Title: How You Remind Me by Cat Lea
Rating: PG for M/M suggested or Implied Slash
Disclaimer: Don't own either wrestler or any thing else for that fact. I also don't own the song used that belongs to Nickleback and is "How You Remind Me". I also don't receive any money on this story. Because Hell I don't write well enough to ever do that. But at least I have fun doing it.
Author Notes: First of all for those of you who know my writings this is my first story that is not about the Brothers of Destruction. I needed a change but will be back to them soon. So please Read and Review. Also this is my first Slash or Slash implied so please be nice. And if offended then don't read it. Also flames are welcome because I have to have something to laugh at. Just kidding so please be nice though if you plan on flaming me. Also if you read chapter one then you also know that this is my first Raven story. So now onto the story but first I would like to take a moment to thanks to KazzaXTreme, Sweet-Steffie, Crys Skywalker, and Spy Elf for the great reviews. This chapter was because you all wanted it.
How You Remind Me
** Here I am sitting on the floor in my no our front room in our house. It's cool out side but not bad in here tonight. I have on a pair of my black leather pants and no shirt or shoes. I have the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting in my lap but haven't uncapped it yet and haven't decided if I even will be opening it. I have the stereo blasting and am playing the Nickleback Song How You Remind Me over and over. **
~~~ Fuck it all to hell. Once more he or no I guess to be fair I should say we are once more in the place in our relationship that I did promise him the last time that we would never be here again. That I would not push it to this point when you did something wrong or at least something that I felt you did wrong. So once more I let some little thing you did get to me and I know that I picked a fight with you. Why? I know that you didn't mean for it to go wrong. And once more I am sitting here with a bottle of Jack Daniels in my lap and you. You are sitting out in the cold without a jacket and hell almost without your shoes. But with a bottle of Southern Comfort which we both know that you shouldn't be drinking. Yeah I saw that you grabbed it off the counter as I through you out once more with the bruises on your face and body. The ones that once more I put there after not more then fifteen minutes before hand telling you that I loved you. From telling you that I loved you to telling you that you are the stupidest thing on this earth. And then of course I had to punctuate it with my fist and my feet before locking you out. And I know that you believe me because I believe it too Plus you believe that I wouldn't lie to you. Or do you? ~~~
Never made it as a wise man I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin' I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling Tired of livin' like a blind man This is how you remind me This is how you remind me of what I really am This is how you remind me of what I really am
~~~ I know that I cause you to screw things up a lot not that I do it on purpose or that you do either. Like I am always telling you, you are not a wise man. But then either I'm I. Because if I was would I be pushing you away. Hell maybe I should take my own advice and maybe I should think before I do something or say something. Hell I know that you could do better then me and that I couldn't do better then you. That without me you would be rich but without you I would be a poor man without some one to keep loving me. I also know that I should be glad to have any one at all to love me especially with the way I am. I know that I should be grateful that some one like you would even give me the time of day or want to be in my life. I know that you need me. But I could make it with out you. I also know that you couldn't make it without me. Or could you? ~~~
It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"
~~~ I'm not Sorry! I'm not. That is why is it that I make you be the one to all ways say it? Why do I all ways make you say it even if I am the one who started it? Because I am afraid that it will make me weak in your eyes. Why do I never tell me to say it? Oh yeah I guess that you did and that is why you are sitting outside with one hell of a black eye again. Every time that I don't say it I can see that your heart breaks a little more. A heart that you keep handing me but I keep breaking because I am so afraid that you will break mine. But yet I still can't do it even though I know that I have been wrong in my life so why can't I tell you. But I'm I wrong not to let you hear me say sorry just once? I guess in your eyes I am. So once more I am going to open this bottle and be heading to the bottom it. How many bottoms have I reached or how many have I cause you to reach? How many more do we have to go? Once more if I do let you back in I know that you will be saying that you are sorry. And that you will do what ever it is that I want you to do to make up for this fight. Or will you? ~~~
It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause livin' with me must have damn near killed you This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am
~~~ Maybe I don't tell you enough but I love you. I know that you are all ways telling me that you love me. I hope that you can tell at times that I do want you too. I can also tell at times that you love me too. Even though there are times that I swear that I don't love you I all ways do and have. I tell you that living with you is just about killing me but it would kill me not to live with you. Why can't I tell you this? I think at times that it is the other way around that it is I who am doing it to you. I know that I don't want to be the one doing that to you. But in some ways I am who I am. But Fuck me because I do so love you, as I know that you love me. Or should you? ~~~
