I keep saying I'm done with fanfiction, but I've decided that I want to
finish my stories first - especially this one. I don't know why, but I
really love this piece. Can't stand "Need Me". I have no desire to even
work on that steamy piece of poo. I dunno though, something about this
story keeps drawing me BACK in.. Grrr. Stupid emotional attachments. ^^ Of
course, there's something about falling in love yourself that makes sappy
romances and stupid pop songs make a whole lot more sense. So maybe I
should thank Jeff for making me relate to so much more now.
Yeah, thanks a lot! Now I can't just retire from fandom like I had planned on!
/melodramatic rant
I honestly do plan on finishing this story, along with the dreaded "Need Me", "Love Through Time" (that'll take a miracle), and "Teachers Pet".
"."
I DO plan on it! I swear!
*random snickers from the three hecklers that have stuck around for the decline of 'ropa's FF career, from "sad" to "pathetically non-existent"*
Anyway, this is chapter six, and I'm getting to the parts that I had planned for the ending, so if you put 2 & 2 together, you'd realize that means that the end is nigh! Huzzah! I don't know how "nigh", but well, it's getting there. And that's a load off my mind. Best case scenario would be finishing these before school starts at the end of August, but I have a Bridal Shower to plan for my best friend, a wedding to attend, a 21st birthday to celebrate (*ahem* MINE!), Summer Wake 2003 to prepare for and a trip to Vegas to try to slam together. So, we'll see, now won't we? Now shoo! Go read before I bore you to tears!
DISCLAIMER :: Sailor Moon blah blah blah Tuxie blah blah blah blah no money blah blah blah Naoko Takeuchi blah Taoi blah blah blah..
slr_europa@yahoo.com
cielenvoye@yahoo.com
*********************************** Rouge Chapter VI
By Sailor Europa
Mamoru tapped his pencil absently, garnering some agitated looks from his peers around him. He glanced back at the clock again. 5 minutes left. He hated Philosophy. He didn't understand a thing about this way of looking at the world. He had always been very cut and dry - no in betweens.
"Your papers will be returned the next time we meet. I've been relatively pleased with each one, thus far. Keep up the good work."
Heaving a great sigh of relief, Mamoru picked up his textbook and shoved his pencil behind his ear and made it to the exit before anyone else was even able to leave their seat. He was a model pupil, normally - he liked school. But today he had something he wanted to do.
It took him only a few minutes to jog over to the English building from his previous class. Just as he was huffing over the slight nip in the air, sucking in breathes, he spotted the dusty blonde head of his friend, bobbing above most of the other departing college students. He picked up his pace again, shifting the weight of his books to the other arm in the process.
"Andrew!"
The other man turned immediately and gave the customary head bob of acknowledgement as he paused, turning to face the approaching Mamoru.
"Hey Chiba, what's up?" He prodded warmly, slapping his friend on the shoulder as he pulled in. "Cold enough for ya'?
"No, I prefer my fingers falling off, actually." Mamoru joked, although feeling as though it was slightly forced. He sobered up within a few seconds, and hesitated on how to begin this conversation.
"What's going on? You feel like grabbing some lunch?" Andrew suggested, beginning his gait again, toward the busy college intersection. Mamoru nodded. That would be a good setting; at least they'd have time to discuss it. Of course, if Andrew didn't like the idea, things could get uncomfortable awfully quick.
"Yeah, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something." Mamoru said seriously, and Andrew nodded, not looking a bit surprised.
"What? You mean you didn't miss me?" Andrew gasped in mock surprise. Mamoru rolled his eyes. "You're such a heart-breaker, Chiba Mamoru.."
"Oh, shove it, Andy." Mamoru chuckled and shoved the blonde. "If I pay for lunch, will you be serious enough to be honest for once in your life?"
"You're gonna pay? How generous. Especially knowing how hard up I am for money." He replied and Mamoru snorted a laugh. It was no secret how well off the American was, especially compared to most of the exchange students they were surrounded by. Andrew was constantly being accosted by sob stories from Mamoru's roomies, hoping for a hand out. And Andrew usually gave in. Mamoru had to give that to him - he wasn't the snob most wealthy people were.
But by offering to pay, Andrew understood immediately how dire Mamoru was in need of advice. He glanced at his companion in his periphery as they strolled casually to the diner not too far off campus. It wasn't expensive, but it was fairly deserted until classes ended for the day. Most students frequented quicker joints in between lessons.
Mamoru was definitely distracted, but Andrew couldn't help noticing that he wasn't distressed like he had been the last time they talked. Whatever it was, Mamoru was happier, albeit a bit sidetracked.
They went immediately to a booth in the back, and Mamoru stared absently at the menu on the table before clutching his hands in his lap anxiously. Andrew looked up.
"OK, spill it."
"I kissed her."
"Excuse me?" Andrew blinked. The words soaked in, and he wondered just exactly what the three of them meant. He had a few ideas, but Mamoru would explain himself if Andrew had to drag it out of him.
"I kissed her."
"OK. Is that all you wanted to tell me? Are you bragging?"
"No!" Mamoru gasped, visibly disgusted at the idea.
"Well then, what exactly do you want me to say? Congratulations?"
"I want.. I dunno. I want you to tell me I'm not a complete jack ass and that it wasn't the worst thing I could have done."
"The worst thing? No, it's not the worst thing. You could strip down to your skivvies and jump into the lap pool right now - that'd be pretty bad. You could moon Dr. Burnette during the next Psych lecture - that'd rank right up there." He chided, and Mamoru clenched his jaw at Andrew's sarcastic tone. "So no, it wasn't the worst thing. But I'll be honest, I really think you made a big mistake."
"Why? What did I do that was so horrible?" Mamoru spoke in hushed tones, but Andrew could tell that he wanted to bellow it out from his lungs. "Is it because of what she happens to do -."
"Chiba, you're leaving in three months! What's going to happen then?"
Mamoru was silent. He had thought of that, but he'd pushed it away every time the inkling snuck into his mind. He was playing with explosives here - and in a few weeks, he knew they were going to go off. He couldn't stop it.
"Does she realize that you aren't here for good? Have you told her that?" Andrew barked under his breath, irritated that his friend wasn't using the intelligence he knew he had. "You are getting emotionally involved in a situation that you have no ultimate control over. And worse, you know it has to end at some point! From what little you've told me, the girl needs help; maybe even professional help. She'd be better off with a therapist than a date." He sighed, shaking his head before continuing.
"Look, Mamoru, I think it's admirable that you're trying to help her. And I could tell before this incident ever happened, that you had deeper feelings for this girl than you were willing to admit. But you have got to be realistic here. You're offering a temporary solution - and it has the potential of doing more harm than good in the long run.
"You want her to be stable, right? You want to see her turn her life around. This isn't going to do that, no matter how good it feels." Andrew paused, gauging his friends' emotions at this point before continuing.
