have been so foolish? She deserved to be bitten if she could be that stupid. She was sure Professor Snape thought the same thing for all of his apparent worry. She hoped also that he had not slipped up during the Death Eater meeting due to distraction.
She whiled away the hours thinking of Remus. She recalled every conversation she had had with him before last night. She reminded herself how much he loved her. She repeated the mantra 'He needs and loves you' over and over to herself, until she was convinced he would never hurt her again. She berated herself time and again for her foolery. By the time the digits on the small alarm clock flicked to 8:00, she was ready to argue with Remus. She was sure that they would have quite a row today. He would no doubt want her to leave after last night, but she wasn't going anywhere.
She dragged the wardrobe away from the doorway. Remembering that Snape had advised her to wait as long as she could before going downstairs, she ran to her room and changed into jean shorts and a white tank top, before finally treading carefully downstairs. She kept her wand out in front of her, the Stupey charm on the tip of her tongue. Her stomach was flipping and butterflies the size of werewolves flapped against the walls of her stomach. She thought she was going to faint.
Her feet padded silently down the stairs. She stopped a few stairs up, ready to leap back into Remus' room at the first sign of the werewolf. There was no one in the kitchen. Forcing herself to breath normally, she crossed the kitchen, tense and alert. She pressed herself against the wall and cautiously peeped into the living room.
Caution left her with a cry. Remus was lying on the floor of the living room. His robes were torn and his hair tangled. Through the tears in his robes, she could see several bleeding wounds. She remembered Harry telling her that when Remus didn't have the Wolfsbane potion, he would gnaw at himself. She fell to her knees beside the uncouncious werewolf and tenderly cupped his face in her hand. He was so peaceful lying there, the worries smoothed away from his face. She lightly kissed his cheek. "Oh, Remus," she murmured, tears threatening to flow again.
Angrily, she shook her head. The matter at hand was not showing him how much she cared about him, but getting him fixed up. Those wounds looked angry and his face was as white as a sheet. She pointed her wand at him. "Fluito Admoveo!" Remus floated about three feet off of the ground and she carefully moved him over to the couch. The Flutio Admoveo charm was the only spell she knew for moving people and it was not entirely effective, as the spell caster still felt the strain as though they themselves were doing the lifting. She gritted her teeth and lay Remus carefully down on the couch. She knelt by him again and unbuttoned his robes to his waist. She carefully pushed them down to his waist and winced at what was revealed to her. As well as new wounds from the previous night, there were old scars and bruises from his youth as a werewolf and his work on the Order. Forcing herself away to the kitchen, she wet a cloth with very hot water. She also found some large bandages.
She returned to Remus, with an anxious heart. She prayed he was not too hurt. With all the tenderness of a mother nursing her babe, she cleaned every single wound. They were mostly shallow, but one on his midriff made her wince, and there was an ugly burn on his left hand. She realised with a gasp that the burn was the result of him clutching the silver crow bar. "Remus," she moaned. "What have you done to yourself?" She bound the shallow wounds, and left him again, looking for some sort of herbs to put in the deeper wound and burn. She found nothing, so reluctantly resulted to magic again. She took the bandage she planned to wrap around them and charmed them. "Remedium."
With even more care than before, she wrapped them around the wounds. The Healing charm was not real healing such as Madam Pomfrey would use. It took the energy of the patient. She was not sure Remus had the energy to give, but she did know the wounds needed some sort of look after. He winced when she bound the deep wound, but the moment the bandage touched the burn, he jolted awake, screaming. "Hush, hush," she soothed, joy flooding her to see him awake, even though it pained her to see his pain. "Don't be such a big baby. We've got to do something with these wounds." She smiled weakly, and cupped his face in her hand. "There you go."
Remus grasped at her hand frantically. "Hermione, you must know...I would never...oh, Merlin." He broke away from her and stumbled into the kitchen. He tore through the rubble of the table, searching for something. Hermione followed him, worriedly.
He retrieved the crow bar and almost howled again. He threw it away. "What did you do to it?" he demanded. "Why isn't it silver anymore?" He fell to his knees and scrubbed angrily at the tears streaming down his face.
Hermione went to him and enveloped him in her arms. "Shh, Remus," she murmured. "Its all right, it will all be fine. Just go to sleep. You're not thinking properly."