It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"
~~~ I guess just once that you probably wish that it was me sitting out there wondering in the cold if you were going to forgiven me. I mean I do know that you are sitting out there thinking of me and worrying. I can tell because I have gotten up and peek out the window and see the way that you are sitting there. With your shoulders all slumped and your head down. And do you even know or can you tell that I am in here at least thinking of you. It funny so funny that I am now laughing out loud when I think of how much I love you but am just to damn scared to treat you right or even tell you so. So I guess that you can not be sure that you are really on my mind. Though you are on mine all ways as I am on yours. Or are I? ~~~
Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin' This is how you remind me This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am This is how you remind me of what I really am
~~~ What kind of a man I'm I? Hell do I even want an answer to that question? But then I guess that you keep reminding me even though I don't think you know it. So I will stand here watching you and drinking till I finish off the bottle once more. Because I know I am a Fuck Up and I do know that one-day you will figure that out too. And that you aren't even though I say that you are. I still don't know how it is that even though you are so much bigger then I am that you are the one who is all ways hiding the bruises and out in the cold? Shit whom the hell am I trying to kid. Yes I do know because you can't hit me back. And haven't once in the three years that we have been together. Not since you helped me to start my career. Nor could you ever hit me. Or would you? ~~~
It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"
~~~ Well I know that it is getting late for even a smart man like me can tell just by the fact that I have now empty the whole fifth of Jack Daniel that I was not even going to open. I guess you are right we never were too smart and never would be. I never was able to tell you that you stole my heart completely though I have tried ever since that night that we had that totally cool Hardcore match where we beat the hell out of each other for the belt. Or better yet so that we could pin each other's bodies down on the mat. The thrill it sent through us both was what made us decide to take our flirtations to the next level. And what a next level it was. Especially in the beginning before I got too scared and was afraid that if I let you into my heart completely that you would break it. It was then that I told you that we would have nothing but fun. That if it wasn't fun then we could just leaves it and walk away. Maybe that is what I should do? But I know that even though I am hurting you that I can't do it. Nor can you. Or can you? ~~~
** I know that I have two choices and that I need to make one of them right now. One is to turn off the lights and go to bed leaving him to walk out of my life once and for all. Or two to open up the door so that Bradshaw can walk back up the stairs and back into my arms and my bed. I know for his piece of mind and health that I should go to bed and let him walk out of my life. But I also know for my own heart and health that I have to open up this damn door. So I set down the empty bottle of Jack Daniels and walk over to the door unlocking it so that I can open it up. I stand here with my arms crossed looking down at you Bradshaw wondering just how much I harmed I did to you this time. I also wonder if you even heard the door open because I can see that you have emptied your bottle also. Then you glance up and to the doorway seeing that I am standing there looking down at you. I stand here for a few seconds to I realize that you aren't going to move. So I clear my throat finally causing you to then stand up and look me straight in the eyes. I can't help but to flinch as I look down at you which I can see by the look in your eyes that you didn't miss. I flinch because besides from the black eye that I knew I had given you I can also see other bruises across you face and arms. I can only image what your back and legs must look like too. I guess that I am glad that the bottle that I have trashed is helping me not to feel the pain of every thing I did to you once more. I also hope that the bottle that you have trashed is helping with the pain that I know I have given to you. But something tells me that you will be feeling it in the morning. I know that you now have two choices also. One to keep living the life I have made for you by walking back up these stairs and back into my arms and bed. Or two to turn back around and to walk out of this yard and out of my life once and for all with out ever looking back. Which will you to do? Hell which can you do? **
~~~ These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?" ~~~
Author Note: Hope that you like it and that you will take the time to Review. I also hope that my using Bradshaw as Raven's lover was a surprise for you all being I have never written one about him either or at least him being the center of it. But I have decided that they would make a good team and he is so cool. Oh by the way both men still have long hair with Bradshaw's being dark. Oh and I know that I am evil because I didn't say what Bradshaw did but I will in what will be another Ravens chapter which will be next if any one thinks that I should write it. It should also have a different song if I can find one that fits where my head is. Thanks, Cat Lea Takersdarkone@msn.com