"Bottom line - taking this step was selfish. You can go home at the end of the semester and you can say you had a fling." Mamoru's eyes flashed as his head snapped to attention at the last word. Andrew held up his hand. "But this girl is going to feel empty. And given enough time, she could even feel used."
Mamoru let the words sink in and he put his forehead in his hands and sighed. He knew his friend was right; at least technically. But he couldn't explain that it felt like the right thing to do. Things were volatile right now, that was for sure, but Mamoru had to believe that it WOULD work out in the end. If he had indeed done the right thing, he had to trust his instincts; listen to his gut. And both his gut and his instincts said he was on the right track. But he knew that an explanation like that wouldn't likely appease his friend.
"I'm sorry, man, but you wanted me to be honest." Andrew said after the long pause and Mamoru nodded, still not able to look him in the eyes. He stared now at the blustery day outside the window to his left and squinted, not sure what he was looking for. The answer, he assumed.
"I can't take it back now, though." Mamoru finally said, a twinge of regret in his voice. Andrew was frank as he weighed the situation in his mind.
"Yeah, I know." He paused as a thought came to mind. "Does that mean you want to?"
"No." Mamoru replied simply. It pained Andrew to hear the emotion behind that simple word, and he really did hate to see such a good friend go through such an emotional roller coaster. He thought of Mamoru very highly; he'd admired his integrity, and even though he'd mocked his anxiety over his "incidents" at the Wall, Andrew could tell from the way Mamoru fretted that he was a man of high moral character and someone who took his values very seriously. So it was a real shock to see him make such a huge mistake, at least in Andrew's book. Mamoru, in his mind, should know better.
"So what are you going to do?" He asked, simply.
"I can't just end it. Not now." Mamoru stated resolutely, and Andrew sighed.
"You're playing with fire here, Chiba."
"I'm not playing at all." Mamoru bit out violently, fists clutched angrily so that his knuckles turned white under the pressure. Andrew's eyes widened in fear. Not for himself, but for Mamoru. He hadn't been able to put his finger on what seemed amiss with his companion earlier, but only one thing could make a man react this strongly, and it hit him suddenly now, as clear as day.
"You're in love with her."
Mamoru's hands unclenched and his shoulders began to sag in defeat. Andrew suspected that he hadn't been able to admit it to himself, but now that it was on the table, he wasn't about to deny it.
"Man, Mamoru, you sure know how to complicate a simple trip abroad." Andrew chided, resulting in a half grin from the solemn man across from him.
"I don't know how this happened. I really don't." Mamoru said finally, shaking his head. Andrew shrugged.
"You never do. Fate usually has a hand in it, though."
"You are completely right though. I'm in way over my head, and now.." He sighed and leaned back. "I couldn't get out, even if I wanted to."
"When did it go from wanting to help her to falling this hard?" Andrew inquired honestly. He, himself, had a fiancé waiting for him back home, but it had taken years to love and trust her as much as he did. In the amount of time it had taken Mamoru to meet, court and fall in love with this girl, Andrew would still have been trying to muster up the courage to ask for a third date.
"I don't know. It was this compulsive need to save her from her horrible life to begin with, and then. I dunno. That eventually became just an excuse to see her. I just." He trailed off, shaking his head in amazement. "I still want to help her, but for very different reasons."
"Yeah, sounds like it." Andrew mused.
"I still have to talk to her about all this though. I mean, she knows that I'm only around for a limited time, but.." Again, his words failed him and he closed his eyes, feeling the breakdown already. "There are so many things that are going to make it unbearable to leave at the end of the semester."
"Well, I think that's starting out right, though. If you both understand the gravity of the situation from the get-go, you still have a few months to figure out what to do when the time comes." Andrew stated rationally. "As long as you guys are realistic about it all."
"I guess." Mamoru mumbled reluctantly. "I've really gotten myself into a mess here, haven't I?" He asked, looking his friend in the eyes for the first time since they sat down.
"Yeah, but love has never been easy. You're not the exception, my friend."
"Wonderful. That makes me feel so much better."
"Misery loves company, Chiba. And you've got a lot."
*****
"Hey, Chiba! Where you been?" Nicholas chided, slapping the brunette roughly on the back within moments of his entrance into the hostel. "We're just about to hit the club. You feel like chasing some skirts with us?" Mamoru could hardly hide the scowl he felt prompted to offer in reply. Instead, he just shook his head and removed the scarf from his neck and trotted up the stairs without a word. In his male pride he was satisfied that they thought enough to invite him, but the rest of his common sense just cringed. He was glad though, that Nicholas didn't traipse after him in effort to coerce him into relenting. He'd, thankfully, given up that hobby within a few weeks of Mamoru's arrival.
Opening the door to his shared room, he exhaled loudly, content to be away from the crowd of testosterone that surrounded him elsewhere in the pad. He'd been whittling away the hours in the park, trying hard not to think too much about his predicament, with little success. He knew that she'd be at work late into the night - it was a Friday, and she'd offered the information that "they turned enough money to buy and sell the property several times over" most Fridays. The thought turned his stomach and as he dragged his feet heavily along the sidewalks, he could hardly stop the disgusting images from entering his head. He'd never liked the idea of her being subject to the regular perverts that must come around, but now he was absolutely petrified for her. Call it possessive, but was having serious issues with "sharing" her with every Joe that happened to have 100 lying around.
When it had grown dark he wasn't sure he could trust his feet not to walk straight to the club, so he made his way back to the hostel with a heavy heart. He wanted to believe that there was a chance she might be spared tonight, be it from illness or an attack of her conscience, but he knew deep down that it wasn't likely. When the muffled sounds coming from the apes downstairs finally disappeared with the slam of the front door, he could feel the last of his tensions dissipate. He flopped lazily down on his bed, exhausted from his tortured thoughts, and closed his eyes. Sleep was impossible at that point, though - no matter how tired he was, he wouldn't be able to rest until he was sure she was no longer working. He'd even had to fight urges to meet her at 2 a.m., when she was officially "done", but knew she would never allow it. He wasn't positive, but he could imagine that there were rules about having personal relationships with clients. In this business, just being involved with someone romantically could endanger a profit. And Usagi, Mamoru mused masochistically, must turn quite a pretty profit.
He groaned at that thought and turned on his side, glaring at the glowing digits on the clock. Only 9 P.M. He covered his face with his hands and sighed in agony.
It was going to be a long night.
*****
"Hey."
"Hey yourself."
It was early, yet somewhat reluctantly, that Mamoru hauled his aching bones downstairs for breakfast. Despite it being a Saturday, half the occupants of the hostel were horsing around like they'd been up for hours. Mamoru glared at the crowded table in the kitchen and eagerly opted for a few pieces of toast on his way out. There was no way he could stomach the stories they'd all be waiting to expound upon. And since he nearly always stayed home rather than run with them each Friday, it was usually his ear that they wanted to bend. He was sure most of the crap they bragged about was embellished, if not an outright lie. But that didn't mean he wanted to hear about it. It still made him nauseous.