"No," he argued hastily. "No, for the first time in a long time I am thinking properly." he wrenched away from her and slammed into the kitchen counter. He fumbled around in the kitchen cabinet until he find a small container of salt. Hands shaking, he ripped off the bandage on the deep wound and began shaking the salt into the wound, his face blank although he shuddered from the pain.
"Remus!" cried Hermione, dashing over to him. She wrenched the salt away from him and began cleaning the wound out again with the now lukewarm cloth. He watched her absently, not really seeing anything. "Are you mad?" she demanded.
He collapsed suddenly and Hermione dropped the cloth in her hurry to catch him. "No," he said wearily. "No, I'm not mad. However, I am a monster." He fell to the floor, quickly losing his grip on conciousness. "Forgive me, 'Mione." And he was out like a light.
"Bloody hell, Remus," sighed Hermione, resulting to swearing once more. She sat beside him, stotically cleaning and rebandaging the wound.
Hermione spent the entire day hovering over Remus. She tried to wake him several times, but he seemed to be determined not to come around. Once every hour on the hour she would attempt to make him swallow some water and every three hours she would reclean the wounds and bandage them with fresh bandages. At nine thirty, she decided she was strong enough to perform the Fluito Admoveo charm again. Gritting her teeth, she floated Remus up to his bed. By the time she had landed the full grown man on his bed, her limbs were shaking and she was breathing quite heavily from exhertion.
With more than a little awkwardness, she managed to manipulate Remus' body so she could cover him up. After almost fifteen minutes, she collapsed next to him, weary from her work. She propped herself up on her elbow and smiled triumphantly down at him. "Remus, you have got to lose some weight," she whispered teasingly. She brushed a kiss on his cheek, before leaving him to his rest.
She returned downstairs and faced off against the rubble that had become the kitchen table. After the Fluito Admoveo charm and a day of using the Healing charm, she was too weary to use magic to remove the wreckage. Steeling herself, she began removing the wood. She piled it all up in a neat stack outside the back door. By the time she was done, it was ten forty five and she knew there was no way she could keep her eyes open long enough to clean up a bit more. With a heart happy from honest labour, she finally collapsed on the couch, a lazy smile on her face.
Remus jerked awake. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and glanced at the clock. Noon. He had slept like the dead, as he always did after his transformation. His face paled as the memories of his transformation and the confrontation with Hermione came flooding back to him. 'What have I done?' he moaned silently. 'Oh, Mione, forgive me. But how could you ever?' He acutely remembered waking up yesterday morning to find Hermione cleaning out his wounds. He realised she already had forgiven him, if indeed she had ever been angry with him. It could all go back to normal. Nothing needed to change.
He angrily erased those thoughts from his mind. Nothing needed to change? Everything needed to change! He climbed out of bed, startled not to find his joints aching as they so normally did after his lycanthropy. Hermione must have done some form of healing. Merlin, bless her and protect her from the monster that is me. He dressed quickly, pausing only to splash a little water on his face.
He steeled himself to confront Hermione. She probably wouldn't like it, but he had to be blunt and he had to stop himself from being weak. He checked her room and with some mild shock, found it empty. Perhaps she had left. Perhaps after making sure he would live, she had rid herself of the monster who had so nearly cost her her life. No, that wasn't it, and he knew it. He couldn't be that lucky.
He thundered downstairs. The ruin of the kitchen table he remembered from his brief rampage yesterday morning had all been cleared away. No doubt more work of Hermione's. Still, there was no sight of his little angel. 'No!' he berated himself. 'She isn't your little anything. You can't treat her that way anymore and you can't accept any similar feelings from her!'
He found Hermione finally, sleeping peacefully on the living room couch. Almost immediately, he had to steel himself again. Just the sight of her was enough to make him wish that somehow it could be different. He had been right to not want her here. She had charmed away his worries, but they had been proved just and he could no longer ignore them. She had to go. He crossed to her and roughly shook her awake. "'Mione!" he called. He halted. No nicknames, either. "Hermione, wake up!"
Slowly, her eyes peeled open. They instantly focused on him and a smile lit her face as she sat up. "Morning, Remus," she grinned. "Glad to see you up and about."
"Thats Professor Remus to you, young lady," he said coldly.
She blanched. "Excuse me?" she frowned. "Did I hear you correctly?"
"I am quite certain you did," he nodded curtly. He wrenched her to her feet. "Now, get up and pack your things. You've over stayed your welcome."