"Chiba! You're just in time! Wanna hear about the blonde I sacked?"
He was glad he had his back turned, because he was pretty sure he would have retched had he seen what he imagined was a glowing expression. Stifling a snarl beneath an indifferent tone, Mamoru tried to reply as nicely as possible.
"Have I ever wanted to?"
"You're just jealous."
The comment was meant as a joke, but it was all Mamoru could do to squelch the rage that was beginning to peak from his usual cool exterior. He couldn't tell if it was because of his clandestine activities or what, but he was finding it harder and harder to tolerate the Neanderthals he had to live with this semester. Was the rest of the male population this brain dead? How had he missed it all these years? And what gene was he missing that made him such a polar opposite?
The group began to ignore him as soon as he had voiced his distaste, and he drowned out the din of their conversation behind him as he stuffed a piece of toasted bread into his mouth and swallowed. He quickly downed a glass of juice and was out the door without so much as a glance backwards.
*****
"I missed you."
It was all Mamoru could do to even say those words. Usagi, looking somehow even more innocent and pure under pancake make-up and dark eyeliner, blushed.
"This is the only thing that got me through last night." She sighed, nestling her forehead into the crook of his neck. He had to catch his breath and exhale slowly, despite how quickly he seemed to breath whenever she was this near. They'd never really agreed that he would keep coming to the club just to see her, paying the money just to spend an hour talking. But she knew that as long as she was employed in this manner, and as long as he felt this way about her (and she still wasn't sure she believed that latter part would last), he would find a way to buy an hour of her time, whenever he could. She tried not to think about it, because when she thought of all the money he'd already spent, she was wracked with guilt. At one hundred per hour. well, that was a small fortune, and Mamoru was nothing but a college student. Her forehead wrinkled involuntarily; she sure was an expensive date.
"How're you doing?" He whispered tenderly. With no hint of lust or innuendo in his voice, she still shivered. Lust and desire were commonplace in all honesty, while genuine concern and compassion were nothing short of provocative. Usagi was used to feeling her body awaken under a soft caress from skillful fingers, but the sensation of her heart blossoming under the gentle guidance of another was, in her mind, new and much more exciting.
"I'm OK."
He could sense he reluctance to talk about work, so he pulled back, leaving his arms around her waist and taking a good, long look at her. Despite the dark red that stained her cheeks while he drank her in, he couldn't ignore the smile that decorated her face in a way that cosmetics never could. He couldn't stop his own grin from replying to hers, knowing no words would suffice.
"Your hair is down."
"Hm?"
He ran a hand through the insanely long locks that normally were wrapped up in twin buns on either side of her head. She ducked her head and nodded.
"I wanted to try something new." She said shyly. He tugged playfully on a fistful and she yelped. Her lower lip protruded and she scowled in mock disdain.
"I like it." He pulled her close again and planted a kiss on her forehead. "But I think I'd like you even if you shaved it all off." She giggled.
"You say that now.."
"Well, I say that, secretly hoping that you don't." He chuckled. She leaned into him once again, drinking in his scent. It was wonderful. He didn't smell like most men that came through the club's doors. Most bathed in cologne it seemed. But Mamoru had such a distinct aroma; it was like soap and linen. He smelled clean and pure; unpolluted. Inhaling the familiar odor of Mamoru after living in such a contaminated hellhole was like breathing fresh air after a life of smoking. She felt clean just by association.
For a few moments he just held her, and Usagi just drowned in him, completely unaware of anything else. She'd never understood emotions before now, she realized. For so long, 'love' was a physical reaction - it was nothing more than stimulation coming from an outside supply. Her body automatically reacted to being touched. It had felt good; she couldn't deny that. But now it was her core that seemed to stir; her soul was reacting and relating; yearning to touch and be touched. The stimulation of intercourse was piercing and short-lived; it ebbed moments after reaching fever pitch. But this. whatever this was she was going through, was running her ragged. Every time she thought she couldn't feel anymore, just when she believed that she'd experienced the peak of this emotion, it would be surpassed and she'd have to catch her breath before she went on. She was crawling on her hands and knees at this point; it was exhausting! But she had no choice but to go on; she couldn't imagine giving up now and being satisfied. If there was more (and she was sure there was), she wanted in on it.
The progression was growing so natural that Usagi didn't even notice that Mamoru's gentle stroke had grown eager and more intense. The familiar sensation of her body awakening to answer the call of another's seemed to take over. She looked up into dark eyes that stirred with a hunger akin to what she recognized inside her own mind. The scene was reminiscent of what had played out a few weeks before. She remembered it all so well, but she couldn't even imagine it feeling this good. She was satisfied to a point, and yet they hadn't even kissed since he walked through that door tonight. She was heavy from the amazement of feeling so much before hardly anything had taken place.
No words were exchanged as a slow and methodical procession of kisses were draped down her nose, lips, chin... Mamoru paused, taking a shaky breath as his lips hovered over her neck. The explosion of warm air as he exhaled slowly caused her to catch her own breath, and she shivered. She wasn't even thinking about where this path was taking her; she wasn't looking towards the goal like she normally would. She had never imagined that each step could be just as exhilarating as the destination.
Without thinking, Mamoru pressed his anxious mouth to the smooth, unblemished skin of her neck, knowing that he was diving into waters that he'd dared not tread before. The escalation was almost unstoppable now; he'd crossed a line and let himself set into motion a chain of events that he knew he likely wouldn't be able to forget about until it was allowed to reach completion. And what was more important was that he wanted nothing more than to see it through. His animal instincts were taking over, and he wondered if he could trust them. The last thing he wanted was for Usagi to find any kind of parallel between him and the other men who came into her chambers.
He cast his fears aside, pressing them into a locked corner of his mind, as she mindlessly wove her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. He pushed a hand behind her throat, urging her head back, making the flesh more accessible to his hungry lips. He felt ravenous; a malnourished bum who'd been offered a banquet. She closed her eyes slowly, completely lost in it all. It wasn't just her body he had taken over; he now possessed her, heart and soul.
Unable to think about anything else, he pulled away, arms aching to be free. The sheer lace camisole she was wearing drove him to insanity and with deft fingers driven only by desire he freed each button, exposing thin arms and a body encased only by a thin silk tank. He pulled her close again, the inches between their two bodies making him crazy. He placed a flat hand to the small of her back, drawing her into a kiss that was nothing short of breathtaking, breaking away only long enough to give equal attention to the flesh on the opposite side of neck. Her eyes never stirred; she couldn't help thinking that she didn't need to see him with her eyes. His touch was much more poignant.
Mamoru could hardly stand it a second longer and within a moment he was sinking against the mattress, still drinking her in greedily, his mind completely on autopilot. The crook of her neck, between her shoulder and throat, beckoned him and he let his mouth travel downwards. His eyes drifted shut, and he let his other senses take over. He let the pressure intensify, and he cradled her head gently, coaxing her closer. His lips forced themselves deeper into the skin, and he could feel her body reflexively react with a shudder. He continued in the same manner, barely letting a similar reaction on her part register in his brain. His body was so driven towards the goal that it wasn't until that she shuddered violently a third time that an alarm finally registered in his skull. Not able to completely let the desire recede, he pulled away, his lips reluctantly leaving the exposed flesh of her lower throat. She lay beneath him on the mattress, light barely able to reach the spot that seemed to sensitive, but there was enough for a discoloration on the soft tissue to be apparent. Usagi was so caught up in the intensity of the setting that she didn't notice the abrupt change in mood until he was a good foot above her, cradling her neck in his massive hand. Her eyes flew open, disposition dropping like a stone in the ocean. He studied her neck intensely, and she could feel the blood drop from her face. He pulled her to a sitting position next to him, and drew her hair to other side, the pale light from the bedside lamp hitting the discolored bruising full on. "What the hell happened, Usagi?" He bit out, his voice a mixture of pain and anger. He let his hand drop silently to the bed, almost as if he was afraid he too might inflict such damage on her delicate skin. The flurry of emotion that had just a few moments ago raged inside his eyes was replaced by concern and hurt. "Rough night last night." She said meekly, pulling her hands around her exposed arms. She shivered, suddenly feeling naked and vulnerable, despite still being fully clothed. Mamoru's gaze hardened in shock. "You mean one of your clients did this to you?!"
Usagi couldn't manage words, but she bit her lips and looked down, and that was enough of a response for him. He inhaled silently and climbed off the bed, suddenly finding himself unable to sit still. He paced, wiping his hands over his face anxiously. He couldn't think of a thing to say; the disgust he felt was overwhelming and defied explanation. Unlike his previous similar experience though, the revulsion wasn't directed at himself - it was at the situation in general. And despite how the circumstances that surrounded Usagi affected him, and not in a positive way, he knew that the desire to be with her was stronger than ever. It had grown from a need to protect to into affection and just recently into an uncontrollable attraction that included a potent combination of the previous two. He loved her. The longing to be with her was only natural, and tonight was just a reminder of that. But he was finding that there were constant reminders that nagged him; made him rethink the road he was taking with her. He claimed to love her, and yet he was ready to jump into an area of their relationship that was incredibly sensitive and delicate without so much as even a second thought.
"Mamoru?"
"Hm?" His thoughts were broken, and he abruptly looked back at her, still sitting on the four-poster bed, holding herself tightly. Her cheeks reddened again and she shook her head.
"Nothing. You just weren't saying anything." She inhaled suddenly, choking back fear and holding in tears. "I wondered if you were mad. at me."
His shoulders sagged and he shook his head quickly, chastising himself for momentarily forgetting her. His eyes softened and he could see relief flood her expression. Mamoru mentally berated himself for making her worry about his reaction, realizing that she must have been comparing the nights events to that infamous night they met when his mood had shifted so violently that he'd left her on the floor of the room in tears. He couldn't even believe that only a few weeks prior. It seemed like a million and one nights ago.
"It's not you, Usagi. I swear, I could never be angry at you." He moved to her side and sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked her cheek gently, all desire and hunger gone. Usagi marveled at how fulfilling a simple touch could be. "This is just another reminder of how much I despise the situation you put yourself in." His jaw tightened as a he fought of the rage that began to boil inside him. "The idea that some bastard.."
"Mamoru."
She trailed off, and Mamoru sighed dejectedly and shook his head. Nothing she could possibly say would ease the pain he was feeling, and deep down, she knew that.
"My hour's up." He said abruptly, glancing at the clock. She bit her lip, fighting tears. He got back on his feet and stared at the door, mouth set in a tight line. Usagi watched him obliviously, wondering what he was thinking, fearing that he might be considering walking out and never coming back. She wasn't sure how she would handle that, if she even could. Mamoru hadn't been in her life more than a month and she was already depending on him way too much.
He started towards the door, deep in thought, and Usagi scrambled off the mattress in tow. He paused just feet from the exit and stared at the knob. She stood silently before him, not sure what to say. She was overwhelmed by the anxiety that the thought of never seeing him again caused her, but she wasn't sure that begging would do any good. If she thought there was even a chance it might, she'd do it all night. But Mamoru wasn't likely to be swayed by crocodile tears.
He exhaled loudly, and without thinking, Usagi launched herself into his arms, knocking him momentarily off balance. She refused to cry or sob, but it was a fight. She didn't want his pity; she wanted his love. And if he agreed to be with her because he couldn't stand to see her tears, it would never be the same. He had to want to stay.
Mamoru's heart grew heavier as the seconds ticked on and the silence grew deafening. He knew that if he returned her embrace that he'd never be able to let go, but as she clung to him, not possessively but affectionately, his grip on her torso clenched. He needed her as much as she needed him.
"Please don't go." She whispered, her tone devoid of desire or selfishness. The words were spoken from a need, and because of that her tone was calm. The need was obvious and she knew that the love they shared meant he had to fulfill it. If he loved her, he had no choice but to answer in the like.
"Never."
*****
The night had been a roller coaster.
An hour later, Mamoru closed the door to the room behind him. He'd stayed twice as long as normal, and even though the mood never changed from the moment before he almost departed, he was incredibly satisfied. He'd made the decision not to meet her at the club anymore, for fear of succumbing to the temptation of doing something he'd regret. His desire for Usagi was much more than physical attraction; he didn't want just sex. He wanted to make love to her, and in a way that made him burn up from the inside out. But that wasn't going to happen with the circumstances the way they were now. He wouldn't let it happen. It would upset the delicate balance that they needed to maintain their senses; if they let their animalistic lusts take over (as tempting as it was), they would lose all respect for the mutual love they shared at the deeper level. Soon the physical pleasures would take priority, and then their relationship would be nothing above what she received money for. He respected her, and he was determined to preserve that. As much as he desired her, his love was ten times stronger.
He kept his head down and tried not to look anyone in the eyes as he trotted towards the front door. As soon as he was back in crisp, open Amsterdam air, he stopped in his tracks, knees momentarily weak. The real world assaulted him, and he closed his eyes, reluctant to go back to his barren room at the hostel, devoid of any emotion. If he had the money, he would have laid it all down to make sure his delicate Usagi was kept from harms way the rest of the night, but as it was Usagi had given him the extra 100 for the second hour. He hadn't expected that, but he was grateful. She said she felt bad, seeing him lay down a small fortune and not get anything in return. He hadn't said it, but he was sure he was getting something. Maybe nothing tangible, but it was worth more than all the money he had.
Shaking his head and opening his eyes, and sucked in a breath, stepping away from the door and intending on heading back home before he heard the footsteps to his left.
"Well well well, look what the cat dragged out.."
He whirled around, the annoying British accent grating attacking his ears, just in time to see half a dozen college guys walk into Usagi's club, the ring leader none other than his roommate, Nicholas.
"I hope you had a good time."
*********************************** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I just have to have that somewhere in my AN's. I don't even know why I do it anymore.