Anger smouldered in her eyes. He winced inside. He had hoped she would fall for his act and be hurt, but it looked like she saw through it. "I've overstayed my welcome?" she repeated incredulously. "Forgive me, if I'm wrong, Professor, but I believe it was you who were so determinedly trying to kill me two nights ago! Oh, don't give me that look! I'm not completely stupid. I know what this is about. You're afraid you're going to hurt me and you want to hurt me so I'll leave and never come back. Well, you can just get those thoughts out of your head. I'm here to stay and you'd better get that through your head!"
"No, Hermione," he said stubbornly. "I will admit there was a time when you could have just ignored my protests and got your way. Not this time. I could have killed you. You're leaving and you're leaving now. Thats all there is to it. I've no doubt Molly Weasley will take you in."
"Are you going to get rid of Tonks too?" she cried. "Are you afraid you'll hurt her as well?"
"Yes," he agreed readily, hoping to catch her off guard. "In fact, I'm giving up everything- the Order, my new job, everything. Monsters like me shouldn't come into contact with other people, as we learned here."
"No one can stay alone forever," Hermione argued. "You're going to be a hermit, are you? You're not a monster, Remus! No monster could show me the kindness and love you have! People aren't just going to let you leave!"
"They had better, because thats what I'm going to do," Remus said sharply. "I didn't show you love and kindness, 'Mio- Hermione. If I had any love for you at all, I would have made sure you never came here. The only thing I ever showed you was greediness, greediness for your love. I would have taken it from any child or woman."
Her sharp intake of breath showed him he had struck a nerve. "Then thats it?" she said, helplessness starting to appear in her fury. "You're just going to throw it all away?"
"Thats the plan," he said, implacably.
She stared at him, as though trying to find some sort of weakness. When she could find none, she sighed heavily. "Fine," she shrugged. "I'll go start packing. When do we leave?"
"I'll drop you off tomorrow morning at Black Manor," he answered. He was cut at how easily she had given up. He had expected quite a row. This was pathetic! He should be happy she was finally showing some of those cold brains she was so famed for. He must have truly hurt her. He sighed again, realising he didn't want her to go away hurt. She turned to go, but he reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. "'Mione, I didn't mean to hurt you. But you have to see, this is for the best. I know you saw me as something as a fatherly figure, especially after your parents' death. I'm so sorry."
She stiffened at his touch and angrily whirled around. "Thats Miss. Granger to you, Professor! Professors shouldn't have nicknames for their students, its not proper. And don't you dare pity me! Don't you dare! You were never a father to me. You may be intent on getting to hell, but don't compliment yourself while making your path there!" His head spun as she slapped him with all the strength in her little body. He instinctively put a hand on his red cheek, and watched as she fled up the stairs.
The door to her bedroom slammed behind her angrily and echoes of her tearing open dressers came down to him. He sat down heavily on the couch. New sounds soon made his way to his ears. She was screaming angrily now, no doubt taking her anger out on her helpless furniture. Soon however, as he heard what could have been the wardrobe door being wrenched open, the screams became dry sobs. The cruelty of his actions pierced his heart, but his brain continued to function and he knew what he had done was just. He moved into the kitchen and began dully sweeping the floor, not really knowing what he was going.
Around three o'clock, Hermione's door opened for a moment. Something flew down the stairwell. Remus barely got out of the way as his werewolf painting came flying down at him. Cautiously, he picked it up. On the back in Hermione's neat handwriting was written. 'I leave you to your destiny, and may God protect you from the fires of hell you deserve.'
He winced and felt anger boiling up in him. With a wordless yell, he threw the painting at the wall.
Remus spent the rest of the day brooding in the garden. Around six o'clock, he went back inside and made grilled cheese sandwiches. He remembered how much Hermione liked them and hoped perhaps they would coax her out of hiding. Naturally, he would then take refuge in his own room. He thought that he might break down if he saw her before it was time for her to go. He quietly walked up the stairs, holding a plate with a large cheesy sandwich on it. He rapped twice on her door before calling out tentaively. "Hermione, I...I made you some dinner."
He felt a surge of hope when her door opened. She stood facing him with a thoughtful expression on her face. His heart broke again when he saw the tear stains on her cheeks, the redness of her nose and the tears still threatening to overspill. She reached and took the sandwich. She stared at it, as though trying to decide what it was. "I...I thought perhaps we could talk," he suggested hopefully.