Anyway, I hate the way this ended, but I needed some kind of cliffhanger, and I wasn't sure where else I could cut it off, so.. Oh well. It's done, and I'm happy. Lemme know what you think!
ciel_envoye@yahoo.com
slr_europa@yahoo.com
Yeah, thanks a lot! Now I can't just retire from fandom like I had planned on!
/melodramatic rant
I honestly do plan on finishing this story, along with the dreaded "Need Me", "Love Through Time" (that'll take a miracle), and "Teachers Pet".
"."
I DO plan on it! I swear!
*random snickers from the three hecklers that have stuck around for the decline of 'ropa's FF career, from "sad" to "pathetically non-existent"*
Anyway, this is chapter six, and I'm getting to the parts that I had planned for the ending, so if you put 2 & 2 together, you'd realize that means that the end is nigh! Huzzah! I don't know how "nigh", but well, it's getting there. And that's a load off my mind. Best case scenario would be finishing these before school starts at the end of August, but I have a Bridal Shower to plan for my best friend, a wedding to attend, a 21st birthday to celebrate (*ahem* MINE!), Summer Wake 2003 to prepare for and a trip to Vegas to try to slam together. So, we'll see, now won't we? Now shoo! Go read before I bore you to tears!
DISCLAIMER :: Sailor Moon blah blah blah Tuxie blah blah blah blah no money blah blah blah Naoko Takeuchi blah Taoi blah blah blah..
slr_europa@yahoo.com
cielenvoye@yahoo.com
*********************************** Rouge Chapter VI
By Sailor Europa
Mamoru tapped his pencil absently, garnering some agitated looks from his peers around him. He glanced back at the clock again. 5 minutes left. He hated Philosophy. He didn't understand a thing about this way of looking at the world. He had always been very cut and dry - no in betweens.
"Your papers will be returned the next time we meet. I've been relatively pleased with each one, thus far. Keep up the good work."
Heaving a great sigh of relief, Mamoru picked up his textbook and shoved his pencil behind his ear and made it to the exit before anyone else was even able to leave their seat. He was a model pupil, normally - he liked school. But today he had something he wanted to do.
It took him only a few minutes to jog over to the English building from his previous class. Just as he was huffing over the slight nip in the air, sucking in breathes, he spotted the dusty blonde head of his friend, bobbing above most of the other departing college students. He picked up his pace again, shifting the weight of his books to the other arm in the process.
"Andrew!"
The other man turned immediately and gave the customary head bob of acknowledgement as he paused, turning to face the approaching Mamoru.
"Hey Chiba, what's up?" He prodded warmly, slapping his friend on the shoulder as he pulled in. "Cold enough for ya'?
"No, I prefer my fingers falling off, actually." Mamoru joked, although feeling as though it was slightly forced. He sobered up within a few seconds, and hesitated on how to begin this conversation.
"What's going on? You feel like grabbing some lunch?" Andrew suggested, beginning his gait again, toward the busy college intersection. Mamoru nodded. That would be a good setting; at least they'd have time to discuss it. Of course, if Andrew didn't like the idea, things could get uncomfortable awfully quick.
"Yeah, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something." Mamoru said seriously, and Andrew nodded, not looking a bit surprised.
"What? You mean you didn't miss me?" Andrew gasped in mock surprise. Mamoru rolled his eyes. "You're such a heart-breaker, Chiba Mamoru.."
"Oh, shove it, Andy." Mamoru chuckled and shoved the blonde. "If I pay for lunch, will you be serious enough to be honest for once in your life?"
"You're gonna pay? How generous. Especially knowing how hard up I am for money." He replied and Mamoru snorted a laugh. It was no secret how well off the American was, especially compared to most of the exchange students they were surrounded by. Andrew was constantly being accosted by sob stories from Mamoru's roomies, hoping for a hand out. And Andrew usually gave in. Mamoru had to give that to him - he wasn't the snob most wealthy people were.
But by offering to pay, Andrew understood immediately how dire Mamoru was in need of advice. He glanced at his companion in his periphery as they strolled casually to the diner not too far off campus. It wasn't expensive, but it was fairly deserted until classes ended for the day. Most students frequented quicker joints in between lessons.
Mamoru was definitely distracted, but Andrew couldn't help noticing that he wasn't distressed like he had been the last time they talked. Whatever it was, Mamoru was happier, albeit a bit sidetracked.
They went immediately to a booth in the back, and Mamoru stared absently at the menu on the table before clutching his hands in his lap anxiously. Andrew looked up.
"OK, spill it."
"I kissed her."
"Excuse me?" Andrew blinked. The words soaked in, and he wondered just exactly what the three of them meant. He had a few ideas, but Mamoru would explain himself if Andrew had to drag it out of him.
"I kissed her."
"OK. Is that all you wanted to tell me? Are you bragging?"
"No!" Mamoru gasped, visibly disgusted at the idea.
"Well then, what exactly do you want me to say? Congratulations?"
"I want.. I dunno. I want you to tell me I'm not a complete jack ass and that it wasn't the worst thing I could have done."
"The worst thing? No, it's not the worst thing. You could strip down to your skivvies and jump into the lap pool right now - that'd be pretty bad. You could moon Dr. Burnette during the next Psych lecture - that'd rank right up there." He chided, and Mamoru clenched his jaw at Andrew's sarcastic tone. "So no, it wasn't the worst thing. But I'll be honest, I really think you made a big mistake."
"Why? What did I do that was so horrible?" Mamoru spoke in hushed tones, but Andrew could tell that he wanted to bellow it out from his lungs. "Is it because of what she happens to do -."
"Chiba, you're leaving in three months! What's going to happen then?"
Mamoru was silent. He had thought of that, but he'd pushed it away every time the inkling snuck into his mind. He was playing with explosives here - and in a few weeks, he knew they were going to go off. He couldn't stop it.
"Does she realize that you aren't here for good? Have you told her that?" Andrew barked under his breath, irritated that his friend wasn't using the intelligence he knew he had. "You are getting emotionally involved in a situation that you have no ultimate control over. And worse, you know it has to end at some point! From what little you've told me, the girl needs help; maybe even professional help. She'd be better off with a therapist than a date." He sighed, shaking his head before continuing.
"Look, Mamoru, I think it's admirable that you're trying to help her. And I could tell before this incident ever happened, that you had deeper feelings for this girl than you were willing to admit. But you have got to be realistic here. You're offering a temporary solution - and it has the potential of doing more harm than good in the long run.
"You want her to be stable, right? You want to see her turn her life around. This isn't going to do that, no matter how good it feels." Andrew paused, gauging his friends' emotions at this point before continuing.
"Bottom line - taking this step was selfish. You can go home at the end of the semester and you can say you had a fling." Mamoru's eyes flashed as his head snapped to attention at the last word. Andrew held up his hand. "But this girl is going to feel empty. And given enough time, she could even feel used."