"Yea," sighed Hermione. "Perhaps we should. I only have one thing to say though. Go to hell, you heartless bastard." She slammed the door in his face. She hated him, it was as simple as that. He didn't even wince. He knew he deserved it. He just wish she could hate him because he had almost killed her, rather than because he was sending her away.
Gathering his wits about him, he turned and began walking away. Her door opened again and he turned, half hopeful, half dreading her new declarations. "And take your bloody sandwich with you!" The sandwich came flying out and landed on the floor at his feet as the door slammed shut again. He knelt down to pick it up, but with a sudden snarl left it where it was. He angrily strode into his room and slammed the door with just as much conviction as she had.
Hermione lifted her head from her pillow, now damp with tears. The room was dark, thanks to the absence of the moon. Piled in the corner of her room lay three suitcases and her school trunk, all filled with her clothes and books. How could this be happening? She had thought she could have a real home with Remus. It was just like the morning after her parents' deaths when she didn't know where she would end up. No, it was worse this time. She had lost two homes and two sets of parents in less than a month. She hated Remus Lupin, but she couldn't help loving him.
Angry with herself and him and the damn werewolf that had bit him in the first place, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and crossed again to the window. A half smile formed on her face as she let herself be dragged away in memories.
She felt like ripping her hair out. How could the man who had shown her such kindness, turn around and yell at her and cut her so deeply she doubted she would ever stop bleeding? It was completely uncomprehendable.
She hugged herself. Despite it all, the werewolf, his words and the fact that she was leaving in the morning and would probably never see him again, she couldn't deny that she loved him very deeply. If they were to be parted, there was no way that she was going to leave in a bad temper. Will hardening, she turned and exited her room.
Remus lay awake, remembering wistfully the events of the past three weeks, wishing he could go back and live in one of those moments forever.
He rolled over in bed. How did he force himself to say those awful things? How had he made himself so cold and uncaring? How was it a man who sinned so greatly and so frequently was still alive? He wished he were dead. How easy would it be to slip into death and float away from it all.
His door opening distracted him from his thoughts. He sat up in bed and was startled to see Hermione standing in the doorway, looking more than a little lost. As soon as their eyes met, she came flying over and threw herself into his arms. "Please don't send me away!" she begged, tears soaking through his nightshirt. "I can't bear it."
He pressed her tightly to him, soaking in her. He pressed her into his mind, the feel and smell of her. He knew he couldn't give in to her pleas, but he never wanted to forget the comfort these special moments gave him. "Hermione," he said, voice breaking. "I want you to know, that if I had any real choice, I would keep you here with me forever. But, I can't, 'Mione, no matter how hard I want to. Think, 'Mione! Think with your head, not your heart. We have to use our heads. I could have killed you, or worse. If you had survived, you would have been worse than dead. I could never live if I had inflicted that on you."
"I seem to have forgotten how to think with my head," she said through her tears. Her grip tightened. "I'll leave that to you, but I want to tell you something. I love you, Remus Lupin, and you were a wonderful father to me. Life won't be the same without you and I know for a fact we're both going to be miserable. But...please, please don't be angry with me. I didn't mean to...I didn't know. I'm sorry I told you to go to hell and I'm sorry you a heartless bastard. You aren't and I don't want you to."
"Shh," he said softly, rocking her back and forth. "Shh. It'll be all right." He lay down, bringing her with him. They lay, clutching each other desperately. "It'll be all right. I love you."
But in his heart, Remus knew it wouldn't be all right. It could never be all right again.
Harry looked up when he heard the tell tale sign of someone Apparating into the room. He had received a letter from Dumbledore this morning telling him to be ready in his kitchen at two in the morning. He had his school trunk all packed and he was eagerly looking forward to whatever Dumbledore had planned for him. He stood to meet the wizards.
He was hit with a wave of sorrow when he came face to face with Nymphadora Tonks. She looked so much like Sirius. He rarely stopped thinking about his godfather, though even he could admit the pain was becoming slightly more bearable. He dreamed of Sirius nightly, and sometimes he thought the Sirius in the dreams might really be Sirius, speaking to him from the Afterlife. He hoped wherever his godfather was, he was still watching over him. He prayed Sirius had found James Potter and that Prongs and Padfoot were together again.
"Heya, Harry," she greeted him, for one of the few times in her life solemn. There were two wizards behind her. He recognised them as Clay Stoat and Showna Applegate. "How you doing, Wotcher?"