Mamoru let the words sink in and he put his forehead in his hands and sighed. He knew his friend was right; at least technically. But he couldn't explain that it felt like the right thing to do. Things were volatile right now, that was for sure, but Mamoru had to believe that it WOULD work out in the end. If he had indeed done the right thing, he had to trust his instincts; listen to his gut. And both his gut and his instincts said he was on the right track. But he knew that an explanation like that wouldn't likely appease his friend.
"I'm sorry, man, but you wanted me to be honest." Andrew said after the long pause and Mamoru nodded, still not able to look him in the eyes. He stared now at the blustery day outside the window to his left and squinted, not sure what he was looking for. The answer, he assumed.
"I can't take it back now, though." Mamoru finally said, a twinge of regret in his voice. Andrew was frank as he weighed the situation in his mind.
"Yeah, I know." He paused as a thought came to mind. "Does that mean you want to?"
"No." Mamoru replied simply. It pained Andrew to hear the emotion behind that simple word, and he really did hate to see such a good friend go through such an emotional roller coaster. He thought of Mamoru very highly; he'd admired his integrity, and even though he'd mocked his anxiety over his "incidents" at the Wall, Andrew could tell from the way Mamoru fretted that he was a man of high moral character and someone who took his values very seriously. So it was a real shock to see him make such a huge mistake, at least in Andrew's book. Mamoru, in his mind, should know better.
"So what are you going to do?" He asked, simply.
"I can't just end it. Not now." Mamoru stated resolutely, and Andrew sighed.
"You're playing with fire here, Chiba."
"I'm not playing at all." Mamoru bit out violently, fists clutched angrily so that his knuckles turned white under the pressure. Andrew's eyes widened in fear. Not for himself, but for Mamoru. He hadn't been able to put his finger on what seemed amiss with his companion earlier, but only one thing could make a man react this strongly, and it hit him suddenly now, as clear as day.
"You're in love with her."
Mamoru's hands unclenched and his shoulders began to sag in defeat. Andrew suspected that he hadn't been able to admit it to himself, but now that it was on the table, he wasn't about to deny it.
"Man, Mamoru, you sure know how to complicate a simple trip abroad." Andrew chided, resulting in a half grin from the solemn man across from him.
"I don't know how this happened. I really don't." Mamoru said finally, shaking his head. Andrew shrugged.
"You never do. Fate usually has a hand in it, though."
"You are completely right though. I'm in way over my head, and now.." He sighed and leaned back. "I couldn't get out, even if I wanted to."
"When did it go from wanting to help her to falling this hard?" Andrew inquired honestly. He, himself, had a fiancé waiting for him back home, but it had taken years to love and trust her as much as he did. In the amount of time it had taken Mamoru to meet, court and fall in love with this girl, Andrew would still have been trying to muster up the courage to ask for a third date.
"I don't know. It was this compulsive need to save her from her horrible life to begin with, and then. I dunno. That eventually became just an excuse to see her. I just." He trailed off, shaking his head in amazement. "I still want to help her, but for very different reasons."
"Yeah, sounds like it." Andrew mused.
"I still have to talk to her about all this though. I mean, she knows that I'm only around for a limited time, but.." Again, his words failed him and he closed his eyes, feeling the breakdown already. "There are so many things that are going to make it unbearable to leave at the end of the semester."
"Well, I think that's starting out right, though. If you both understand the gravity of the situation from the get-go, you still have a few months to figure out what to do when the time comes." Andrew stated rationally. "As long as you guys are realistic about it all."
"I guess." Mamoru mumbled reluctantly. "I've really gotten myself into a mess here, haven't I?" He asked, looking his friend in the eyes for the first time since they sat down.
"Yeah, but love has never been easy. You're not the exception, my friend."
"Wonderful. That makes me feel so much better."
"Misery loves company, Chiba. And you've got a lot."
*****
"Hey, Chiba! Where you been?" Nicholas chided, slapping the brunette roughly on the back within moments of his entrance into the hostel. "We're just about to hit the club. You feel like chasing some skirts with us?" Mamoru could hardly hide the scowl he felt prompted to offer in reply. Instead, he just shook his head and removed the scarf from his neck and trotted up the stairs without a word. In his male pride he was satisfied that they thought enough to invite him, but the rest of his common sense just cringed. He was glad though, that Nicholas didn't traipse after him in effort to coerce him into relenting. He'd, thankfully, given up that hobby within a few weeks of Mamoru's arrival.
Opening the door to his shared room, he exhaled loudly, content to be away from the crowd of testosterone that surrounded him elsewhere in the pad. He'd been whittling away the hours in the park, trying hard not to think too much about his predicament, with little success. He knew that she'd be at work late into the night - it was a Friday, and she'd offered the information that "they turned enough money to buy and sell the property several times over" most Fridays. The thought turned his stomach and as he dragged his feet heavily along the sidewalks, he could hardly stop the disgusting images from entering his head. He'd never liked the idea of her being subject to the regular perverts that must come around, but now he was absolutely petrified for her. Call it possessive, but was having serious issues with "sharing" her with every Joe that happened to have 100 lying around.
When it had grown dark he wasn't sure he could trust his feet not to walk straight to the club, so he made his way back to the hostel with a heavy heart. He wanted to believe that there was a chance she might be spared tonight, be it from illness or an attack of her conscience, but he knew deep down that it wasn't likely. When the muffled sounds coming from the apes downstairs finally disappeared with the slam of the front door, he could feel the last of his tensions dissipate. He flopped lazily down on his bed, exhausted from his tortured thoughts, and closed his eyes. Sleep was impossible at that point, though - no matter how tired he was, he wouldn't be able to rest until he was sure she was no longer working. He'd even had to fight urges to meet her at 2 a.m., when she was officially "done", but knew she would never allow it. He wasn't positive, but he could imagine that there were rules about having personal relationships with clients. In this business, just being involved with someone romantically could endanger a profit. And Usagi, Mamoru mused masochistically, must turn quite a pretty profit.
He groaned at that thought and turned on his side, glaring at the glowing digits on the clock. Only 9 P.M. He covered his face with his hands and sighed in agony.
It was going to be a long night.
*****
"Hey."
"Hey yourself."
It was early, yet somewhat reluctantly, that Mamoru hauled his aching bones downstairs for breakfast. Despite it being a Saturday, half the occupants of the hostel were horsing around like they'd been up for hours. Mamoru glared at the crowded table in the kitchen and eagerly opted for a few pieces of toast on his way out. There was no way he could stomach the stories they'd all be waiting to expound upon. And since he nearly always stayed home rather than run with them each Friday, it was usually his ear that they wanted to bend. He was sure most of the crap they bragged about was embellished, if not an outright lie. But that didn't mean he wanted to hear about it. It still made him nauseous.
"Chiba! You're just in time! Wanna hear about the blonde I sacked?"
He was glad he had his back turned, because he was pretty sure he would have retched had he seen what he imagined was a glowing expression. Stifling a snarl beneath an indifferent tone, Mamoru tried to reply as nicely as possible.
"Have I ever wanted to?"
"You're just jealous."
The comment was meant as a joke, but it was all Mamoru could do to squelch the rage that was beginning to peak from his usual cool exterior. He couldn't tell if it was because of his clandestine activities or what, but he was finding it harder and harder to tolerate the Neanderthals he had to live with this semester. Was the rest of the male population this brain dead? How had he missed it all these years? And what gene was he missing that made him such a polar opposite?
The group began to ignore him as soon as he had voiced his distaste, and he drowned out the din of their conversation behind him as he stuffed a piece of toasted bread into his mouth and swallowed. He quickly downed a glass of juice and was out the door without so much as a glance backwards.
*****
"I missed you."
It was all Mamoru could do to even say those words. Usagi, looking somehow even more innocent and pure under pancake make-up and dark eyeliner, blushed.
"This is the only thing that got me through last night." She sighed, nestling her forehead into the crook of his neck. He had to catch his breath and exhale slowly, despite how quickly he seemed to breath whenever she was this near. They'd never really agreed that he would keep coming to the club just to see her, paying the money just to spend an hour talking. But she knew that as long as she was employed in this manner, and as long as he felt this way about her (and she still wasn't sure she believed that latter part would last), he would find a way to buy an hour of her time, whenever he could. She tried not to think about it, because when she thought of all the money he'd already spent, she was wracked with guilt. At one hundred per hour. well, that was a small fortune, and Mamoru was nothing but a college student. Her forehead wrinkled involuntarily; she sure was an expensive date.
"How're you doing?" He whispered tenderly. With no hint of lust or innuendo in his voice, she still shivered. Lust and desire were commonplace in all honesty, while genuine concern and compassion were nothing short of provocative. Usagi was used to feeling her body awaken under a soft caress from skillful fingers, but the sensation of her heart blossoming under the gentle guidance of another was, in her mind, new and much more exciting.
"I'm OK."
He could sense he reluctance to talk about work, so he pulled back, leaving his arms around her waist and taking a good, long look at her. Despite the dark red that stained her cheeks while he drank her in, he couldn't ignore the smile that decorated her face in a way that cosmetics never could. He couldn't stop his own grin from replying to hers, knowing no words would suffice.
"Your hair is down."
"Hm?"
He ran a hand through the insanely long locks that normally were wrapped up in twin buns on either side of her head. She ducked her head and nodded.
"I wanted to try something new." She said shyly. He tugged playfully on a fistful and she yelped. Her lower lip protruded and she scowled in mock disdain.
"I like it." He pulled her close again and planted a kiss on her forehead. "But I think I'd like you even if you shaved it all off." She giggled.
"You say that now.."
"Well, I say that, secretly hoping that you don't." He chuckled. She leaned into him once again, drinking in his scent. It was wonderful. He didn't smell like most men that came through the club's doors. Most bathed in cologne it seemed. But Mamoru had such a distinct aroma; it was like soap and linen. He smelled clean and pure; unpolluted. Inhaling the familiar odor of Mamoru after living in such a contaminated hellhole was like breathing fresh air after a life of smoking. She felt clean just by association.
For a few moments he just held her, and Usagi just drowned in him, completely unaware of anything else. She'd never understood emotions before now, she realized. For so long, 'love' was a physical reaction - it was nothing more than stimulation coming from an outside supply. Her body automatically reacted to being touched. It had felt good; she couldn't deny that. But now it was her core that seemed to stir; her soul was reacting and relating; yearning to touch and be touched. The stimulation of intercourse was piercing and short-lived; it ebbed moments after reaching fever pitch. But this. whatever this was she was going through, was running her ragged. Every time she thought she couldn't feel anymore, just when she believed that she'd experienced the peak of this emotion, it would be surpassed and she'd have to catch her breath before she went on. She was crawling on her hands and knees at this point; it was exhausting! But she had no choice but to go on; she couldn't imagine giving up now and being satisfied. If there was more (and she was sure there was), she wanted in on it.
The progression was growing so natural that Usagi didn't even notice that Mamoru's gentle stroke had grown eager and more intense. The familiar sensation of her body awakening to answer the call of another's seemed to take over. She looked up into dark eyes that stirred with a hunger akin to what she recognized inside her own mind. The scene was reminiscent of what had played out a few weeks before. She remembered it all so well, but she couldn't even imagine it feeling this good. She was satisfied to a point, and yet they hadn't even kissed since he walked through that door tonight. She was heavy from the amazement of feeling so much before hardly anything had taken place.
No words were exchanged as a slow and methodical procession of kisses were draped down her nose, lips, chin... Mamoru paused, taking a shaky breath as his lips hovered over her neck. The explosion of warm air as he exhaled slowly caused her to catch her own breath, and she shivered. She wasn't even thinking about where this path was taking her; she wasn't looking towards the goal like she normally would. She had never imagined that each step could be just as exhilarating as the destination.
Without thinking, Mamoru pressed his anxious mouth to the smooth, unblemished skin of her neck, knowing that he was diving into waters that he'd dared not tread before. The escalation was almost unstoppable now; he'd crossed a line and let himself set into motion a chain of events that he knew he likely wouldn't be able to forget about until it was allowed to reach completion. And what was more important was that he wanted nothing more than to see it through. His animal instincts were taking over, and he wondered if he could trust them. The last thing he wanted was for Usagi to find any kind of parallel between him and the other men who came into her chambers.
He cast his fears aside, pressing them into a locked corner of his mind, as she mindlessly wove her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. He pushed a hand behind her throat, urging her head back, making the flesh more accessible to his hungry lips. He felt ravenous; a malnourished bum who'd been offered a banquet. She closed her eyes slowly, completely lost in it all. It wasn't just her body he had taken over; he now possessed her, heart and soul.
Unable to think about anything else, he pulled away, arms aching to be free. The sheer lace camisole she was wearing drove him to insanity and with deft fingers driven only by desire he freed each button, exposing thin arms and a body encased only by a thin silk tank. He pulled her close again, the inches between their two bodies making him crazy. He placed a flat hand to the small of her back, drawing her into a kiss that was nothing short of breathtaking, breaking away only long enough to give equal attention to the flesh on the opposite side of neck. Her eyes never stirred; she couldn't help thinking that she didn't need to see him with her eyes. His touch was much more poignant.