"I'm...I'm better," he answered truthfully. "Better, but not good." She clucked sympathetically, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"Clay, pick up his trunk," Showna instructed, her manner as brisk as he remembered. "Harry, do you have everything?"
"Yes," he answered. "I've double checked several times." Showna offered him one of her rare smiles.
"You know, I was talking to Alastor Moody and he said you looked just like James Potter," she informed him. "Well, perhaps you do, I never met the man. But, if you ask me, I'd say you look quite similar to Sirius Black as well."
Harry took a step back as though she had struck him. "Th...thank you," he gasped. He looked like Sirius? He had never really thought about his similarities to his godfather. Perhaps he did, though he certainly wasn't as good looking as Sirius had been.
"Ready to go, chum?" inquired Clay. "Just hold tight to Tonks. She's the best Apparator amongst us."
"As hard as that is to believe," Showna said dryly. "See you at 12 Grimmauld Place." She disappeared, shortly followed by Clay and Harry's trunk. Tonks grabbed Harry's hand and pointed her wand at their hands. With a pop! they were gone.
They reappeared outside 12 Grimmauld Place. Harry took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than he thought. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see Sirius running out of the house, laughing at him. Was it his imagination, or was that Sirius coming down the drive to meet him?
He sighed and shook his head. It was his imagination of course. Sirius was gone. Once or twice, he almost thought he had heard Sirius' voice. The only thing that had kept him from panicking right then had been the voice of his friend, Luna Lovegood. 'In that room with the archway. They were just lurking out of sight, thats all. You heard them.'
Harry let Tonks and the others get quite a ways a head of him. He glanced up at the night sky and picked out his favourite star, Sirius. The star shined brighter than any other in the sky.
'You're watching me, aren't you?' he asked his godfather. 'You'll never leave. Please say you won't.'
'Never,' agreed Sirius' voice. Harry grinned and his stride became more confident as he followed the others into his godfather's home.
Author's Notes:
Ah...sorry about the cliffhanger last chapter...it was just too good an opportunity to miss. I must give fair warning. Things are about to get a lot more...angsty. Thanks again!
Nihtfyr: Glad you like. If you look closely there is a string you can pull and he will insult either Harry, Sirius or James. **holds up her own Hug Me Sirius and pulls string** Hey look, its Snivellieus **pulls string again** Harry, I am you godfather **pulls yet again** Ahh!! Hide me from Bellatrix. Thanks for the review!
Rykatu*L: It was explained in this chapter...as I'm sure you saw. Thanks for your review! Glad you enjoyed!
Stefanie: Yea, I've been looking around for Remus/Tonks, but as Tonks isn't on the character list, its hard to find them! Thanks for the review.
MaraudingBlack: Thanks for all the compliments. Its enough to make a writer blush. Thanks for the review and I'm glad you seem to be enjoying it!
peegchica: Omg...I updated. Sorry, that was just too temptating. Thanks for your review!
Crazych99: Sorry, sorry...I hate them too. Thanks for your review. I updated in two days...is that quick enough?
Maggie: Thanks for your review. Glad you're liking it. Here's some more!
Sayra Louise: Hehe...I am cruel. But I will go...out that door...on stage left. Glad you're liking it and thanks for the review!
InkFairy: Maybe crueler than the Cruciatus curse? Hmm..maybe I should become a death eather. **considers** Nah, not much fun. Thanks for the review and I'm glad you're liking it!
padfoot1979: Yea....Snape is such a hater. Just curiousity for my question. I thought it might have had something to do with Sirius. Yea, my brains pretty one track. **blushes** Anyways, thanks for the review! Glad you're liking it.
cosmo-queen: Ha...and the bond strengthens and I cut it with a knife. Thanks for your review and I'm glad you liked it. I really feel bad about that cliffhanger now.
Allyrien Chantel de Montreve: **laughs evilly** Thanks for your review...mwhaha
MiniTeija: Two more words "You like?" Thanks for the review!
padfootsgurl4eva: Yes, I am rather cruel. I totally understand the lack of Tonks/Remus predicament. We writers really have to do something about that! Thanks for the review!
Sparky: **revives** You can't die...you have to go to England, 'member? Sorry for being a cruel, heartless, bi-. Thanks for the review!
heart-on-her-sleeve: Everyone keeps insulting me! **hides her head and cries.** Thanks for the review though. **mopes in a corner**