Mamoru could hardly stand it a second longer and within a moment he was sinking against the mattress, still drinking her in greedily, his mind completely on autopilot. The crook of her neck, between her shoulder and throat, beckoned him and he let his mouth travel downwards. His eyes drifted shut, and he let his other senses take over. He let the pressure intensify, and he cradled her head gently, coaxing her closer. His lips forced themselves deeper into the skin, and he could feel her body reflexively react with a shudder. He continued in the same manner, barely letting a similar reaction on her part register in his brain. His body was so driven towards the goal that it wasn't until that she shuddered violently a third time that an alarm finally registered in his skull. Not able to completely let the desire recede, he pulled away, his lips reluctantly leaving the exposed flesh of her lower throat. She lay beneath him on the mattress, light barely able to reach the spot that seemed to sensitive, but there was enough for a discoloration on the soft tissue to be apparent. Usagi was so caught up in the intensity of the setting that she didn't notice the abrupt change in mood until he was a good foot above her, cradling her neck in his massive hand. Her eyes flew open, disposition dropping like a stone in the ocean. He studied her neck intensely, and she could feel the blood drop from her face. He pulled her to a sitting position next to him, and drew her hair to other side, the pale light from the bedside lamp hitting the discolored bruising full on. "What the hell happened, Usagi?" He bit out, his voice a mixture of pain and anger. He let his hand drop silently to the bed, almost as if he was afraid he too might inflict such damage on her delicate skin. The flurry of emotion that had just a few moments ago raged inside his eyes was replaced by concern and hurt. "Rough night last night." She said meekly, pulling her hands around her exposed arms. She shivered, suddenly feeling naked and vulnerable, despite still being fully clothed. Mamoru's gaze hardened in shock. "You mean one of your clients did this to you?!"
Usagi couldn't manage words, but she bit her lips and looked down, and that was enough of a response for him. He inhaled silently and climbed off the bed, suddenly finding himself unable to sit still. He paced, wiping his hands over his face anxiously. He couldn't think of a thing to say; the disgust he felt was overwhelming and defied explanation. Unlike his previous similar experience though, the revulsion wasn't directed at himself - it was at the situation in general. And despite how the circumstances that surrounded Usagi affected him, and not in a positive way, he knew that the desire to be with her was stronger than ever. It had grown from a need to protect to into affection and just recently into an uncontrollable attraction that included a potent combination of the previous two. He loved her. The longing to be with her was only natural, and tonight was just a reminder of that. But he was finding that there were constant reminders that nagged him; made him rethink the road he was taking with her. He claimed to love her, and yet he was ready to jump into an area of their relationship that was incredibly sensitive and delicate without so much as even a second thought.
"Mamoru?"
"Hm?" His thoughts were broken, and he abruptly looked back at her, still sitting on the four-poster bed, holding herself tightly. Her cheeks reddened again and she shook her head.
"Nothing. You just weren't saying anything." She inhaled suddenly, choking back fear and holding in tears. "I wondered if you were mad. at me."
His shoulders sagged and he shook his head quickly, chastising himself for momentarily forgetting her. His eyes softened and he could see relief flood her expression. Mamoru mentally berated himself for making her worry about his reaction, realizing that she must have been comparing the nights events to that infamous night they met when his mood had shifted so violently that he'd left her on the floor of the room in tears. He couldn't even believe that only a few weeks prior. It seemed like a million and one nights ago.
"It's not you, Usagi. I swear, I could never be angry at you." He moved to her side and sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked her cheek gently, all desire and hunger gone. Usagi marveled at how fulfilling a simple touch could be. "This is just another reminder of how much I despise the situation you put yourself in." His jaw tightened as a he fought of the rage that began to boil inside him. "The idea that some bastard.."
"Mamoru."
She trailed off, and Mamoru sighed dejectedly and shook his head. Nothing she could possibly say would ease the pain he was feeling, and deep down, she knew that.
"My hour's up." He said abruptly, glancing at the clock. She bit her lip, fighting tears. He got back on his feet and stared at the door, mouth set in a tight line. Usagi watched him obliviously, wondering what he was thinking, fearing that he might be considering walking out and never coming back. She wasn't sure how she would handle that, if she even could. Mamoru hadn't been in her life more than a month and she was already depending on him way too much.
He started towards the door, deep in thought, and Usagi scrambled off the mattress in tow. He paused just feet from the exit and stared at the knob. She stood silently before him, not sure what to say. She was overwhelmed by the anxiety that the thought of never seeing him again caused her, but she wasn't sure that begging would do any good. If she thought there was even a chance it might, she'd do it all night. But Mamoru wasn't likely to be swayed by crocodile tears.
He exhaled loudly, and without thinking, Usagi launched herself into his arms, knocking him momentarily off balance. She refused to cry or sob, but it was a fight. She didn't want his pity; she wanted his love. And if he agreed to be with her because he couldn't stand to see her tears, it would never be the same. He had to want to stay.
Mamoru's heart grew heavier as the seconds ticked on and the silence grew deafening. He knew that if he returned her embrace that he'd never be able to let go, but as she clung to him, not possessively but affectionately, his grip on her torso clenched. He needed her as much as she needed him.
"Please don't go." She whispered, her tone devoid of desire or selfishness. The words were spoken from a need, and because of that her tone was calm. The need was obvious and she knew that the love they shared meant he had to fulfill it. If he loved her, he had no choice but to answer in the like.
"Never."
*****
The night had been a roller coaster.
An hour later, Mamoru closed the door to the room behind him. He'd stayed twice as long as normal, and even though the mood never changed from the moment before he almost departed, he was incredibly satisfied. He'd made the decision not to meet her at the club anymore, for fear of succumbing to the temptation of doing something he'd regret. His desire for Usagi was much more than physical attraction; he didn't want just sex. He wanted to make love to her, and in a way that made him burn up from the inside out. But that wasn't going to happen with the circumstances the way they were now. He wouldn't let it happen. It would upset the delicate balance that they needed to maintain their senses; if they let their animalistic lusts take over (as tempting as it was), they would lose all respect for the mutual love they shared at the deeper level. Soon the physical pleasures would take priority, and then their relationship would be nothing above what she received money for. He respected her, and he was determined to preserve that. As much as he desired her, his love was ten times stronger.
He kept his head down and tried not to look anyone in the eyes as he trotted towards the front door. As soon as he was back in crisp, open Amsterdam air, he stopped in his tracks, knees momentarily weak. The real world assaulted him, and he closed his eyes, reluctant to go back to his barren room at the hostel, devoid of any emotion. If he had the money, he would have laid it all down to make sure his delicate Usagi was kept from harms way the rest of the night, but as it was Usagi had given him the extra 100 for the second hour. He hadn't expected that, but he was grateful. She said she felt bad, seeing him lay down a small fortune and not get anything in return. He hadn't said it, but he was sure he was getting something. Maybe nothing tangible, but it was worth more than all the money he had.
Shaking his head and opening his eyes, and sucked in a breath, stepping away from the door and intending on heading back home before he heard the footsteps to his left.
"Well well well, look what the cat dragged out.."
He whirled around, the annoying British accent grating attacking his ears, just in time to see half a dozen college guys walk into Usagi's club, the ring leader none other than his roommate, Nicholas.
"I hope you had a good time."
*********************************** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I just have to have that somewhere in my AN's. I don't even know why I do it anymore.
Anyway, I hate the way this ended, but I needed some kind of cliffhanger, and I wasn't sure where else I could cut it off, so.. Oh well. It's done, and I'm happy. Lemme know what you think!
ciel_envoye@yahoo.com
slr_europa@yahoo.com